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Leading cause of death for Australian men 15-44 is suicide
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Rorogue Offline

Posts: 807
Joined: Feb 2018
Post: #34
RE: Leading cause of death for Australian men 15-44 is suicide
(06-16-2019 04:33 AM)Rorogue Wrote:  I return back to Melbourne (well I now live just outside Melbourne) tomorrow after a 17 day trip in Bali and Bangkok.. Fuck I needed that. Was a deeply angry man in the few months/couple of years before. The culture was eating me up inside.

Walking 2km down Sukhumvit in BK I encounter more life and culture than in 6 months in Melbourne.

It wasn't even about women. It was about people LIVING. Doing their job and being grateful for what they have.

I plan on living the spiritual life and focussing on my work.

I have been writing a diary of sorts on my trip. In the spirit of what we've been talking on this thread, I'd like to share my entry from tonight:

It's the 17th night. I've just flown from Bangkok back to Denpasar, and I'm leaving for Melbourne at noon tomorrow. I've come to the end of my trip, and I feel emptiness. Not in a bad way. Emptiness in the Buddhist sense.

I'm having a cigarette on my balcony at 10.30pm- I'd only slept 2 hours the night before, so have just woken from a 5 hour nap. I have a slight headache and, looking out over the pool, a flicker of a thought comes across my mind- how stupid an idea it would be if I were to jump.*

I've seen people living blissfully on 1/100th of the money that I have. I'd heard the story of the old woman who made breakfast for the guests every morning at my Bangkok Comfort Inn- that she slept on the street outside the hotel every night.

My mind has been rotten my entire adult life- seeing the things that I don't have, not appreciating the oceans of what has been given to me.

My heart had been filled with lust for the past 12 years- wanting womankind to give me every bit of the wholeness that I had denied myself.

But, even so, I don't feel shame over this. Shame is what I have lived in my whole life as well- the yin to the lust's yan.

The feelings I've had about my life have completely impacted it. When I had riches, I'd focused on where I was limited.

When I had the love or admiration of a woman, I'd focused on the two billion that, at that moment, didnt feel the same way.

I have been surrounded by gold my entire life- yet saw myself as a pauper. After years- and years of telling myself this, it had started to come true.

*I had described in an entry after the first night of the trip (a night of excess and lust that left me feeling emptiness), how I looked over the pool while having a cigarette, and a flicker of a thought had come across my mind to jump.
(This post was last modified: 06-16-2019 11:19 AM by Rorogue.)
06-16-2019 10:36 AM
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RE: Leading cause of death for Australian men 15-44 is suicide - Rorogue - 06-16-2019 10:36 AM

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