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Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
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Paracelsus Offline
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Post: #266
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
A guy suspects that his wife is cheating on him, and he wants to know whether his wife's whether she is or not, but he can't afford CCTV cameras or that stuff. A friend then mentions that there's a very intelligent parrot that's for sale at the local pet store which might be able to help.

The guy's a bit skeptical that he'd be able to afford a parrot if he can't afford CCTV gear, but he goes down to the pet store. Sure enough, there's the parrot on the perch, but to the man's surprise it doesn't have any legs. It's sitting there taped to the perch.

He asks the owner of the store about this. "Yeah," says the owner of the store, "that's why I have to sell him so cheap. But he's otherwise completely healthy, he doesn't mind being up there or nothing. He's a very bright bird, too, doesn't just repeat things, you ask him a question and he'll answer it, and he doesn't forget what he sees. Go on, ask him something."
The guy feels a bit self-conscious, but walks up to the parrot and asks "What colour jeans am I wearing?"
"BLUE JEANS, BLUE JEANS," squawks the parrot.
"Wow," says the man. "Okay, ah, how many people came in the store today?"
"TWENTY-TWO, TWENTY-TWO," squawks the parrot.
The store owner nods. "You're the 22nd guy who came in today."

The guy is elated and hands over his money and takes the parrot home. His wife coos and fawns over the parrot, so all seems to be going well. The guy leaves the parrot on its perch in the lounge room of the house when he goes to work the next day, leaving the wife at home.

When he gets home that night, the guy waits until his wife's out of the house for a while, and then goes up to the parrot. "All right, parrot, so tell me, what happened this morning?"
"MAILMAN CAME, MAILMAN CAME," squawks the parrot.
The guy's face darkens. "Then what happened?"
"MAILMAN LEFT, MAILMAN LEFT," squawks the parrot.
"So it's not the mailman," says the guy. "All right, what happened next?"
"MILKMAN CAME, MILKMAN CAME," squawks the parrot.
The guy frowns again. "And then what happened?"
"MILKMAN LEFT, MILKMAN LEFT," squawks the parrot.
The guy shakes his head. "All right, all right. Then what happened?"
The parrot squawks, "SALESMAN CAME, SALESMAN CAME."
The guy is getting a bit frustrated. "And?"
"CAME IN HOUSE, CAME IN HOUSE," squawks the parrot.
"...then what?"
"WALKED IN HERE, WALKED IN HERE," squawks the parrot.
"And then what?"
"TOOK OFF CLOTHES, TOOK OFF CLOTHES," squawks the parrot.
The guy feels his heart rate rising. "And then what? What about my wife?"
"WIFE TOOK OFF CLOTHES, WIFE TOOK OFF CLOTHES," squawks the parrot.
"Then what happened?" shouts the guy. He's sweating, wringing his hands. "Tell me what happened next, you stupid fucking bird!"
"GOT A CHUBBY, FELL OFF PERCH."

Remissas, discite, vivet.
God save us from people who mean well. -storm
11-29-2017 10:46 PM
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RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes - Paracelsus - 11-29-2017 10:46 PM

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