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How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
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oldnemesis Offline
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How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
I decided to follow playa_with_passport and post my experience playing in swinging parties. As for my credentials, we've been going to swinger parties more or less since 2004, did it in three different countries, and at this moment I consider the party a failure if I didn't have sex with at least two ladies.

Pros and cons
As I said, this is not for everyone, so before you even start, consider whether it worth it for you.

Pros:
- Once you got the experience, it is quite easy to get laid.
- Most of your lays will be at least threesomes or even more.
- Variety, as every party has different people.
- There are also some regulars, and once you meet them several times, it might turn into a good friendship with benefits.
- Good use for your time, talking to a lady for ten minutes and then get laid with her is something typical. Most people came here to fuck, and they won't play games and waste time if they're into you.

Cons:
- It costs money to run the party, and the hosts charge the entrance fee to cover their expenses. This fee is typically $60-80. Soft drinks and food is provided, but you're expected to BYOB if you drink alcohol.
- It is relatively difficult to get in for a single guy, especially if he is just "Average Joe" type.
- The skills you'll practice there won't likely to help you in a regular bar game.

How to find a party
The easiest way is to check http://www.swinger.net which is a good place to find clubs and parties. Check the web site for your area, check the party web sites, call the phone numbers if available. Some of those are closed - check the schedule, and if the web site says the last party was in Feb 2006, do not bother. Get the following information:
  • Where is the party (city/neighborhood), and whether it is always at the same location?
  • How often is the party? 1 or 2 times a month is considered often for a good quality party, if it is more often then the quality is usually not that good.
  • How much is the entry fee (typically 60-80$; covers the cleanup, supplies and food and soft drinks)
  • Where the party is (hotel or private house; we found house parties better)
  • How do you know when the next party gonna be, is there a mailing list, or it happens on a specific day (like first Sat each month)?
  • Party type (see below).

Party types
Generally there are three types of swinger parties:

1. A party which states they accept single men. For starters I suggest ignoring them completely. You can visit it to check the vibe, but expect to spend the evening talking to ten horny dudes, some of them gay, and gaming a single mature lady in early 60s. Some of them turn into fuck fest as well, but this is extremely rare.

2. A party which states they accept limited prescreened single men. This is where you want to be, no matter if you're single guy or a couple. You need to check the web site, and email/call the party host. Explain your situation, have a picture ready if you email them, and be ready to meet in person. Do not lie that you've been to other parties if you weren't, a lot of party hosts know each others and will do cross-check. Check the "how to pass the screening" section to see what is expected from you, and answer accordingly. Single men will go through a more vigorous interview/screening process, you need to accept that - a dude with drama may ruin a whole party, and the host does not want it.

3. A party which states they do NOT accept single men. You must call/email them, even if you're a single guy, as SOME (but not all) still accept single men, but only limited numbers (like 2-3) and they prescreen them very through fully. Expect the same prescreening as above.

How to pass screening for a couple
Passing screening for a couple is much easier comparing to single guys, but still requires some effort. Generally the more questions you're asked, the better is the party as the hosts are more concerned about the quality of the crowd. For couples looks do not matter as much as for single guys, but the hosts will still check that you know how to behave, you do not have unrealistic expectations, you will not bring any drama, and you're a couple and not a dude who plans to bring a "ticket" (i.e. hired escort) just to attend the party. Some hosts require you to provide regular (not nude) recent pictures of both of you; don't worry about it, it is a typical requirement, and those will not be published. Some hosts will require you to sign a waiver before you attend the party, to make sure you understand what you're into. This is all normal.

How to pass screening for a single guy
This is more difficult due to supply and demand issue, but still possible. Typically it goes down to the following:
  • Which qualities you have which would bring value to the party? This will be one of the first questions asked, and may come in any possible form, but the essence is the same. Couples are annoyed when there are too many single guys around, so typically only 2-3 are accepted per party. Therefore the hosts are looking for someone who can bring more value to the party, which would attract more couples. Carefully estimate your values, and be ready to sell yourself if needed.
  • Age, race, looks. Those are important as well. If you're a bald fat shy 50yo dude and cannot get laid in a bar, you're unlikely to get into a party either. However if you're too young (like early 20s) and have excellent looks, and the majority of the couples at a party are in their 40s, the hosts may be concerned about your maturity and abilities to handle the reality.
  • References. If you've been to another party and one of the regulars can vouch for you, mention it.
  • Your expectations. If you expect to get laid, you'll fail right here. The reason the hosts are inviting you to a party is to provide more options for couples and single ladies, and to satisfy their interests first. Your desires are secondary. Also if you expect to meet a bunch of models in their twenties who'd line up for your cock, forget about it either.
  • Your behavior. How do you behave with couples? Aren't you overly aggressive? How do you handle "no"? Do you use drugs or drink alcohol on a party? Are you able to help hosts? Could you do as a security staff if some guests do not behave? Different hosts will ask different questions here.
  • How is your availability? If you get there, you're almost cleared. The hosts want to know if you're available on short notice, and how far away you live (like, can you make 15 minute call on Sat night if needed?)

This is not a full list, of course, but those are the most important things.

Venue choice
The choice of venue is the most critical thing which will directly affect your ability to get laid. Different parties attract different crowd and have different vibe. If the first party you went to sucked, visit it again in a few months, and if you still are unhappy, skip it. We've been to pretty much all Bay Area clubs, and now go only to two parties which have the vibe and the crowd we like. Everyone is different.

How to behave
There are some basic rules relevant to every party, which could be summarized in following:
  • Ask the hosts for the rules if you're there the first time. Most are shared (ask before you touch, "no" means no and so on, but there may be some specifics).
  • Hang out with the people, talk to them. Find out who is regular and who is newbie, ask regulars for advice if needed. The impression you make on regulars will determine if you ever gonna be invited again.
  • Do not touch too early, and progress slowly. Do it like you're in a bar. Be playful, but be respectful all the times.
  • Do not cruise too much, you'll look desperate.

How to get laid
Here I assume that you're a single guy. Same strategy works also for a couple who is playing separately from each others. The most critical point is to choose your target - this is roughly 90% of work.
  • Do not drink alcohol, even if you see others do. Not only others would think this would affect your performance, but they may be not interested in kissing a dude who smells alcohol, especially if they don't drink. This is not a bar.
  • Show off your qualities. Got muscles? Show them. Got some dance moves?
  • Talk to everyone, and try to feel who likes you, spend more time with them. If you talk to the couple, talk both to a dude and a girl.
  • Ask if they're regulars in swinging or newbies. Your chances are higher with regulars.
  • Ask if they ever had a threesome; same as above.
  • Ask what they're looking for. This will filter out those couples who only play with other couples, or those who came just to watch. You still can play with them later, it will just take more effort from your side.
  • Do not waste your time on those who're not into you.
  • Do not waste your time on those who're not into sex.
  • If you feel the vibe, start with light touching, and see the reaction. Progress slowly, and see if the lady is touching you. Do not hurry.
  • If she's touching you, ask if they want to proceed. Address your question to both people, not just to the lady. If the answer is negative, try to feel whether it is "never" or "not right now" (in which case you can repeat later).
  • Once you're moved to the bedroom, keep calm. Do not behave like a 19yo who haven't seen a pussy for a year. Do oral, do massages and so on. Make it a show if you can, this will help you with other couples.
  • Wear condoms
02-18-2011 08:35 PM
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Screwston Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
I wouldn't ever go into a party alone. Its weird and I have a feeling a lot of those guys are bi. What guy just sits and watches people fuck? Id take a slut to see if I could make a 3some happen though lol.

What's up with that first party type? You went somewhere and that happened? Gang banging a grandma.
02-19-2011 05:51 AM
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wolf Offline
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Post: #3
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
Interesting. I sent this to my Russian friend who was a swinger till 2004 when he divorced his wife. He's into swinging but doesn't have a girl that's cool with swinging.
02-19-2011 07:27 PM
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playa_with_a_passport Offline
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Post: #4
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
wow, I can't believe I almost missed this thread. A couple of questions, You said that these clubs require recent pictures. Just how much personal information do they require, Do these clubs required state ID and how they typically safeguard this info? How many couples are typically in one party?

I am surprised they even allow single men in those parties because of the Free loader problem(he uses resources yet contributes nothing). Have you had any experience on CL, http://www.wifelovers.com or http://www.cuckoldplace.com?
02-20-2011 10:42 AM
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oldnemesis Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
(02-20-2011 10:42 AM)playa_with_a_passport Wrote:  wow, I can't believe I almost missed this thread. A couple of questions, You said that these clubs require recent pictures. Just how much personal information do they require, Do these clubs required state ID and how they typically safeguard this info? How many couples are typically in one party?

The parties usually require pictures to get an idea what you look like and to do safety cross-check with other party hosts (i.e. if you got booted off one party, you won't be admitted to any other good party either). For single guys, they also use it to estimate how much value you'd bring to a party. Typical information required is your first name(s) and email. Never seen or heard anyone checking any IDs either.

The number of couples varies between clubs, and even at the same club. Your main question, however, should be the number of couples who come there to have sex. For example, there was a "beginner" party in San Francisco which attracted a lot of young and good looking couples, but I never got any action there at all. Most of them didn't even get naked, and those who do just played together.

Typically a good party is 15+ couples aged 30+, one or two single ladies and 3-4 single guys.

Quote:I am surprised they even allow single men in those parties because of the Free loader problem(he uses resources yet contributes nothing).

This is why they only let in the limited number of single men, who they think would contribute. And they indeed do. The first one is sex - on one of the parties we're regulars, there are couple of single guys who are busy most of the time, the couples come to the party just to be fucked by them. Quite a lot of people are turned on when their spouse is having sex with another person, and not all of them could or want to hook up with another couple. Some couples, for example, want to have 3+ men to play with a single chick, like DP. There are other things as well, I've seen a dude bringing a massage table to a party giving free massages to ladies; he was quite successful in banging some of them. Some of those guys are also invited to help hosts in preparing/managing/cleaning up party, providing security and so on.

Quote:Have you had any experience on CL, http://www.wifelovers.com or http://www.cuckoldplace.com?

No, cuckolding is something I'm not interested in. First, it is more about psychological games, meaning it is much more demanding, and requires a higher compatibility between the people than just a regular swinger threesome when you often don't even know the names of others. This means more prescreening and time wasted. Also from my black friends who're into that, they say that in vast majority of cases it ends up with gay stuff like the dude sucking their dicks, and there is a higher chance of drama.
(This post was last modified: 02-20-2011 10:24 PM by oldnemesis.)
02-20-2011 10:22 PM
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chainring Offline
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Post: #6
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
A friend of mine has gone to swinger parties that allow single men. The gist of it was that the women are typically older (>35, usually >40) and not attractive, though very occasionally there might be a cute girl, but the single guys will be all over her, so even if you do get a turn with her, it will be with several naked guys in very close proximity watching you fuck and stroking their dicks. And you typically have to pay quite a bit of a door fee.

So spend money, bang older unattractive women, and incur greater than average disease risk. Meh. I'll pass. If I'm gonna spend the money to get laid, I'd rather spend a little more and get a hot pro that I have all to myself. Better yet, just work on banging regular attractive women.

To be fair, oldnemesis might have experience with better single-men-allowed swing parties than my friend. But the old adage of if it's too good to be true applies. If you can go to a party for $80 and bang multiple hot women without having any real game, everybody and his brother would be trying to get into these parties.
(This post was last modified: 02-21-2011 03:56 AM by chainring.)
02-21-2011 03:52 AM
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oldnemesis Offline
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Post: #7
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
Chainring, I suggest you to actually read my post, it already addresses exactly what you're talking about.
02-22-2011 12:25 AM
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chainring Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
(02-22-2011 12:25 AM)oldnemesis Wrote:  Chainring, I suggest you to actually read my post, it already addresses exactly what you're talking about.
My bad, you did. I'd add to the 'Cons' that the women are typically older and unattractive and beating your meat to porn is a more appealing option, with the caveat that you might occasionally get to tap a cutie.

I think these parties are pointless for guys on this site, for reasons I mentioned above, but you gave a pretty good overview of the scene.

Now a couples-only scene is a different box of chocolate altogether. I went to a reasonably classy one with a fuckbuddy, and there were a lot of chicks I'd fuck. Still, the average age tends to be a little older. But this was strictly couples-only - you cannot get out of your clothes and leave the main area for the back rooms without your woman. But might be worth it for a guy who's got a fuckbuddy and wants to check out the scene and tap a couple of asses.
(This post was last modified: 02-22-2011 01:37 AM by chainring.)
02-22-2011 01:29 AM
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BR88 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
As a single guy, would a good strategy be to start hosting parties yourself?

Then you just invite couples and single girls.
02-22-2011 12:32 PM
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oldnemesis Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
(02-22-2011 01:29 AM)chainring Wrote:  Now a couples-only scene is a different box of chocolate altogether. I went to a reasonably classy one with a fuckbuddy, and there were a lot of chicks I'd fuck. Still, the average age tends to be a little older.

It all depends how old are you. Sure if you're in early 20s, you have no business there. But if you're in late 30s, things look different.

Quote:But this was strictly couples-only - you cannot get out of your clothes and leave the main area for the back rooms without your woman.

Yes, you can. The rules that you cannot are there to prevent gender separation among newbie couples, when a bunch of gals socializing in the area while a bunch of guys goes sneaking. Once you become a regular, you can break pretty much every rule as long as you're adding value to the party. Being discreet and respectable with good vibes really helps here.
02-22-2011 08:08 PM
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oldnemesis Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
(02-22-2011 12:32 PM)BR88 Wrote:  As a single guy, would a good strategy be to start hosting parties yourself?

Your main problem would be attracting couples.
02-22-2011 08:10 PM
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Cobraseal Offline
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Post: #12
RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
What sites do you recommend for singles to check out?
06-05-2011 01:33 AM
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oldnemesis Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
It depends on what you want.
06-05-2011 12:21 PM
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Cobraseal Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
house parties in N.Y that would accept an average 20 year old. Age in women don't matter to me.
06-05-2011 02:42 PM
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Gmac Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
I'd add higher STD transmission rate to the list of cons.

Quote:Swingers, straight couples who swap sex partners or have group sex, have some of the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases, Dutch researchers said.

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2010/06/2...277433415/

So be careful.
(This post was last modified: 06-05-2011 05:10 PM by Gmac.)
06-05-2011 05:07 PM
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Cobraseal Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
Will do.
06-05-2011 06:29 PM
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oldnemesis Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
(06-05-2011 02:42 PM)Cobraseal Wrote:  house parties in N.Y that would accept an average 20 year old. Age in women don't matter to me.

Should be relatively easy (esp. if you are good looking and behave yourself - very important, they will be looking for maturity signs) the way I described, but also prepare to show the ID. You are likely not looking 20, so there will be a concern you may be underage - and nobody wants trouble with the law. Some parties may not admit you until you're 21, as there is always alcohol available, and it would create the liability for them - which they do not want to.
06-06-2011 06:06 AM
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oldnemesis Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
(06-05-2011 05:07 PM)Gmac Wrote:  I'd add higher STD transmission rate to the list of cons.

From the article:
The combined rates of Chlamydia and gonorrhea were 10 percent among straight people, 14 percent among gay men, just under 5 percent in female prostitutes and 10.4 percent among swingers.

Sure, 10.4% is higher than 10%, but it is not something I'd be concerned about. It may actually be statistical variance.
06-06-2011 06:10 AM
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blkgatsby Offline
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RE: How to get laid on swinger parties (for single guys and couples)
Been there, done that. Got invited to a few swinger parties, and a few couples keep calling me back for some action.
I really have nothing much to contribute but a few things:

1) Where you are will have an effect on the quality of the parties. Parties in Sacramento, So-Cal will have far better talent than others like say… Minnesota. Rule of thumb is that if the local talent sucks, don't expect the swingers to be much better. I've been to parties where the crowd has mainly 40s, and a crowd that was young, in their 30s or so. And of course there's a few house parties where all the hotties and MILFs are at…How do you get in? Know people.

2) Looks matter. Game definitely helps, but not in the usual, talk girls into enjoying sucking your cock deal, but at the end of the day a lot of it is your looks. Tall, athletic black guy that's hung? Late 40's yet look like you could be the next James Bond? You're in. Just don't be an AFC, and get in shape.

3)Bring girls. If you're looking for a fast ticket towards winning everyone's favor bring girls. The kinkier they are, the better, and bonus points if they're bi. Single girls get in for free, and you usually get a discount (or get in free) if you're consistently bringing in new talent.

Some other things I did notice:
When hooking up, eventually you'll run into a couple where you do a better job at satisfying the girl than the husband does. This can be a bit of a sticky situation, depending on how the husband takes it, so play it cool.

Make friends with everyone. You'd be surprised at who you'd be introduced to. I met a MILF this way that I had some one-on-one action with.

Best way in? Try a swingers site. You will have to set up a profile, and basically run POF/OkCupid game. As with any online site, there's plenty of betas begging for sex, so you'll stand out by doing the opposite. My favorite is Lifestyle lounge, but it's mainly a Cali site. Find whatever's popular in your neck of the woods.

Oh and like mentioned by the OP, single male friendly parties suck. Generally they charge high admission for single guys ($100 or more), it will be a massive sausagefest, and the few couples there with decent looking women will be swarmed with thirsty ass dudes. It's off putting. The sadder thing is that some of these guys will just blankly stare at whoever is fucking, and not try to even fuck any of the girls that are open to it.
(This post was last modified: 02-13-2014 02:17 PM by blkgatsby.)
02-13-2014 02:16 PM
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