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Advice For American men dating Brazilian/Latin women
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Mr.GM Offline
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Advice For American men dating Brazilian/Latin women
I read this on FB (a girl picked it from a blog), and thought that it could be interesting to share it here ,since I've received PMs asking about the cultural particularities of Brazil and SA.

It was written by a woman , so there is definitely some crap advice in the middle but most of it is spot on :

It's about Brazilians but the writer claims that most can be applied to Latins as a whole.

Thoughts?

"Here are some general pointers (which I repeat may not apply to all Brazilian and Latin women):

1)There is a strong sense of family in Brazil. The extended family is also important. People tend to live close to Mom and Dad, aunts and uncles. It is also a matriarchal society (although men had the power for generations, when it comes to raising kids, mothers are considered more important than fathers). There are not many people living alone in Brazil. Almost everyone has a partner. Divorce rates unfortunately are growing, so this may change. Still, it is not a very individualistic society. Children live with their parents until they get married. That of course makes kids closer to their parents, and affects how they see their future family as well.

2)There are also different rules of conduct for couples. Married people or people in committed relationships do not go out on “Boys Night Out” or “Girls Night Out” where they can flirt with other people. Men might play soccer with their buddies in the afternoon, women might have a coffee and go shoppping with their female friends but they do not go out at night and leave their partner alone at home. No strip clubs for men in committed relationships either. If your GF finds out you go to these places you can expect a very strong reaction.

3) When it comes to engagement and weddings, Brazilian women are used to do things differently. We do not require you to spend thousands on a diamond ring. We do not have that tradition (see my post about engagement rings). We are happy with a simpler ring or just the wedding band. Some of us though, after living in America and seeing so many De Beers ads, may want a diamond ring after all. We also do not have to wait for a man to propose. These things are decided jointly by the couple. The old fashioned on your knees proposal is not heard off in real life. Americans love the whole creative proposal thing; Brazilians don’t. They decide to get married and communicate it to their families, period.

4) Do not even think of having a dalliance with hookers and strippers just because it is your bachelor’s party. We consider that cheating and don’t be surprised if your fiancé cancels the wedding if she finds out. We do not even have the bachelor party tradition. Very few men celebrate that, while the bride’s friends do get together to get her presents for her new home. Sometimes men participate as well (a tradition that is also starting here).

5) Latin people in general are more emotional and more possessive, keep that in mind when you fight with her. Tears, jealous fits, strong reactions to something you did wrong are all typical of our emotional nature.

6) Women are raised to be feminine, to do girly things (they may have piano and ballet lessons, not play baseball or rough sports, for example). Many are still raised to get married and have children as their first focus and have a career as a secondary pursuit-a necessary evil. However, that pattern is changing with the younger generations, who are now investing more in their careers.

7) Women are encouraged to spend a lot of their time on their looks-body, clothes and hair. Staying attractive is sine qua non in a culture that judges people by how they look.

8) Even though racism is not as pervasive and divisionary as in the U.S.A., lighter skinned Brazilians look down on darker skinned Brazilians. They see darker Brazilians as belonging to the lower social classes. That is typical of countries that were afflicted by the horrible thing that slavery was. Brazil had slavery just like the American South, and one of the consequences of slavery is that it can take several generations for their descendants to reach the same level of success in life that their former owners have. Therefore, Brazilians from African descent became part of the struggling poor in Brazil-they have had a harder time getting education and good jobs. Fortunately, this situation has improved, and Brazilians aren realizing how nefarious racism is.

9) BBrazil still has a subtle-or not so subtle-class system. There isn’t much social interaction between classes (unless the “lower classes” are working for the “higher” ones). Sad but still true. Fortunately, Brazil has made some steps in improving wealth distribution in the last decades.

10) Many middle class Brazilian girls from the middle to upper classes were often raised with maids. Therefore, they are not used to doing housework, which is seen as something beneath them. Working with your hands in Brazil is also associated with the lower economic classes.

11) Brazilian men and women oftentimes do not know how to fix things or are impractical due to cheap labor and being catered to all their lives. Many Brazilians when coming to the US for the first time do not even know how to pump gas-having had gas station servers all their lives. Women particularly, are sometimes not very practical when it comes to daily life and expect you to do all the dirty work for her Smile

12) Brazilian women expect the man to be a gentleman. They like a man who opens doors, drives them places, changes their oil, etc. They are not very good when it comes to practical things (they eventually learn after a few years living here), but when it comes to decision making, Brazilian women are opinionated and not shrinking violets. They expect you to respect them and share your decisions with them if part of a couple.

13) Never, under any circumstances, call your GF or wife the B word. Name calling in Brazil is considered extremely offensive, and a man should never call his wife names no matter how terrible the argument is. A wife, like a mother or a daughter, is sacred. American movies show a lot of cursing (the F word seems to be the most popular). Brazilians associate cursing with gangsters and lowlifes.

14) The mother in law thing. Many older women in Brazil are in dire economical situation due to widowhood, divorce, lack of opportunities or low paid jobs. The older generation of women did not usually work outside the home. Therefore, they expect their children to take care of them. Many of these mothers interfere in their childrens’ relationships and try to control their daughters or sons. They are also often lonely and live vicariously through their offspring. They use guilt tactics to keep the children catering to their needs and see the children-in-law as the devil themselves. They take their kids’ side if they have arguments with their spouses and sometimes destroy marriages with their interference.

Not every mother in law is like that: the ones with careers, the ones in happy relationships and the ones with a life of their own. So beware of the dependant MIL! Anyhow, don’t be surprised if your GF/wife tells you that her mother is coming to spend one month with her-and you. Some Brazilian women never grow up and are very dependant on their mothers. Conversely, Brazilian relatives from the upper middle class will stay in hotels-they want privacy and comfort.

15) You and her (or him, in case of an American woman with a Brazilian man) might have differences when it comes to how to use your time. Brazilians consider Sunday sacred. It is not a day to work, but a day to lounge around, go to the beach, have a barbecue by the pool, go to church (for those still brainwashed by religion or just traditional), watch soccer or Formula One races, visit with friends, go sightseeing, nap or watch movies and other leisure actitivities. Saturday is a day to run errands, but not Sundays! It is not only the Catholic influence but also the fact that in their minds, the work week is for work, while the weekend is for pleasure and rest. So if you like to tinker with your car, wash it, rebuild the roof of your house, clean the garage or mow the lawn on a Sunday you will find resistance. She will feel abandoned. In her mind, you should be with her and not ignoring her with “chores”. Not only that, she was raised seeing her Dad pay someone to do those things. The help works, the middle class and the upper middle class rests and plays.

16) Once you marry and have children with a Brazilian, you have to understand some cultural differences when it comes to being a couple. In Brazil, the focus is on the COUPLE. The children come second. You and your wife are the main unit, not you and your kids. Many American men and women turn their focus to the children after they are born, spending little alone time with their spouse. Not spending enough alone time with your spouse, not romancing them and spending too much time on the kids can create resentment. Brazil does not have the “Daddy and Daughter” culture. Children spend time with their parents together, not with only one parent. Telling your kids how much you love them, hugging and kissing them all the time and not doing the same with your spouse can create resentment. Brazilians want the romance to continue, no matter how long you have been married. They want to walk hand in hand, they want some PDA and they want to know they come first.

17) If you have a more logical and scientific mind and do not tolerate religious myths or fundamentalism, be aware that most Brazilian women are still brainwashed by a Catholic upbringing, Spiritism (a new fad that believes in reincarnation) and the new Evangelical churches that have taken hold of the less educated and fortunate. She will want to attend Church on Sundays, pray to god to make things happen and invoke the Daddy in the sky all the time. She may think your disdain for religion makes you a “bad” person. Either you get into the religion bandwagon with her, ignore her delusional religiosity or try to make her see the light. It’s your call Smile

18) Hitting a woman in Brazil is seen with even more disgust than in America. There is a famous saying in Brazil: “You don’t hit a woman even with a flower”. Men who hit their wives are seen as total cowards, since normally men are stronger than women. Hitting someone who’s physically weaker than you is cowardice.

19) In the Brazilian culture, saying you love someone is mostly reserved for romantic love. Men and women in relationships say that to each other. Understand that if your Brazilian girlfriend or wife hears you say “I love you” to random friends it will sound strange. Just the other day I heard a married “Dancing with the stars” contestant telling her dance partner “I love you”. Love in America is basically anyone you like. Parents tell their kids “I love you” automatically, just like saying “bye bye”. In Brazil, one can say “I love my mother”, or “I love soccer”, but “I love you” is reserved for romantic love, straight or gay.

20) Because of the strong sense of family in Brazil, Brazilian women do not like marriages with separate finances. She expects both of you to pull your resources together and save, invest and build for the future. Brazilians are big believers in saving money every month. They do not like to have huge debts and bank owned assets. They have the “casa propria” dream, that is, they like want to own the house they live in. Brazilian women do have the bag lady syndrome, and want to feel financally secure for the future. Your American prenup mentality is not going to go down well with her. She considers marriage a partnership, and as such, whether she works or not, she will contribute by taking care of the household and the children. She likes to make financial decisions as a couple. Again, Brazilian women really see marriage is a team effort and partnership. If that’s not your idea of marriage, she will resent it forever.

21) Finally the good stuff: because of the strong sense of family and their natural warmth, Brazilian women are very loyal, family oriented, feminine looking and affectionate companions! "

Chicks need to be on rotation like a Netflix queue
(This post was last modified: 01-31-2012 04:49 PM by Mr.GM.)
01-31-2012 04:44 PM
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Brazilianguy Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Advice For American men dating Brazilian/Latin women
Yeah, well, there´s a lot of pedestalizing going on here.

I´m Brazilian and I wouldn´t say our women are all that, so no need to treat them like delicate flowery princesses who are incapable of doing any work to help at home. It was written by a woman, so it figures.

Having said that, many things in the article are true, specially those regarding Brazilian society and culture.
01-31-2012 04:51 PM
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Travel85 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Advice For American men dating Brazilian/Latin women
Yeah, this set of advice started out ok but then veered toward Compliment and Cuddle territory and I could not bring myself to read the rest. I think this piece is more damaging than helpful, IMHO.
01-31-2012 05:10 PM
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Pilgrim37 Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Advice For American men dating Brazilian/Latin women
In my experience Brazilian women are definitely religious,but they see no conflict with their sex in this,it's separate.

I saw on the TV a LOT of this new Evangelist stuff which seemed to attract the poorer classes by the 1000's ,a lot of young girls too,not just lonely older maids.

Being with a man is a part of their status.I felt that a lot .They like having a guy by their side.

They like public displays of affection.
One of my first nights visiting we went out with her aunt and cousin to a restaurant. When we got back and went to bed she went a bit ballistic on me:

"It's very difficult for me ,you didn't touch me or kiss me when we were out."

Being a Gringo Anglo Saxon it didn't even occur to me I'd offended her. She was so angry it sounded like she would have been happy if I'd cleared the table and did her right there in front of her cousin and aunt and the waiters!
So ,definitely get used to holding hands a LOT in the shopping mall ,restaurants etc I got to like it actually...just been too used to my own company and I missed it when not with her.

But, I don't know if this common but mine ,whenever we'd met one of her girlfriends ,if I said after "Oh,she's a nice girl..blah blah blah"
She would go "Oh..you want her phone number..you like her do you"
Seemed to like that jealous kind of dynamic.

One night in London we were out with my mother and a friend of mine with his girlfriend ,who was getting along well with my mother.
When we got back home she said she didn't like my friend's girlfriend making friends with my mother...we ended up laughing about me saying she needed a psychiatrist..
But,she said she couldn't help it as she was jealous ...she was serious!

Very kids and family orientated...within 3 emails of her getting back in contact with me after a few years, she was talking of having more kids.

But ,they have no problem leaving the kids at home with the maid to go out at night a few nights.

Ballistic tempers,maybe Latinas in general...but once you make up they're back to normal.She didn't hold grudges.

About the bad language...even though we had only really spent a few weeks together,though we'd known each other for years , she didn't hold back with the "Fuck You Gringo" 's if she got angry Smile

Extended family very close ,this was middle class/business owning class. Very close to all! Can be a problem if you're not used to spending SO much time with her family.

She'll probably expect YOU to move and live in Brazil,and raise a family there near HER family.
This is where I cam a cropper...apart from teaching a bit of English I couldn't make a living to support her and a family there.
If you're pretty young and can ease in to life there and don't need to immediately support a lifestyle it shouldn't be such a problem.

Career definitely a secondary aspect to family/kids .I got the impression she would give up work as soon as possible even if she enjoyed it.

As a man ,whether it's boyfriend or husband there is no "going dutch" at restaurants or bars etc .You pay.

As for debt..I think this is changing ,she was in credit card debt...nothing by American/British standards but going in that direction.
I hope Brazilian governments don't screw their people by letting too much credit.It's so easy to feel you're doing so much better than you are with access to endless Credit cards.


Of the various nationality girlfriends I've had the 2 Brazilians would be the top wife material by far.
I Never experienced affection like it,when they're with you they're WITH YOU...Brazilian women are pretty intoxicating..they get into your blood.
You feel it when they're not there...
(This post was last modified: 01-31-2012 07:14 PM by Pilgrim37.)
01-31-2012 07:04 PM
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Mr.GM Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Advice For American men dating Brazilian/Latin women
"Many Brazilians when coming to the US for the first time do not even know how to pump gas-having had gas station servers all their lives"

This is also very true.

First time I visited my relatives in Portugal, I was shocked to see the non-existance of servers to pump gas in your car and to pack your grocery shopping.

It's also true that most middle-class and upper-class brazilian were raised with maids around , resulting in generations of men and women who were clueless regarding cooking,cleaning etc ; until they move out or marry.

I wonder if this is true for other latins in SA as well.

Chicks need to be on rotation like a Netflix queue
(This post was last modified: 01-31-2012 09:04 PM by Mr.GM.)
01-31-2012 09:01 PM
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