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Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
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pheonix500000 Offline

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Post: #270
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
From Tokyo Joe

(05-21-2015 02:01 PM)Tokyo Joe Wrote:  Gents: I'm bumping this hoary thread to share my own amputee story.

This is some fifteen years ago in the States, at a time when I did a bit of online gaming on one of the dating sites that was big then. One day I matched with a 21-year-old stunner. From the pics, easily an 8 if not a 9 -- smooth pink skin, long auburn hair, bright green eyes, bursting (strangely muscular) rack. And surprisingly, she had quite a decent personality. We set up a date to chill out at a bar I knew with good live music, but the only hitch was that I had to pick her up at her place: On this point she was insistent.

Saturday night rolls around and I drive over, knock at the door. Her father -- a rather imposing figure with a military bearing -- answers and lets me in.

"Wait here. I'll go upstairs and get Jennifer."

A minute later the father comes walking down the stairs carrying his daughter in his arms. Fuuuuuck! She has *no legs.* I'd find out later that she lost them both in a childhood accident.

Half tempted to turn and just walk out, I somehow maintained my composure and decided right then to do the decent human thing. Dad hands her over to me, I carry her out to the car, and go ahead with the date just as planned. We actually had a damn good time once I got used to the whole situation! But -- from the beginning I decided I wasn't going to go for the bang. It was just too damn weird to get my mind around: Fucking a chick with no legs?

The night wears on and it's time to go. I carry her back out to the car, buckle her in to the passenger seat, and set out for her house. A few miles out from her town, on a quiet unlit stretch of rural road, she suddenly breaks the silence: "Please stop. Stop right here."

I pull the car onto the shoulder of the road. Puzzled, I turn to face her.

"I want you to fuck me," she says flatly.

Stammering, I try to reply but she cuts me off. "Look, I don't get out much. And you're a great guy. I really would like you to fuck me now. Please."

From my face she must have read the confusion about exactly the best way to go about this. She pointed to an oak tree beside the car. At a height just a bit higher than my shoulders, a thick branch extended out from the trunk, parallel to the ground. Whoa, this just might work, I thought...

And indeed it did! She grasped the branch with both her arms (which were very muscular) and dangled there; I stood straight and it was perfect a match for insertion. I grabbed her hips and swung her back and forth, in and out, ... It was actually wild. Unfortunately I couldn't finish in her mouth, but I pulled out and shot a huge wad into the dirt at the base of the tree.

We cleaned up and I drove her the rest of the way home. Her father was waiting. When I handed her over in the living room, he said, "Wait here."

Oh shit... does he suspect something? This man could tear my scrawny body limb from limb. The two sides of the fight/flight instinct perfectly cancelled each other out and I froze, while he carried his daughter upstairs to her room and then returned.

"Thanks for bringing her home," he says.

"Whaaa, waa, well of cour..," I'm just stammering. I can't get the words out to express my mind: What the hell do you mean? Naturally I'd bring her home!

He interjects: "Most guys just leave her hanging from the tree."

Nothing, and I mean nothing beats youth. Youth is irreplaceable, you cannot buy it, you cannot fake it, you cannot replace it.
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2017 03:52 PM by pheonix500000.)
12-11-2017 03:52 PM
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RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes - pheonix500000 - 12-11-2017 03:52 PM

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