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A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
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cardguy Offline
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A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
So - the other day - a friend of mine got a phone call at work. The guy told her that he was leaving her - and had met somebody else. They had being together for nine years...

Now - apparently this guy met another girl (an ex partner of his) a month ago and fell in love with her. And now wants to end his current relationship.

But listening to all the upset caused at work, one question popped up in my head.

If we accept that it is okay to leave a girl for another girl. And any sane person would agree with that. Then it only seems rational that you would want a 'trial run' with the girl for a few weeks before deciding to end one relationship and start another with her.

Yet - that 'crossover' period gets classed as 'cheating' by the other half. When you tell her about the other partner.

So - presumably. Women would prefer it if you dumped then. Then spent some time alone before moving on to a new partner?

But - there is a problem with that. The only way you can sensibly end a nine year relationship - is to build up alot of arguments and drama between yourself and the other partner. As opposed to just springing it on them as a complete surprise when everything seems to be okay between the both of you.

Doing it that way comes across as if you are having some kind of weird mental breakdown. A bit like being perfectly happy at work and then deciding to quit your job. For no reason. And without having another job lined up.

So - sorry for the long ramble. But it seems to me very difficult to end one relationship and head straight into another. Without women considering you some kind of 'dirty two timing little shit'.

Yet when you break it down logically - there doesn't seem any other realistic way of nexting a bitch. And going straight with another.

So if you noticed a pretty girl at the bus stop. And if you want to pursue her - you expected to immediately text your partner that 'we are finished' before even approaching the pretty girl to see if she is interested? It is unrealistic and silly to expect flawed human beings to work in this way.

Anyway - just wanted to throw this question out here since shit is too real at work for me to raise this question there. I am just wondering if my analysis of this situation is flawed?
(This post was last modified: 09-21-2013 09:48 AM by cardguy.)
09-21-2013 09:31 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
There was this monkey in the jungle. It got done eating all the bananas on the tree it was on. It saw more bananas on the next tree over so it reached over and grabbed a branch on that tree. It held on to its original tree until it had a firm grip on the next tree.

Other monkeys hold on to branches of two different trees at the same time.

No one gives a fuck how monkeys eat bananas.

It's a jungle out there.
09-21-2013 09:41 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
(09-21-2013 09:31 AM)cardguy Wrote:  So - the other day - a friend of mine got a phone call at work. The guy told her that he was leaving her - and had met somebody else. They had being together for nine years...

Now - apparently this guy met another girl (an ex partner of his) a month ago and fell in love with her. And now wants to end his current relationship.

Unless this guy was a member of this forum and knew the score about modern marriage, the fact he was with her for nine years and they weren't married is a strong sign that he was never really committed to this broad. He probably always strongly felt that he could do better, but couldn't muster the courage to leave a sure thing. I'd also wager this isn't the first time he cheated. Maybe the previous girls just weren't quality.

He was already ambivalent about her, and then you add nine years of her aging, plus meeting a more attractive girl, and he finally cut the chord.

Edit: I missed that this was an *ex-partner* of his. So, there you go - he always preferred the previous gf.
(This post was last modified: 09-21-2013 09:43 AM by Therapsid.)
09-21-2013 09:42 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
"I think we should take a break." Women use that line on their boyfriends all the time.

You probably need one anyways if you're considering leaving your woman for someone else.

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To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
09-21-2013 09:48 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
Who cares what your soon to be ex will think.

Unless it is going to affect your standing financially or professionally it doesn't matter. Dump away and pick another back up.

Personally, I'm not a serial monogamist. I like time away from being "attached" so to speak.
09-21-2013 09:48 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
Women do this shit all the time. They always have the next guy lined up. In fact the only time a woman is "single" is when she's fighting with her boyfriend. And the only time she "has a boyfriend" is when she's not interested.

The only time you should break it off nicely is if you'd like to fuck her again in the future.

Don't over-think it. Plow on as usual.

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09-21-2013 09:50 AM
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Ensam Offline
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
The cruel part was telling her he'd met someone else and that he'd been messing around on her for a month.

Better to just say, 'this isn't working for me anymore', and leave. A more detailed explanation of the reasons behind dumping somebody never does any good.
09-21-2013 09:51 AM
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BLarsen Offline
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
To directly answer your question, no there's no other way.

The REAL problem is the framework that one chooses to operate in, the "One girl & One guy" only model which is sanctioned by society, which is really just a watered-down version of marriage.

Imagine if society sanctioned a framework in which everyone was EXPECTED to date multiple people at the same time until you chose to get engaged/married.

When most people lived in small communities there would have been social repercussions for violating the preferred mating method, but that doesn't really apply anymore.
09-21-2013 10:09 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
Sometimes it takes meeting someone new that excites you to give you the impetus to end a relationship that you want out of. People will often stay in a stale relationship because they feel the alternative, being alone, is worse. Women are chronic monkey-branchers. Women will claim to want honesty, but that honesty stings. There's no painless way to end a 9-year relationship. Women love to play victim in break-up scenarios.

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09-21-2013 11:03 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
(09-21-2013 09:51 AM)Ensam Wrote:  The cruel part was telling her he'd met someone else and that he'd been messing around on her for a month.

Better to just say, 'this isn't working for me anymore', and leave. A more detailed explanation of the reasons behind dumping somebody never does any good.

Yeah he probably could have just said that he wasn't happy to be in a relationship with her anymore
09-22-2013 01:59 AM
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Basil Ransom Offline
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
You're largely correct. Once you discard the traditional marriage model of 'til death do us part,' the situation you cite is pretty much the result. Dalrock wrote an article about this.

Even in business contracts, there's usually some penalty for breach of contract. There is no such thing with non-marital relationships. You're in a relationship until you decide you aren't in one.
09-22-2013 03:40 AM
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Dr. Howard Offline
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
(09-22-2013 01:59 AM)master_thespian Wrote:  
(09-21-2013 09:51 AM)Ensam Wrote:  The cruel part was telling her he'd met someone else and that he'd been messing around on her for a month.

Better to just say, 'this isn't working for me anymore', and leave. A more detailed explanation of the reasons behind dumping somebody never does any good.

Yeah he probably could have just said that he wasn't happy to be in a relationship with her anymore

I wonder if this a guy thing? I know I prefer a woman to just disappear to say I'm not doing it for her anymore because its less damaging to my ego to be able to think 'ha, you just can't handle who I am' instead of having her say that she is now banging someone that she prefers more.

I also agree that if marriage isn't "till death do us part" its just a relationship with a cash bonus for ending it when you don't like it anymore. I had this argument the other day over the issue of some woman being married her husband being on drugs but refusing to get treatment. She of course thinks she should divorce him.

I said, as his wife she signed on to be the last person to leave him. Even if he was sent to jail for some sort of incident and she was left alone, she's got to wait that shit out until he's dead. She signed on for it. For better, for worse or for death.

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09-23-2013 08:25 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
(09-21-2013 09:31 AM)cardguy Wrote:  Yet when you break it down logically

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09-23-2013 08:31 AM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
I did the same thing albeit the nicer way... She said "why do you have to break up with me? Why didnt you just cheat? I wouldve never known..."

^^ This rocked my world, I believe women secretly prefer you cheat and get it out of your system then leave them, they just dont want it blatantly thrown in their faces. Unless youre a minicelebrity or super attractive alpha just lie your ass off about banging other girls. 90% of women who cheat do exactly the same...
09-24-2013 07:21 PM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
(09-21-2013 09:31 AM)cardguy Wrote:  So - the other day - a friend of mine got a phone call at work. The guy told her that he was leaving her - and had met somebody else. They had being together for nine years...

Now - apparently this guy met another girl (an ex partner of his) a month ago and fell in love with her. And now wants to end his current relationship.

But listening to all the upset caused at work, one question popped up in my head.

If we accept that it is okay to leave a girl for another girl. And any sane person would agree with that. Then it only seems rational that you would want a 'trial run' with the girl for a few weeks before deciding to end one relationship and start another with her.

Yet - that 'crossover' period gets classed as 'cheating' by the other half. When you tell her about the other partner.

So - presumably. Women would prefer it if you dumped then. Then spent some time alone before moving on to a new partner?

But - there is a problem with that. The only way you can sensibly end a nine year relationship - is to build up alot of arguments and drama between yourself and the other partner. As opposed to just springing it on them as a complete surprise when everything seems to be okay between the both of you.

Doing it that way comes across as if you are having some kind of weird mental breakdown. A bit like being perfectly happy at work and then deciding to quit your job. For no reason. And without having another job lined up.

So - sorry for the long ramble. But it seems to me very difficult to end one relationship and head straight into another. Without women considering you some kind of 'dirty two timing little shit'.

Yet when you break it down logically - there doesn't seem any other realistic way of nexting a bitch. And going straight with another.

So if you noticed a pretty girl at the bus stop. And if you want to pursue her - you expected to immediately text your partner that 'we are finished' before even approaching the pretty girl to see if she is interested? It is unrealistic and silly to expect flawed human beings to work in this way.

Anyway - just wanted to throw this question out here since shit is too real at work for me to raise this question there. I am just wondering if my analysis of this situation is flawed?

Women want to act like they understand pure logic, but women can't truly comprehend it because their biological make up is made for group logic, and in turn they are natural followers. This whole write up is challenging their logic, and taking it into consideration. That makes you a follower of female logic. Don't follow female logic because it makes no sense.

Instead, follow penis logic. Your penis is in a relationship and magically monogamous because your facebook status says so, but your penis yearns for more ambitious adventures like that cute asian chick who always wears booty shorts on your campus. Your penis is the only logic you should follow, and when you do, you'll find it lodged between that cute asian chicks twat.

Disregard what women say.

Always trust your dickstincts.

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(This post was last modified: 09-24-2013 07:43 PM by RouteBackwards.)
09-24-2013 07:42 PM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
(09-24-2013 07:21 PM)defguy Wrote:  I did the same thing albeit the nicer way... She said "why do you have to break up with me? Why didnt you just cheat? I wouldve never known..."

^^ This rocked my world, I believe women secretly prefer you cheat and get it out of your system then leave them, they just dont want it blatantly thrown in their faces. Unless youre a minicelebrity or super attractive alpha just lie your ass off about banging other girls. 90% of women who cheat do exactly the same...

I completely agree. My girl definitely knows something is up, and I think in a weird way it turns her on, but at the same time, as long as the commitment is strong, I rarely hear anything that hints at me cheating on her.

However, if I'm out and about and foooling around with other females and ignoring her for a week or some shit, she starts to slightly mention, even ask if somethings up because she gets insecure.

So, give her security.

Fuck her good.

She'll have nothing to worry about.

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09-24-2013 07:47 PM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
Last year I was with one of the most sweet, kind and gentle girls you can possibly meet.
Honestly, she was the last girl in the world that deserved to be cheated on, but I still saw 2 other girls on the side.

Why ?
Insurance.

I see cheating on your main girl as a vital mental safeguard.
No matter how great you think your main girl is, you should still work to get some secretly on the side.
If your main girlfriend walks out on you, disrespects you, turns cold on you, cheats on you…whatever, you know that you have already got one up on her a long time ago.
That mindset will help you greatly in maintaining frame, staying aloof, and if the relationship turns sour - minimizing any pain, anger, sadness, or disappointment.
It really helps you stay strong and on top all the time.

Eventually my relationship with that sweet and kind girl ended. If I hadn’t cheated on her twice I would have been in a much, MUCH worse state when we broke up.
Cheating on her helped me be a much stronger man when the bad times came.



Why it's worse and more dishonest when a woman cheats:

A man can genuinely feel strong horny attraction for 2 girls at the exact same time, be banging them both separately, but also give them both real love and affection and actually mean it.
Women are incapable of doing this.

A girl can sleep with 2 guys…but 1 of the 2 is always going to get something that is either fake and staged....or not as good.
Because girls are totally incapable of treating 2 guys exactly the same.

The guy being cheated on gets a less affectionate girl, a more boring girl, more shitty behavior, more cold spells from her, and boring “duty sex”.
The guy she is cheating with gets way more genuine affection, warm emotions, submission, compliance, and her real sexy/slutty side complete with constant on demand blowjobs and endless spontaneous mind blowing hot sex. She will only be gushing wet between the legs for that guy.

A man on the other hand (provided he gets past the stupid guilt and useless moral hangups) can always treat both girls exactly the same (and mean it) without even having to think about it consciously.

When I cheated, I genuinely was attracted to both girls both physically and emotionally. They both got my dick hard. I banged them both with the same intensity. I meant all my affectionate feelings/gestures with both of them. They both got treated the exact same (good) way. I didn’t have to fake anything.
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2015 12:20 PM by Mercenary.)
12-11-2015 12:10 PM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
(12-11-2015 12:10 PM)Mercenary Wrote:  Last year I was with one of the most sweet, kind and gentle girls you can possibly meet.
Honestly, she was the last girl in the world that deserved to be cheated on, but I still saw 2 other girls on the side.

Why ?
Insurance.

I see cheating on your main girl as a vital mental safeguard.
No matter how great you think your main girl is, you should still work to get some secretly on the side.
If your main girlfriend walks out on you, disrespects you, turns cold on you, cheats on you…whatever, you know that you have already got one up on her a long time ago.
That mindset will help you greatly in maintaining frame, staying aloof, and if the relationship turns sour - minimizing any pain, anger, sadness, or disappointment.
It really helps you stay strong and on top all the time.

Eventually my relationship with that sweet and kind girl ended. If I hadn’t cheated on her twice I would have been in a much, MUCH worse state when we broke up.
Cheating on her helped me be a much stronger man when the bad times came.



Why it's worse and more dishonest when a woman cheats:

A man can genuinely feel strong horny attraction for 2 girls at the exact same time, be banging them both separately, but also give them both real love and affection and actually mean it.
Women are incapable of doing this.

A girl can sleep with 2 guys…but 1 of the 2 is always going to get something that is either fake and staged....or not as good.
Because girls are totally incapable of treating 2 guys exactly the same.

The guy being cheated on gets a less affectionate girl, a more boring girl, more shitty behavior, more cold spells from her, and boring “duty sex”.
The guy she is cheating with gets way more genuine affection, warm emotions, submission, compliance, and her real sexy/slutty side complete with constant on demand blowjobs and endless spontaneous mind blowing hot sex. She will only be gushing wet between the legs for that guy.

A man on the other hand (provided he gets past the stupid guilt and useless moral hangups) can always treat both girls exactly the same (and mean it) without even having to think about it consciously.

When I cheated, I genuinely was attracted to both girls both physically and emotionally. They both got my dick hard. I banged them both with the same intensity. I meant all my affectionate feelings/gestures with both of them. They both got treated the exact same (good) way. I didn’t have to fake anything.
It's like you broke up and got custody of both girls hamsters in the split. You either have integrity or you do not. You do not. That may not matter very much to you, but there's an old saying: 'water finds its level' that may bear deeper contemplation.
12-11-2015 12:28 PM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
Personally, I have always felt a bit conflicted about the concept of cheating on a girl you are exclusive with. To be clear, I've never cheated on a woman I'm exclusive with. Never sat well with me to betray someone's trust when intense emotions are involved. Also I hate drama and by not cheating, I avoid a lot of potential drama.

On the one hand, cheating provides a "mental safeguard" as someone else mentioned. Current LTR acting a like a cunt? Go bang the sidepiece and this will assist in maintaining frame.

On the other hand, if my LTR is becoming so toxic/undesirable to be around that I feel compelled to bang another woman: why am I in an LTR at all?

There is also the issue that some women are turned on in a twisted way by a man who can maintain sidepieces. As long as its not flaunted in their face or in public, they like to know they have locked down a desirable man. I remember a date I went on with a chick who I could tell was an alpha-widow because she mentioned that her ex-bf cheated on her and she would have taken him back if he just apologized.

Finally, there is the simple issue that as a man I desire variety.

The best solution in dealing with all the aforementioned I have found is to avoid becoming exclusive with someone. Most women don't bring any value to my life and what value they have is only short-term (a few months tops). It's easy to stall for a few months and avoid the exclusive talk.

And the only LTR I will generally accept now is one where it is openly acceptable to have sidepieces (even if it has to be done covertly to maintain images). And that is one-sided, for me only. Unfortunately, the vast majority of women in America are not down for that arrangement. They will outrightly reject it or complain that they should have access to new cock as well; in the name of equality. Of course, I would tell them I don't believe in equality.

I have noticed certain cultures seem to be more open to men getting side action. French, certain Latin American ones, certain SEA ones. This is only based on very limited evidence however. Ultimately though, I think if you are the alpha to a particular woman, regardless of culture, you can pretty much do whatever you want with limited repercussions. I would just prefer to do it above board with the woman signing off on the idea as oppose to in secret and betraying her trust.

I've seen it before so I know its possible (a chick openly down for a man to get some on the side) but I also understand that just finding a decent woman you're compatible with is hard enough. Finding one who is also down with side action (for the man only) is even a taller order.

I'd like to hear from anyone here who has made that arrangement work and/or just attempted it and what their overall perspective is.
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2015 01:24 PM by The Black Knight.)
12-11-2015 01:09 PM
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RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
Sounds like premise for the flick "Hall Pass".

I have a main chick; have had her for a long time. But I still have a side piece around for some of the reasons H1N1 mentioned.

I'm super carefu/paranoid not to let on to my main what's going on. And I usually don't tell the side about her either. I prefer "double blind" arrangements where neither one knows anything. Nothing can ever be used against you.

I'm a man. I desire things I see. If it's a woman, I act on it.

Plus, side pieces make me appreciate my main more.

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(This post was last modified: 12-11-2015 01:42 PM by YossariansRight.)
12-11-2015 01:20 PM
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Post: #21
RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
I'll jump into this.

I've got an LTR coming up for 2 years soon.

I've always gamed and banged other girls before and since I've met her.

She's never really pissed me off and I've never fucked any other girls out of anger.


It's just always been apart of who I've been, it's not for insurance either.

It's more of keep my game/frame strong so I don't get rusty. Sometimes you just need some strange pussy. Even though technically by default I had 2 mini relationship going on at the same time with plates (I ended those fast).

Gaming and banging other girls also helps out with my LTR as well. By being a stronger man, gaining more insight into women, etc.

I can love my LTR and she complements my life, the other girls are just fun and new.

We beat this horse to death and what is right, honorable, respected, etc.

Everyone has their own views on this.

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12-11-2015 01:29 PM
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Post: #22
RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
^^Amen. Every horse has his stall. This is a case of one size doesn't fit all and ultimately we all want/need/look for different things out of life, male-female relationships being part of life.

“….and we will win, and you will win, and we will keep on winning, and eventually you will say… we can’t take all of this winning, …please Mr. Trump …and I will say, NO, we will win, and we will keep on winning”.

- President Donald J. Trump
12-11-2015 01:53 PM
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rpg Offline
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Post: #23
RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
The wisdom of the ages is in this thread.
Anybody who has fucked a forgettable bitch knows it takes much more to tie a guy down than just sex. When he isnt getting what he deserves he is gonna fuck someone else. Thats it.
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2015 11:06 PM by rpg.)
12-11-2015 11:05 PM
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YossariansRight
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Post: #24
RE: A question about the ethics of 'cheating'
If you're the monogamous type( which I am now), my advice is pretty simple. If you haven't yet committed to her and you feel the urge to blow up your relationship then do it.

It's different for everyone but for me I could always name people who would have made Better partners than the girl(s) I was seeing at the time. With the one I'm with that thought has never occurred to me. The closest I've come is thinking that a girl would have been great if she only had nore red pill awareness.

Side note: that's why I love hardcore Catholic girls. They're raised from a young age to understand that virginity is valuable and that men who can lead are to be prized.
12-12-2015 11:31 PM
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