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Handling failure
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Nomad77 Offline
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Post: #1
Handling failure
A big part of Game that’s not really talked about is handling failure. When I talk about failure I am talking about ultimately failing to get what you want. I am not talking about being rejected by a girl from the start. I am talking about the situation falling apart AFTER you've put in some amount of work for some reason - it could be her or anything else. You go out there, night after night, week after week, you put in some serious work, get all excited about future pussy, and then…nothing. Things simply fall apart for one reason or another. And it's usually the good ones that fall apart - the ones you really want.

And it doesn’t matter how good you get, this still happens. And in a city like Miami the failure rate is high! So you have to learn how to deal with failure because if you don’t it will literally wear you down emotionally and break you.

It's tough to go out there knowing that whatever you get that night is probably going to be it. That anything after that has an extremely high failure rate. Handling a failure rate of over 70% for anything is tough. You need to condition your mind to deal with it. The same way you would condition your body for a 5K run. It takes discipline. I am sure a lot of guys drop out and simply take whatever they can get because of this.

Maybe the more experience guys on here can give some insights into how they handle failure.

For me I just keep watching this Michael:




"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Bruce Lee

Anybody wants to meet up message me?
(This post was last modified: 07-29-2013 12:23 AM by Nomad77.)
07-29-2013 12:13 AM
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Sleek Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Handling failure
Agreed. Look below.

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
~Michael Jordan
07-29-2013 12:16 AM
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Nomad77
Nomad77 Offline
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RE: Handling failure
Krauser wrote a post about this....

http://krauserpua.com/2013/07/28/everyon...id-but-me/

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Bruce Lee

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07-29-2013 12:41 AM
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All or Nothing Offline
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RE: Handling failure
(07-29-2013 12:13 AM)Nomad77 Wrote:  A big part of Game that’s not really talked about is handling failure. When I talk about failure I am talking about ultimately failing to get what you want. I am not talking about being rejected by a girl from the start. I am talking about the situation falling apart AFTER you've put in some amount of work for some reason - it could be her or anything else. You go out there, night after night, week after week, you put in some serious work, get all excited about future pussy, and then…nothing. Things simply fall apart for one reason or another. And it's usually the good ones that fall apart - the ones you really want.

This year, I stopped caring.

I finally realized this year that after all of my failures, I was still alive and healthy.

Failing did not matter in the end. It had no real affect on me beyond something mental.

In fact, I realized that failure was good. With each failure, especially the one's that impacted me on an emotional level, I reflected on them then made an alteration in my approach and became better.

Greatest peace of mind I have had in a long time.
07-29-2013 12:44 AM
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OGNorCal707
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Post: #5
RE: Handling failure
Sometimes you have to take the L

WIA- For most of men, our time being masters of our own fate, kings in our own castles is short. Even those of us in the game will eventually succumb to ease of servitude rather than deal with the malaise of solitude
07-29-2013 01:33 AM
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Days of Broken Arrows Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Handling failure
A good way to handle failure is too look back at what you failed at. Because sometimes it leads inadvertently to better things, or what you wanted to begin with but in a roundabout way. I'll give two examples from my life:

1). Senior year of high school I started dating a cheerleader who was way above my social standing and then...nothing. It just didn't happen. She seemed to care about everything *but* me. But soon I realized that dating her and getting in with her crowd made it possible for me to date higher-quality girls. Suddenly I was everyone's new friend and getting calls from girls asking "Which party should be go to tonight?!?!" Yeah!! A year after I graduated, I did end up getting together with the cheerleader. So my failure had unwittingly set the groundwork for success with high school girls and future success with. (Funny ending: she ended up thinking I was "super cool" because all the "weird" obscure bands I had tried to push on in high school had become popular. I'm not kidding -- this was a big deal to her.)

2). I had worked at a low level writing job for years and wanted to be promoted to a specific newspaper beat. When the position opened, the asshole editor passed me up for a young, cute just-out-of-college girl he liked, even though I had seniority. I got so pissed I took my writing to a much better outlet thinking "What have I got to lose?" To my total surprise, I found that the editors there *loved* me which meant a lot more since they'd come from big-deal magazines not crappy community papers. So I ended up with ten times the confidence in myself...which led to more writing gigs, etc. But none of it would have happened had I gotten what I wanted to begin with. I'd probably still be a big fish in a small pond. (Funny ending #2: this editor's dream was to have some idiotic book he wrote published. No agent or publishing house was interested. My first one is being published in a few months -- I beat him to it and I'm also younger.)

Not all failure leads to success. But enough of it does that I can say that failure should sometimes be looked upon as a stepping stone, not an end in itself.
(This post was last modified: 07-29-2013 02:12 AM by Days of Broken Arrows.)
07-29-2013 02:00 AM
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Nomad77 Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Handling failure
The kind of failure I am talking about is not one off stuff but something constant. Imagine, a cheerleader dumping you every month or week. Imagine being passed over every month for a promotion. Or a better analogy would be sales. You know that it takes 20 cold calls to get one sale. Doesn't matter what, this will never change. It's a grind you just have to go through to get that one sale/girl. It is this grind that breaks a lot of guys down and cause them to get married or settle down.

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Bruce Lee

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07-29-2013 02:07 AM
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OGNorCal707
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Post: #8
RE: Handling failure
(07-29-2013 02:07 AM)Nomad77 Wrote:  The kind of failure I am talking about is not one off stuff but something constant. Imagine, a cheerleader dumping you every month or week. Imagine being passed over every month for a promotion. Or a better analogy would be sales. You know that it takes 20 cold calls to get one sale. Doesn't matter what, this will never change. It's a grind you just have to go through to get that one sale/girl. It is this grind that breaks a lot of guys down and cause them to get married or settle down.

Are you talking outright failure, like you can't pick up girls at all

or

Having a dry spell, a common experience where much ink has already been spilled?

WIA
07-29-2013 08:06 AM
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jimukr104 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Handling failure
Sales and dating is very similar. You usually have women being receptive at a certain rate. One way to deal with it is realizing you never know when the success comes. Although it might be 1 in 20, the first one can be a score.
07-29-2013 08:13 AM
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soup Offline
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RE: Handling failure
It's all about how you frame it.

Your first problem is that you see failure with one girl as a problem.

I don't see women as having any great agency or individuality. They are all kind of connected like a hive mind. I don't have one night stands, because, to me, it feels so familiar that it's like hanging out with an old girlfriend.

I'm in an LTR with the collective consciousness of women.

If you open you mind to the larger perspective instead of only focusing on the fleeting moments, you will understand that your big rejections (and let's not beat a round the bush, because you are talking about getting rejected), could be hints that you are about to brake through to another level in your game.

This kind of growth is often accompanied by discomfort. Either accept and push through it, or ..well, I don't know what the other option is.

One thing that I do is pay attention not so much to any one rejection, but if I'm getting into a dry spell. Then I go back a few steps and attempt to assess what is going on and what I can do to change course.

Go out of your comfort zone to open girls that intimidate you.
07-29-2013 08:48 AM
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rivelino Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Handling failure
"I don't see women as having any great agency or individuality. They are all kind of connected like a hive mind. I don't have one night stands, because, to me, it feels so familiar that it's like hanging out with an old girlfriend.

I'm in an LTR with the collective consciousness of women."

great concept and comment.

i was thinking something similar, but not as elegant or eloquent. something like, "it's all the same girl", it's all the feminine.
07-29-2013 01:44 PM
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Nomad77 Offline
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RE: Handling failure
I don't think you guys are getting what I am talking about it. It's not about any one failure or any one girl. It's the knowledge that it doesn't matter how good you get you will always be dealing with a high failure rate. That out of every 10 girls you interact with more than 60% will usually amount to nothing. Imagine building a computer that you know at least 6 out of 10 will fail.

For a many guys that think becoming good at "Game" will somehow drastically reduce this failure rate are usually in for a rude awaken. As Krauser post above shows it doesn't and can't. Add to that the randomness of the failures, it's not a consistent rate but a fluctuating one, and it can wear on you.

I suppose you have to look at in on longer-term, like a 3 months basis, that should "average" out any given bad night or week...

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Bruce Lee

Anybody wants to meet up message me?
(This post was last modified: 07-29-2013 01:54 PM by Nomad77.)
07-29-2013 01:53 PM
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WestIndianArchie Online
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Post: #13
RE: Handling failure
In baseball a 300 average is great.

WIA
07-29-2013 02:20 PM
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Moma Offline
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RE: Handling failure
The problem with us technical guys is that we break events down too much to statistics. How many years does it take for so and so to happen. How many attempts, how many lizards, how many hours, how many dollars, how many mins etc.

If we start to look at the whole thing as an organic experience and all part of a bigger picture, then we don't rate things according to percentages but as opposed to whether we enjoy them or not.

Give you an example.

I enjoy myself more when I go to clubs where they play music I like. I feel more confident to holla at lizards and my body is cooking with energy. I am having fun and if I fcuk, great. If not, fcuk them, I was cooking with vibes anyway.

That's how life should be. Now when I go to clubs with wack music, every event is a struggle. Every social interaction is painful and for those that are negative (which is really subjective) then I feel like the night is wack.

That's how you handle failure. Peep this video to see what I mean.




Love 'em or leave 'em but we can't live without lizardsssss..

An Ode To Lizards

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07-29-2013 02:22 PM
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XY. Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Handling failure
Pump and dump her before she does it to you
07-29-2013 11:18 PM
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muc Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Handling failure
For me, failure and faith are closely connected. When you fail at something you attempted, be it repairing you car or trying to fuck a gorgeous girl, there only thing stopping you from giving up is actually the faith that it can be done. More specifically, that you can do it.

For Jordan, in a way, it's easier, because he has successfully done the free throw or 3pts throw or whatever many times. So he knows for a fact that he can do it.

A child learning to walk stumbles and falls repeatedly, but everyone around it walks, so it is very confident that it can be done.

It's less easy to do when you do new stuff that less people do. For example, cold-approaches on the street belong in that category. You don't see a lot of proof of it working on a day to day basis, do you?

That's why we read people like Krauser and watch in-field videos. To get a bit of faith. And the more similar the people are to us, the easier we relate to them of course.

Anyway, my point is, if you believe in your own ability (proven or not), failure gets easy to deal with. Every time you fail its due to external factor or due to the fact that you haven't mastered it yet.

So my humble advice is: Meditate for a bit until you realise that something can be done. (Hint: If it has been done by others that's a pretty good indicator you can do it, too.)
07-30-2013 02:13 AM
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A War You Cannot Win Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Handling failure
I just laugh. Especially when I get blown out by 6-7 despite the fact I've fucked 8-9s before I even had any idea what game was. I just view them as sloot machines. Sometimes you get the triple cherries, other times you get cock eyes.


I've been blown out by Taco Bell cashiers yet I've also been successful with girls whose parents regularly dine with the Kennedys and pumped and dumped models. A lot of this shit is random due to an overwhelming confluence of social media + infinite options + cock carousel + unrestrained hypergamy + lack of attention span. Build yourself up, when you can look in the mirror and become comfortable with the person staring back at you, then you've won.
(This post was last modified: 07-30-2013 02:31 AM by A War You Cannot Win.)
07-30-2013 02:26 AM
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Nomad77 Offline
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RE: Handling failure
You can bang a 9 one day and the next day get turned down by a 6. The point I am making here is that this is not an objective than once achieved means that you can automatically do it again. It's like winning an Olympic Gold medal. Just because you did it once doesn't mean it will happen again. Actually, Gaming women is just like being good at any sport and being in a competition. You have to keep practicing and there is no guarantee that you will win any given competition.

It is not a linear, constant progression. Sure, it gets easier with time and experience but so many factors are outside of your control in any given situation that the outcomes is always unsure. For example, I went to a great deal of trouble last Saturday to pickup a girl that was out with a guy only to learn towards the end that she was having her period AND she was leaving Miami in morning! We are talking hours of hard work, at one point I actually carried her up a parking garage, only to fail in the end because of factors beyond my control. If this was something that only happened once in awhile then there would be no need for this thread BUT unfortunately, it is something that happens quite often. And for many guys, including myself, it can be very discouraging at times.

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Bruce Lee

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(This post was last modified: 07-30-2013 05:16 AM by Nomad77.)
07-30-2013 05:16 AM
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RE: Handling failure
This reminds me of trying to break into some social circles. Not just an aggregate continuum of gaming women, and contemplating the extent of the endless effort involved and subsequent failures thereto.

Granted, per Soup's comment, if a dry spell presents, sometimes you have to step back and see what the problem might be or what you're doing wrong, could try different, or what you've changed or have forgotten to do that you normally do.. etc.

Then there's the idea of remaining steadfast in your focus, and learning that what you have to fall in love with actually IS the failure, and NOT the success, to ultimately succeed to the level you want.

That's why so many super successful people tell you its all about the ride getting there, not so much reaching the goal itself. That is just a locate point in life, and I suppose becomes part of your legacy.

When you're super focused, the beam of light you're omitting on your target goal will either be absorbed, reflected, or transmitted through the "grinder."

I've noticed that I may come off as mysterious to some groups, and somewhat unique, yet clear cut, and easy to understand to others that I could care less if I even knew or not.

Yet the original target group of people I may want to associate with are unsure of what to think of me, until, rather than changing to their group think and behavior, I remain the same crazy unique guy I've always been for a long enough period and in contact with them, that eventually I ultimately add a whole new dimension to their group once accepted.

As long as I focus on just being myself with as many barriers to entry removed to hit the target, even my failures are kind of really successes.

NOT because I'm some douche that can't read how my frame is absorbed, transmitted, or reflected by social circles, individual women, or women-kind as a Unitarian behaving being and adjust game, but rather my failures are a success because each man in their individualism, is equally as important as the whole group-think/behaving "woman" comprised of all women I come in contact with.

Think of it like this, egg=woman, sperm=man. Only 1 little bastard gets to fertilize. But on the trip to smash the egg, do you think all the other sperm are worried about the very minuscule possibility that any individual gets the glory of the prize. Nope.
07-30-2013 07:26 AM
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Sleek Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Handling failure
On these boards, we read a lot about the success of others. Success is a great thing, but in real life, we often learn by failure.

Tonight, I made a mistake by texting a girl that I liked her instead of being direct and up front in person/making a move.

I asked myself: How could I be so stupid do that? At first, failure is depressing.

At the same time, I know I won't make that same mistake again. In that sense, failure is enlightening. You can, in effect, learn from your own mistakes. That is a beautiful thing.

I also know that after I learn something new, I'm excited to put it into action and test it out. Failure is motivating.

And I know that things that motivate me make me happy. Failure is happiness.

Before I wrote this, I truly did feel depressed by my failure/mistake. By the end, I felt happy I made it.

This is a spin-off Gio has been preaching on the boards for a while. Being able to control your perception of the world and your thoughts is one of the most important things about game.

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
~Michael Jordan
08-16-2013 12:55 AM
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RE: Handling failure
Failure isn't weakness if you learn from it.

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08-16-2013 03:44 AM
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Sargon of Akkad Online
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RE: Handling failure
I've experienced lots of failure since coming to Japan. The way I look at it is as follows...

I have been rejected over 230 times and gotten no more than two one night stands. I hope to do well over another 230, 300, maybe 500 approaches before I go home, and from the way things look now, I can't guarantee any of those will end in a lay or a stable sex life.

I cannot control the actions of the women who accept or reject me, the only person whose actions I can control are my own, and as long as I can look in the mirror and tell myself that I kept going and refused to give up no matter how many blowouts I got, I can at least derive a degree of satisfaction from that.

My signature also helps: what matters more than 'how hard you hit' is how much you can get hit (i.e. how many times you can fail) and keep moving forward, how many times you can fall flat on your ass and get back on your feet.

It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!
(This post was last modified: 08-16-2013 03:57 AM by Sargon of Akkad.)
08-16-2013 03:53 AM
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Nomad77 Offline
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Post: #23
RE: Handling failure
Failure forces you to analyze things and hopefully seek ways to improve them. If you are failing a lot with a particular demographic you need to adjust how you are marketing yourself to these women. It could be your clothes, your style, your approach, start changing things. If something doesn't work throw it out, if something seems to, keep it.

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Bruce Lee

Anybody wants to meet up message me?
08-17-2013 04:19 PM
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Sargon of Akkad Online
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RE: Handling failure
This...




It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!
08-19-2013 10:50 AM
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