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Are most married couples unhappy? - Zenta - 08-12-2019 11:13 PM

As I get more and more burned out from each random lay or from attempting to constantly keep plates spinning I keep turning back to serious monogamous relationships. My only real hiccup here is that I find that hard to fit into my plans of wanting to travel much more often in the near future(within the next couple of years) and I'm not sure if I want kids or not(I think life may be more fulfilling with them), but thats a whole separate discussion.

Oh and the fact that I feel like almost every married couple I know is either miserable or two closer friends I know that are married to women from SEA and appear to be happy are also quite blue pilled and live a more "yes dear" life and are eventually going to end up bring their families over. Sometimes I do envy their ignorance but its also sad at the same time. However I honestly expect their relationships to last as the women seem caring and appreciative towards them.

Any other couple I know have nothing but constant problems or are quite unfaithful. I feel like I watch more and more relationships unfold than come out successful these days. Red pill knowledge tells me to never get married because it is a losing game and that I don't disagree with, but its also unrealistic if you're trying to start a family with a women overseas unless you move to her place, and even then marriage there might be more convenient for citizenship.

I'm on the fence about marry in the US, it seems to be a zero sum game here. Not even for the financial risk but just the simple fact that everyone seems damn miserable. Curious to hear others opinions though and if my sample I'm looking at is just a miserable bunch.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - ladderff - 08-13-2019 08:01 AM

From my NE US metro axis vantage I would say that most married couples are either unhappy or contemptible. I was about to write that my close relations are generally in basically successful marriages while my colleagues were in generally shit ones but then I went over the ones I was going to offer as successful and decided about half of those fall into one of the above categories. The reasons for all these failures have been talked up at length on the forum and elsewhere but it still sucks to see men you otherwise respect in life either taking shit they don't deserve or taking shit they literally have no control over. (My cousin—he's had his act together since we were teenagers but his wife is a do-nothing whiner... anyway)

I'm engaged to be married. I'm not gonna make a fool of myself telling you guys how 'redpilled' she is. But my girl is open-minded (i.e. willing to grapple with my counter-cultural perspective), she hasn't done any of the usual self-destructive bullshit we see around us, and her instincts do run toward the practical. I know the risks I am taking and we have discussed them and hopefully if she has a five-year crisis or whatever she'll still understand that she and our children are much better off together.

I'm going ahead for two reasons. One, someone has to have children, and I'll be damned if it shouldn't be me. Two, I can't deny the positive effects of her presence, nor the credit she's earned for those. Not that I owed her a ring, but I do feel I owed her a decision.

I hope this little ditty helps frame your or another man's outlook in a positive way.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - perros - 08-13-2019 08:21 AM

Yes.

It gets boring after a while.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - John Dodds - 08-13-2019 08:27 AM

The first 3 years are great, but after she's popped 2 kids the sex gets strictly rationed and you go mad with frustration.
So yes, most married men are unhappy after a few years, unless they have a low sex drive, in which case they're fine.

Getting married to a girl from SEA is a bit different, as the sex isn't rationed, they just do it when you want.

I've tried marriage to a Brit Christian Virgin (30 years almost no sex), and a Thai bar girl (10 years+ as much sex as I want).
Thai marriage is much better, although not perfect, she was a 9 when I married her, and ate herself to a 6 in three years.

I don't feel marriage in the western world is worthwhile for a man any more.
The temptation to asset strip you is too strong, and too easy.
As a guy, it's not worth the 50% chance of ending up divorced, probably homeless with 15 more years of alimony and child support to pay.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - ilostabet - 08-13-2019 08:47 AM

the ones who set happiness as their life purpose are unhappy, the ones who don't are happy.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - perros - 08-13-2019 08:54 AM

(08-13-2019 08:47 AM)ilostabet Wrote:  the ones who set happiness as their life purpose are unhappy, the ones who don't are happy.

Agree


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - Meliorare93 - 08-13-2019 08:57 AM

Not married my self but in a LTR that's almost two decades old so that's probably the same. Yes you can be very unhappy when married/ltr'ed but that is your own doing...

I used to be very unhappy even depressed in my ltr until I encountered the married red pill sidebar on reddit and read the whole curriculum and implemented much of the learned knowledge.

I think that most couples (or maybe more men then women though) are unhappy because they no longer think about themselves. You have to be egocentric even egoistical from time to time. This for your own happiness. Your wife wont make you happy (in the long run) you have to make yourself happy.

(08-12-2019 11:13 PM)Zenta Wrote:  I'm not sure if I want kids or not(I think life may be more fulfilling with them), but thats a whole separate discussion.

I never wanted kids, I have a son now... Part of me still doesn't want kids but I can agree (even if this sounds paradoxical) that life is a lot more fulfilling when you have offspring! You'll have a lot less free time but what you get in return is priceless...

But you don't need to marry to have kids......... Wink I think not marrying keeps your wife on her toes...


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - Pazz - 08-13-2019 09:51 AM

I've seen a few married friends be legit depressed


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - PapayaTapper - 08-13-2019 10:22 AM

(08-13-2019 08:27 AM)John Dodds Wrote:  Thai marriage is much better, although not perfect, she was a 9 when I married her, and ate herself to a 6 in three years.

Laugh4

I dont mean to laugh at your plight, but as written that made me laugh

On a serious note. Do you think if she seriously thought you'd leave her or have affairs she'd be motivated enough to try again?


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - idolatry - 08-13-2019 12:43 PM

Your sexual satisfaction becomes sublimated into the love of your children, ideally.

For most players you'll have to keep looking for something on the side.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - griffinmill - 08-13-2019 01:29 PM

Single and lonely - or married and bored. Those are the two choices.

- Chris Rock


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - SilentOne - 08-13-2019 03:07 PM

(08-13-2019 01:29 PM)griffinmill Wrote:  Single and lonely - or married and bored. Those are the two choices.

- Chris Rock

Utter nonsense. Single and lonely only falls to women who aren't in a bonded relationship with men by 45 or no kids. They realize now that their next 40 years may be excruciatingly hollow. They have to work for the rest of their lives and almost no attention from men.

Men on the other hand at 40 can still provide their gender roles, resources and security. Plus if you aren't tied down by the family court or marriage, you can explore the world and still attract far more attention. Just stay in shape and have your money right.

And yes most married couples are unhappy. They are by far more depressed than a single man. Happy wife, happy life is such a big joke.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - Elmore - 08-13-2019 03:11 PM

You should seek marriage for companionship and raising a family not for something fleeting and self absorbed as happiness.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - Hombre de hielo - 08-13-2019 03:46 PM

Those who are having a good time together yes! Especially by the man, because he makes a point of the same woman because it is the most he could not in life!

Our polygamous nature and the self-serving nature of women prevent long-term 'happiness'!


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - griffinmill - 08-13-2019 04:14 PM

(08-13-2019 03:07 PM)SilentOne Wrote:  
(08-13-2019 01:29 PM)griffinmill Wrote:  Single and lonely - or married and bored. Those are the two choices.

- Chris Rock

Utter nonsense. Single and lonely only falls to women who aren't in a bonded relationship with men by 45 or no kids. They realize now that their next 40 years may be excruciatingly hollow. They have to work for the rest of their lives and almost no attention from men.

Men on the other hand at 40 can still provide their gender roles, resources and security. Plus if you aren't tied down by the family court or marriage, you can explore the world and still attract far more attention. Just stay in shape and have your money right.

And yes most married couples are unhappy. They are by far more depressed than a single man. Happy wife, happy life is such a big joke.

Oh come on. Nothing wrong with being lonely from time to time, no shame in it. I've been on vacation by myself and occasionally I wish I had someone there to share it with. It can be a bit depressing.

Then sometimes I do have someone there to share it with, and she's giving me the silent treatment for two days because I said something to her in the wrong tone and I can't wait to get rid of her.

Life.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - SilentOne - 08-13-2019 04:28 PM

The women use the trick of being lonely to get men into silly marriages. Dont fall for it. Don't marry anyone.

Being in solitude is fine. Being in a relationship with gender roles is fine too. Do what you like, just don't get married. It's nothing but a Disney fairy tale where the men becomes a slave and a shell of himself as time pass.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - Dilated - 08-13-2019 05:46 PM

American marriages are like a football team that has 2 QB’s. If you have 2 you don’t have any. Marital roles are no longer defined. The head of household has been extinguished.

Add a pinch of relational hostility propagated by current culture, a dash of female obesity, and a fistful of overly punitive divorce laws and you’re left with what amounts to a bad deal.

Married American couples are barely tolerating each other.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - John Dodds - 08-13-2019 06:24 PM

(08-13-2019 10:22 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  
(08-13-2019 08:27 AM)John Dodds Wrote:  Thai marriage is much better, although not perfect, she was a 9 when I married her, and ate herself to a 6 in three years.

I dont mean to laugh at your plight, but as written that made me laugh

On a serious note. Do you think if she seriously thought you'd leave her or have affairs she'd be motivated enough to try again?

She expects me to have other women, Buddhist marriage and culture don't place much (if any) importance on extramarital activity. It's considered a bit odd if you don't. Essentially where I live marriage is for raising children, sex is for entertainment.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - PapayaTapper - 08-13-2019 07:15 PM

(08-13-2019 06:24 PM)John Dodds Wrote:  
(08-13-2019 10:22 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  
(08-13-2019 08:27 AM)John Dodds Wrote:  Thai marriage is much better, although not perfect, she was a 9 when I married her, and ate herself to a 6 in three years.

I dont mean to laugh at your plight, but as written that made me laugh

On a serious note. Do you think if she seriously thought you'd leave her or have affairs she'd be motivated enough to try again?

She expects me to have other women, Buddhist marriage and culture don't place much (if any) importance on extramarital activity. It's considered a bit odd if you don't. Essentially where I live marriage is for raising children, sex is for entertainment.


Agree2
^Something to be said about having a "vehicle" for each purpose. I dont take my sports car to the Home Depot and I dont drive my truck when I go out to a nice restaurant.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - Swordfish1010 - 08-13-2019 07:17 PM

Yes.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - Kungfu - 08-13-2019 10:09 PM

Quick math...

Women hate beta providers.

Women can only marry beta providers.

Therefore they hate their husbands and both live a miserable marriage.

So yes to the question.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - king bast - 08-13-2019 10:20 PM

Are any of those with the canned anti-marriage answers actually married themselves? Ive been married for almost 10 years, and the answer to the question "are you happy" would not have been the same throughout that time, but right now the answer is absolutely yes.

In this political and spiritual climate, I cant imagine what would keep me going if not my family. Family has given men purpose from time immemorial, so if youre one of the "never getting married, never having kids" crowd, good luck to you all finding something else, but I'd advise you not to try to reinvent the wheel. Your nihilistic, defeatist attitudes will make your unhappiness a self-fulfilling prophecy.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - abt - 08-13-2019 10:23 PM

Most self-made billionaires are married, when they obviously don't have to be.

Elon Musk has said he likes marriage because he likes the idea of having someone sleep next to him.

So if the guy is rich, yes. Especially since he can afford a divorce.

If the guy is not rich, maybe / maybe not.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - SilentOne - 08-14-2019 12:20 AM

(08-13-2019 10:20 PM)king bast Wrote:  Are any of those with the canned anti-marriage answers actually married themselves? Ive been married for almost 10 years, and the answer to the question "are you happy" would not have been the same throughout that time, but right now the answer is absolutely yes.

In this political and spiritual climate, I cant imagine what would keep me going if not my family. Family has given men purpose from time immemorial, so if youre one of the "never getting married, never having kids" crowd, good luck to you all finding something else, but I'd advise you not to try to reinvent the wheel. Your nihilistic, defeatist attitudes will make your unhappiness a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The problem here is that you think you have to be married to have a family. You don't! If you want to have a family, just have one. There is absolutely no need to get into a risky marriage based on the hope strategy that it works out against the odds. There are no benefits to marriage in these current climates. If you live in states like California and married over 10 years, you're toast.

I know some of you guys are just stuck in your old ways. Understand we are in a new era. Women today are banking on you men falling in love with them. Trust me, while you think with your heart, you are a meal ticket to her. It's a reason why they are pushing for marriage far more than men do. Marriage is actually a benefit to women before, during, and even after the marriage ends. When it ends and it will, you're still paying for a broad you no longer even see.

And no I'm not married. Not now or ever under these ridiculous rules. There's so much hidden rules under that contract you don't even know about, you guys just sign it only using love and hope. The state wins, the women wins, you lose.


RE: Are most married couples unhappy? - wwtl - 08-14-2019 02:10 AM

SilentOne, marriage with no-fault divorce is a bad deal for men. But common law marriage is an even worse deal. Depending on the state you live in you might find a loophole here and there. But for many jurisdictions your advice is bollocks.

In many Western countries you can't have a family without marriage. Instead you get the divorce deal immediately when your child is born. You pay the mother and the child while being a bachelor legally with no rights to your own offspring. You don't even appear on the birth certificate. The "family" is mother + children then. You don't exist except as a bank account.

So having a child out of wedlock is the most stupid thing for a man to do. Why are you advising men to do this?