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first post - where I stand - Stien - 02-04-2011 08:25 PM
This is my first post on these forums, although I've been a fan of Roosh's website and books for about a year. I discovered the site and picked up a copy of Bang while I was studying abroad last Spring in Florianópolis, SC, Brazil. I enjoy Roosh's work because I find it to be refreshingly clear and straightforward, and much easier to learn and apply than the highly overrated and overpriced work of others in the game community, such as that of Love Systems and Stylelife.
Just to give you a bit of background on myself, I'm a 23 year old college student, attending college in the southern California area, where I study art, film, and animation.
I lead an active social life with plenty of friends, but I've always considered my skills with women to be lacking. I'm certainly much better off than I used to be - when I was in high school I had almost no skills with women, and I only had one serious relationship during all my high school years. It wasn't until college that I started to figure things out. By moving out to the west coast, meeting a new group of like-minded friends, and discovering the concept of game (a friend lent me a copy of Neil Strauss's book), I began to discover what I had been doing wrong, and over the next few months my results improved drastically.
After about a year, I met a particular girl who I truly valued, and I decided to start dating her exclusively. We were together for about a year before things went sour - she started to act overly needy and was demanding too much of my time, and I was extremely busy with school and my own projects, so I had to break it off.
After the relationship was over I had a really difficult time readjusting to single life. I felt as though my newfound game skills had all but disappeared, and I suddenly felt no better off than my high school days. I'm not sure what sent me into such a bad rut... perhaps I was jaded by the rough breakup, perhaps I hadn't internalized my new skill set and had simply lost it due to lack of practice. I suspect that both factors were to blame.
I tried to reeducate myself and review the techniques I'd learned the first time around, but I found the whole pick-up 'community' to be very different from what I remembered - the old information seemed to be outdated, and the new stuff was only available for a price. And the more I searched for help, the more I found the community to be oversaturated with hundreds of self-proclaimed 'pick-up artists' who all claim they are the best. In desperation, I even signed up for a 1-month membership to the "Stylelife Academy" which turned out to be a total waste of money.
I went to Brazil in the Spring of 2010 for a semester abroad, and decided to try my luck with the brasileiras. I was hoping to have an easier time than back home due to my foreign status, but in reality I found it to be much more difficult because of the language barrier and different social traditions (particularly in the south of Brazil, where the girls are more European-looking and are more accustomed to gringos). It was during this time that I came across your website and found it to be full of new, useful advice. I was also impressed by the fact that it didn't have the seedy corporate feel of the more well-known game websites. Thanks to a combination of Roosh's book, an intensive language learning process, and a lot of trial-and-error, I managed to start figuring things out, and by the end of my five months in Brazil I had become rather good at getting numbers and makeouts. However, I only got one lay during my time down there. I was proud of the one I got (she was very pretty, and spoke four languages fluently but not a word of English), but I definitely could have done much better if I'd had a few more months to hone my skills. I fully intend to return to Brazil for a longer stay once I have the money to do so.
Unfortunately my skills did not translate back to life in the States, and when I returned home I faced another discouraging dry spell, which has continued to this day. My confidence has been knocked down very low, and these days, while I have occasional moments of decent game, my skills are very inconsistent and are never at my desired level. Whenever I have success lately, it generally seems to be luck-related. I'm very shy when it comes to approaching, and I have a hard time talking to girls outside of a bar/club environment. Also, I definitely rely on alcohol more than I should to give me the courage to approach and act confident.
Lately I've resorted to hooking up with my ex, which I know is a bad idea. Now it's a new year and I've decided I need to do something really proactive about getting my game on track before I get too comfortable in my current situation. I thought I'd start by posting this message.
I look forward to any advice or feedback that anyone is willing to give. Thank you!
RE: first post - where I stand - Roosh - 02-04-2011 09:12 PM
Quote: However, I only got one lay during my time down there.
No 'however' needed. Banging one pretty girl is better than 5 average girls.
In your story it seems like the relationship atrophied your game (a natural thing), but you didn't commit to getting it back until Brazil. You were rewarded and came back in the U.S. only to get discouraged quickly and fall back on old habits.
Truth is the key to success is the quantity of approaches. So, how many approaches do you average a week? At your stage, you should be doing about 15/week to get back up to speed, and commit to it like it's your god. There's nothing else that can get your mojo back besides grinding it out like most of us do.
RE: first post - where I stand - Sonsowey - 02-05-2011 03:41 PM
Might check out this site: http://krauserpua.com/2010/08/31/instant-date-a-model-step-by-step-analysis/
Dude has a pickup company, but his blog is non-commercial. He mostly just approaches cute chicks he sees walking in the streets. Look through his youtube channel for more approach videos. They're not all killer, but it's still impressive and a great alternative to getting drunk to meet girls.
RE: first post - where I stand - Stien - 02-13-2011 10:12 PM
You make a good point, Roosh. I've been doing very few approaches since I've been back from Brazil.
When I first got back I just didn't feel motivated to approach; it was like my standards had been raised in Brazil to the point where American girls didn't do it for me anymore. Whether or not that's actually the case, I have come to realize that there were other factors as well.
When I was in Brazil, there was this constant sense of urgency because I knew my time was limited before I had to return home. This made it easier to convince myself to go out and approach more often, whereas when I'm at home, there's no sense of urgency to get me out the door and talking to girls.
Also, the fact that I was an outsider in a foreign place made approaching feel like less of an intimidating challenge (I figured, I'm already living alone in a foreign country that doesn't speak my language... how hard could it be to walk up to this girl and say Hi?), and it meant that I always had plenty of things to talk about. Back in the States it's a lot harder to get into that sort of adventurous frame of mind, and it's definitely harder to keep a conversation going without that exotic element.
In any case, over the past week I've made a point of approaching more girls and it's definitely paid off - I've already had some encouraging results. I met a cute girl at a party on Friday and I'm trying to arrange a date for this week (assuming she doesn't flake). I'm referencing the 'text game' addition to Bang and waiting to see if it improves my odds of seeing her again. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Sonsowey - thanks for the link. I will check out some of those videos and see if they help.
RE: first post - where I stand - Tommy - 02-13-2011 10:36 PM
I'm not planning on going to the USA this year but I would love to be there especially somewhere in a mid-sized city and just hang around for a few weeks. Next to eating the best burgers with french fries I would just talk to about any girl I would see alone or with her friends. Don't feel down, I know how you are feeling and you should just cheer yourself up and do it. Don't just talk to 1 girl while you are out, try talking to as many girls as you can. For example go to the shopping mall and start talking to any random girl in a shop, ask her questions about a silly book or a pair of shoes or jeans. Then go on to the next one, get some phone numbers and continue like this, anywhere, untill you see results. Try to make as many dates as possible and just be yourself, or atleast, try to be enthousiastic enough to make her smile. If American girls where you are from can't smile, then fuck it, go back to Brazil!
RE: first post - where I stand - hoops330 - 02-13-2011 10:52 PM
Stien, or anyone with experience in Floripa, you have to tell me about your experience in Floripa. I will be studying at UDESC in a few months. What do I need to know? If you're familiar with the threads covering Santa Catarina on Roosh's forum would you say they gave you a good idea on what to expect?
As far as your currrent dilemma, that long-term will have you messed up...
RE: first post - where I stand - Stien - 02-25-2011 07:37 AM
Tommy - whenever you make it over to the states, I recommend two places - Austin TX and Santa Cruz CA. Los Angeles and New York are fun too, but everybody knows that. anyways thanks for the advice. I really need to work on my day game, I think it'd be awesome meeting the cute girls I see while I'm out around town during the day, instead of just relying on the bar/club/party scene. I live in southern California right now and there are beautiful women everywhere... I've just got a bad case of approach anxiety that I need to resolve.
And trust me, I'm heading back to Brazil as soon as I can manage it - and for a longer stay next time! my plan is to buy a one-way ticket to Rio when I graduate from college (spring of next year if all goes according to plan) and see what happens.
hoops - sure, I can tell you all about Floripa.
I lived there for five months and got to know the place very well. In fact, I briefly dated a girl who went to school at UDESC... she said it was a good school. She was studying design, but I think she might have changed her major or something. what are you studying?
As for what you need to know... well, Portuguese, for starters. I didn't know any when I got there, but I had five months to learn it and the first 2 1/2 were pretty difficult. A lot of people will speak some English but you really need to know the local language to have fun there. Get a tutor if you don't already speak the language well. I can recommend a really good one if you want. (I can also recommend a good hostel if you're looking for a place to stay)
Other things that come to mind-
Cost - Florianópolis is pretty expensive compared to other Brazilian cities, but I still found it to be less expensive than United States prices (granted, I live in California). Not nearly as bad as Rio. Booze and food can be found for very cheap, but expect to pay a lot for clothes and electronics. Clubs can be abysmally expensive.
Nightlife - I really enjoyed the nightlife but it took me a while to figure out what the good places were. There are a lot of overhyped, tapped-out clubs that are a total waste of money (but some of them are worth checking out on a good night... definitely hit up P12 if you have a chance). Meet some locals and get them to take you to the less well-known places. Also, be sure to spend some time at UFSC, the island's federal university - they constantly throw parties there that get absolutely insane and out of control, and are always full of cute brazilian college girls.
Weather - I hear it's absolutely perfect during the summer. I was there from March-July, so I caught the tail end of summer and the beginning of winter. It rained a lot, but for the first couple of months it was usually excellent beach weather. Towards the end of my stay it got depressingly cold and rainy, prompting me to leave and travel up the coast until I eventually ended up in Pipa.
Vibe - the vibe is generally very laid back and beachy, and people are very friendly. Floripa has a small, dense downtown hub, which is surrounded by miles of beautiful hills, jungles and beaches, dotted by small suburbs and fishing communities. There's a big metropolitan scene in the downtown area (centro) and on the wealthy north end of the island. but the rest of the island is very tranquilo.
Beaches - possibly the single greatest highlight of Brazil. The beaches on the island of Florianópolis are numerous, diverse, and unbelievably beautiful. Also a great place to meet pretty girls in tiny bikinis. Get a tan as fast as possible so you don't stick out like a sore thumb (unless you're going for the southern winter, in which case, bring a jacket and a raincoat instead).
Transportation - Floripa is a big island, so getting around is definitely something to consider. Your best bet is to rent a car or make friends with somebody that has one. The other option is the public transit system, which I learned to navigate like a pro...but it was no easy task (especially before I could speak decent Portuguese).
And of course,
Girls - Floripa is host to some of the most spectacular women I've ever laid eyes upon in my life. At the beach, on the street, in the malls, clubs, bars, everywhere, you will be awash in beleza the likes of which you've never seen (unless you've spent time in Brazil previously). However, the city has gathered quite a reputation over the past decade for this reason. The young women that live there are aware of this reputation, and as a result, you'll find Floripa girls to be much more difficult than girls from almost any other region of the country (except Curitiba, I've been told). They are generally more stuck up, flaky, spoiled, and wary of gringos than your typical Brazilian woman. This is the reality in most of the big cities in southern Brazil (it's much wealthier and more westernized than the north), but it's particularly apparent in Floripa. Don't let this discourage you. Knowing some Portuguese and trying to distinguish yourself from the gringo tourist crowd (mainly by meeting local friends and showing a genuine effort to embrace the culture and lifestyle) will definitely help a great deal. Also, I didn't have much luck trying to meet girls in clubs and bars (there's a lot of money on the island so the club scene is pretty tapped out), but had much better results meeting girls on the street, at school, or at parties. Your experience may differ. Oh, and one other thing - southern Brazilian girls are generally a lot whiter and more European-looking than girls from the north (I prefer the tan-skinned morena look myself). But you'll definitely find all types of women there because lots of Brazilians move to Floripa from other parts of the country.
The key to Florianópolis is getting off the beaten tourist path and oversaturated club scene and really getting to know the local culture and natural beauty of the island. Being in college, you'll also have a great opportunity to meet cool, young locals, and most Brazilian college students speak at least some English, so take advantage of that.
Oh yeah, and the weed sucks. Not sure if that's relevant to you.
Overall, Floripa was fucking incredible and I loved the hell out of it. I have way more that I could say about it but I figure this post is long enough already. Let me know if you have any specific questions.
RE: first post - where I stand - Giovonny - 02-25-2011 01:57 PM
Just keep talking to women!
Everywhere you go, say "hi" to all the cute girls you see, ask them how there day is going, if they saw the latest episode of "Glee", what kind of coffee they like, what their sign is, whatever.
Just get comfortable talking to cute girls. Maybe start with 6's and 7's, but once you get a little momentum going, approach and chat with 8's and above. Don't think of it as approaching to get any outcome. Just be a man who is confident enough to say hello to a girl he comes across in line at the store, coffee shop, etc.
I think this is a good first step, try to get them to laugh and relax. Little by little you will get more comfortable and as that happens the girls will respond better. When you're relaxed and in a comfortable, light-hearted frame of mind, the girls will follow your lead (vibe).
Don't rely on the PUA industry. You gotta do it yourself.
Most of these guys are full of shit and are really just savvy business men trying to get your money. Alot of the top guys have been exposed as frauds.
Here is the best advice I can give you:
"Game" or being good with women is not something logical or rational. You can't study it and learn it like its math or chemistry. This is like music or art. You have to feel and sense your way along. Alot of PUA study encourages intellectualizing and over analysis. I think doing that to a point is ok but mostly its counter productive. This stuff is about doing, not thinking.
I don't know if this will make sense but I have come to believe that your "body" knows how to handle women. It is your "brain" that gets in the way. We all have the knowledge in our DNA, but because of our upbringing/conditioning some of us get shy or fearful or lose our mojo. That is the brain fucking us up. If you just approach 1000 girls in the next year, you will figure it out naturally.
And be careful with the weed, too much smoking might make you kind of introverted.
RE: first post - where I stand - hoops330 - 02-27-2011 01:13 PM
Great post and thanks for all of the advice. I am thinking that I will have an advantage over tourists since I'll be attending school there. What better way to approach than asking for some help over the homework...
I have heard from many people that the trees are no good in Brazil and I wonder why that is. I would think a country as laid back as Brazil would be experts when it comes to getting high. Anyway Stien, if you don't mind me asking, what were your monthly expenses while in Brazil? I am trying to plan accordingly.
What about your look and your experiences in different parts of the country? Did you find you were more successful in Floripa vs. further north?
I am currently taking language lessons and doing a bit of prep of my own on the side but I'm sure ill be overwhelmed in the classroom but I think I'll be able to survive the day to day. Did you have any language background before going? If not that is pretty ballsy. I'm not heading there until August and staying through December so I'll get a nice variety of the weather but will be missing the high season. Thanks for all the help and I'll definitely check out that club. Hoops