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My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - SnowHugger - 11-17-2019 11:52 AM

Wife (25) of 3 years brought up that she doesn't love me (26) anymore, that she's unhappy, feels old with me, and wants to take a break. To me...that means it's over. I'm obviously the one more attached to her at this point, and want to make it work, but it doesn't look like I can do anything to save this.

She said she was unhappy a while ago, and I had a feeling it was due to me becoming lazy in the relationship. Thought I was getting it back on track after that conversation.

She mentioned that she felt the same excitement that she used to feel for me for someone else at work. Said that she didn't think she would feel that way again. This conversation happened on the friday night (2am, she couldn't sleep) after she went out for drinks with the person from work. She came back at 8pm, I don't believe anything happened between them.

This is coming at a time when I got a really nice job offer that requires us to move to the US. Late October to early November, it seemed like she was coming, although she was a little hesitant to leave her job. But I guess the date coming closer and closer has her more on the edge.

I've told a couple of close friends about this. It still doesn't feel real. Not sure when I should tell my parents.

We want to split savings equally, without it getting messy. No assets besides money in the bank. We rent a place. No kids. Just a dog, and she asked me if I wanted to take her.

I was caught by a surprise with this, thought it was getting better, not sure what I should do about the situation.
Supposed to be moving in early January. Do we continue to live together until then or try to split ASAP?


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - Travesty - 11-17-2019 12:04 PM

The reality is for most women in modern times you have two options.

1. Get her pregnant right after marriage, hopefully multiple children.
2. If this she isn't up for this she probably isn't the best pick. If men want to play the game of getting married and not having children immediately you need to be the hot, attractive, social guy going out (out of the house) with her multiple times a week including events with friends to keep her occupied until you finally have kids.

Not having kids immediately after marriage and focusing only on work/finances and acting like a 55 year old with his kids out of the house is not a winning formula with most attractive young women nowadays.

The bad sign with her is it felt like she told you about losing interest, it doesn't sound like she put much work in to make it better by pushing for things to rekindle the relationship. It sounds like she expected you to figure everything out and fix it yourself without it being a team effort. That is not a good long term partner, neither is one going to late night drinks with someone she is attracted to while she is still married. I would end it and not repeat this relationship pattern in the future. She isn't a fighter when the cards are down against you.


RE: - SilentOne - 11-17-2019 12:14 PM

Sorry to say but she highly likely slept with this man already. At the very least, they made out... passionately.

Be very happy this happened while you were renting and not making your full money potential. Even sweeter there's no kids involved to be used as power moves by her.

I know it may not seem like it at this moment but you are very lucky. Count your lucky stars.

Too many guys are blind sighted by this thinking their wife is different and would never turn on them. They fail to realize it is not about how she is acting today, but the damages she is capable of doing in the future at any moment with the help of the lopsided court system. They see countless guys get hanged and assume it will never happen to them even though divorce rates are above 50%.

The lesson learned today is...

Divorce her immediately and don't ever get married again.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - nuevayork - 11-17-2019 12:15 PM

Has she made any effort to spice up the relationship or expecting it all from you? She got the hots for another guy and told you about it, if I was you I wouldn't want to rekindle it. Move on.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - SnowHugger - 11-17-2019 12:23 PM

(11-17-2019 12:04 PM)Travesty Wrote:  The reality is for most women in modern times you have two options.

1. Get her pregnant right after marriage, hopefully multiple children.
2. If this she isn't up for this she probably isn't the best pick. If men want to play the game of getting married and not having children immediately you need to be the hot, attractive, social guy going out (out of the house) with her multiple times a week including events with friends to keep her occupied until you finally have kids.

Not having kids immediately after marriage and focusing only on work/finances and acting like a 55 year old with his kids out of the house is not a winning formula with most attractive young women nowadays.

I'm definitely open to having kids, but I'm way too young and not ready for it. Thought we could wait it out.

(11-17-2019 12:04 PM)Travesty Wrote:  The bad sign with her is it felt like she told you about losing interest, it doesn't sound like she put much work in to make it better by pushing for things to rekindle the relationship. It sounds like she expected you to figure everything out and fix it yourself without it being a team effort. That is not a good long term partner, neither is one going to late night drinks with someone she is attracted to while she is still married. I would end it and not repeat this relationship pattern in the future. She isn't a fighter when the cards are down against you.


I agree, don't get the feeling that she was trying to rekindle it.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - Sensei Creation - 11-17-2019 03:03 PM

First and foremost I'm sorry you are going throigh this, I'm sure this is a painful time for you.

It's quite simple really.

You understand the reasons behind her interest levels dropping. You have correctly identified that you got comfortable and stopped gaming her. You probably know the exact areas in which her needs were not met.

Sit her down and explain to her that you've understood the reasons for the breakdown in the relationship and you willing to make it work.

At this point if she is steadfast in her descision - you need to let her go.

It is highly likely that she remains steadfast in her descision. This is because, as a woman, any romantic descision she makes is based on how she feels in that moment. She not thinking logically.

Right now, as a result of you getting comfortable, her interest levels are low. She most likely feels like her emotional needs have not been met for some time. So she is unlikely to show any interest in "rekindling" anything atm.

There are a few ways you can raise her interest levels.

1. Treat her like you used to in the beginning

You live together so this is something you can start implementing straight away. You know how to game her better than any of us here. Do it.

Be the fun guy you were before you got complacent. Tease her, make her laugh, take her somewhere or do an activity she's never done before etc etc Make her FEEL something.

And if you're still having sex. Fuck her lights out.

2. Demonstrate strength

Tell her that you want to work things out. But if she is headstrong on leaving, do not beg or plead. Move out, cut off all contact. Complete radio silence. She will eventually contact you. The bad news is it could take months and several rebound relationships before she eventually sees the light.

But most importantly, learn from this experience. Some posters have tried to dismiss your wife as a bad person or partner. She's not. Understand that her current behaviour is a direct result of you not gaming her. She can't help it, it's her nature she needs it, if you stop feeding this to her she will look for it elsewhere.

Women need to be gamed in perpetuity. You can't ever get comfortable around a woman you are dating. The courtship never ends. It's your job as the man to maintain her interest levels. If you don't realise this now, you will never have success in LTRs.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - Lika - 11-17-2019 03:22 PM

I don't see the point to get married at 23yo if you don't want children.

Get married at 30 or 40 with a woman much younger and have children right away.

Divorce this woman


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - SnowHugger - 11-17-2019 05:01 PM

I've explained, and she's steadfast in her decision.

I start the new job in January, so I'll be looking into places to live there now.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - WombRaider - 11-17-2019 05:16 PM

(11-17-2019 11:52 AM)SnowHugger Wrote:  She came back at 8pm, I don't believe anything happened between them.

There is a 1 billion percent chance she has had sex with him. She's monkey-branching, make no mistake.

Split now or in January, it doesn't make a difference in the long-term. The sooner the better, generally, but practicalities, leases, and finances will all come into play.

She's gone; accept that.

Also, she will be back later, when she finds out that the other guy is -- gasp -- not perfect either. Don't fall for it. Loyalty does not run strong in this one.


what you should do - SlickyBoy - 11-17-2019 05:24 PM

A lot of what's been suggested so far sounds a little too much like negotiating her desire - you just can't. It either exists or it does not. Based on what you've presented, there isn't a good way to spin this. The reality is by the time they tell you anything, they've already checked out of the marriage. She checked out the minute she got the feelz for Chad from marketing at her workplace. Sucks, but it's happening even more even with guys on top of their game every day, even more so with men married to women in the west who are still at peak fertility.

Side note - and you have to be honest with yourself - do you think she was promiscuous before you first met? Because if so, that means no matter how great you were, no matter how on top of things you might be, you're competing with every one of her boyfriends & sex partners she's ever had, something no man can do. It also explains why virginity was so prized in the old days (and still is, in spite of modern social conditioning).

If there were a silver lining, it's you being young with so little invested in the marriage means it won't be a financial death blow if (more like when) she talks to a divorce attorney.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - RIslander - 11-17-2019 05:26 PM

Walk away. If she is even hinting at having an affair shes already gone through with it. Most people can't lie without presenting the truth in alternate forms.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - SnowHugger - 11-17-2019 05:54 PM

It's hard to walk away. Definitely harder because we'll continue to live together for at least a month with all the logistics.

She's coming from a divorced family. I don't believe she was promiscuous before, she's told me she's only been with 2 other guys.

Mostly, I've just stopped gaming her.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - Polniy_Sostav - 11-17-2019 06:38 PM

I disagree with most comments here .
Tell her that it s a just a down period for her and that these things will go. Be firm and confident in the way you speak .
Don't beg or go on your knees but mention that you got married her for a reason . You said you are too young to have kids but making one kid now is exactly what would make the situation better . Just tell her ; we are moving to X for the new job ; we will raise a family and you want her to be part of it . See how she reacts . If she is receptive then forgive her "colleague" and this episode ( I don't think she had sex with him actually otherwise she wouldn't tell you this)

I feel sorry for you and hope our answers are helping to ease your pain .

Another possibility would be to call her father and talk in private with him for an "emergency meeting" one on one with him. He knows his daughter and they might fix it their way ; especially if they believe you are right man for her . Since you are married ; they must have had accepted you .

Use what you can to solve things. Relationships are made of ups and downs and even if this is a very big down - it s not irreversible yet .

Good luck and believe in yourself to fix things .she is young and she married you - she cannot not harbour romantic feelings for you. Women often change their mind and what she is actually going through is the result of too many thirsty men flirting with her . Not necessarily your fault


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - WombRaider - 11-17-2019 06:49 PM

(11-17-2019 05:26 PM)RIslander Wrote:  Walk away. If she is even hinting at having an affair shes already gone through with it. Most people can't lie without presenting the truth in alternate forms.

I learned this the hard way. Please heed this warning.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - SnowHugger - 11-17-2019 06:56 PM

I've never met her family in person, didn't have a chance to visit them in Ukraine. We always did video calls. They wouldn't have been able to make the wedding either.

They're kind of distant to me.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - Polniy_Sostav - 11-17-2019 07:13 PM

If she is Ukrainian but lives in Canada ...sorry but she might have been contaminated by the West .probably some idiot woman at work told her she deserves better than you or something that stupid .


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - RawGod - 11-17-2019 07:44 PM

I agree with a lot of what has been said re: it's done and she's already been unfaithful.

Marriage is for having children and 26/23 is not too young but high time. This goes against everything we have been taught and I'm not criticising the OP for thinking this. We've had three generations of socialisation the wrong way, and we have to relearn as a society.

You're young and have no kids, so cut your losses, get out now.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - WombRaider - 11-17-2019 08:19 PM

(11-17-2019 07:44 PM)RawGod Wrote:  You're young and have no kids, so cut your losses, get out now.

You have to do the same thing even if you're old and have kids, in the case of infidelity.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - RawGod - 11-17-2019 08:46 PM

Also, you have probably been gamed from the start for residency in Canada. Ukrainian women do it all the time.

Edit: a quick Google tells me that an immigrant spouse in Canada needs to stay in the marriage for at least two years after the PR visa comes through. How do the dates line up?


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - SnowHugger - 11-17-2019 09:55 PM

Dates are fine. We've been married for 3 years after. She can apply for passport now too. Maybe I have been gamed for this, the timing does line up too well. Sucks balls if that's why.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - SnowHugger - 11-17-2019 10:09 PM

I'm also not in agreement with 26 being a good age to have kids. I've just now landed a 120k career. It'll take me maybe 2-3 years to have enough savings for something solid foundation.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - MichaelWitcoff - 11-17-2019 10:48 PM

Sounds like she already made the decision. I’d go full no-contact once the papers are signed. No calls, no texts, no emails, ever again. And when she tries to get back with you later after she gets bored of the current new guy, giving you heartfelt speeches about how she made a mistake and was too young to know better - but now she’s learned the error of her ways - don’t let it get to you. Just ignore and NEXT or she’ll lose any remaining respect for you and, probably, do the same thing again the second time.

And before someone gets on my case about forgiveness, I don’t believe that such instances usually involve genuine remorse and a cessation of the behavior involved. Too many stories to the contrary, and sometimes forgiveness actually just enables further abuse. Discernment is important.


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - WombRaider - 11-17-2019 11:08 PM

(11-17-2019 10:48 PM)MichaelWitcoff Wrote:  Just ignore and NEXT or she’ll lose any remaining respect for you and, probably, do the same thing again the second time.

Make that "definitely."


RE: My wife doesn't love me anymore and I think we will get divorced. What should I do? - Roosh - 11-17-2019 11:10 PM

Is this a secular marriage or Christian marriage?


divorce dilemma - SlickyBoy - 11-17-2019 11:41 PM

(11-17-2019 10:09 PM)SnowHugger Wrote:  I'm also not in agreement with 26 being a good age to have kids. I've just now landed a 120k career. It'll take me maybe 2-3 years to have enough savings for something solid foundation.

Just for the record, I am not recommending you get a divorce, but the situation as described isn't favorable.

Regardless, if you got married to a different woman tomorrow, it's amazing that you're 26 and making $120k a year and still feel the need 2-3 years to have savings. When will it ever be the right time to have kids? Did you make any money from ages 18-25?

I'm not at all recommending you crank them out indiscriminately but no matter when you do it's going to be a hell of a lot of work, frustration and hopefully, joy. Just sad nowadays that a single mom can walk across the border with zero money and three kids in tow and get all the help they need. Conversely, a guy who makes what you do still has to plan his 1.5 kids with the precision of a diamond cutter and he can still get screwed.

On a related note, when most guys "plan" to have children, the planning has already been done for them. I think it says a lot that she didn't wind up pregnant in 3 years in spite of your need for a foundation. Did you consider she may have been assiduously avoiding a baby the whole time until the right monkey branch came her way?