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I'm at an all inclusive resort right now in Jamaica. The free drinks and food are cool, and it's in a nice location, but that's the only thing it has going for it.

There's a club, and it's all Americans/Canadians, but only Americans and Canadians id never hang out with in the states. The quality of women is even below average for the states. Jamaican girls don't seem to be a whole lot better. Shit, I'm stuck in Jamaica with only my family, and I still won't hang out with these Americans. Everyone I talk to thinks this all inclusive thing is awesome (even though you'd get far more of a cultural experience in NY or Miami). I'm trying to make friends with the workers. One of the guys I met is from Cuba and gave me a contact to hook up with next week when I get to cuba. Really though, this is the worst club I've ever been to (in the resort). From what I understand, there's a wedding party here that consists of police and FBI agents from NY. Definitely not my crowd. I hooked up with some locals and am trying to head to Negril tomorrow. If anyone can give me any pointers that would be great. But at this point, I feel like I'm in a "club" in Oklahoma. It's seriously that bad.

I feel like know the typical guy that reads this forum, and all I have to say is, NEVER do all inclusive, at least in Jamaica, couldn't imagine it being much better anywhere else.

It would be dope if you went with you girl for a couple days, and that's it. It's cool getting the free drinks and food, but after you factor everything into it, it would be better to rent an appartment and pay for your own food and alcohol. I literally feel like I would be having way more fun at a club back home, because not only is this club only Americans, but it's a bunch of prick cops (luck of the draw, but still, a wedding party from Minnesota probably wouldn't be much cooler). I haven't met a single like minded American, and I tried. All of them think this place is the shit, and probably will go home telling all their friends how cool their Jamaican experience was, even though you'd probably have more of a cultural experience in Miami.

I've been talking to some locals and have figured out a little bit, and hopefully I have better news to report tomorrow night. I plan on going to a local Jamaican club tomorrow. It seems like here in Jamaica, they really try and stick it to the foreigners. I paid $10 for a pack of smokes at the resort. I asked the receptionist if it would be cheaper in town, she said no, but she may just be talking shit. If not, it's only because I'm a tourist and they'll over charge me. There's no way Jamaicans are paying $10 a pack.

Bottom line, fuck all inclusive resorts. I would have never done it in the first place if if wasn't for my fam paying for it.

It's a beautiful spot and I'm having a good time with my family, I don't regret a minute of it (only because I'm spending some quality time with the fam, otherwise would have been pissed if Id booked it and payed myself), but if you're planning a solo trip,the type of trip most guys reading this forum want, don't do it! Sure you guys already knew this, but confirming, it sucks! It would though however be a great place to take your girl for a short weekend trip or a place to go to just get away from it all and relax. It is very tranquil, but that's not what I'm looking for.

I'm gonna be throwing down some data sheets. Next week I head to cuba for two weeks and after that the DR for two weeks. Last minute a friend of mine decided to join me in cuba. He's not a player, but none the less a really fun dude. I see lots of debauchery in my future. In DR I spend one week alone and another with 4 of my Vegas friends, and a couple are playboys. This will probably be highlight of my trip. I'll keep you guys posted!
This is only my observation after one night. This thread was originally intended to just be a comment in the "everything else" section, but I decided I should make a thread of it. Hopefully tomorrow I have some better news for you guys.
(05-03-2014 01:34 AM)InternationPlayboy Wrote: [ -> ]This is only my observation after one night. This thread was originally intended to just be a comment in the "everything else" section, but I decided I should make a thread of it. Hopefully tomorrow I have some better news for you guys.

See if you can take a bus east to Montego Bay, the main strip next to Bobsled Cafe rocks on weekends. You'll see a good mix of tourists and locals there and it's a relatively safe area. I was there with my family as well but made some time to enjoy drinks at the local establishments and listen to reggae.
Damn I was hammered when I wrote this. Have a pretty funny story to update on once I get a minute, going to dinner with the family now.
A little update. I still haven't made it to town. I was gonna go last night but a whole shit storm happened. I'll go into details later, still a little busy.

I was being a downer the other night because I was hammered and that club truly did suck, but this is nice to get away and relax. Like I said, these resorts are great for that but not a Jamaican experience. I've done some pretty cool stuff though. Gone snorkeling, ridden on a tube, ran 10 miles on the beach, going swimming with dolphins tomorrow, probably wake board the next day. It's not so bad. The beaches are quite nice too.

The Jamaican people are super nice too, seem to have no worries (though obviously just getting 2 or 3 meals a day is probably a worry for many of them). All around very cool vibe from them. The women I've seen so far though aren't very attractive. I'm gonna get out to town tomorrow. I'm taking it easy tonight so I'll write up a report on last night in a few.
Alright, the shit storm last night.

First a little background. I'm out here with my whole family, including my step sister, my two (step) nieces and sisters (full blooded) fiancé. My step sister lived with us for a year or two when I was growing up. She was real wild back then and into a lot of drugs (her favorite being meth yuk!). But last time I saw her was around 4 or 5 years ago and she had mellowed out significantly. Having kids was a good thing for her. She's kind of white trash though and lives in Arkansas. She's not used to being in nice places like this. I love the girl, but when she drinks she can be bat shit crazy.

Yesterday pretty much the whole family but my stepfather and I start drinking early. We go snorkeling and tubing, great day! The drinking continues into the night. We have reservations at this nice Japanese restaurant. Right before we leave my room, my future brother in law starts puking from drinking too much. Him and my sister rarely drink and the last two times I've seen him drink he puked. He doesn't handle his booze very well. He doesn't act a fool or anything, he just gets sick. Once we get to dinner and he gets some food in him he keeps his composure pretty well.

After dinner, my step sister starts to become pretty drunk. She started drinking as soon as I woke up. She starts saying, "were gonna say you're my husband so these jigs stop hitting on me." (Yes she's racist, sorry about the slur, I'm definitely not racist and neither are any of my other family members). So I say yeah whatever. She starts taking it too far and I start to get annoyed with it. She keeps telling me to dance with her and I tell her to chill out and let me watch the nba playoffs. She gets mad and starts dancing with some Jamaican dude. He notices how drunk she is and I can tell he is getting annoyed as well. So she starts talking to all sorts of people, more or less hitting on everyone. Though I didn't see it, the cuban dude I befriended says that she is kissing everyone. I try and get away from her and talk to my cuban buddy.

Across from us are two Jamaican girls, she starts bothering them too. I'm talking to my buddy and she keeps interrupting. I can tell the Jamaican girls are a little taken back by how drunk and belligerent she is. They leave, and I try getting my step sister back to her room. At this point she's totally belligerent and making a fool out of herself (and myself too in a way). She goes and tells this American guy I was talking about going out to the club with and splitting a taxi that I'm "looking for some pussy." That's fine and all if you're telling a friend of mine that, but I hadn't met these guys but 3 minutes before, didn't even know their names. Then she starts tugging on his beard pretty hard. She doesn't realize her strength when she drinks. Once the guys leave to go do their thing, she tells me to kiss her!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK! She gets all mad at me because I won't, so I kiss her on the cheek and tell her that's how brothers and sisters kiss.

After that she goes to the bathroom and comes out crying, I ask what's wrong and she's tells me I wouldn't understand.

Eventually I run out of smokes so I tell her I have to go back to the room to get money to buy more, thinking that I can convince her to go upstairs and go to sleep once we get to the room. Wrong! We get to the room, I tell her to go to bed and she starts running away. I run over and stop her, she tells me she's gonna try and kill herself!! I stop her and say, "that's really what you want to do? That's fucking selfish, you have two kids sleeping upstairs, do you want them to grow up without a mother?" She then jets off. At this point I'm so sick of baby sitting I let her run off (plus what could I do to stop her, the girl is fucking crazy and I wouldn't have doubted she's try and fight me). I wake up my step dad and tell him what's going on. I go out to try and find her in the resort, thinking she'd just be at the bar, but she wasn't. I decided we needed to find her before she did something really stupid. Not only was I worried about her, but if she got kicked out of the resort it would ruin the whole families vacation that my mother had dropped thousands of dollars on. My mother is a hard working lady and really deserves this trip so I wasn't going to let that happen.

My stepfather and I go searching for her. We go to the beach but security tells us to go back on the resort. We ask security if they had seen her and they said no, they'd only seen a girl with bathing suit bottoms run off onto the beach. We split up and search some more. I meet back up with my step dad and he had found her skirt bottom in the middle of one of the walkways, and it was drenched in water. I say, "that security guard did see her, she had taken her skirt off, that's why he said he hadn't seen a girl in a dress!"

I eventually say fuck it and stop looking for her, as we had already searched about an hour. I went and got a drink and went back to the room, she had finally showed back up. She claimed she tried to drown herself (dipshit, it's impossible to drown yourself). Besides everything I wrote, she did a bunch of other dumb shit too, but I tried to keep it some-what short

Before she ran off I had ordered a taxi to go to the club, he showed up and I had to cancel, making me look bad to the receptionist, which she probably will be hesitant to do me favors in the future.

When she's sober, my step sister is cool and normal, when she drinks, she becomes mr. Hyde. She didn't apologize this morning and I haven't really said much to her since. I kind of feel bad for her, she's had a tough life and has been through a lot of shit. I know people have free will and make their own decisions, but at the same time she has been put in some tough places and not always by choice.

After that whole mess I end up seeing a pretty cute girl outside the resort club and start talking to her. We have an alright conversation but then she tells me about her fiancé and how he's jealous. My luck for the night, dude comes out and is all passively aggressively pissed off and acts like a little bitch. I try being friendly with him but he's real short with me when I ask him if he snowboards because of the neff shirt he was wearing (turns out the tool didn't even snowboard, he skis and he's wearing snowboarder clothes).

I end up meeting some cat that ends up being pretty cool. I find out he's with the FBI agent/cop wedding party I mentioned earlier in the thread. He invites me back to go party with his friends and family. So I spent the rest of the night partying with FBI agents and cops. Interesting night.

So far, I haven't even left the resort but to go on my ten mile run down the beach. Tomorrow will be the day though.
Was planning on going to town today. I went and asked the concierge at the resort to get me a taxi. She told me it was usually $20 a person and there are 8 of us!!! Keep in mind town is less than 10 miles away (probably more like 5)! She said, "hold on let me see what I can do." She calls up her "company" and tells me, "I talked them down to $10 a person." I was offended that she though I was that dumb. I kept my cool at the moment, whispered to my mom to not take it even if she got it all the way down to $30 (even though we have the money, I refuse to get hustled like that). I start to get a little frustrated and say, "look, I travel quite a bit, I know what a taxi should cost." My mom tells me I'm being rude and to leave and meet up with the rest of my family. I walked away and did just that, met up with the family.

When my mom comes to meet up with the family I tell her how the lady is trying to hustle us, and my mom agrees. Prior to all this we booked a few tours, and decided to cancel one and book another. My mom tells me how the lady said she refunded her card and that we wouldn't see the refund go through for two weeks. This made both of us suspicious after the whole taxi thing, so we go to the front desk to look at our bill to check and see that nothing shady is going on. We had a few questions so the front desk calls the concierge to figure out what's up, and the concierge tells the agent to send us over to her so she could explain. I've worked in hotels for a while and have used the same system the resort has. The concierge explains everything to me, and it looks fine. But then I bring up the taxi again as I just can't get over it.

I say, "you really wanted to charge me $80 for a cab less than 10 miles? You won't even try and help me out?"

She tells me, "but I did try and help you out, I negotiated the price to 50% off."

I say, "look, are you gonna tell me if I go and flag down a cab in the street it's gonna be more than $10? I understand you making commission, I work in the same business, but trying to make 800% commission off me, I find that insulting!" Keep in mind when I spoke with her before she says, "go ask the front desk, that's how much it is." As if that's how much even a normal taxi charges. I also told one of the ladies who worked at the restaurant about this issue and she said it was insane and it should be maybe $2 a person. She almost even seemed mad! She even actually went and spoke to the concierge or front desk about it. I saw her later and she said, "I spoke with her, and I guess that's just the rule, they have to use their company, but it definitely shouldn't be that much. If you need to come get me and I'll get a cab for you."

The concierge knew she had been caught trying to hustle me hard, you could see it in her face. I also added, "I live in probably one of the most expensive places in the United States, and a LIMO 3 times that far would only be $55!"

She then tries to change the subject and says, "oh yeah, your mom told me you live in colorado. My sister works at a resort in colorado and my mom lives there too." I just look at her and shake my head and storm off.

I have had a pretty short temper in the past and have done wonders on controlling it lately. I've calmed down a ton, but I was just so fucking sick of getting hustled in this place. Before that I go to buy a pack of cigs and they try charging $12 when I paid $10 every day before that (which is obviously a huge rip off). I tried to buy a painting that should cost $10 and the lady tells me $50 (though later that night I ended up getting basically the same painting for $8 ha!). Anyone trying to sell me weed is a joke. I mean there's no way not to get hustled. We went to this outdoor aquarium and the guys sat there and said, "were gonna let you guys touch these sharks, it's so cool" blah blah blah. Then when the time comes to check out the sharks they want $55 after we already paid an entrance fee and a hefty price to swim with dolphins, which wasn't even that cool. I wouldn't have even wanted to do it but it was a family thing, I just wanted to see my mom happy. I felt bad for the poor damn animals to be honest.

Bottom line, I'll never ever ever ever do an all inclusive resort again. After that whole ordeal, I calmed down and everything was cool again. But I very calmly went up to my mom and showed her airbnb. I went on and said, "where were you thinking of going on your next trip." She told me Costa Rica. I pulled up a bunch of places in Costa Rica. I pulled up a fucking scar face mansion on the beach with a big ass pool for half the price of what she's paying for this shit hole (ok the resort is actually nice, and had lots going for it if that's your thing, but obviously it's not mine.) the place came with a maid, concierge, security, and private chef. She was stunned that she could get such a dope place for so cheap. I think I have her convinced to do airbnb next time. I almost felt bad because she was finally starting to see that she was getting hustled at this resort. I made sure to tell her I was having a great time and it was totally worth it, but next time airbnb may be a better option. That was part true. I am actually having a great time, though from this post it may not sound like it, but for the money she paid it really isn't worth it, but I wanted to make her feel better about being hustled. I also told her, "look, I'm having a great time, I'm very grateful for everything, but we could do this a lot cheaper. Don't feel bad about it, everyone here is getting hustled, but many of them have the money to throw away, you work hard for your money, and it hurts me to see these people trying to hustle us like this."

Seriously guys, never make the mistake of doing all inclusive resorts. Oh, and I still didn't make it to town, because after all that, I just wasn't in the mood, not to mention it was getting late.

I'm not sure if it's just the resort hustling us or if Jamaica is just one big rip off. It almost seems to be that Jamaica is one big fucking scam. Pretty much anywhere there's a beach, it's mad touristy, and where it's mad touristy, you're bound to get ripped off. Why would you go to Jamaica if you're not gonna be on the beach? The only place I could see not getting ripped off is maybe Kingston, but who wants to go there? My roommate in Miami went and said it was the biggest shit hole he'd ever been. The food was bad, the people were dumb, the women are ugly and the city was fucked up and this kid was from a third world country. It's a second hand account, but how strong he felt about how bad Kingston sucked made me never want to go. I definitely won't be coming back to Jamaica, at least not as a young adult (-40). The beaches are great though and people are friendly, though many times people are being friendly it's because they want something from you. I've also had plenty of times people were friendly when they had nothing to gain. I remember my former roommate telling me people were trying to hustle him by telling him, "this is a bad area, come on I'll show you how to get out of here." He'd try and tell them to fuck off and he was fine, but they'd follow him and then ask for money because they "showed him how to get away." I feel like Jamaica is just one big hustle. And god, I already know that I'm gonna get hustled a bunch in Cuba, but I'm already expecting it. I wasn't expecting it to be this bad here in Jamaica though. I understand in cuba, they have nothing. But in Jamaica, some of these fucks have to be making a killing. We spent $60 on some statues today and money they had invested was probably $3 and time couldn't have been THAT long. For a third world country, these guys are definitely doing all right. One of the guys we bought the statue from was even telling me how he spent half the year in America each year with a work visa. You need money to go to America with a work visa.
So I've pretty much thrown in the towel with trying to get a legit Jamaican experience here. I'm just gonna enjoy the rest of my time chillin on the beach and doing activities with the fam. With all the activities my mom has planned for us, it makes it hard to plan much or go out at night. Most of what we have planned we have to be up early for.

Today we went tubing down a river in the jungle outside of Montego Bay. Pretty cool experience. They had a rope swing, which I failed miserably at trying to do a flip off of and landed on my sun burnt back. That didn't feel too pleasant. I'm pretty good at aerodynamics, but not having anything to pop off of threw me off, since I'm used to having a surface to pop off of when I'm doing jumps on a snowboard.

I met a French girl at the resort tonight who's currently residing in Montreal, she's a lesbian, but mad cool, and I haven't been able to really click with anyone else on the resort, as most are either on honey moons or douche bag jersey wedding parties. Homegirl is cool, I'll probably hang with her tomorrow night and then we plan on wake boarding Thursday as well. Were both with our families, and she has a little brother who's 9 and I have 2 nieces who are 7 and 10. Gonna try and link them up as well, maybe spend some family time together at the resort water park and the beach. Early Friday morning I'll be on my way to cuba.

I had seen a decent looking girl with her family. For some reason she looked Turkish to me, and I heard them speaking a language I didn't recognize. I saw her on the beach with her family trying to take pictures together with the sunset in the background while I was taking my niece to check out the sunset. I walked up and asked if they all wanted a pic together. Afterwards I made the mistake of asking if she was Turkish instead of just asking and waiting for a response as to where she was from. Her response was, "no I hate Turks, I'm from Austria. Turks in Austria cause lots of trouble." The only single girl I saw the whole time that was cute, I flat out offended. I could try and redeem myself, but whatever, if the opportunity presents itself I might, if not whatever.

Chillin by the beach after a cold winter full of snow is nice regardless of getting a legit Jamaican experience or having any quality poon around to hit on. It's also great to be chillin with the fam, especially my nieces who I've only seen 3 times since they've been born. They're really cute girls, especially the younger one. She makes me want to have kids some day. I honestly think I'd make a great father some day if I do decide to have kids, even my sister mentioned something about it (not her mother either).
Well, my trip is wrapping up. I'll be on a plane headed to Havana in 9 hours. I've had a great time. It was awesome having the whole family together. I'm really gonna miss my nieces and step sister, even as crazy as she can be (last night there was another small ordeal, not as bad as the first night though) because I rarely get to see them. The next time I see them the youngest will probably be a pre-teen. She's only 7 and so damn cute. It's fun when kids are so young and innocent. The world hasn't corrupted them yet. Hanging out with her made me feel like a kid again. I even got to teach her how to swim (she knew a little bit before, but I got her swimming like a fish now).

Overall, Jamaica is beautiful, lots of nice stuff to see, but I can't say that I really plan on coming back. I really wish I would have gotten to see a more local side of things. With all the side trips and activities we had planned it made it hard. That on top of everyone trying to rip us off on rides and the like, it just wasn't easy to hang out in town.

I really felt like people try taking you for every penny they can get here. People are nice but a lot of time it seems they are being nice because they want something from you, or are gonna make a commission off something they suggest.

I think the only two ways I'd come again would be with a local, or for a nice tropical beach get away with a girlfriend or something. Even with a local though, there's little chance I'd come back. I'd way rather spend my money on going back to Brazil or Colombia.

Now time to see what Cuba and the DR have to offer. I'm really stoked on the next month. Now that I've gotten the tourist thing out of the way, I'm really looking forward to checking out how life is in the DR and Cuba and being able to kind of do my own thing. Even though I'll be with a friend in Cuba, he's the type of cat that if I want to do something he doesn't, he won't mind me going off and doing my thing. He's an independent dude, should be a great guy to travel with. He likes to travel like me anyways. We were talking the other night about how I was stuck in this resort and it kind of sucked. He said he'd done the same thing in Punta Cana with some work buddies and hated it and how he just wanted to walk around and get to know the place. The guy is well versed in Latin America and speaks decent Spanish too, so I see it being a good trip. I may not be able to write my updated while in Cuba, well see how spotty the Internet is, but you know I'll be throwing down my data once I get to the DR, hopefully it gets a little more love than this thread. Though I understand. A family trip probably isn't the most exciting thing to read on this type of forum. I'm hoping I can share in Cuba though because I like to do these trip reports step by step while everything is fresh on my mind.

RVFers, from Negril, until next time, keep your pimp hands strong!
I have nothing to contribute, just wanted to say I enjoyed you basically keeping a live journal of your time in Jamaica, not giving a shit if anyone replied or not.

I was sold on never going to Jamaica anyway, but this def didnt help its cause. Thanks for the write up.
Thanks, I appreciate the feed back. If I had one suggestion, it would be there are definitely better places to visit, but also it wouldn't necissarily be a waste of a trip to visit either. It's beautiful, just not the best cultural experience, at least not the way I did it. Could be different if not with family or at an all inclusive resort.
They try and rip you off in every third world country. Jamaica is not unique to that experience.

You should not go to a country from a resort basis and expect it to be an organic experience. All citizens around the resort will be geared to fleece you for money, call it an informal tax.

Go in off of the beating track, Scotian has been quite a few times and had a blast and I don't believe he did the resort thing.
^ I don't know where that's coming from.

To momma, I agree, I've been to a few third world countries, but never come close to being ripped off as much as I was here. But you're right, it was most likely because I was at a resort. It was just hard to tell if that was the only reason the hustling was so bad or if it was only because I was on a resort, but I would like to believe it was only because I was at a resort. That was my first experience with all inclusive, and I probably won't do it again. They try and take you for every last dollar. I was talking to my driver on the way to the airport and he kinda told me that it's just the resorts as well. I would maybe like to come back and check out the real Jamaica. Thanks for the feedback.
Jamaicans are probably the best at extracting money from tourists. Definitely the hardest hustlers I've ever seen in action.

I've stayed at all inclusive before, and worked on cruise ships for a decade.

Jamaica is on a level above anything I've ever seen. I would also never go back there.

The real Jamaica is scary.
^ yeah man, they really do know how to hustle. Yesterday I went to ricks cafe, obviously a tourist trap. After jumping off the cliff into the water, these guys tried to hustle me some way while I was swimming out, telling me to swim over to this cave to go check it out. Shit, even in a world famous cafe, they openly let people into their establishment to hustle tourists.

To be honest as far as safety went, Jamaica didn't seem bad. At least Negril. I'm sure Kingston is a different story. I was surprised though that even most of the nice big houses didn't even have barbed wire or anything around them. Some didn't even have a fence.
I've been to Negril. I had a great time. It's safe, the people are very freindly and the food is good. Amazing jerk chicken!

I stayed in an all inclusive for 2 nights until I figured out that it was a rip off! I moved to a nice little hotel in town for 1/3 of the price.

I only returned to the resort for the free jerk chicken.

Everything is 100000% more expensive in the resort!

I asked a taxi driver how much to go into town.

He said "20 dollars"

Then, I asked a Jamaican lady how much she would pay a taxi to go into town..

She said -- "1 dollar"

Right there, I knew what was up.

I never paid more then 5 dollars after that and I always agreed on the price before I got in the taxi.

The same is true for food and everything else. There is a tourist price and a local price.

You have to stand up for yourself in a friendly way and negotiate! They are looking to get money from rich people and weak people.

I never had a problem because I learned how to handle myself..

Friendly, respectful, but FIRM..

"no thanks man"

"no thank you"

If you never left the resort than you never experienced Jamaica

Talk to the locals, they will help you figure things out.

I had a great time at the dancehall clubs.
@InternationPlayboy - just wanted to tell you that i was thoroughly entertained by your story. lol what an adventure! thx for the useful info on jamaica as well.
The true Jamaicans are in the rural areas. The ones from the urban places tend to be the ones that get the most publicity and create the most trouble; but they also tend to be the more successful ones. I guess that depends on what your definition of "successful" is though.
I'd definitely suggest staying at one of the smaller, non-inclusive resorts like tensing pen or the caves. These places have a restaurant/bar that is staffed with Negril locals who all know each other and party in the city.

I stayed at one and 2-3 of the fellas had their own 'place' in town, like a small house with a bar/kitchen/stereo that they ran as a business/hangout. From my recollection they take turns during the week partying at each other's place. We got to know them really well and a few nights they took our group out to party at their spots.. one was in a neighborhood and as soon as they started blasting music (and I mean LOUD. There is no ambient reggae in Negril) many of the locals from the neighborhood just showed up and hung out.. pretty cool to throw dominoes with old dudes who were alive when Bob Marley still ran around those parts.
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