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Herpes - how do you deal with it?
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nielson Offline
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Post: #1
Herpes - how do you deal with it?
I have herpes and I can't help but thinking my "game" career might be over before it's even started.

I got it 2 years ago right around the time I graduated college. I didn't even sleep around a lot... my number to this day is under 10. I used condoms too (okay, most of the time).

Right after I found out I got it, I fucking freaked out. I thought my dating life was over. I started getting depressed on nights when I would go out with my friends, thinking "what's the point?" I never told them about it either. Who would want a dude with herpes as their wingman?

After a couple months, I started dating a girl I had known for a while. Before we had sex I built up the courage and finally told her about it. I can't tell how you relieved I was when she told me it didn't matter to her at all.

While we dated, I didn't have to worry or even think about my STD for a year and a half.

We just broke up. Now, like a wave, it's all coming back.

I'm motivated to improve my game. I've been reading Roosh's site and a couple others on a daily basis.

But to add to my natural nervousness about opening a lot of girls, I'm afraid of closing.

Yes, I'm actually afraid of my targets wanting to fuck me. What then? Explain this to them right when things are getting hot and heavy?

Have any of you guys been in the same boat and have figured out a way to not let this slow you down? I know there has to be other guys who have been in my shoes.

I need to know it's possible, and that I can work through this like every other pick-up obstacle.
03-24-2010 04:33 PM
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Willy Wonka Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
That sucks, bro.

Herpes scares me more than anything else, because you can still catch that shit if you're wearing a condom, because it passes through skin to skin contact. I thought I had herpes once and I was freaking out - luckily it was just Molluscum though.

From the research I've done on herpes, it only passes through skin-to-skin contact and when you're having an outbreak, correct?
If I were you, I would just take that Valtrex stuff or whatever it is that reduces your outbreaks to only a few times a year, and then just game like normal when you're not having an outbreak and stay away from the chicks for that time period when you are. And, always wear condoms - buy some Crown condoms from condom depot, they feel better than most condoms.

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03-24-2010 05:14 PM
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speakeasy Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Man, I hope I never get the herp! I have to think that it's more common now because of all the shaved vulvas out there. Back when everyone had a full on bush, that might have provided some protection against skin on skin even though you had a hire chance of getting lice. But shit, I'll take lice over the herp anyday.

That's good that you're upfront about it. If you have an STD you can't get rid of, I think you're obligated to tell a girl before you sleep with her.

Hey guys, what do you think is the likelihood of getting herpes while wearing a condom? So just your pelvis rubbing against her bare vulva is all it takes, huh? I wonder if showing or wiping off your groin disinfectant right after sex would kill the viruses before they can take hold?
(This post was last modified: 03-24-2010 05:28 PM by speakeasy.)
03-24-2010 05:25 PM
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nielson Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Thanks guys.

The only outbreak I've ever had was my first one that caused me to get diagnosed. I take Valtrex every morning. My ex gf and I had unprotected sex a lot (her idea) and I never transferred it to her.

Still, like you said speakeasy, I'm obligated to let a girl know.

I think there are only two things you can do to avoid getting it: 1) always wear a condom, and 2) don't be unlucky. I really think its just an odds game.
03-24-2010 06:30 PM
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loosewin Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
I remember listening to a podcast with Dr.Paul and Paul Janka about this issue. Not a big fan of Dr.Paul but this podcast was the shit. Anyhow, Dr.Paul's advice to a guy in this situation was for the guy to really really get to know the girl on a deep and meaningful level. I think he said the guy should withhold sex till the girl can really see you as an individual and possible long-term partner instead of a guy with herpes. Hope this helps,

Rob
03-24-2010 06:51 PM
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nielson Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Rob,

That's exactly what I'm worried about, because that pretty much flies in the face of what game is all about, which is bedding the chick on the first night. If things start to heat up, do I say "hey, we're moving too fast..."?
03-24-2010 07:05 PM
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PartyTime Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Look into Herpes dating sites. I once read about this on another forum. A guy was saying he was pulling a lot of hot ass from the herpes dating site after he got herpes. He said that was the one good thing about getting the herp. He said that the girls who have herpes are often hot party girls.

There are girls out there that are feeling just as bad about having the herp as you, take advantage baby!!!
03-24-2010 09:31 PM
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The_CEO Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
"There are girls out there that are feeling just as bad about having the herp as you, take advantage baby!!!"

Great advice.

I have a feeling that Armind or someone equally devious is going to figure out a way to pretend that they've got herpes and mow through that site.
03-24-2010 09:59 PM
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loosewin Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
(03-24-2010 07:05 PM)nielson Wrote:  Rob,

That's exactly what I'm worried about, because that pretty much flies in the face of what game is all about, which is bedding the chick on the first night. If things start to heat up, do I say "hey, we're moving too fast..."?

The way I see it you have three options:

1) Simply don't mention it and use protection. Only if you feel comfortable with the ethics of the whole situation.
2) Like the other said, work the niche market. Seriously, I've known a few girls with herpes and the feel HORRIBLE about the whole thing and will readily jump on a guy that understands their situation. Or like you is in the same boat. Post on craigslist, niche online personals, and groups--they're out there.
3) Tailor the your game for super comfort and prolong the sex till you feel comfortable letting on. Also, you might have to target specific girls. Go more for the 'church girl' than the club girl. I really think if you target the right kind of girl it's not as bad as you think. But yeah, one night stands are out the window.
(This post was last modified: 03-24-2010 10:32 PM by loosewin.)
03-24-2010 10:29 PM
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Roosh Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Do you think it's unnecessary to take the valtrex after just the initial outbreak? Personally I'd stop taking it just to see what would happen. Some people only experience one outbreak and that's it.

I would also get tested again. I know HPV can clear after a couple years. Maybe herpes too?

What are the odds of transmitting herpes while not on an outbreak and using a condom properly? Probably zero, but I'd research it.

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03-24-2010 10:46 PM
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hydrogonian Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
(03-24-2010 09:31 PM)PartyTime Wrote:  Look into Herpes dating sites. I once read about this on another forum. A guy was saying he was pulling a lot of hot ass from the herpes dating site after he got herpes. He said that was the one good thing about getting the herp. He said that the girls who have herpes are often hot party girls.

If you think about it, its much more likely that hot girls would have higher rates of Herpes.

Greater attractiveness = More opportunity to have sex with multiple partners = Greater STD Risk

The only three people that I know who have herpes were all exceptionally attractive / good with the opposite sex. Unsurprisingly, they all gave it to each other.

Unless you can examine that cooch beforehand for signs, in the light, I guess we're all playing a bit of russian roulette with that stuff.
03-25-2010 01:31 AM
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Willy Wonka Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
(03-25-2010 01:31 AM)hydrogonian Wrote:  The only three people that I know who have herpes were all exceptionally attractive / good with the opposite sex. Unsurprisingly, they all gave it to each other.

Yeah, every girl I know about that has herpes is very attractive...

Then again, I generally only know about girls with herpes because one of my friends tried to bang them, and they would tell em that they have it. I'm sure if one of my friends tried to bang an ugly/fat chick they wouldn't tell me about it, regardless if the bitch had herpes or not. So, the reporting I get of which chicks have herpes is probably skewed anyway....

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03-25-2010 10:10 AM
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speakeasy Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
As far as herpes dating sites, is that a good idea? There are probably many different strains and variations of herpes. You might be infecting yourself with multiple versions, some of which are stronger than others.
03-25-2010 01:18 PM
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nielson Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
(03-24-2010 10:46 PM)Roosh Wrote:  Do you think it's unnecessary to take the valtrex after just the initial outbreak? Personally I'd stop taking it just to see what would happen. Some people only experience one outbreak and that's it.

I would also get tested again. I know HPV can clear after a couple years. Maybe herpes too?

What are the odds of transmitting herpes while not on an outbreak and using a condom properly? Probably zero, but I'd research it.

The reason I keep taking Valtrex is because it cuts the chances of transmitting by 50%.

Herpes does not go away after a couple years. It's not like HPV. It stays with you for life (until some big money pharmaceutical comes up with a cure).

The odds of transmitting herpes while not an outbreak, taking Valtrex, and using a condom are probably very low. But does that mean I shouldn't ethically care about telling someone or not? (I'm wrestling with this question). Maybe it means I don't tell one night stand broads I take home from a bar, but with girls I like, take it slow and tell them before anything happens? What would you do Roosh?

As for herpes dating sites, yeah I could go that route, but it just seems fucked up that I have to limit myself to less than 20% of the dating pool.
03-25-2010 04:57 PM
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Roosh Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Quote:Maybe it means I don't tell one night stand broads I take home from a bar, but with girls I like, take it slow and tell them before anything happens? What would you do Roosh?"

Tough question. If I could guarantee I wouldn't give it to her, I don't see why she would have to know.

As a side note, there are girls who have shit but not tell the guy. Just saying.

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03-25-2010 05:42 PM
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UgSlayer Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
(03-25-2010 05:42 PM)Roosh Wrote:  
Quote:Maybe it means I don't tell one night stand broads I take home from a bar, but with girls I like, take it slow and tell them before anything happens? What would you do Roosh?"

Tough question. If I could guarantee I wouldn't give it to her, I don't see why she would have to know.

As a side note, there are girls who have shit but not tell the guy. Just saying.

Yeah I was just about to say, I'd imagine girls are a lot less likely to divulge if they have an STD. It's almost social suicide for them. It's not as bad for guys, but stigma surrounding stds is pretty bad. If you can keep the outbreaks minimal by taking medication, wear a condom, and do other things to minimize the spread to a partner, I don't see why bringing it up is such a big deal.
03-25-2010 07:12 PM
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hydrogonian Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
I would definitely want to know if a girl had it.

So would you have at the point in time that you got it.

I'd say, with something like this, its best to treat others as you would want to be treated.

Its sucks that you got it, truly. There are women who will love you enough not to care. You just have to find them. They aren't as few and far in-between as you think. In fact, women being emotional and sentimental, its not hard to get a woman to overlook it once she likes you enough. I know this being close friends with a buddy of mine that has it. Be glad that its not going to kill you, or anyone else, but the shit can get nasty severe in some cases. Just look in any college level microbiology book. You don't want to be responsible for giving someone that.

Its currently a lifelong issue for whoever has it. Its not a minor piece of information. Your sex partners pretty much deserve to know what they are risking. You don't have deniability of knowledge, as an ethical crutch, on your side.

I know this isn't a popular answer, and may sound preachy, but I guess its how it is from my objective view. However, I can't really know the depth of my conviction in this unless I had it. No one could. So, I definitely wouldn't judge you either way. I guess this disease gives you an ethical burden more than anything.
(This post was last modified: 03-25-2010 07:28 PM by hydrogonian.)
03-25-2010 07:25 PM
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The_CEO Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
FYI: You could face a civil lawsuit for knowingly putting someone at risk for contracting herpes (if they got it and you did not disclose that you had it).
03-25-2010 09:18 PM
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PartyTime Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
(03-25-2010 01:31 AM)hydrogonian Wrote:  Unless you can examine that cooch beforehand for signs, in the light, I guess we're all playing a bit of russian roulette with that stuff.

Yeah, this scares me. I really dont want to get herpes.
Something like 20% of the population has it, so chances are we have all slept with multiple chicks that had it.

Fucking Scary!
03-25-2010 10:52 PM
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speakeasy Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
(03-25-2010 10:52 PM)PartyTime Wrote:  
(03-25-2010 01:31 AM)hydrogonian Wrote:  Unless you can examine that cooch beforehand for signs, in the light, I guess we're all playing a bit of russian roulette with that stuff.

Yeah, this scares me. I really dont want to get herpes.
Something like 20% of the population has it, so chances are we have all slept with multiple chicks that had it.

Fucking Scary!

I feel the same way. I think the percentage of people that have the oral version is way higher than 20% though. Luckily I don't have oral or genital herpes. Most people call their mouth herpes "cold sores" or "fever blisters" as if they're fooling someone. Cold sores are herpes!

That shit can get pretty bad! http://www.nationalherpes.com/herpes-in-mouth.html

And don't think mouth and genitals is the only place you an get it. Think about this next time you finger bang some girl you just met at the club: http://www.herpes-coldsores-treatment-pi...rpesS3.jpg

That picture is enough to make me want to throw in the towel on this game stuff and marry a virgin. And by that I mean virgin kisser!
(This post was last modified: 03-26-2010 12:20 AM by speakeasy.)
03-26-2010 12:17 AM
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kingkong Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Quote:Something like 20% of the population has it

I think it's actually higher. Most people never have an outbreak at all. Outbreaks mostly only happen when the immune system is in a weakened state.

The historically unprecedented number of people who have various forms of herpes now (and likely don't know it) are going to hit their 60s, have a naturally age weakened immune system, and be constantly covered in painful, disgusting sores.
03-26-2010 09:41 AM
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MiXX Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Speakeasy Wrote:And don't think mouth and genitals is the only place you an get it. Think about this next time you finger bang some girl you just met at the club:

Ok - wait, so a guy can get herpes on his finger? So, in essence that means you can catch herpes from a dude just by shaking his hand or giving him a high-five?

Man, I shook someones hand I don't even know today -ffffuuuccccckk!
(This post was last modified: 03-26-2010 10:13 AM by MiXX.)
03-26-2010 10:12 AM
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yoyo Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
Let me be honest with you dude, a LOT more people have that shit then you could ever imagine. I see my buddies raw doging chicks on a regular basis and I'm just at a loss as to how they don't have it (i mostly think they have shit, no chance they don't). You just need to chill out, the right thing to do is tell the chick before you have sex, but honestly, i've beded about 20 girls in my life and not one chick has ever told me she has an STD. You know what the chances of that actually being true? About zero.

If you are out in the wild banging chicks, it's just the price of doing business.

I learned my lesson the hard way, I got an STD when I was 21 and I can honestly tell you that I haven't banged a girl that I don't know REALLY well (still dont even trust the ones that i know well) without a condom in the last 11 years. I straight up wont do it. In fact, I pretty much assume that any decent looking chick over the age of 25 probably has or probably had an STD. (and I bet i'm right 90% of the time)

If you see the stats on STD's and put aside your rationalization, there is a statistical certaintiy that you will run into one by banging a minimum of 10 girls having unprotected sex. Hell, 80% of the population is rolling around with HPV. It's so bad that states are trying to require the cervical cancer vacinne.

What you need to do is not bang chicks if you are showing any symptons and ALWAYS wear a condom. They had an article on Drudge just two weeks ago that said 1 in 7 white females have Herpes and almost 50% of african americans have it. Any dude who is living in DC and banging decent looking chicks without a condom is going to get it. They are fools to think otherwise - Espec if he is banging quality chicks who get laid a lot.

So just chill out, wear a condom, don't do anything stupid. The biggest sympton and uncomfort caused by Herpes is the mental anguish, the disease itself is pretty stupid and meaningless. It's not going to kill you, make you sick, cost you a limb or an eye. It's more of a scarlett letter than anything.

But the older and more mature you get, the less of a deal it is.
(This post was last modified: 03-26-2010 12:38 PM by yoyo.)
03-26-2010 12:33 PM
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hydrogonian Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
My dick itches just reading this thread.

I think one of the easiest ways to get genital herpes is by a girl who has a mouth outbreak. So many people get cold sores. I used to get a cold sore occasionally in my inner mouth, but I can't remember the last time I've had an outbreak. Something like 5-7 years. Can't even remember. I've never had it on the outside of my mouth though. I heard that strain spreads easier, especially mouth to genitals. Luckily, its easy to spot. I simply won't kiss anyone, or more, if I had any outbreak in my mouth whatsoever. Its common courtesy. And its not a big deal to be abstinent with anything oral until it disappears. It won't spread with oral unless theres an outbreak.

However, I've caught girls giving kisses, and not making any move to let me know that they have an outbreak in the instance that we are doing more, with inner mouth outbreaks. I always wind up raising my voice to them when it happens. One of the few times I have no compunction about doing this with a female. Its just fucking stupid and inconsiderate. Its common knowledge that a person shouldn't do that. I think half the problem is that some women are in denial about what they have, and they even will get pissed when I call them on it. Also, some women are just fucking selfish and don't care about others too much, pure and simple. I mean, this doesn't happen all the time, but its happened.

You have to look out for #1.
(This post was last modified: 03-26-2010 12:58 PM by hydrogonian.)
03-26-2010 12:46 PM
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hydrogonian Offline
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RE: Herpes - how do you deal with it?
I swear I'm not making this up.

I just got done talking with my girlfriend, and STDs came up.
She's black. I'm white.

Getting racial with each other is half the fun sometimes, I think. She's always teaching me new words.
She's always making fun of "dirty white boys", etc... just to mess around.
She often makes fun of white girls by saying things like "I'm not like those slutty / dirty / etc.. white girls your used to".

Today, we were talking about a white girl I almost fucked after I met her.
She said something to the effect of "I bet she has cold sores like all those little white girls."

I said "Oh, really. You really want to challenge me on this?" (because I had some idea of the statistics - but, in actuality, no real idea about how bad it was).

She said "Sure. Go ahead".

So I looked up the herpes statistics.

45.9% of all black people have genital herpes.
17.6% of all white people have genital herpes.
90% of people that test positive have no idea that they have it, and exhibit no symptoms.

WTF.

These stats were confirmed as being accurate by multiple herpes awareness sites. You can easily look it up. Neither her nor I could believe it. As an aside, she's been tested in the last year and is clean (we've been dating six months), and I've seen the papers that prove it. I haven't been tested, but have never had any symptoms.

The three people chain that I mentioned above that I knew, who had genital herpes and had given it to each other, was started by a black guy fucking a white girl.
(This post was last modified: 03-26-2010 07:24 PM by hydrogonian.)
03-26-2010 07:20 PM
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