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The Crazy Work Stories Thread
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Dr. Howard Away
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Post: #26
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
(07-16-2013 03:41 PM)scotian Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 03:16 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 01:15 PM)renotime Wrote:  I take it you are a land surveyor, wiscanada?

I did building survey for 2 years, not nearly as fun.

something like a land surveyor, the company did pretty much anything natural resources related. I don't know if it was fun but it was character building. I've never complained about working in an air conditioned office after that.

Wiscanada, your bush stories are pretty crazy, I've done some work in remote areas but we're not usually too far from a camp, looks like you've been way farther out from civilization. I personally don't like being too far out in the bush because my survival skills aren't so great and I'm not too keen on getting chased by wild animals, although I've seen tons of black bears and the odd wild cat.

One almost crazy story I have was when I was called to do a quick job "just down the road" from the camp I was working at, I didn't get the best directions and ended up driving past the turn I was supposed to take. It was dark and late October so the weather in northern Alberta was cold, it also started raining heavily and the dirt road became very muddy, after about 15 kms from the last light (sign of civilization) I saw, I decided to turn around. I ended up getting bogged down in the mud in the work truck, so I got out and the mud was up to my ankles, I put it in 4WD but kept spinning, fuck! I then grabbed a bunch of branches off some trees and put them under the tires for traction but still couldn't move. It was past 10PM and my cell phone didn't have service, I started panicking a bit because I knew it would take a few hours to get somewhere with service and I wasn't dressed properly for a long walk. Anyway, I kept fucking with the truck and putting down lots of branches and after about 20 minutes finally got the truck unstuck, then eventually found the site I was supposed to go to.

Working in the bush definitely isn't for everyone and it can be really dangerous, I can't imagine how the guys did it way back in the day before cell phones, radios, etc.

its terrifying when you're way out and something goes wrong like getting stuck, a part on a truck breaks, someone gets injured etc. However, there is also no bigger feeling of relief when you finally solve it and are back on your way again. All it takes is one of those and you turn into the guy who obsessively checks over the truck, radios, weather forecast and safety equipment before you leave for a job.

Also, Alberta is ridiculous with all of those clay roads up north that turn into mud pits like mention when it rains

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
07-16-2013 04:35 PM
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scotian Offline
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Post: #27
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
(07-16-2013 04:35 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 03:41 PM)scotian Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 03:16 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 01:15 PM)renotime Wrote:  I take it you are a land surveyor, wiscanada?

I did building survey for 2 years, not nearly as fun.

something like a land surveyor, the company did pretty much anything natural resources related. I don't know if it was fun but it was character building. I've never complained about working in an air conditioned office after that.

Wiscanada, your bush stories are pretty crazy, I've done some work in remote areas but we're not usually too far from a camp, looks like you've been way farther out from civilization. I personally don't like being too far out in the bush because my survival skills aren't so great and I'm not too keen on getting chased by wild animals, although I've seen tons of black bears and the odd wild cat.

One almost crazy story I have was when I was called to do a quick job "just down the road" from the camp I was working at, I didn't get the best directions and ended up driving past the turn I was supposed to take. It was dark and late October so the weather in northern Alberta was cold, it also started raining heavily and the dirt road became very muddy, after about 15 kms from the last light (sign of civilization) I saw, I decided to turn around. I ended up getting bogged down in the mud in the work truck, so I got out and the mud was up to my ankles, I put it in 4WD but kept spinning, fuck! I then grabbed a bunch of branches off some trees and put them under the tires for traction but still couldn't move. It was past 10PM and my cell phone didn't have service, I started panicking a bit because I knew it would take a few hours to get somewhere with service and I wasn't dressed properly for a long walk. Anyway, I kept fucking with the truck and putting down lots of branches and after about 20 minutes finally got the truck unstuck, then eventually found the site I was supposed to go to.

Working in the bush definitely isn't for everyone and it can be really dangerous, I can't imagine how the guys did it way back in the day before cell phones, radios, etc.

its terrifying when you're way out and something goes wrong like getting stuck, a part on a truck breaks, someone gets injured etc. However, there is also no bigger feeling of relief when you finally solve it and are back on your way again. All it takes is one of those and you turn into the guy who obsessively checks over the truck, radios, weather forecast and safety equipment before you leave for a job.

Also, Alberta is ridiculous with all of those clay roads up north that turn into mud pits like mention when it rains

I almost forgot about an even scarier time I had driving a truck, but what you wrote above in bold reminded me because now I always do a walk around. I was driving back from work on a dirt road and a truck pulled up beside me and the passenger waved at me to pull over, so I did, I was expecting my back door to be open or something but it was much more serious. The guy runs up to me and says "buddy your rear right wheel is damn near falling off!" Sure enough, I checked it out and and all but two or three lugs nuts had sheared themselves off and there was a bunch of metal filings all over the wheel, had I kept driving, especially on the highway, I could have been killed. I called my boss to come get me and he had the truck towed, it was a close call.

Don’t sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
07-16-2013 05:05 PM
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Dr. Howard Away
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Post: #28
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
(07-16-2013 05:05 PM)scotian Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 04:35 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 03:41 PM)scotian Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 03:16 PM)wiscanada Wrote:  
(07-16-2013 01:15 PM)renotime Wrote:  I take it you are a land surveyor, wiscanada?

I did building survey for 2 years, not nearly as fun.

something like a land surveyor, the company did pretty much anything natural resources related. I don't know if it was fun but it was character building. I've never complained about working in an air conditioned office after that.

Wiscanada, your bush stories are pretty crazy, I've done some work in remote areas but we're not usually too far from a camp, looks like you've been way farther out from civilization. I personally don't like being too far out in the bush because my survival skills aren't so great and I'm not too keen on getting chased by wild animals, although I've seen tons of black bears and the odd wild cat.

One almost crazy story I have was when I was called to do a quick job "just down the road" from the camp I was working at, I didn't get the best directions and ended up driving past the turn I was supposed to take. It was dark and late October so the weather in northern Alberta was cold, it also started raining heavily and the dirt road became very muddy, after about 15 kms from the last light (sign of civilization) I saw, I decided to turn around. I ended up getting bogged down in the mud in the work truck, so I got out and the mud was up to my ankles, I put it in 4WD but kept spinning, fuck! I then grabbed a bunch of branches off some trees and put them under the tires for traction but still couldn't move. It was past 10PM and my cell phone didn't have service, I started panicking a bit because I knew it would take a few hours to get somewhere with service and I wasn't dressed properly for a long walk. Anyway, I kept fucking with the truck and putting down lots of branches and after about 20 minutes finally got the truck unstuck, then eventually found the site I was supposed to go to.

Working in the bush definitely isn't for everyone and it can be really dangerous, I can't imagine how the guys did it way back in the day before cell phones, radios, etc.

its terrifying when you're way out and something goes wrong like getting stuck, a part on a truck breaks, someone gets injured etc. However, there is also no bigger feeling of relief when you finally solve it and are back on your way again. All it takes is one of those and you turn into the guy who obsessively checks over the truck, radios, weather forecast and safety equipment before you leave for a job.

Also, Alberta is ridiculous with all of those clay roads up north that turn into mud pits like mention when it rains

I almost forgot about an even scarier time I had driving a truck, but what you wrote above in bold reminded me because now I always do a walk around. I was driving back from work on a dirt road and a truck pulled up beside me and the passenger waved at me to pull over, so I did, I was expecting my back door to be open or something but it was much more serious. The guy runs up to me and says "buddy your rear right wheel is damn near falling off!" Sure enough, I checked it out and and all but two or three lugs nuts had sheared themselves off and there was a bunch of metal filings all over the wheel, had I kept driving, especially on the highway, I could have been killed. I called my boss to come get me and he had the truck towed, it was a close call.

yep, that was a good catch. when the wheels come off on trucks the drop to the ground is that much farther than a car. We had one where the mechanic forgot to tighten the lug nuts and the wheel came off on the highway while the truck box was full of pesticides. The wheel came off but then got jammed up into the wheel well so it didn't drop down onto the rotor and everything stayed in the truck.

Another guy was driving a truck down and icy hill at a railway crossing, calls up to the shop and says "I'm going to be late to my next job, I got hit by a train" He couldn't stop in time on the ice before the crossing so he gunned it and did a dukes of hazard over the crossing. The train sheared off the rear bumper as he crossed. Any closer and he would have been dead because if the train clipped the box of the truck it would have rotated cab the truck into the side of the train as it passed. The railway cops were just as amazed as everyone else. He just drove the truck back to the shop and cut the rest of the bumper off with a torch and continued on to the job site.

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
07-16-2013 06:48 PM
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Post: #29
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
One of the more fucked up stories when I was working at the party hotel in South Beach...

It was either Ultra or WMC and the place was packed. We had a rooftop bar 6 stories up. Some guy was making it rain from the rooftop to the lower patio pool area. A kid that was rolling his balls off jumped into the pool to retrieve some of te money. When he hit the water his body went into shock and he started having seizures. His bro was right there watching everything happen and I had to assume he was rolling too. He kept yelling, "someone help him someone help him!" While the paramedics were trying to revive him. The police ended up tazing the brother. Turns out the kid ended up passing away. Miami Beach P.D. Are fucked up. Taze a man that's watching his bro die, great idea.
07-16-2013 06:54 PM
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Dr. Howard Away
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Post: #30
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
(07-16-2013 06:54 PM)InternationPlayboy Wrote:  One of the more fucked up stories when I was working at the party hotel in South Beach...

It was either Ultra or WMC and the place was packed. We had a rooftop bar 6 stories up. Some guy was making it rain from the rooftop to the lower patio pool area. A kid that was rolling his balls off jumped into the pool to retrieve some of te money. When he hit the water his body went into shock and he started having seizures. His bro was right there watching everything happen and I had to assume he was rolling too. He kept yelling, "someone help him someone help him!" While the paramedics were trying to revive him. The police ended up tazing the brother. Turns out the kid ended up passing away. Miami Beach P.D. Are fucked up. Taze a man that's watching his bro die, great idea.

I'm always curious about how long after this kind of thing happens that the 'go' switch is turned back on and the party continues

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
07-16-2013 07:12 PM
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Post: #31
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
Another GITMO Bay story. I really fucked up my back again somehow so I'll be sharing a bunch of stories.


Guantanamo Bay - the famous naval base and prison. GITMO is divided into two sides, Windward where all the housing is, stores, prisons, and the majority of the people stationed there live and work. Then there's Leeward side. Leeward is the boonies. There's a prison camp for Cuban Asylum Seekers, a barracks for the Marines who unfortunately have to guard that side of the island, a small convenience store, and the airport. In order to cross sides you have to take a ferry or swim across the bay.

Over the fence line and undeveloped land of Leeward there's a series of observation posts, abandoned bunkers, an interconnected series of underground tunnels, and empty artillery magazine batteries dug into the earth. Defensive battlements erected for an invasion that never happened. There's also an unmanned observation tower where a Marine shot himself on post. The blood stain is still on the wall and ceiling. Rumor has it that it won't come off no matter how hard you scrub.

My buddies and I when we weren't on post would check out some of the tunnels and bunkers built. Very strange places. Empty water bottles, discarded clothing, food trash all over the place in the tunnels. Was it left by previous Marines? Cubans that managed to navigate the mine fields and successful find a way to cross over? Who knows. It's an urban exploration gold mine few ever get to see.

There's a bunch of stories about GITMO Bay of the paranormal sort. Stories involving workers digging out space in the hills and ground for the bunkers, tunnels, and magazines the workers would experience strange and disconcerting phenomena. Equipment malfunctioning or starting up on its own. Multiple UFO sightings, screams heard from the tunnels at night despite all the workers being accounted for. Search parties going down to where the screams were heard and finding nothing, stuff like that.


GITMO Bay is a very unwelcoming and sinister place. There's just a certain 'residue' coating the place, especially on leeward side that just gives you the feeling of it not being 'right'. All the prison camps and torturing of detainees probably isn't helping the atmosphere. It's a shame, it's a beautiful place until you've been there a while.
07-16-2013 08:48 PM
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Post: #32
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
About 1AM I'm rolling northbound through Lake Forest, IL with the throttle in 8 (wide open) and making 60MPH. Just north of town a guy steps out of the woods and proceeds to walk out on the track, turns away from me, and bends over.

At 60 per it's gonna take me about a mile at best to stop and this guy is about 100 feet in front of me, so I don't even spike the brakes as I have hazmat in the train. The front coupler bangs shut as it as we mow this guy. His body goes under the locomotives and balls up, essentially breaking every bone in his body while not dismembering him. There was actually more blood on the leading end of the second locomotive than the front one as his bodily fluids were expelled as the corpse rolled under the engines.

I'd estimate the guy was about 6' and at least 260. Pretty big dude but after being rolled under the engines he would have fit into a 3'x2' box according to another engineer that came by the uncovered body a couple hours later.

The story going around the yard office after this was that I had hit a naked guy as there was not a stitch of clothing on his corpse laying between the rails.

He was fully clothed when I hit him.

The crew that relieved us, I was fine to take the train on but the company wouldn't let me, later told me there were bloody fingerprints on the paperwork. My conductor was a real neanderthal that never wore gloves. As there was blood all over the handrails he got it all over his hands getting on and off the engine.

After I climbed off I threw my gloves in the ditch as they were obviously liberally coated.

I can still smell the sweet smell of death to this day.

Not being morbid, but it is a sweet smell in the air when you obliterate a human.

Cows and horses just smell like shit.

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07-17-2013 09:23 AM
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Post: #33
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
Damn. Has that happened many times?

My friend told me he was in the front carriage of a passenger train that hit someone once and there was an insane amount of blood as if the guy had just exploded.

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07-17-2013 09:47 AM
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Dr. Howard Away
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Post: #34
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
(07-17-2013 09:23 AM)Hotwheels Wrote:  About 1AM I'm rolling northbound through Lake Forest, IL with the throttle in 8 (wide open) and making 60MPH. Just north of town a guy steps out of the woods and proceeds to walk out on the track, turns away from me, and bends over.

At 60 per it's gonna take me about a mile at best to stop and this guy is about 100 feet in front of me, so I don't even spike the brakes as I have hazmat in the train. The front coupler bangs shut as it as we mow this guy. His body goes under the locomotives and balls up, essentially breaking every bone in his body while not dismembering him. There was actually more blood on the leading end of the second locomotive than the front one as his bodily fluids were expelled as the corpse rolled under the engines.

I'd estimate the guy was about 6' and at least 260. Pretty big dude but after being rolled under the engines he would have fit into a 3'x2' box according to another engineer that came by the uncovered body a couple hours later.

The story going around the yard office after this was that I had hit a naked guy as there was not a stitch of clothing on his corpse laying between the rails.

He was fully clothed when I hit him.

The crew that relieved us, I was fine to take the train on but the company wouldn't let me, later told me there were bloody fingerprints on the paperwork. My conductor was a real neanderthal that never wore gloves. As there was blood all over the handrails he got it all over his hands getting on and off the engine.

After I climbed off I threw my gloves in the ditch as they were obviously liberally coated.

I can still smell the sweet smell of death to this day.

Not being morbid, but it is a sweet smell in the air when you obliterate a human.

Cows and horses just smell like shit.

Its aggravating when people make that choice of "well I'm going to die" and don't think about the people it could affect, like traumatizing engineers or if you did hit the brakes and dumped the hazmat. Up north people got into this habit of stepping into the path of log trucks at night as a way to go. Most of the drivers that hit them quit and there was a rumor about one guy later killing himself.

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
07-17-2013 10:06 AM
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Post: #35
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
I guess I'm a cold blooded fucker as it didn't bother me at all.

I look at it logically. The guy wanted to off himself and used the train to do it. Just a face in the crowd to me. There is nothing I could have done to change it so why get worried about it?

Actually told the cop that took my statement "I wish the guy would have let me know earlier he wanted to end it. I would have handed him a gun as all he did was ruin a good trip home."

That got quite a look of shock.

Had a conductor get killed when the car he was riding derailed and landed on him.

That did bother me a bit.

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07-17-2013 10:30 AM
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Post: #36
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
Quote: guess I'm a cold blooded fucker as it didn't bother me at all.

Typical upper peninsula mentality. Nothing to see here keep it movin'
07-17-2013 10:37 AM
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RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
A guy I worked with told me about a guy that parked the company truck on train tracks, because he couldn't find anywhere else to park.

That's how he got the nickname "Choo Choo Charlie."

You want to know the only thing you can assume about a broken down old man? It's that he's a survivor.
07-17-2013 01:46 PM
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Post: #38
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
More stories from delivery:

1. Had a guy who always answered the door in a thong. No joke, a really fat, older dude who insisted on you walking into his apartment and was always in some sort of thong.

Summer or winter. No matter. ThongMan was always chilling in his butt string.

2. A woman at an old folks home got delivery once from me. I have a loud knock that is consistently perceived as a cop's knock. She answers the door like a paranoid high person (she was high) and says she is worried about cops because "she can't get busted on that shit again." Her tip was inviting me to smoke with her.

3. Milf wants my nuts as an 18 year-old driver. Not coughing up this story just yet....

4. Some dipshit I work with has his car stolen from the parking lot, as he left his car running between deliveries. Same thing happens to him literally six months later.

5. I have a customer proposition me after delivering her a pizza. Claims she has a "cute white boy" discount. A blowjob for 20 bucks. I tell her I have a girlfriend. She drops to fifteen. I say I am not interested. She slams the door in my face. Hilarious.

Old Chinese Man Wrote:  why you wonder how many man another man bang? why you care who bang who mr high school drama man
07-18-2013 04:25 AM
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Post: #39
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
Slightly unrelated to work, but I delivered quite often to one isolated house on the edge of the city.

I knew one guy from school who lived there and told me to come by. I was reticent, but a girl who was into me wanted to go, so I said fuck it and went. I knew there would be booze & I was under 21.

Anyway, we get there and it is a typical low-class shit show. I played some rounds of pool against some dude on some heavy fucking drugs. He was good at first, but left for a bit and came back fucked UP. I slammed his ass in the next game before he got angry as shit and tried to punch my girl.

More than a few people stopped him, as it was a common occurrence. Regardless, my friend found me after that and told us to come to a balcony overlooking the backyard.

They had a fucking wolf in the backyard, locked up in a goat pen or something. Just a pen with high, strong fencing.

He boasted he bought the wolf or something - I forget the context - because about twenty minutes later, some dumbass tries to feed it some raw meat, sticks his hand in the pen and gets his fucking hand chomped on by the wolf.

Dude starts screaming and loses, in the end, his pinkie and ring finger and a small bit of his hand.

It was fucking horrific to watch because, from my perspective, it looked like homeboy got his entire hand bitten off.

Welcome to rural America!

Old Chinese Man Wrote:  why you wonder how many man another man bang? why you care who bang who mr high school drama man
07-23-2013 02:18 AM
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Post: #40
RE: The Crazy Work Stories Thread
Bump.

Some of the stories in this thread are unbelievable. Does anyone have anymore?
03-07-2019 07:56 AM
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