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Having little interest in otheres - YMD - 12-25-2017 07:29 AM

Short ver.
Is it possible to make good friends when you have no/little interest in others?
Or, is there a way to get interested in others and eventually improve social life?

Long ver.
When I got my current job, I moved to a different city. Since then, I've been having a difficult time of making new friends.

I'm a foreigner living in Australia.
Although I speak English reasonably well (C1 level), I often find it difficult to maintain small talks and enjoy conversations.
The main reason is probably because I don't know much about their culture, even though I've been here for a long time.
More importantly, the reason why I don't know much about their culture is probably because I'm not really interested in their culture and don't genuinely enjoy it (such as watching Cricket, Aussie football or TV dramas made here).

In the famous book How to win friends and influence people, I think Dale Carnegie said something like "if you want other people to be interested in you, you should be interested in them first." I don't want to sound mean, but I can't be genuinely interested in others in my current social situations.

When I was going to university, I didn't have this sort of issue, since there were many people whom I shared my interest with.
Likewise, when I was in my country, making new friends was easier.

On one hand, I can focus on my software development project and self-improvement activity (such as weight lifting). Maybe I can appreciate this distraction-free environment.
On the other hand, I feel strongly isolated (or even depressed) every now and then.

Should I simply move to a different place, or is there anything else I can do to improve my social life?


RE: Having little interest in otheres - void - 12-25-2017 05:15 PM

join a club, try out new things, pick up hobbies


RE: Having little interest in otheres - pitt - 12-26-2017 03:49 AM

Australia is actually one place where it is easy to meet lots of people. Do you go out often? I was living there for 8 months this year and I think it was a place where people are interested in becoming friends with other people.

Go to bars, clubs, stay in hostels in bondi or kings cross during the weekends just to meet new people.


RE: Having little interest in otheres - rottenapple - 12-26-2017 08:20 AM

This thread actually made me reflect on why some people like myself are naturally curious and why others really don't care. I think it comes down to your basic preposition in life.

For instance I am curious because I want to learn a lot, if I know a lot, I will have greater understanding and doors will open for me. In the same style, if I know a lot of people, more doors will open and the chances that I meet the people that genuinely interest me are bigger. Knowing a lot and being able to relate also can make me more emphatic with others, this can for instance be used in gaming girls and getting sex.

So what do you want to get out of life? Do you want to have a lot of friends? Do you want to be successful? If not, why did you move there in the first place? You moved because of a job, which hints to financial reasons. Then see how you can link the actions you are having difficulty taking to achieving that what is your prime incentive, whether that is money, status, sex, knowledge.


RE: Having little interest in otheres - Hypno - 12-26-2017 11:21 AM

Yes some people have a greater pre-disposition to this, but it is also a skill that can be acquired or faked with practice.

Also, the better you are at getting others to open up about themselves, the more likely you are to find a common interest and the more likely they are to like you. Some helpful information here possibly: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/cold-reading-is-a-potent-seduction-tactic/


RE: Having little interest in otheres - MANic - 12-26-2017 01:41 PM

Whether there is any substantive interest on your side is irrelevant but you need to feign interest to forge friendship.

For instance you don't need to watch or enjoy cricket - just familiarise yourself with rules and key players and feign support and you'll be fine. Go to work and make small talk about how Steve Smith is dominating the ashes etc.

I do the same. It literally takes less than five minutes to keep up to date with such things. Apply such principles across the board and you'll be great. Consider this to be a worthwhile inconvenience.


RE: Having little interest in otheres - Teep - 12-26-2017 04:06 PM

Good thread. At least the OP is self-aware enough to know the root cause of his lack of friendships.

I think more needs to be written on male friendships and how to attain them. Just searching the forum, there's a ton of threads where guys are struggling with this. You can blame it on a variety of factors. A lack of male role models. Toxic hyper individualism. Transient populations.

Men these days view other men as competition to be squashed or queers to be avoided. It's unhealthy.

I'm much the same way as the OP. Most Americans either bore me or annoy me. I can put on an act of being charming and interested but the trouble is you have to maintain that act over the LONG TERM if you want to have meaningful friendships. That's not easy...

Lone wolfs generally radiate a "give no fucks" attitude. That's often lauded as a strength (and it is to an extent). But here's the trouble...if you give no fucks about anybody else...why should they give a fuck about you?


RE: Having little interest in otheres - Chiosboy90 - 12-26-2017 08:20 PM

I think its easier to bang girls (hell even finding a nice girlfriend) than to find a good male friend. I tried meetups and shit, but all men (literally all) on social apps like those, are sexually frustrated betas. They don't want to socialize. They just want to get the Facebook from Natalie on meetup to comment on her latest selfie: "You so hot babe".


Quote:if you want other people to be interested in you, you should be interested in them first." I don't want to sound mean, but I can't be genuinely interested in others in my current social situation

Same here.


RE: Having little interest in otheres - JackinMelbourne - 12-26-2017 10:06 PM

(12-25-2017 07:29 AM)YMD Wrote:  The main reason is probably because I don't know much about their culture, even though I've been here for a long time.
More importantly, the reason why I don't know much about their culture is probably because I'm not really interested in their culture and don't genuinely enjoy it (such as watching Cricket, Aussie football or TV dramas made here).

It's because when you really look into it, Aussies kind of lack culture.

And with the SJW brigade, corporations and government going into full attack mode, culture gets even more erased. You can't have everyone getting along with each other if they have an identity right?


RE: Having little interest in otheres - YMD - 12-27-2017 05:31 AM

Thank you all very much.

As @void suggested, I'll participate in a class from 2018.
I wouldn't go into details about what the class is about, but I might write about it if it works well.

I was relieved to know that some of you had similar issues (concerns?) as I do.

Quote:Lone wolfs generally radiate a "give no fucks" attitude. That's often lauded as a strength (and it is to an extent). But here's the trouble...if you give no fucks about anybody else...why should they give a fuck about you?

So spot on.
In the PUA-sphere, being aloof is sometimes seen as DHV.
But I don't think this is true.