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An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
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NoBalls Offline
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Post: #1
An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
Background
Question - "Where are your friends?"

Since I've been going out solo for years, I have come across this question a lot. The odd thing is that you can go for periods of time never being asked and then periods of time when you are asked often.

Theory 1 - Feedback
When I am in a flow and charismatic, it seems like I'm rarely asked this question. When I am in my head and socially awkward, I'm asked the question a lot. It sometimes seems like a girl will ask, "where are your friends" to get rid of me. My conclusion is that being asked this question a lot indicates that there is something wrong with the way you are coming across.

Theory 2 - Shit Test
If you have a good vibe yet in a bar alone I think a girl might ask you this question because consciously she wonders why you have to go to the bar alone. If you deal with the question in an effective manner then you should be able to turn this question into an advantage.

Purpose
Like many of my postings, I am not asking for advice, I'm just trying to start a discussion about an interesting topic. As always, I'm sure some people jump in without reading the whole posting and give some silly out of context advice. I'm really just looking for what other people's thoughts are on this topic regarding what is going on in the man/woman dynamic.
01-30-2013 02:10 PM
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germanico Offline
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Post: #2
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
Fact 1: Everytime a woman you just met ask you about your logistics (ie: where do you live, who are you with, do you live by yourself, etc) she is thinking about having sex with you.

This doesnt means that she will, just that she is considering the possibility and is analysing the logistical challenges she would have if she did.

If you live far away, would you drive her back or would she need to take a cab?

If you are there with friends, who is driving and who is taking whom?

What kind of people do you hang out with? If you hang out with losers, you probably are too and thus are probably bad or inexperienced in bed.

And you thought she was trying to get rid of you.

Just tell her (if you are there by yourself) "I like to come here by myself" or "Oh, they had to get up early and left a while ago". Keep it simple, dont complicate something that doesnt needs to be complicated. Thats where most guys lose the girl.
01-30-2013 02:48 PM
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Gemini Offline
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RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
@NoBalls: just to recap, you think when a girl asks this question it is either a) Shit Test or b) Feedback from her losing interest

and @germanico you think it is c) an IOI

From my experience, I would say it is usually a shit test or a negative sign when asked this question. If the convo is going really well and you have captured her attention, you would usually not be asked this question. This is my experience. I've never been asked this question when I ended up closing a girl the same night successfully.

I've been asked this question when a girl kinda wants to end the convo.

My two cents.
01-30-2013 04:09 PM
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XXL Offline
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RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
There's nothing to analyze really. Most of the time it's just normal question with no hidden meaning. A formality like a handshake. If she likes you she wants to see who are you with there. OTOH if she doesn't like you then it's a fake challenge to fuck with you.
01-30-2013 04:39 PM
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LaPastillaRoja Offline
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RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
Depending on how good the girls sense of humour is, I've used this one many times and gotten a lot of laughs, but it only works when you're abroad/a foreigner. You can say 'They all got deported I'm the only one who got away'
01-31-2013 09:19 AM
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reino341 Offline
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RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
Girls don't usually get approached by confident guys who are obviously not that drunk, so I think it's only natural for them to be interested if you have company and if they're as cool as you. They might also see you as a player and start wondering if this guy is here just to pick up chicks since he's here talking to you alone.

Just yesterday I had this, one of the two girls I had been chatting with ask me who I'm here with or if I'm alone, can't remember which but either way doesn't matter, and I tell them I'm alone. The other cracks up and the other goes like "OMG who goes to bar alone a girl would never do that." Shortly I get playfully accused of just being here to get laid. I've got so used to the question and the possible responses that it's very easy to shrug it off. Works as a DHV when you don't react to it emotionally.
01-31-2013 10:53 AM
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HotLava Offline
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Post: #7
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
I usually say "My friends are chilling at home tonight. I just wanted to get out of my apartment. Do you ever go to bars by yourself? No? You should try it sometime."

At this point you've thrown it back to her and implied that she's too scared to go out by herself and that you have the balls to roll solo.
02-01-2013 10:45 AM
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NoBalls Offline
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Post: #8
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
I found that usually when asked this question it means that I have sucked in the interaction so far so there is really nothing to lose. I've followed the frame she set by asking this question many times and that never helps.

There is an old saying that a politician answers the question he wishes he was asked, not the question he was actually asked. I'm thinking the following may be good ways to turn the question to your advantage.

Girl: Where are your friends?
Guy: I'm looking for a cute girl who is cool. Do you know how to party?

Or

Girl: Where are your friends?
Guy: I like meeting new people who are not shallow. What are you up to tonight?

Or

Girl: Where are your friends?
Guy: I really like the music in this bar. What kind of music do you like?

Or

Girl: Where are your friends?
Guy: Do you give good blow jobs?
02-01-2013 02:32 PM
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Gemini Offline
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Post: #9
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
(02-01-2013 02:32 PM)NoBalls Wrote:  Girl: Where are your friends?
Guy: Do you give good blow jobs?

Biggrin LOL
A nice way to dodge the question!
02-01-2013 08:50 PM
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wonderman Offline
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Post: #10
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
I was thinking about the best strategy when it comes to girls asking me why I travel alone (and they almost always ask). Found this old thread. Not sure whether there is a newer one?

However, I like this thread but I am not satisfied enough by the answers so far. I guess we can all agree that being witty and self-confident about traveling alone is helpful, but, in case you don't have a "good answer" (e.g. business travel), what arguments can you bring that make them feel ok or even "wow"?

I'm thinking about going so far to create a website that is somewhow related to my trips. But what type of website? A site that lists potential books you've written about your trips? A travel blog?

I know I could just say "here for business reasons" (which is not true) but then they continue asking "what company for and what do you do?" and I wouldn't be more inventive than thinking about my real job and trying to explain that I monitor data traffic remotely. This answer somehow doesn't satisfy me.

In my opinion, the answer does matter. Yes, ideally the girls never ask, but most often they do ask (at least that's what I experienced on my trips), and mostly, they are a bit sceptical when they hear my standard answer "I just like to travel alone".

So what's your suggestion? I don't wanna say "I have a friend here" because I want to avoid further questions like "who is he", "where did you meet", "what have you done", "why don't you sleep at his place" etc..

Hm.. hope you have a good idea..
12-28-2018 06:16 PM
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The Catalyst Offline
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Post: #11
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
(12-28-2018 06:16 PM)wonderman Wrote:  However, I like this thread but I am not satisfied enough by the answers so far. I guess we can all agree that being witty and self-confident about traveling alone is helpful, but, in case you don't have a "good answer" (e.g. business travel), what arguments can you bring that make them feel ok or even "wow"?

If you are in somewhere like Aus/NZ, I expect you will never make them feel ok. Simply because it's just too standard to be in big groups, everyone is too insecure to not be in one and can't fathom not thinking that way(that is, if you're not in a group, you're obviously a failure, because you obviously feel the insecurity yet don't group up anyway).

If you are somewhere where the girls are relatively psychologically normal, why not tell the truth? Say you prefer to travel alone(because you're introverted/value privacy/like to minimise drama?).
12-28-2018 06:22 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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Post: #12
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
"no one can keep up with me"
12-28-2018 07:05 PM
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wonderman Offline
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RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
(12-28-2018 06:22 PM)The Catalyst Wrote:  If you are in somewhere like Aus/NZ, I expect you will never make them feel ok. Simply because it's just too standard to be in big groups, everyone is too insecure to not be in one and can't fathom not thinking that way(that is, if you're not in a group, you're obviously a failure, because you obviously feel the insecurity yet don't group up anyway).

Interesting answer, thanks. Although I don't think it's mainly insecurity but most people probably just prefer being with someboy (I prefer being alone/traveling alone).

(12-28-2018 06:22 PM)The Catalyst Wrote:  If you are somewhere where the girls are relatively psychologically normal, why not tell the truth? Say you prefer to travel alone(because you're introverted/value privacy/like to minimise drama?).

Haha, "relatively psychologically normal", I have the feeling there is more truth in these words than the world may bear Wink.

Forgot to mention that in my previous post (then again it's clear to you anyway) but telling the truth by the way isn't really a problem with women from a certain age. But the younger girls... the problem is with the younger girls (like up to 25). It sometimes feels like they are on autopilot. If only I could say xy and this would lead to "ok... next topic". Telling the truth would be "I'm here alone because I think I can bang more girls than if I was here with a friend. By the way, I invested multiple hours in preparing for these vacations, again, to have bigger chances to bang. Ah and why I haven't done a lot of sightseeing so far? Because I was on tinder the whole morning, I asked about 200 girls on a date, and 5 girls are ready today. So I set up a date with all those 5 girls because 4 of them will find an excuse not to show up in the last minute anyway. Ah and I am actually not here because I like the city or the people but the weather is better than at home. Of course I'd prefer new york or london or whatever, but I don't have that much money, so I've chosen this city. Of course I would have had enough money to go to new york for a week only but staying here for 2 weeks for the same money enhances my chances to bang. And it's all about to bang, right? I mean, you know that I won't see you again after I banged you? I hope you won't have a problem that I am not that good in bed and unfortunately, my little thing has average size at best. Haha. Should say that once in my life :-D

(and yes, I know what you meant with "telling the truth", definitely not the story I came up with.. haha)

Have a great day Smile
12-29-2018 02:43 AM
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The Catalyst Offline
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Post: #14
RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
(12-29-2018 02:43 AM)wonderman Wrote:  
(12-28-2018 06:22 PM)The Catalyst Wrote:  If you are in somewhere like Aus/NZ, I expect you will never make them feel ok. Simply because it's just too standard to be in big groups, everyone is too insecure to not be in one and can't fathom not thinking that way(that is, if you're not in a group, you're obviously a failure, because you obviously feel the insecurity yet don't group up anyway).

Interesting answer, thanks. Although I don't think it's mainly insecurity but most people probably just prefer being with someboy (I prefer being alone/traveling alone).

I can assure you that is not the reason.

Introversion is a spectrum, and if you are on the far end you much prefer doing things by yourself, and might like small groups/pairs, vs big groups. At some point it becomes almost a default option to do things yourself. Introversion is generally pegged at 30% of the pop.

There is no way that introversion is <1% in Aus/NZ

(12-29-2018 02:43 AM)wonderman Wrote:  Forgot to mention that in my previous post (then again it's clear to you anyway) but telling the truth by the way isn't really a problem with women from a certain age. But the younger girls... the problem is with the younger girls (like up to 25). It sometimes feels like they are on autopilot. If only I could say xy and this would lead to "ok... next topic". Telling the truth would be "I'm here alone because I think I can bang more girls than if I was here with a friend. By the way, I invested multiple hours in preparing for these vacations, again, to have bigger chances to bang. Ah and why I haven't done a lot of sightseeing so far? Because I was on tinder the whole morning, I asked about 200 girls on a date, and 5 girls are ready today. So I set up a date with all those 5 girls because 4 of them will find an excuse not to show up in the last minute anyway. Ah and I am actually not here because I like the city or the people but the weather is better than at home. Of course I'd prefer new york or london or whatever, but I don't have that much money, so I've chosen this city. Of course I would have had enough money to go to new york for a week only but staying here for 2 weeks for the same money enhances my chances to bang. And it's all about to bang, right? I mean, you know that I won't see you again after I banged you? I hope you won't have a problem that I am not that good in bed and unfortunately, my little thing has average size at best. Haha. Should say that once in my life :-D

In this instance I'd be a bit more tactful with the truth. Honestly it's a bit triggering for me to not say what I really think which ends up with me lying less than other people. Maybe it's something I need to work on but since I don't care about impressing people the things I say are relatively vanilla. I would probably say something like sometimes friends get in the way of what I really want to do as an introvert. Which is still the truth but you don't make her see how the sausage is made.

Re: travel I would probably still tell the truth here. Say you wanted to go to New York but you're not a baller, so you're coming to city X which is like New York-lite. Now some psychologically damaged people ahem Kiwis will still get insecure/triggered(which why many tourists here say retarded shit like "NZ is so beautiful!" and "Kiwis are so friendly!") but for the most part normal people would be understanding since you're not going out of your way to be cunty yet you're being straight up and transparent. Not sure that's the best game/teasy thing to say.

I'm not a big teaser naturally since, ironically I don't give a fuck what girls think, thus I just am straight up. Oh well.
(This post was last modified: 12-29-2018 03:13 AM by The Catalyst.)
12-29-2018 03:08 AM
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Al O'Peesha Offline
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RE: An analysis of the question - "Where are your friends?"
"Where are your friends?"
(Scratches head, looks confused)
"Errr... Planet Earth... (or) Somewhere like that".

Interesting dynamics here. Historically there has been a stigma about women going into bars alone for obvious reasons.

Blackdragon talks about Gender Myopia on his blog - the idea that men do things that turn them on when trying to impress women (e.g. sending naked pictures) and women do things that turn them on when trying to impress men (e.g. acting 'strong').
See, for example, http://blackdragonblog.com/2013/11/21/si...r-myopia/.

Quote:She thinks “tough and independent” are qualities that attract men to women. Do they? How many single men do you know who are fantasizing about getting a “tough and independent” girlfriend or wife?

Does this behaviour seep into women's assessment of men's behaviour in other areas ("See that guy over there? He's on his own so he only wants to get laid!")?

Men are not creepy. Do you know what’s creepy? Spiders, because we don’t know how they move.
(This post was last modified: 12-29-2018 11:18 AM by Al O'Peesha.)
12-29-2018 11:08 AM
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