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funny things to say to people
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ibaguesucks305 Offline
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Post: #1
funny things to say to people
i just got my first job as a bus boy and im having trouble fitting in/ making friends.

when i was in middle school, i was seen as one of the funniest kids in school. i was constantly making people laugh, and i really enjoyed doing it. every night before school, i would think of a handfull of funny shit to say to my friends the next day at school, and they always thought my jokes were funny.

now a days i find a lot harder to be funny, or even be the slightest bit outgoing. i think of this being a result of how shitty the last few years of my life have been, but thit is neither nor there. i made this thread so that hopefully you guys can tell me a few one liners that you use to make people laugh, or funny conversation topics that usually lead to jokes. for example; when i was younger i would ask someone if they liked stand up comedy, or who their favorite comedian was, then i would recite jokes of my favorite comedians.
02-14-2012 05:38 PM
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Blackhawk Offline
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Post: #2
RE: funny things to say to people
Don't be an entertainer. The reality is, people never remember what you say the next day. Trying to be the funniest, the wittiest, or the most entertaining in a group just makes you come off as an annoying try-hard.

You need to relax, be easy, and listen. People love it when you listen to them. Nod, watch them as they move their hands about gestating, ask the occasional question about whatever stupid shit they're saying. They eat up having you pay attention to them.

If you're having trouble making friends, pick up: http://www.thepopularclub.com
You subscribe for one month, download everything, then end your subscription. Easy.

Bussing is hard work. You have a lot of time by yourself at your station to think while doing pretty hot, physical work and using the pressure spray to get things off. You get messy. Stuff gets in your clothes. You'll connect well with the other employees. You'll find it very difficult to connect with customers.

You need to leverage your station with the other employees. You own the plates, glasses and flatware. Act like it. For instance, it absolutely sucks when you get glass and ceramic chips grinding in the pump. You have to immediately disassemble the washer to get all that crap out before it destroys the pump. Give people crap if they start slamming down plates or glasses in ways that could lead to chips or otherwise disfigure your plates. Tell waitress they're going to crappy tips if you have to serve customers on chipped, cracked, worn looking plates. Winge loudly about how hard it is to get things like baked cheese off a plate, complain to the cook they're wasting food, no one can eat that, it just comes back to you uneaten still glued to the plate. Yell at the cooks if they throw things at you to wash instead of laying them for you. I had one cook that threw knives at my station from 15 feet away. I politely said if she did that again I'd heave up my garbage can and pour it across her grill she'd just spent 45 minutes disassembling and cleaning. She behaved after that.

Remember, in a food fight, you are Armageddon. No one wants to get in a food fight with you.

When you're getting low on a plate type, tell the waitresses so they can steer orders away from that dish until you can fix it. And tell the manager so he can order more of that plate style so you can serve more.

Biggest health no-no: Bartenders who scoop ice with glass. Invariably they'll chip edges and leave glass shards in the ice, which is also clear so no one can find it, and serve customers glass shard drinks the rest of the night that will cut people up. Go ballistic on any bartender that does this. Tell them they don't deserve your glasses and how they're going to send customers to the hospital with a hole in their intestines. Tell them no one tips a bartender when they cut their lip. Insist they use the metal ice scoop to load ice into drinks. Give them the "I'm watching you" sign language if they even remotely seem the type that would cut corners like that (not in front of customers, of course), Any time you get a chipped bar glass, set it aside in the back room and give them hell next time they come in back.

Always go home to shower and wash your hair before you go to any afters parties with your co-worker --they'll always be surprised how well you clean up.

Social circle to meet girls of your co-workers. Once that pool is dried up, change jobs and meet a whole different set.

"Alpha children wear grey. They work much harder than we do, because they're so frightfully clever. I'm awfully glad I'm a Beta, because I don't work so hard. And then we are much better than the Gammas and Deltas. Gammas are stupid. They all wear green, and Delta children wear khaki. Oh no, I don't want to play with Delta children. And Epsilons are still worse. They're too stupid to be able to read or write. Besides they wear black, which is such a beastly color. I'm so glad I'm a Beta."
--Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
(This post was last modified: 02-14-2012 06:52 PM by Blackhawk.)
02-14-2012 06:51 PM
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Chad Daring Offline
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Post: #3
RE: funny things to say to people
Speaking from experience in the restaurant field, start at the bottom. Fuck the servers, they're all drama queens and alcoholics anyways. Make friends with the porters, dishwashers and prep cooks. These guys are in there every day, they're shit kickers, like you.

Chef In Jeans
A culinary website for men
02-14-2012 07:04 PM
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Smitty Offline
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Post: #4
RE: funny things to say to people
(02-14-2012 05:38 PM)ibaguesucks305 Wrote:  i just got my first job as a bus boy and im having trouble fitting in/ making friends.

when i was in middle school, i was seen as one of the funniest kids in school. i was constantly making people laugh, and i really enjoyed doing it. every night before school, i would think of a handfull of funny shit to say to my friends the next day at school, and they always thought my jokes were funny.

now a days i find a lot harder to be funny, or even be the slightest bit outgoing. i think of this being a result of how shitty the last few years of my life have been, but thit is neither nor there. i made this thread so that hopefully you guys can tell me a few one liners that you use to make people laugh, or funny conversation topics that usually lead to jokes. for example; when i was younger i would ask someone if they liked stand up comedy, or who their favorite comedian was, then i would recite jokes of my favorite comedians.

You're looking at this wrong, bro. You shouldn't be looking for canned one-liners you can spit out at the right moment to try and be funny. That's for middle school. You don't want people to think you're a jokester because they'll never take you seriously. Humor is ok, but exude it in a more casual manner. Always be cool. Learn to relax and just soak up your environment. The harder you try, the harder you'll fail. Be confident, but don't overdo it when poking fun at people. No one likes to be the butt of a joke.
I'd focus more on being cool than being a comedian, but it's your thread. Good luck.
02-14-2012 07:07 PM
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ibaguesucks305 Offline
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Posts: 75
Joined: Apr 2011
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Post: #5
RE: funny things to say to people
(02-14-2012 06:51 PM)Blackhawk Wrote:  Don't be an entertainer. The reality is, people never remember what you say the next day. Trying to be the funniest, the wittiest, or the most entertaining in a group just makes you come off as an annoying try-hard.

You need to relax, be easy, and listen. People love it when you listen to them. Nod, watch them as they move their hands about gestating, ask the occasional question about whatever stupid shit they're saying. They eat up having you pay attention to them.

If you're having trouble making friends, pick up: http://www.thepopularclub.com
You subscribe for one month, download everything, then end your subscription. Easy.

Bussing is hard work. You have a lot of time by yourself at your station to think while doing pretty hot, physical work and using the pressure spray to get things off. You get messy. Stuff gets in your clothes. You'll connect well with the other employees. You'll find it very difficult to connect with customers.

You need to leverage your station with the other employees. You own the plates, glasses and flatware. Act like it. For instance, it absolutely sucks when you get glass and ceramic chips grinding in the pump. You have to immediately disassemble the washer to get all that crap out before it destroys the pump. Give people crap if they start slamming down plates or glasses in ways that could lead to chips or otherwise disfigure your plates. Tell waitress they're going to crappy tips if you have to serve customers on chipped, cracked, worn looking plates. Winge loudly about how hard it is to get things like baked cheese off a plate, complain to the cook they're wasting food, no one can eat that, it just comes back to you uneaten still glued to the plate. Yell at the cooks if they throw things at you to wash instead of laying them for you. I had one cook that threw knives at my station from 15 feet away. I politely said if she did that again I'd heave up my garbage can and pour it across her grill she'd just spent 45 minutes disassembling and cleaning. She behaved after that.

Remember, in a food fight, you are Armageddon. No one wants to get in a food fight with you.

When you're getting low on a plate type, tell the waitresses so they can steer orders away from that dish until you can fix it. And tell the manager so he can order more of that plate style so you can serve more.

Biggest health no-no: Bartenders who scoop ice with glass. Invariably they'll chip edges and leave glass shards in the ice, which is also clear so no one can find it, and serve customers glass shard drinks the rest of the night that will cut people up. Go ballistic on any bartender that does this. Tell them they don't deserve your glasses and how they're going to send customers to the hospital with a hole in their intestines. Tell them no one tips a bartender when they cut their lip. Insist they use the metal ice scoop to load ice into drinks. Give them the "I'm watching you" sign language if they even remotely seem the type that would cut corners like that (not in front of customers, of course), Any time you get a chipped bar glass, set it aside in the back room and give them hell next time they come in back.

Always go home to shower and wash your hair before you go to any afters parties with your co-worker --they'll always be surprised how well you clean up.

Social circle to meet girls of your co-workers. Once that pool is dried up, change jobs and meet a whole different set.

youre write about how i should just be calm and cool, and not worry about being funny, but i have preatty bad anxiety, and it becomes hard for me to act like im not stressing sometimes.

the place i work at is kind of a big place, so they have like 2 dish washers so all i do is drop them off at the sink. but i think i know what youre getting at; i should talk to people at work about how they can be more afficient or less of a retard.

anyways thanks for the advice, im gona to check out that website.
02-15-2012 12:24 AM
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