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The Only Rule For Ex's
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jariel Offline
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Post: #1
The Only Rule For Ex's
If a chick left you or you left her, there was a reason for it.

Regardless of which side of the table you're on, there is probably some of level of blame that can be shared as to how you got there.

With that being said, all that matters is that you got there.

And the only rule is, you can't go back.

When women leave you, sometimes they come back, after they've dealt with some other dicks, and found that the grass wasn't greener. They become nostalgic about your old relationship, they'll say things like "you were the only one who truly knew me", "I didn't realize what I had until it was gone", or "I know it will take some time, but I think we should give it another chance".

No bitch, you're out of time.

If the separation was on you, there was a reason you wanted to leave her behind, don't forget that, don't allow good memories to whitewash the reality.

She wasn't that bitch.

Move on, you can find her, she is out there.
08-19-2014 07:07 AM
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Post: #2
RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
I love all my EX girlfriends.

Brianna
Nicole
Ashley
Melissa
Jessica
Wendy
Julia
Anne
08-19-2014 07:17 AM
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casio Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
Move on: yup

But that doesn't mean there has to be hate or anything. I get along well with most of my ex's, and it never bothered me.
08-19-2014 07:22 AM
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redbeard Online
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
"If the separation was on you, there was a reason you wanted to leave her behind, don't forget that, don't allow good memories to whitewash the reality."

This has always been an interesting topic for me. Even in high school, I would ditch chicks...and then a few weeks later, I'd remember all of the "good times we had" and give her a call. Of course, I'd soon realize why I left in the first place.

I think the mind, in an attempt to self-preserve, keeps good memories in order to make us happy. The brain doesn't want to remember your ex as a cunt, because those negative feelings could spill over into other facets of life.

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08-19-2014 07:28 AM
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JJ Roberts Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 07:07 AM)jariel Wrote:  If a chick left you or you left her, there was a reason for it.

Regardless of which side of the table you're on, there is probably some of level of blame that can be shared as to how you got there.

With that being said, all that matters is that you got there.

Disagree. What matters is how you got there. Most relationships fail because the framework being used to relate to each that is in operation by default (Sex 2.0) is toxic for relationships.

I have not used 2.0 for more than 12 years now. The result? I almost never break up with girlfriends and, as I don't do fenced (exclusive) relationships that's means you just end up with an increasing number of relationships running in parallel with total honesty and no cheating
(This post was last modified: 08-19-2014 07:49 AM by JJ Roberts.)
08-19-2014 07:43 AM
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jariel Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 07:43 AM)JJ Roberts Wrote:  Disagree. What matters is how you got there.

If you're leaving a person behind with the intention to never go back, then how you got to the place that led to you make that decision is entirely irrelevant because you're moving forward.

When people start analyzing, they start rationalizing, and rationalizing is what leads them to go back.
08-19-2014 07:54 AM
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Post: #7
RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
I've always been bad about going down the same road over and over and over....

Not only is it a plan full of pitfalls but it's shitty self-discipline too.

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To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
08-19-2014 08:02 AM
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jariel Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
The game is hard, and we all have self-doubts.

People don't want to look out into the world and say, "Damn, I gotta find someone else who will accept me."

But sometimes you have to save yourself.

You have to accept some short-term pain for long-term gain.

There's no long-term gain in continuing to remain with or going back to someone who you know is not the right person for your life.

I made a thread before about women popping back into your life:

http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-33180.html

These women have a lot of nerve. They've gone out into the world, they've shared their minds and bodies with other men, and then they've become nostalgic about you when their plans didn't work out. They completely ignore the fact that you've had a life since them, and they assume that just because "they're back" they're supposed to immediately regain some sort of position in your life.

You have to have more respect for yourself than that.
08-19-2014 08:08 AM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
^ I will say that it's usually me who left them, so it's a bit different than them deciding they don't want me and then popping back into my life.

But still a bad idea over all...

As you said, you usually split for a reason. Best to stick with that and not run yourself through the grinder all over again. The breakups seem to get a little worse each time too.

Go through that shit enough times and maintaining a friendship sometimes becomes a complete impossibility, no matter what you've been through together. Breeds real dysfunction.

Even keeping an ex around for booty calls is usually a horrible idea.

EDIT: I'm so bad about this that it's hilarious I've even posting this shit. Do as I say, not as I do, I suppose. Big Grin

Beyond All Seas

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To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
(This post was last modified: 08-19-2014 08:22 AM by Beyond Borders.)
08-19-2014 08:17 AM
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jariel Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 08:17 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  ^ I will say that it's usually me who left them, so it's a bit different than them deciding they don't want me and then popping back into my life.

Girls can be on either end of it, and still come back one day.

They figure maybe on some level you've missed them (if you left) or they try to convince you that they made a mistake and now they miss you (if they left).
08-19-2014 08:21 AM
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jariel Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 08:17 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  Go through that shit enough times and maintaining a friendship sometimes becomes a complete impossibility, no matter what you've been through together. Breeds real dysfunction.

Even keeping an ex around for booty calls is usually a horrible idea.

You're completely mind-fucking yourself and crippling your self-esteem when you do that.
08-19-2014 08:22 AM
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JJ Roberts Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 07:54 AM)jariel Wrote:  If you're leaving a person behind with the intention to never go back, then how you got to the place that led to you make that decision is entirely irrelevant

And what I am saying is that there is very little reason to ever break up with a girl unless she is abusive or bad for your life.

If you are doing multiple relationships in parallel then there is nothing "zero sum" about the relationship game.
08-19-2014 08:24 AM
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jariel Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 08:24 AM)JJ Roberts Wrote:  And what I am saying is that there is very little reason to ever break up with a girl unless she is abusive or bad for your life.

I'm not really seeing your point.

The topic of discussion is "don't go back to ex's", it's not about whether or not you should break it off.
(This post was last modified: 08-19-2014 08:56 AM by jariel.)
08-19-2014 08:56 AM
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MY DETROIT PLAYAS Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
Timely thread

My rule on ex's is one and done. They usually drift off into the sunset, and that's that. Find myself not even attracted due to the thought of her being back in the wilderness.

Couple days ago, I got a text from one of my closest friends saying he had saw his recent ex for the first time with the breakup. Even though he was one of the biggest players I know he had gotten caught up in this young chicks web of bs and lies so he was still missing her. Apparently, she was in the passenger with her new guy. Not only did she step out on him, she also broke it off. They had been having problems for a minute now, and from the outside I could see it was only a matter of time. Normally, he talks a good game about being one and done but this one had really integrated herself in his life (met the family and kids) so he was taking it really hard. Since I could see he was "leaning" in the direction of reaching out to her, I had to throw a bucket of ice water over his head to remind him that he was doing himself a disservice by even considering making that move. He knew he was thinking with his heart and not his head. We chopped it up some more and eventually he had to agree although it stung in the present, he would just have to boss up and move forward.

Two themes kept coming up:

A) Going back to an ex whether she cheated or not, just tells her that you are accepting of the behavior that caused the break-up to begin with.

B) After being with another guy, she's really damaged goods in terms from an LTR vantage point. Call me selfish, but that's my true view. In the other words, the girl is dead to me at that point. Too much reprogramming would have to be done, too much investment.

Meanwhile, you could be starting with something fresh with a new one.

MDP
(This post was last modified: 08-19-2014 09:06 AM by MY DETROIT PLAYAS.)
08-19-2014 09:04 AM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
I agree. I am not in contact with any of my exes and honestly don't care where the are. When there was a breakup, that was it. There was no "let's take a break". I cut it off permanently and never looked back.
08-19-2014 09:10 AM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
delete

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(This post was last modified: 08-19-2014 09:33 AM by redbeard.)
08-19-2014 09:31 AM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
After my first relationship came to an end, back in early high school, I kept banging her for about a year. That is when I started to see a change in myself and noticed what worked with women. She was attractive enough, but I didn't want to be with her, I started treating her terribly, only to see her wanting more and more, and I dictated when we could meet up and such. In essence, by banging my ex and moving on to other girls at the same time, I learned what could be with women and how to handle them. Quite unconventional, but for some reason, that was when I began to take the red pill.

Now, of course I would never return to an ex. The thought of it makes me cringe. Besides, I am always improving, every single girl has been a step up from the last, and I hope to continue that trend.

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08-19-2014 09:42 AM
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jariel Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 09:04 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  A) Going back to an ex whether she cheated or not, just tells her that you are accepting of the behavior that caused the break-up to begin with.

Throughout our interactions with women, there is a constant struggle for power, they don't want you to have it, and they don't want to succumb to the fact that you have it, so there's always games being played to try to get you to relinquish it.

When you allow women to fuck up, keep giving them chances, keep giving them sex, keep going to back to them, they derive power from that, and then they begin to believe that they can control you, because they believe there is something they have over you, e.g. good pussy, that keeps you around.

You should hold the power at all times.
08-19-2014 10:19 AM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 08:24 AM)JJ Roberts Wrote:  
(08-19-2014 07:54 AM)jariel Wrote:  If you're leaving a person behind with the intention to never go back, then how you got to the place that led to you make that decision is entirely irrelevant

And what I am saying is that there is very little reason to ever break up with a girl unless she is abusive or bad for your life.

If you are doing multiple relationships in parallel then there is nothing "zero sum" about the relationship game.

Don't know how old you are. Or the age of women you date. But at a certain point, ifyou are dating women in the 27-30 range it becomes a moral issue in whether you need to break up with a girl so that she can find a man that will give her children and stay to raise them, and you are not that man. If you like/love/care for these women and their happiness. I've "married off" two really good girls already and think it's about time to f send another one off. Of course if you're doing mltrs and they just fall off them it's not a problem.

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(This post was last modified: 08-19-2014 11:16 AM by Virtus.)
08-19-2014 11:14 AM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
My rule for Ex's is simple. "If they're an Ex, they are dead."

There is no parole, no pardons, nor take-backs. They are placed in the eternal caste of the untouchables. Anything having to do with them is completely purged. (Numbers, emails, photos, videos - all of them - etc.)

A year ago an ex called me. Nearly verbatim:

X - Hey Baph, it's Kelly.
B - Yes, right.
X - ...pause... It's been a little while. How are you?
B - Great.
X - ...pause... Uh, good.. I was just thinking about you and
B - You should stop doing that, Kathy, it's not getting you anywhere.
X - Kathy..? Kelly!
B - Like that's supposed to make a difference. CLICK.

NOTHING good comes from allowing Ex's back into your life. As it's been said, there's a REASON you're not together. It's easier with the devil you know, but the hell is just as bad.
08-19-2014 12:35 PM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
cut em off like a anchor stuck on a rock. Always.
08-19-2014 12:37 PM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
I see three things in this thread.

1. Support for a general rule (there are very few exceptions to the rule that you shouldn't try to get back together with your ex) which is a good general rule. Generally there are MAJOR reasons you shouldn't be with her or have her around. Major incompatibilities at minimum.

2. Belief that if a woman went and had another relationship (or a couple relationships) that she is just taking other dick and not worthwhile for anything. This I don't understand. Sure, if she went and slept around a ton and acted like a slut I could see you looking down on her, but just about every girl you sleep with has slept with someone before, so really, this attitude seems really insecure.

3. A lot of obvious emotional hurt bubbling through. When you look at exes, as others have said you have to take the rose colored glasses off and look at it in a logical/thoughtful way. In most cases there are serious reasons not to be with the girl again. If that's the case, great. Don't be angry that she's trying to get back with you, just tell her you're done and move forward. Ignore her if she continues.

I've got a couple friends who are exes. Sure, I don't really see them that often, but I have a good positive relationship for both of us when we do spend time together. Most exes fall under the general rule. If I treated these women like dirt just because they stopped dating me I wouldn't have the benefit of them in my life. Sure, not a huge benefit, but a benefit nonetheless.

I would date a couple of my exes again if they were willing, but the reason it doesn't happen is because they know that I won't be exclusive with them or have a real long term prospect with them.

One of the biggest reasons that I wouldn't normally date many of my exes is because the girls I date become younger relative to my age, so why would I want to date an older girl? I'd rather "marry them off" as calihunter said. I've had five exes who are married or close to married.

I'm against the grain in this regard since I mainly go for MLTR or LTR when I can find quality girl(s), so my advice/experience won't be tailored for a lot of guys here.

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08-19-2014 02:07 PM
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jariel Offline
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 02:07 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  Belief that if a woman went and had another relationship (or a couple relationships) that she is just taking other dick and not worthwhile for anything. This I don't understand. Sure, if she went and slept around a ton and acted like a slut I could see you looking down on her, but just about every girl you sleep with has slept with someone before, so really, this attitude seems really insecure.

So you think women sit by idly after your relationship is over, waiting for the moment to get back with you?

Come on, anybody who's legitimately a part of this community would never believe such foolishness.

The problem isn't that she went and had other relationships after you, it's the fact that goes off and does that, and then when those end, she comes back.

She comes back, AFTER they end.

Do you not comprehend that?
08-19-2014 02:27 PM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 02:27 PM)jariel Wrote:  So you think women sit by idly after your relationship is over, waiting for the moment to get back with you?

Come on, anybody who's legitimately a part of this community would never believe such foolishness.

The problem isn't that she went and had other relationships after you, it's the fact that goes off and does that, and then when those end, she comes back.

She comes back, AFTER they end.

Do you not comprehend that?

I understand that jariel and I think it's important to emphasize women's nature, definitely.

What I was trying to get at I think casio stated better:

(08-19-2014 07:22 AM)casio Wrote:  Move on: yup

But that doesn't mean there has to be hate or anything. I get along well with most of my ex's, and it never bothered me.

There's a lot of hatred towards women and I'm sure some of it is deserved, but it seems guys get really bitter/jaded when focusing on that just creates more bitterness and negativity. Not all women come back to a guy because they thought the grass was greener on the other side. Life is less formulaic than that.

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08-19-2014 02:56 PM
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RE: The Only Rule For Ex's
(08-19-2014 07:17 AM)Every10GivesMeA10 Wrote:  I love all my EX girlfriends.

Brianna
Nicole
Ashley
Melissa
Jessica
Wendy
Julia
Anne

You fuck strippers and career bankers? brave man.


To the thread. I avoid girls I've slept with if they're awkward, cannot stand a girl who makes it awkward because we fucked. Get over yourself!

If it was good I say hi.
08-19-2014 02:57 PM
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