I decided to follow playa_with_passport and post my experience playing in swinging parties. As for my credentials, we've been going to swinger parties more or less since 2004, did it in three different countries, and at this moment I consider the party a failure if I didn't have sex with at least two ladies.
Pros and cons
As I said, this is not for everyone, so before you even start, consider whether it worth it for you.
- Once you got the experience, it is quite easy to get laid.
- Most of your lays will be at least threesomes or even more.
- Variety, as every party has different people.
- There are also some regulars, and once you meet them several times, it might turn into a good friendship with benefits.
- Good use for your time, talking to a lady for ten minutes and then get laid with her is something typical. Most people came here to fuck, and they won't play games and waste time if they're into you.
- It costs money to run the party, and the hosts charge the entrance fee to cover their expenses. This fee is typically $60-80. Soft drinks and food is provided, but you're expected to BYOB if you drink alcohol.
- It is relatively difficult to get in for a single guy, especially if he is just "Average Joe" type.
- The skills you'll practice there won't likely to help you in a regular bar game.
How to find a party
The easiest way is to check http://www.swinger.net
which is a good place to find clubs and parties. Check the web site for your area, check the party web sites, call the phone numbers if available. Some of those are closed - check the schedule, and if the web site says the last party was in Feb 2006, do not bother. Get the following information:
- Where is the party (city/neighborhood), and whether it is always at the same location?
- How often is the party? 1 or 2 times a month is considered often for a good quality party, if it is more often then the quality is usually not that good.
- How much is the entry fee (typically 60-80$; covers the cleanup, supplies and food and soft drinks)
- Where the party is (hotel or private house; we found house parties better)
- How do you know when the next party gonna be, is there a mailing list, or it happens on a specific day (like first Sat each month)?
- Party type (see below).
Generally there are three types of swinger parties:
1. A party which states they accept single men. For starters I suggest ignoring them completely. You can visit it to check the vibe, but expect to spend the evening talking to ten horny dudes, some of them gay, and gaming a single mature lady in early 60s. Some of them turn into fuck fest as well, but this is extremely rare.
2. A party which states they accept limited prescreened single men. This is where you want to be, no matter if you're single guy or a couple. You need to check the web site, and email/call the party host. Explain your situation, have a picture ready if you email them, and be ready to meet in person. Do not lie that you've been to other parties if you weren't, a lot of party hosts know each others and will do cross-check. Check the "how to pass the screening" section to see what is expected from you, and answer accordingly. Single men will go through a more vigorous interview/screening process, you need to accept that - a dude with drama may ruin a whole party, and the host does not want it.
3. A party which states they do NOT accept single men. You must call/email them, even if you're a single guy, as SOME (but not all) still accept single men, but only limited numbers (like 2-3) and they prescreen them very through fully. Expect the same prescreening as above.
How to pass screening for a couple
Passing screening for a couple is much easier comparing to single guys, but still requires some effort. Generally the more questions you're asked, the better is the party as the hosts are more concerned about the quality of the crowd. For couples looks do not matter as much as for single guys, but the hosts will still check that you know how to behave, you do not have unrealistic expectations, you will not bring any drama, and you're a couple and not a dude who plans to bring a "ticket" (i.e. hired escort) just to attend the party. Some hosts require you to provide regular (not nude) recent pictures of both of you; don't worry about it, it is a typical requirement, and those will not be published. Some hosts will require you to sign a waiver before you attend the party, to make sure you understand what you're into. This is all normal.
How to pass screening for a single guy
This is more difficult due to supply and demand issue, but still possible. Typically it goes down to the following:
- Which qualities you have which would bring value to the party? This will be one of the first questions asked, and may come in any possible form, but the essence is the same. Couples are annoyed when there are too many single guys around, so typically only 2-3 are accepted per party. Therefore the hosts are looking for someone who can bring more value to the party, which would attract more couples. Carefully estimate your values, and be ready to sell yourself if needed.
- Age, race, looks. Those are important as well. If you're a bald fat shy 50yo dude and cannot get laid in a bar, you're unlikely to get into a party either. However if you're too young (like early 20s) and have excellent looks, and the majority of the couples at a party are in their 40s, the hosts may be concerned about your maturity and abilities to handle the reality.
- References. If you've been to another party and one of the regulars can vouch for you, mention it.
- Your expectations. If you expect to get laid, you'll fail right here. The reason the hosts are inviting you to a party is to provide more options for couples and single ladies, and to satisfy their interests first. Your desires are secondary. Also if you expect to meet a bunch of models in their twenties who'd line up for your cock, forget about it either.
- Your behavior. How do you behave with couples? Aren't you overly aggressive? How do you handle "no"? Do you use drugs or drink alcohol on a party? Are you able to help hosts? Could you do as a security staff if some guests do not behave? Different hosts will ask different questions here.
- How is your availability? If you get there, you're almost cleared. The hosts want to know if you're available on short notice, and how far away you live (like, can you make 15 minute call on Sat night if needed?)
This is not a full list, of course, but those are the most important things.
The choice of venue is the most critical thing which will directly affect your ability to get laid. Different parties attract different crowd and have different vibe. If the first party you went to sucked, visit it again in a few months, and if you still are unhappy, skip it. We've been to pretty much all Bay Area clubs, and now go only to two parties which have the vibe and the crowd we like. Everyone is different.
How to behave
There are some basic rules relevant to every party, which could be summarized in following:
How to get laid
- Ask the hosts for the rules if you're there the first time. Most are shared (ask before you touch, "no" means no and so on, but there may be some specifics).
- Hang out with the people, talk to them. Find out who is regular and who is newbie, ask regulars for advice if needed. The impression you make on regulars will determine if you ever gonna be invited again.
- Do not touch too early, and progress slowly. Do it like you're in a bar. Be playful, but be respectful all the times.
- Do not cruise too much, you'll look desperate.
Here I assume that you're a single guy. Same strategy works also for a couple who is playing separately from each others. The most critical point is to choose your target - this is roughly 90% of work.
- Do not drink alcohol, even if you see others do. Not only others would think this would affect your performance, but they may be not interested in kissing a dude who smells alcohol, especially if they don't drink. This is not a bar.
- Show off your qualities. Got muscles? Show them. Got some dance moves?
- Talk to everyone, and try to feel who likes you, spend more time with them. If you talk to the couple, talk both to a dude and a girl.
- Ask if they're regulars in swinging or newbies. Your chances are higher with regulars.
- Ask if they ever had a threesome; same as above.
- Ask what they're looking for. This will filter out those couples who only play with other couples, or those who came just to watch. You still can play with them later, it will just take more effort from your side.
- Do not waste your time on those who're not into you.
- Do not waste your time on those who're not into sex.
- If you feel the vibe, start with light touching, and see the reaction. Progress slowly, and see if the lady is touching you. Do not hurry.
- If she's touching you, ask if they want to proceed. Address your question to both people, not just to the lady. If the answer is negative, try to feel whether it is "never" or "not right now" (in which case you can repeat later).
- Once you're moved to the bedroom, keep calm. Do not behave like a 19yo who haven't seen a pussy for a year. Do oral, do massages and so on. Make it a show if you can, this will help you with other couples.
- Wear condoms