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How to "date" as a Christian - Roosh - 02-14-2020 01:10 PM

Here's an excellent video which provides a template for Christian men to date with the intention to marry.





If you want more detail, I recommend these lectures: http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/frjosiah_holycross06.aspx


RE: How to date as a Christian - Cortés - 02-14-2020 05:09 PM

Great video, his advice can definitely apply to Catholics as well

One thing I'm trying to understand in the context of dating in the church is how much you should get to know her before you formally start dating her? How do you walk the line between making your intentions of a serious relationship clear and not coming on too strong?

Its still relatively recent that ive become more involved in the church, and I'm still trying to leave behind learned habits from casual dating. Especially with balancing being aloof and showing interest.

Is the right approach just making small talk with various people in the community, and after some time if a single woman sticks out to you, then you start asking for blessings from family, priest, etc?


RE: How to date as a Christian - Kid Twist - 02-14-2020 09:38 PM

I think around 4:20 is really good advice, don't start "dating" until you are "ready to do business." Towards 5:15 is also good in his pointing out that marriage is really a managed thing that is public and communal, if right done and understood --- so "get permission before you start". I think the further the culture got individualized and less "arranged" marriages became, the worse off everyone got on average. Of course, the longshot "soulmate" foolishness only served to hurt all those who thought everything was possible, or at least women with pie in the sky notions that only were attempts of satisfying hindbrain hypergamy.

Fr. Josiah is always worth listening to, and considering.


RE: How to date as a Christian - Roosh - 02-14-2020 10:10 PM

(02-14-2020 05:09 PM)Cortés Wrote:  Great video, his advice can definitely apply to Catholics as well

One thing I'm trying to understand in the context of dating in the church is how much you should get to know her before you formally start dating her? How do you walk the line between making your intentions of a serious relationship clear and not coming on too strong?

Its still relatively recent that ive become more involved in the church, and I'm still trying to leave behind learned habits from casual dating. Especially with balancing being aloof and showing interest.

Is the right approach just making small talk with various people in the community, and after some time if a single woman sticks out to you, then you start asking for blessings from family, priest, etc?

A problem is you often won't know much about a new girl you just met. That makes it difficult to get the proper blessings from the beginning when you don't even know if you really want to court her. You may still need more information about her personality, background, faith, etc.

One potential option is to add a brief friendship period before beginning an official courtship. You tell a girl that you would like to be friends with her, and if you believe there is a match, you will ask her to enter a courtship. This friendship period can be short, maybe 1-3 months. You can meet once a week over tea. If it's not a match, you amicably go separate ways. If it's a match, you then receive the proper blessings to begin courtship. I have tried this on one girl, and we didn't make it out of the friendship stage, but it ended without any drama or heartache.


RE: How to date as a Christian - SantoDom - 02-15-2020 01:35 AM

I thought dating was originally a homosexual activity?


RE: How to date as a Christian - MichaelWitcoff - 02-15-2020 04:33 AM

About a dozen Orthodox friends were at his event yesterday, sounds like a good time but without too much matchmaking success from the initial reports. Just remember to be discerning, fellas. Behavior is always more important than words when it comes to whether someone truly lives the way they say they do (and Father Josiah would be the first to point that out).


RE: How to date as a Christian - open source - 02-15-2020 01:44 PM

Prager U video recommended in the talk






RE: How to date as a Christian - Roosh - 02-15-2020 02:03 PM

(02-15-2020 01:35 AM)SantoDom Wrote:  I thought dating was originally a homosexual activity?

For those who are secular, it helps to use their terms to start building understanding. Courtship is what Father Josiah really speaks off and what this really is.


RE: How to "date" as a Christian - Bright_Sun - 02-15-2020 03:29 PM

Delete


RE: How to "date" as a Christian - Salinger - 02-25-2020 09:09 AM

"Have quality conversations..."

With today's women???


RE: How to "date" as a Christian - Magnus Stout - 03-01-2020 11:16 AM

While I’m happily married, here are my thoughts as to what worked for me: 1) avoid dating apps (this is becoming common knowledge for secular guys). The frame of dating apps (what can he do for me) is inverse to healthy marriage. This is also a curse to women because the majority hold unrealistic expectations (all want 6ft tall men with six figure incomes, etc...). Thus, real world interactions are key to avoid the ridiculous filters women use in dating apps.

With point 1 in mind (real > virtual), point 2 is to avoid traditional “hookup” venues (bars, clubs, etc...). Again, you want the future mother of your children not be connected to those activities. Bonus: you’ll helpfully filter 99% of female mental cases—narcissism and BPD.

Point 3 is to focus on hobbies, volunteering & activities to expand your social circle. This invokes the “old school” way of matchmaking: that people seeing you do good and productive things will be interested if you have a significant other. Such referrals (i.e. filtering) can help finding a quality mate.

Point 4 is to avoid “false positives.” Assuming you’re healthy & take care of yourself, you should find yourself getting a fair amount of female attention. The lack of masculinity is very apparent with female-lead households and popular press pushing men to wear dresses, etc... sorry, it’s all lies: women want to follow a strong man. So, you MUST be discriminating. Read Proverbs. Then read it again and ask: how many times does it warn you of women?

Point 4a is to realize that the “Red Pill” was created in reaction to trauma—that the system requires sacrifice of men without the honor or privilege of the previous system. Perhaps the deeper wisdom is to realize that the Bible is the “reddest of Red Pills.” Simply put: the essence of human nature is Adam and Eve—that we have God-given roles (God > Man > Woman > Child) and temptations: that of Eve’s itch to deny God and rule men (feminism) and Adam’s itch to be lead by women and to deny God.

So, point 4 is the most difficult: avoiding the wrong kinds of women because they can ruin your life. Couple of basic rules: 1) she must have good health (reasonable body weight and no mental health—no bipolar, BPD or NPD), 2) be willing to submit, and 3) be a virgin or close to it (no more than 2 partners). I did not say she must be a Christian because you can bring her to the faith with your strong frame (but being a Christian is helpful).

So, I feel for younger men—it’s a wasteland in many areas (even a secular guy like Goldmund says as much). Pray and follow the spirit. If you fornicate with her, your feelings will overpower clear thinking. Every challenge is an opportunity to show Grace.