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Kickboxer cooks Tuna
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Kickb Away
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Post: #1
Kickboxer cooks Tuna
As you guys know, I am in my winter bulk phase and I am cultivating as much mass as possible. Tuna tastes terrible. here is a recipe that will make it bearable. King

But first, a few things you will need:

1. The shittiest non-stick pan money can buy.
2. Two cans of Tuna imported from a fish farm in China containing the highest mercury content available.
3. Quality lemon pepper. I prefer Lawry's.

Now, turn the stove on. Turn the dial to 5 and don't let the pan sit too long.

Next, throw the tuna and lemon pepper into the pan for 5 minutes.

Once your timer goes off, I want you to inspect the coloring. Does the tuna possess a light pink complexion? Does it have the consistency of your morning beer shits? It should. If not, keep it on the stove a bit longer.

If everything checks out, slop the tuna on a plate and enjoy your meal.

If you want, you can enjoy it with a large glass of unfiltered tap water and table crackers.

















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(This post was last modified: 01-08-2013 10:25 PM by Kickb.)
01-08-2013 10:19 PM
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kosko Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
^^^A.

B.[Image: dog-wet-tuna-salmon-large.jpg]


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01-08-2013 10:30 PM
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Mage Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
(01-08-2013 10:19 PM)kickboxer Wrote:  Tuna tastes terrible.

Suspicious

Does it? I believe there is something wrong with your tuna.

The tuna I eat tastes great. Obviously tuna per se is not a food that is meant to be consumed alone, it should be mixed with something either in salads or put on bread. But still it tastes good on it's own too.

Check your tuna.
(This post was last modified: 01-09-2013 06:08 AM by Mage.)
01-09-2013 06:08 AM
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OGNorCal707
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Post: #4
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
Maybe you should try minced tuna instead of these large pieces.
01-09-2013 06:10 AM
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Handsome Creepy Eel Online
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Post: #5
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
That's a bit bland. Besides, I'd never fry tuna in a pan, maybe if it were crumbed but I'd still expect a shitty recipe. It's meant to be grilled and served with potato salad and tomatoes, I'd say. All kinds of fish go down awesome with that.

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01-09-2013 06:14 AM
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kosko Offline
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
It's all about the oil packed tuna. I only eat water packed when I'm broke, I finf that the extra 50-86 cents a can goes a long way though. You actually get some of the sweet flavor tuna is supposed to have. I'll sometimes poach my water packed tuna in EVOO to try and put some moisture back into it.
(This post was last modified: 01-09-2013 06:34 AM by kosko.)
01-09-2013 06:33 AM
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Duke Castile Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
Erroneous! Erroneous on all counts!

Get your sorry tail to the supermarket and buy some broccoli slaw. Then add any tuna, oiled or watered. Cut up some grape tomoteos (just in half will do) add sea salted roasted almonds. Then, the final yet crucial ingredient, paul newmans creamy caeser dressing, it's delicious and will make all of that bullshit delicious also. Kickboxer, have I ever stirred you wrong??
01-09-2013 06:50 AM
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
(01-09-2013 06:33 AM)kosko Wrote:  It's all about the oil packed tuna. I only eat water packed when I'm broke, I finf that the extra 50-86 cents a can goes a long way though. You actually get some of the sweet flavor tuna is supposed to have. I'll sometimes poach my water packed tuna in EVOO to try and put some moisture back into it.

My dad introduced me to this about 10 years ago. Tuna packed in olive oil tastes 10x better straight out of the can.

I like to add balsamic vinegar as well.
01-09-2013 06:55 AM
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Sonsowey Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
2 better things to do with tuna:

Tuna Salad:

1 can of tuna in olive oil
1 Avocado, diced
1/2 red pepper, diced
1 tomato, diced
A few thin slices of red onion, chopped very small
Pepper
Lime
Chiles or Hot Sauce

Just mix that up and eat it with a spoon, or crackers, or on bread.

Alternatively, you could just go mexican and make an Aguacate relleno con atun:

[Image: Aguacate%20relleno%20con%20atun.JPG]
01-09-2013 08:09 AM
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_GQ_ Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
Best way to eat tuna is right out of the can in my opinion. Squeeze a lemon over the can, add some salt and pepper, and enjoy.
01-09-2013 08:47 AM
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Kickb Away
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Post: #11
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
You guys don't like my recipe?
01-09-2013 03:05 PM
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Veloce Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
haha kickboxer i'm in the kitchen office laughing my ass off right now. +1

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01-09-2013 03:22 PM
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Post: #13
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
(01-09-2013 03:05 PM)kickboxer Wrote:  You guys don't like my recipe?

My take on your recipe:

[Image: solidwhitealbacoreoil_can.jpg]

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[Image: skillet.jpg]

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[Image: 61DUT2YH8JL._SL500_AA300_.jpg]

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[Image: 03009-original.jpg]
01-09-2013 03:23 PM
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OGNorCal707 Offline
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
It's all about the quality of Tuna, obviously budgets will vary, but I just got hooked up on some bomb canned Tuna from a company called "Wild Planet" that my friend works at, they specialize in wild caught sustainable fish. Whoever said that you need to get tuna packaged in olive oil is absolutely right, it will taste better and already have an element of preparation to it. The way I will eat this stuff is pour it into a bowl, olive oil and all, squeeze some fresh lemon/lime over it, grind some pepper and it's pretty much good to go like GQ stated. If you really wanted to spruce it up a bit, maybe chop up a little garlic to mix in with the fish, and sprinkle a little fresh thyme or dill on top. Wham bam, that's all you need, like with some much in life, quality will always be the deciding factor.
01-09-2013 04:36 PM
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mikeymike Offline
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
I look at eating tuna like I do my leg workouts....every minute of it sucks but you're rewarded at the end for putting yourself through that hell. Pour in enough unhealthy ingredients or jack up the fat content and you can make it edible but then why not just go eat a steak and get edible right off the bat. Tunas straight protein, efficient cheap, take it down, suck it up and move on. Unless it's sushi grade, yellowtail esp...that I can eat all day.
01-09-2013 05:12 PM
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Duke Castile Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
another thing I've done is just take a whole avocado and mash it up into the tuna, season as preferred from there but it's awesome.
01-09-2013 05:18 PM
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
Am I the only one who thinks plain old tuna salad is the cat's meow?

Take a can of Chicken Of The Sea, (I prefer water to oil myself, and make sure it's the cheap stuff, better flavor than the pricier albacore) and drain out the water. Mix well with some mayonnaise, salt it and pepper it, slap that shit between two pieces of delicious, chemical-laden white bread (no whole grain, please, the texture is too rough and distracts you from the delicacy of the flavor) and prepare to have your mind blown by this culinary masterpiece.
01-09-2013 05:44 PM
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Parlay44 Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
I just wanna say I'm loving all these cooking threads. I'm all for bachelor/gourmet style cooking. Keep 'em coming.

When I do tuna it's always tuna salad.
Here's my recipe:

1 large can of tuna(in water not oil). Dump it into a large mixing bowl. Then take a handful and squeeze all the water out of it over the sink. Repeat with the remainder of the tuna. Return it to the bowl.

Chop up some fresh scallions, celery, 4 hard boiled eggs and half an onion. Throw it in.

1/3 jar of mayo.

Add sea salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste.

Stir it up with a big ass wooden spoon.

It should be nice and thick and chunky. If it's watery at all then you added too much mayo or didn't squeeze all the water out of the tuna.

Wrap the bowl with plastic and let it chill in the fridge for an hour.

Toast up some sliced wheat bread or a fresh round roll in the toaster oven. Add a slice of cheese on the bottom, a large spoonful of tuna and two sandwich sliced pickle slices and you're good to go.

Chase it down with your beer of choice.

Team Nachos
(This post was last modified: 01-09-2013 06:22 PM by Parlay44.)
01-09-2013 06:13 PM
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
Any dudes feel like splurging check out Ventresca Tuna. This is some high end shit they sell in spain, it's basically preserved tuna belly. It's AWESOME. I just put it on some toast that I've rubbed with garlic, drizzle some olive oil, lemon juice, and cracked pepper on top.

http://www.igourmet.com/shoppe/Ventresca...nQodp0AAaw

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01-09-2013 08:16 PM
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
I've got a next level tuna recipe I always throw together. Just don't cook it when you plan on making out with some girls later though...

In a frying pan throw a bunch of olive oil/butter in. Like shit tons. Mince as much garlic as you think you can handle then add some more, get a little bit of onion in there too. Fry that up till its golden. Chuck in a can of tuna and cook for a bit. Season with lots of salt/pepper/red pepper flakes and oregano. Throw in a tablespoon or two of balsamic vinegar and cook that for a bit. Get a can of diced tomatoes and drain it. Add the tomatoes in and cook it while you boil some penne. Once the pasta is done drain it then throw it in the pan. Add some of the drained tomato juice if the pasta doesn't get coated. Stir it up and plate it. If you eat bread soak up all the fat and tomato sauce with some lightly toasted crusty bread.
01-09-2013 09:20 PM
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kosko Offline
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
Albacore is dry as hell. I have no idea why for some time it got hyped. I know it's "mild" but shit is like sandpaper and very hard to get flavor into. I realized not to listen to Western ideas on fish as they love stuff that has no taste. The Italians, Portuguese, Japanese, Tunisians, he'll even Nordics and Aboriginals know what's good - Fish with deep rich flavor. Fuck all that salty chicken shit like Pollock North Americans call fish.

(01-09-2013 08:16 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  Any dudes feel like splurging check out Ventresca Tuna. This is some high end shit they sell in spain, it's basically preserved tuna belly. It's AWESOME. I just put it on some toast that I've rubbed with garlic, drizzle some olive oil, lemon juice, and cracked pepper on top.

http://www.igourmet.com/shoppe/Ventresca...nQodp0AAaw

Holy shit. Stuff looks good. I do that with toast but with Brisling Sardines.

I'm baking a whole Tilapia tonight head and all. What do you recommend I do to the bad boy Chef?
(This post was last modified: 01-09-2013 09:26 PM by kosko.)
01-09-2013 09:25 PM
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thegmanifesto Offline
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
(01-09-2013 08:16 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  Any dudes feel like splurging check out Ventresca Tuna. This is some high end shit they sell in spain, it's basically preserved tuna belly. It's AWESOME. I just put it on some toast that I've rubbed with garlic, drizzle some olive oil, lemon juice, and cracked pepper on top.

http://www.igourmet.com/shoppe/Ventresca...nQodp0AAaw

Nice one.

Yeah, that stuff is straight up ridiculous.

I think the price would make a lot of people on here gag though.

---

Here is another move for you Playboys on a budget:

1. Olive oil and garlic in a pan

2. Wait till garlic is at right moment, then add Tuna with oil, a little onion or shallot, white wine. Let it do it's magic. (You can also use some fresh tomato or diced if you want).

3. Throw in some cooked fresh linguine into the pan to mix all together.

4. Plate it. Grate some imported fresh parmesan.

5. Rip some basil for color.

You are in the zone.

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(This post was last modified: 01-09-2013 09:38 PM by thegmanifesto.)
01-09-2013 09:29 PM
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kosko Offline
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RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
(01-09-2013 09:29 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  
(01-09-2013 08:16 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  Any dudes feel like splurging check out Ventresca Tuna. This is some high end shit they sell in spain, it's basically preserved tuna belly. It's AWESOME. I just put it on some toast that I've rubbed with garlic, drizzle some olive oil, lemon juice, and cracked pepper on top.

http://www.igourmet.com/shoppe/Ventresca...nQodp0AAaw

Nice one.

Yeah, that stuff is straight up ridiculous.

I think the price would make a lot of people on here gag though.

---

Here is another move for you Playboys on a budget:

1. Olive oil and garlic in a pan

2. Wait till garlic is at right moment, then add Tuna with oil, a little onion or shallot, white wine. Let it do it's magic. (You can also use some fresh tomato or diced if you want).

3. Throw in some cooked fresh linguine into the pan to mix all together.

4. Plate it. Grate some imported fresh parmesan.

5. Rip some basil for color.

You are in the zone.

The easiest and most flavor pasta dish around. I've made this for bitches and it gets them moist evrey time. The best part is its impossible to fuck up. Unless you burn your garlic it's a fail proof recipe.
01-09-2013 09:51 PM
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Post: #24
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
(01-09-2013 05:12 PM)mikeymike Wrote:  I look at eating tuna like I do my leg workouts....every minute of it sucks but you're rewarded at the end for putting yourself through that hell. Pour in enough unhealthy ingredients or jack up the fat content and you can make it edible but then why not just go eat a steak and get edible right off the bat. Tunas straight protein, efficient cheap, take it down, suck it up and move on. Unless it's sushi grade, yellowtail esp...that I can eat all day.

I fucking love leg workouts and tuna fish sandwiches.

This thread is an inspiration.
01-09-2013 10:20 PM
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Post: #25
RE: Kickboxer cooks Tuna
This guy is legit:





hat tip: farmageddon
01-09-2013 10:33 PM
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