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Is the grass always greener? Can a semi natural learn new tricks?
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DrWho Offline
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Post: #1
Is the grass always greener? Can a semi natural learn new tricks?
I am at a transition stage of my life, and it is not easy. I spent most of my 20s living in Latin America and Spain, traveling, writing, banging plenty of girls.
I did sort of get tired of that, I like to be busy, and I felt like I needed a new challenge, something that would be more in line with my potential.
I was very ill in the hospital, and ended up meeting the daughter of the hospitals chief surgeon. I quickly seduced her, and through her, became close to her father, who mentored me and let me scrub in and watch a bunch of operations.
After long and careful consideration, I decided that I wanted to become a doctor, and so moved back to the USA, and am now in an intense 1 yr program of science that covers the pre reqs and links to med school. I will be around 40 give or take a couple years when I finish residency, depending on specialty.
Lately, it seems a bit suffocating. I tell myself that this is normal, that I am more mature now, but I still long for the freedom of the road.
Do any of you who have made a similar sort of transition, either from more responsibility to less, or from less to more, have similar issues?

The second part of my post concerns game. I'll admit, in the past If I thought about the PUA/pickup community and game at all, I would have thought it was kind of lame. I also have done fairly well in terms of notches on my own, probably recently passing a 100 or so, I dont have an exact count, and barely remember some of them. I realize though, that much of my success with women was probably due to my novelty in foreign places, my tall height and above average appearance, as well as a talent I have for identifying likely lays (no, not fatties).
Now that I am back in the USA, a little bit older, and for the first time in my recent life, fairly broke (the illness in Spain, and the expenses of studying have cleaned me out), I have realized that I will need to adapt and compensate.
I came to this forum because I was googling stuff about Brazil, and found Roosh's site, and liked the international aspect.
So, here's what my experience has been like with women in this new city I have been living in for two months, it explains why I am here seeking guidance.
Early on, one of my classmates who was around my age seemed notably stressed out, and had a great rack and athletic body, so I have her over my place to "watch a movie," give her some wine and my favorite single malt whiskey, and it was smooth sailing. One thing I am generally very good at, is escalating physical contact. If a girl is at my place, and we kiss, it almost always leads to fucking.
I had my sights set on another girl in my class, who was only out of college a year or two. I thought she would be a good candidate for dating. I hit on her, took her out once for a daytime visit to a museum and lunch, and we seemed to connect okay. But I was beta/needy, and overdid the pursuit. I also realized that I was very rusty in terms of my ability to win a girl over who I had not previously identified as being interested in me, or to who I did not, as in my times abroad, have an impressive hook to impress with (ie exotic, lifestyle, car, photographer). This was a quality girl, and one of my goals has been to bang less sluts, and try and get someone on my level intellectually. My failure with her definitely took me down a peg. She basically just ignored messages from me via txt or facebook about meeting up to do this or that. Having a fuck buddy of mine fly in to visit me last week was really only moderately successfully in repairing my confidence.
So, I have to be humble, and admit there is a lot to learn. This is not easy for me, since I am generally an independent person, and can be a bit arrogant and think I know best.
What suggestions do you guys have about someone in my shoes? It is back to the basics for me, since I am looking at years of studying and training and limited budgets.
I am recovering from a back injury now, and once I am better, am going to hit the gym again, which has always been a key part of my approach to women, since it gives me self confidence and an improved appearance.
Right now, I am thinking about a combination of learning about game, as well as improving myself. I can probably find enough time in my schedule for salsa lessons in addition to working out.

One thing that might limit me is that I have recently been seriously considering giving up drinking. I seem to overdo it when I am a little down, and that is not a good thing. Can you still game at a bar/club while not drinking?

It is important that I sort this shit out. Unless I keep my confidence up and get back in the groove with women, the stress of the ridiculous amount of studying I do combined with nostalgia for my past freedom will likely cause me to burnout or just quit and give up on a dream I already have invested a considerable amount of effort and money in.

I am new to this forum, and just want to say hello and good luck to everyone here.


(This post was last modified: 07-08-2011 03:21 PM by DrWho.)
07-08-2011 03:16 PM
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dk902 Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Is the grass always greener? Can a semi natural learn new tricks?
Hey dude, firstly welcome to the forum.

Secondly, when life doesn't seem to be going your way (as you may perceive), with guys we always become very introspective and get down on ourselves. Too much so. Think of all the positives qualities you have and focus on them and use them as your weapon, as opposed to dwelling on your weaknesses.

I think I read it in Tim Ferriss' 4 hour work week - why spend so much time trying to improve your weaknesses, when you can enhance your strengths so much? I.e. in your case, exotic, in good shape, etc. Use these.

Moreover, when it comes to game, whatever country you're in you have to adapt and re-calibrate your game in many cases. I.e. whether it is the UK, USA or Colombia. So you will have to work on this, there are no two ways about it. But from reading your post, it seems you're caught up in trying to be so many things at once. Focus on what your burning desire is and go after it, you may have to sacrifice things along the way, e.g. do you want success with women or career success more?

I'll give you a recent analogy of mine: I was thinking about training for a marathon recently and have been running hard over the last few weeks 3 times a week as well as training hard down the gym 4 days+ a week, sometimes training twice a day. After a few weeks of doing this, I was running on the fumes of an empty tank. - I realised I can't be a good long distance runner and still be strong in the gym to deadlift 200kg and maintain my size, I can't have it all. In the end I decided that right now being strong and looking good was more important to me, so I shelved the marathon for a while. - The question is what's the most important for you?
07-08-2011 03:57 PM
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Sh0t Offline
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Posts: 68
Joined: Jun 2011
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Post: #3
RE: Is the grass always greener? Can a semi natural learn new tricks?
Can you game at a bar without drinking, absolutely.

The best at scientific game are always the guys that were naturals already. Similar to other pursuits, when you combine natural talent with 'hard' work, you get the best results. This disqualifies many of the more famous PUAs, unfortunately lol.

Part of your experience is also going to be adapting to social/dating scene differences over the last 15 years, especially relative to those other countries.

You are in a similar situation many guys find themselves in. Many guys were "the man" back in school, or "in their home country" or whatever situation they came from. They change situations, and suddenly nothing is easy anymore. Most fold and just marry the fatty that brings them mcnuggets.

If you get burned out easily when your game hits bumps, you might want to consider not even bothering with becoming a player again, and might just want to focus on meeting fewer, more relationship oriented women. At your age and with your school commitments, you might not have the energy to do this well, which will result in negative feedback.
07-10-2011 12:48 PM
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DrWho Offline
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Posts: 39
Joined: Jul 2011
Post: #4
RE: Is the grass always greener? Can a semi natural learn new tricks?
(07-08-2011 03:57 PM)dk902 Wrote:  Hey dude, firstly welcome to the forum.

Secondly, when life doesn't seem to be going your way (as you may perceive), with guys we always become very introspective and get down on ourselves. Too much so. Think of all the positives qualities you have and focus on them and use them as your weapon, as opposed to dwelling on your weaknesses.

I think I read it in Tim Ferriss' 4 hour work week - why spend so much time trying to improve your weaknesses, when you can enhance your strengths so much? I.e. in your case, exotic, in good shape, etc. Use these.

Moreover, when it comes to game, whatever country you're in you have to adapt and re-calibrate your game in many cases. I.e. whether it is the UK, USA or Colombia. So you will have to work on this, there are no two ways about it. But from reading your post, it seems you're caught up in trying to be so many things at once. Focus on what your burning desire is and go after it, you may have to sacrifice things along the way, e.g. do you want success with women or career success more?

I'll give you a recent analogy of mine: I was thinking about training for a marathon recently and have been running hard over the last few weeks 3 times a week as well as training hard down the gym 4 days+ a week, sometimes training twice a day. After a few weeks of doing this, I was running on the fumes of an empty tank. - I realised I can't be a good long distance runner and still be strong in the gym to deadlift 200kg and maintain my size, I can't have it all. In the end I decided that right now being strong and looking good was more important to me, so I shelved the marathon for a while. - The question is what's the most important for you?

You are right in several areas. Maybe I am trying to be too many things at once. I burned myself out a bit. The past couple of days, I realized I was in real danger of slipping into depression (happened to me about 8 years ago, so I know the signs, change in appetite/sleeping patterns, circular/repetitive negative thoughts), so I have cut out alcohol, and am doing whatever limited exercise my herniated disc permits.

You make a great analogy with your running/lifting, what is most important? I think part of my problem now, is wanting to have my cake and eat it to. I want to be a dedicated and responsible physician, but I also want to be that 22yr old I was, driving a 4Runner to Tierra del Fuego from the USA, and defiling local women along the way.

I'm not exotic by appearance here, although my life experiences are rather unusual compared to my classmates.

I like the idea of focusing on improving my strengths. I will think on that one.
07-10-2011 02:28 PM
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DrWho Offline
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Posts: 39
Joined: Jul 2011
Post: #5
RE: Is the grass always greener? Can a semi natural learn new tricks?
What do you mean by scientific game? Game focused on someone in the sciences, or an approach to game that is carefully reasoned out?

You might be on to a realistic idea with focusing on more relationship oriented women. Thing is though, one of my favorite things is nailing a new piece. I have messed up a couple of good long term relationships, because they didn't appreciate me sleeping with other women. And if you do it enough, unless your gf is dumb as rocks, they will find out. But after carefully considering the end of my last relationship, I think I value a good woman enough that I would be able to keep it in my pants next time around.

Part of the problem with the girl that I swung out with, was likely that I didn't try and use game. If I had employed a bit of subtle psychological manipulation, it might have been different. Also, poor target selection (I have very little in common with a 23 yr old who worked in NYC for one yr before going back to school).

I was thinking that one thing I could do is work on game this year, then when I am in medical school, I would be better prepared to target good prospects.

(07-10-2011 12:48 PM)Sh0t Wrote:  Can you game at a bar without drinking, absolutely.

The best at scientific game are always the guys that were naturals already. Similar to other pursuits, when you combine natural talent with 'hard' work, you get the best results. This disqualifies many of the more famous PUAs, unfortunately lol.

Part of your experience is also going to be adapting to social/dating scene differences over the last 15 years, especially relative to those other countries.

You are in a similar situation many guys find themselves in. Many guys were "the man" back in school, or "in their home country" or whatever situation they came from. They change situations, and suddenly nothing is easy anymore. Most fold and just marry the fatty that brings them mcnuggets.

If you get burned out easily when your game hits bumps, you might want to consider not even bothering with becoming a player again, and might just want to focus on meeting fewer, more relationship oriented women. At your age and with your school commitments, you might not have the energy to do this well, which will result in negative feedback.
07-10-2011 02:35 PM
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