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Being married is sapping my desire for life
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tremont Offline

Posts: 29
Joined: Dec 2016
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Being married is sapping my desire for life
Hi everyone,

I am married to a beautiful latina. I've been with her for about 3 years. We've had a lot of ups and downs. The last year was a big crisis in the relationship (I posted a old thread on it) but now we've been working through that and things are getting better. We do not have children yet (probably would in 1 year), though I have from a previous marriage. Physically she is a perfect match for me, and I prefer latinas to other types of women.

Several months ago we had a bad falling out. She left me alone for over a month and I decided to go into "fuck this shit" mode and started cheating. The whole time she was away I did nothing but work and go out and game other women every chance I got. I was angry and frustrated, but I also realize now I needed to do this to recover my masculine energy after a long time in depressed beta mode. She came back eventually, and immediately discovered all the message history on my phone with all these girls. Naturally we had some really rough short term fights but somehow in the end it resulted in her being fully resolved in committing to being with me. She's started loving me again like she did early in the marriage.

The reason for telling the above story is that I now have a very clear and recent memory of both "single life" and "married life".

My core problem is that I don't know how to be happy in a marriage / LTR. Since things have gotten better between us, I'm falling back slowly but surely into the pattern that caused all these problems to begin with.

I'm bored as hell and it's sapping me of all desire to do anything. I get anxiety thinking about upcoming weekends, because it means I have to figure out some activity to do with my wife. I don't like watching movies all the time. I don't enjoy taking her to bars and clubs because I don't see any purpose in going to those places if I'm not trying to game girls. I don't really know what to do with her. She's not at all irritating or bad personality. On the contrast she's very sweet and caring woman. Despite that, many times it feels like work. She always wants me to spend more time with her and I'd almost always rather be doing other things.

I'm losing my excitement for life. When she was gone and I was gaming girls, every morning I was up and motivated for the day. Now I don't want to wake up in the morning. Before I was alert and had more energy, despite staying out late a few nights a week in night life. Now I get 8 hours of sleep a night and most days I feel slow and sleepy. I was going to the gym regularly. Now getting myself motivated to shuffle my other commitments and make time to go to the gym is a constant struggle.

The most striking thing was that when she left and I was going out, I just felt great. Not all the time, I had a lot of pain when I would think about her or dwell on problems and pain of our relationship history. But when I was outside living my life I felt 100% myself and alive. Now I don't feel this anymore. I'm falling back into this pattern of sleep walking through life.

The only time right now when I get taste of the greatness is this dance class I do once a week. I've been adamant that she doesn't go with me for this class. I get to practice dance which I enjoy and flirt a bit. It's the only part of my weekly routine which makes me feel really happy for a few hours. The rest of the week is a dull slog.

Despite her beauty, I almost always think about other women when I fuck her. I'm on the precipice of starting to cheat again because I don't know any other way out of this rut.

I'm hungry for some adventure and passion in life. Just going out doing mundane activities with my wife doesn't cut it. I want to meet new people. I want to become a better man and build real life experiences. I want to have stories to tell when I'm old. While I am very successful at work and enjoy my job, it has never been a real source of fulfillment like it is with many people. I don't know how to do these things dragging a wife along with me.

I don't know if all this is because I haven't met the right woman, or if it's something about me. I'm inclined to think it's the latter. In terms of quality she's pretty high up there and while I can certainly get another one, I have doubts that anyone else would be much better after the novelty fades. I am pretty certain I could marry another woman, and in 2-3 years I'll be back into this behavior pattern again.

A lot of men would dream to have what I have. That's why I feel like something must be wrong with me to be like this. It's as if I need to be chasing and romancing new beautiful women (and getting all the thrills involved) in order to feel alive, and that seems wrong.

The end result of all this is I am just not enjoying my life and I feel really lost. I keep thinking maybe I'm just very immature and I should hold on to build a family. That being said, I'm in my 30's and I don't want to turn 40 and look back and regret that I wasted all my youth by not being afraid to take ownership of my life. I have to do something about this now.

Have any of you guys had a similar experience? I could really use some help.

Thank you
02-09-2020 06:17 PM
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Being married is sapping my desire for life - tremont - 02-09-2020 06:17 PM

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