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The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
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Philosopher Offline
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Post: #3776
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
Wait a day and then try setting up a date

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03-04-2019 10:18 AM
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chvrches Offline
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Post: #3777
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
Been on a few dates with a girl, the last date was last Tuesday, we had sex for the first time. She went kind of silent for 2 days afterward and i thought she had lost interest, but she calls me up on Thursday night and wants to "hear my voice" and chat, we end up talking for 40 minutes and laughing at jokes.

She told me she's been busy with music practice which i know is legit. Her interest in me still seems high from what i've picked up.

She also told me on the phone she has an exam coming up this week, so i haven't texted or called her at all, wanted to give her space. it's been 5 days with silence.

Should i wait for her to text me when she's done with her exam? And also show some abundance and let her miss me even more this way.

Or is it bad to have this long of silence and i should instead send her a little cute text telling her good luck with the exam and im looking forward to see her again?
03-05-2019 05:56 AM
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AneroidOcean Offline
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Post: #3778
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-05-2019 05:56 AM)chvrches Wrote:  Been on a few dates with a girl, the last date was last Tuesday, we had sex for the first time. She went kind of silent for 2 days afterward and i thought she had lost interest, but she calls me up on Thursday night and wants to "hear my voice" and chat, we end up talking for 40 minutes and laughing at jokes.

She told me she's been busy with music practice which i know is legit. Her interest in me still seems high from what I've picked up.

She also told me on the phone she has an exam coming up this week, so i haven't texted or called her at all, wanted to give her space. it's been 5 days with silence.

Should i wait for her to text me when she's done with her exam? And also show some abundance and let her miss me even more this way.

Or is it bad to have this long of silence and i should instead send her a little cute text telling her good luck with the exam and im looking forward to see her again?

I wouldn't leave her hanging for 5+ days, that's too much dread especially if she seems relationship-y which she seems based on the multiple dates before you had sex and her calling and wanting to hear your voice.

I wouldn't however text her good luck with the exam as it's likely too nice.

I'd go with something more flirty and fun. Maybe just text her a picture of something cool or active that you're doing and a line like, "drowning under your textbooks yet" or "Are you ready to study me yet"

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03-05-2019 04:22 PM
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Sex Machine Offline
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Post: #3779
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
So I went to Montreal for first time to sightsee and do some game, I posted my report on the Montreal, Toronto, Ottawa thread at the travel section. One of my approaches was this cute woman from southern France in the Art museum. I told her we should get together sometime for drinks and she said, why not, then She gave me her French number to chat via WhatsApp and I came back to upstate NY.

I have been texting her to build more rapport as my initial approach was short, I want to potentially meet her again but my logistics are terrible, 4 hour bus ride to Montreal. My text game is also not very good. Here is our conversation;

Me: hope you enjoyed the Museum Aurelia
Her: Hi, yes how about you?
Me: I enjoyed, you look like you do something creative, like art
Her: Haha yes I am an architect, and you?
Me: I am an urban planner, would you say Architecture is your passion?
Her: oh really, where did you study? I have other passions also Haha, and you?
Me: I studied at Drexel, that's a cute smile on your picture(her WhatsApp profile picture), I have other passions as well

Then silence, I have not had the opportunity to text her in two days, how do I restart conversation to lead to a potential date? And is it really worth going back to Montreal since logistics aren't in my favor, I was thinking coffee shop close to the museum, also considering she might flake.

Thanks for any insight
03-07-2019 10:02 PM
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Mikestar Offline
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Post: #3780
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-07-2019 10:02 PM)Sex Machine Wrote:  So I went to Montreal for first time to sightsee and do some game, I posted my report on the Montreal, Toronto, Ottawa thread at the travel section. One of my approaches was this cute woman from southern France in the Art museum. I told her we should get together sometime for drinks and she said, why not, then She gave me her French number to chat via WhatsApp and I came back to upstate NY.

I have been texting her to build more rapport as my initial approach was short, I want to potentially meet her again but my logistics are terrible, 4 hour bus ride to Montreal. My text game is also not very good. Here is our conversation;

Me: hope you enjoyed the Museum Aurelia
Her: Hi, yes how about you?
Me: I enjoyed, you look like you do something creative, like art
Her: Haha yes I am an architect, and you?
Me: I am an urban planner, would you say Architecture is your passion?
Her: oh really, where did you study? I have other passions also Haha, and you?
Me: I studied at Drexel, that's a cute smile on your picture(her WhatsApp profile picture), I have other passions as well

Then silence, I have not had the opportunity to text her in two days, how do I restart conversation to lead to a potential date? And is it really worth going back to Montreal since logistics aren't in my favor, I was thinking coffee shop close to the museum, also considering she might flake.

Thanks for any insight

If she ignored that message she's basically a next. If you happen to be in Montreal for another occasion (not just for her obviously) you could send her a simple restart text like: I'm back in Montreal, having drinks at X bar. You should join.

I'm trying a text strategy with my long distance LTR as she has been going a bit colder recently. I've been talking nearly every day for a while but now I've been radio silent for 5 days, she has changed her pic plus her status to: "I hope it never ends" but she has not initiated contact. Do I continue going radio silent until she messages first or do I message her first? If she asks why I haven't been talking what do I say?
03-09-2019 10:12 AM
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ksbms Offline
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Post: #3781
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
Mikestar, have you forgotten what I'd written in the very thread you started about that girl from long time ago? Re-read it and all kind advice forum members gave you. If you're panicking about a girl changing her whatsapp picture, I'll tell you one thing only - you're toast.

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03-09-2019 07:55 PM
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chvrches Offline
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Post: #3782
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
@AneroidOcean Thanks man, i used your first text suggestion and it opened up the conversation well. We chit chat a bit and i decided to ask her for a 2nd time if she's free tonight (previously asked about last weekend).

She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"

My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".

My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"
(This post was last modified: 03-12-2019 08:44 AM by chvrches.)
03-12-2019 08:32 AM
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griffinmill Offline
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Post: #3783
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:  She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"

Sorry to have to say it, but this sounds like a dead lead. I had a girl recently who I was trying to arrange a second date with. She even asked if we were going to see each other again; but locking her down was a nightmare (I gave her two chances), and I eventually just told her in so many words to fuck off.

If a girl has high interest in you she is moving heaven and earth to see you - tonight, tomorrow, as soon as possible, and nothing will get in the way. In her text you may notice she didn't actually suggest a day. Why not? Why didn't she say, "Hey, how about Wednesday?" or something like that? Her answer was vague and non-committal.

Ignore her from now on.
03-12-2019 08:52 AM
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chvrches Offline
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Post: #3784
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
griffinmill:

I literally agree with everything you said. I usually NEVER ask a girl more than 2 times, if they don't counter offer and suggest a date. It's definitely a dead lead then. But i've been on more than 4 dates with this girl and we're above the beginning stages. She's is/was definitely emotionally invested. We had sex the last time.

She was always busy but in the beginning when i assume attraction was HIGH, she would be busy and STILL be able to fit me in her schedule to see me, she did everything to see me, so i think because of bad sex the attraction must have died somewhat.

Im now trying to find out how much it has died. If it can be saved if i fuck her good next time.

I will not text her unless she texts me suggesting a date. I give it 1 week max, if no answer, i will assume attraction is dead and move on. Sound fair?
(This post was last modified: 03-12-2019 09:35 AM by chvrches.)
03-12-2019 09:34 AM
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Baphomet Offline
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Post: #3785
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:  She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"

My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".

My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"

There is no "dread" here. She has NOTHING to "dread".

Dread game is used when there is an emotional investment/attachment on the part of the woman. The "dread" comes into play only when she fears that the man does not value the relationship as much as she does, and believes that she might be easily replaceable.

This woman has nothing to dread because she has exactly zero emotional investment. You are tertiary entertainment to her. That is made plainly obvious in that dismissive text.

I see no value to you in reaching out to her again.
03-12-2019 01:21 PM
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Beirut Offline
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Post: #3786
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-12-2019 08:52 AM)griffinmill Wrote:  
(03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:  She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"

Sorry to have to say it, but this sounds like a dead lead. I had a girl recently who I was trying to arrange a second date with. She even asked if we were going to see each other again; but locking her down was a nightmare (I gave her two chances), and I eventually just told her in so many words to fuck off.

If a girl has high interest in you she is moving heaven and earth to see you - tonight, tomorrow, as soon as possible, and nothing will get in the way. In her text you may notice she didn't actually suggest a day. Why not? Why didn't she say, "Hey, how about Wednesday?" or something like that? Her answer was vague and non-committal.

Ignore her from now on.

Just curious. Why do you want a girl to have such high interest in you that she'd move earth and heaven to see you?

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03-12-2019 01:22 PM
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chvrches Offline
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Post: #3787
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-12-2019 01:21 PM)Baphomet Wrote:  
(03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:  She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"

My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".

My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"

There is no "dread" here. She has NOTHING to "dread".

Dread game is used when there is an emotional investment/attachment on the part of the woman. The "dread" comes into play only when she fears that the man does not value the relationship as much as she does, and believes that she might be easily replaceable.

This woman has nothing to dread because she has exactly zero emotional investment. You are tertiary entertainment to her. That is made plainly obvious in that dismissive text.

I see no value to you in reaching out to her again.

I don't disagree with you Baphomet, but let me explain my thoughts behind this. Throughout these 4 dates it's been leading up to a LTR since the beginning. It started so slowly and gradually built up until after 4th date and we had sex. It's not like a girl wants to waste 4 dates with you if she ONLY want to have sex with you, and not enjoy your company and personality.

Ok fair enough, worst case scenario she used me for "entertainment" only. But it's hard for me to grasp this fact because she literally been saying to me how happy she finally is to meeting someone that shares so many interests like her, meditates, loves reading books, is spontaneous, adventures, shares same humor. She's emotionally invested in a way that she keeps asking me if ive ever ghosted girls before, if ive ever cheated before, and many questions to test the waters, and also saying she would be angry and mad if i dropped contact with her. She was also invested in a way that she was the one ALWAYS initiating contact, sending me random texts throughout the day, cute pictures throghout the week and has already told her friends about me.

I'd like to believe that to be true, because she's a traditional girl with a notch count of 1. She literally doesn't use social media except for facebook to communicate with her classmates, no instagram, no snapchat, no whoring around. So this is why it's so weird for me that she would lose interest purely because of one bad sexual experience. So i'd like to believe it's not the case and she's just "busy".

But when all that is said and done, i can 100% understand where you're coming from, they say "dont listen to what a girl says, instead look at what she does" and im conflicted because she does show she wants to start a relationship with me, the way she's romantic and sweet when we're together. All this before even sex happened.

I do have minor onetis for her otherwise i probably wouldn't have posted about her. But she's the closest girl i've dated to a "unicorn" or a "good girl" even though i hate those words. So it would be a shame to lose her over something so shallow. I can move on without a problem, but i think it will always bug me and bother me if i don't find out the reason for her loss of attraction. How will i learn the next time.
03-12-2019 01:46 PM
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Trent W. Offline
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Post: #3788
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-12-2019 01:46 PM)chvrches Wrote:  [...]

I do have minor onetis for her otherwise i probably wouldn't have posted about her. But she's the closest girl i've dated to a "unicorn" or a "good girl" even though i hate those words. So it would be a shame to lose her over something so shallow. I can move on without a problem, but i think it will always bug me and bother me if i don't find out the reason for her loss of attraction. How will i learn the next time.

I understand your feeling of wanting to know since I, and I'm guessing everyone else on this forum, have been there at some point. However, I don't think you will ever really know. Even if she tells you, it might not be the truth. And even if it is the truth and you somehow knew it, it may very well be something that has nothing or little to do with you. And (another) even if it has everything to do with you, is it something you're going to change because one girl might not like it?

Getting an explanation either from her or somehow figuring it out could potentially help with closure...But chasing after it just feels low value in my opinion. If she's decent (for lack of a better word) enough she will let you know without you asking. That's my opinion.

If it won't matter in 30 years, it doesn't matter now.

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03-12-2019 02:07 PM
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AneroidOcean Offline
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Post: #3789
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:  @AneroidOcean Thanks man, i used your first text suggestion and it opened up the conversation well. We chit chat a bit and i decided to ask her for a 2nd time if she's free tonight (previously asked about last weekend).

She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"

My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".

My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"

Yeah, I don't like your answer because it gives her all the frame. You can do this in other situations but this isn't one where it's appropriate.

In another thread you mention she asked you if you'd ever ghosted on a girl and that kind of thing so I'd send her another response in a few days like "you die" (no question mark) or just the ghost emoji and nothing else.

When she responds, I'd let it hang then eventually call her after a day or so.

If she doesn't respond to either you're dead in the water.

I don't know that it would be the sex as girls can attribute some pretty amazing qualities to a guy they're into including sex prowess they don't have, but once the attraction is lost it's very hard to get back/nigh impossible.

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03-12-2019 08:34 PM
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Korrupt Offline
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Post: #3790
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
(03-12-2019 01:46 PM)chvrches Wrote:  
(03-12-2019 01:21 PM)Baphomet Wrote:  
(03-12-2019 08:32 AM)chvrches Wrote:  She sent me a text saying "Sorry im answering so late, i've been busy and also got plans tonight! But we really do have to find a day soon, it's been way too long!"

My plan is to not ask again, and instead have her initiate whenever she's free. I answered her very short, "fair enough, text me whenever you're free again".

My question is, when she initiates contact again and texts me asking to hang out, is it a good idea to run some dread? Either ignore her text or Telling her "Sorry im busy" or "can't tonight". Then wait a few days again and hit her up. I want her to be thinking "what's he doing, whats he up to? did he meet somebody else? did he lose interest because of my unavailability?"

There is no "dread" here. She has NOTHING to "dread".

Dread game is used when there is an emotional investment/attachment on the part of the woman. The "dread" comes into play only when she fears that the man does not value the relationship as much as she does, and believes that she might be easily replaceable.

This woman has nothing to dread because she has exactly zero emotional investment. You are tertiary entertainment to her. That is made plainly obvious in that dismissive text.

I see no value to you in reaching out to her again.

I don't disagree with you Baphomet, but let me explain my thoughts behind this. Throughout these 4 dates it's been leading up to a LTR since the beginning. It started so slowly and gradually built up until after 4th date and we had sex. It's not like a girl wants to waste 4 dates with you if she ONLY want to have sex with you, and not enjoy your company and personality.

Ok fair enough, worst case scenario she used me for "entertainment" only. But it's hard for me to grasp this fact because she literally been saying to me how happy she finally is to meeting someone that shares so many interests like her, meditates, loves reading books, is spontaneous, adventures, shares same humor. She's emotionally invested in a way that she keeps asking me if ive ever ghosted girls before, if ive ever cheated before, and many questions to test the waters, and also saying she would be angry and mad if i dropped contact with her. She was also invested in a way that she was the one ALWAYS initiating contact, sending me random texts throughout the day, cute pictures throghout the week and has already told her friends about me.

I'd like to believe that to be true, because she's a traditional girl with a notch count of 1. She literally doesn't use social media except for facebook to communicate with her classmates, no instagram, no snapchat, no whoring around. So this is why it's so weird for me that she would lose interest purely because of one bad sexual experience. So i'd like to believe it's not the case and she's just "busy".

But when all that is said and done, i can 100% understand where you're coming from, they say "dont listen to what a girl says, instead look at what she does" and im conflicted because she does show she wants to start a relationship with me, the way she's romantic and sweet when we're together. All this before even sex happened.

I do have minor onetis for her otherwise i probably wouldn't have posted about her. But she's the closest girl i've dated to a "unicorn" or a "good girl" even though i hate those words. So it would be a shame to lose her over something so shallow. I can move on without a problem, but i think it will always bug me and bother me if i don't find out the reason for her loss of attraction. How will i learn the next time.


Basically she may be a "good girl" as you wrote and that is why the follow up call to "hear your voice". What you will find, is certain girls will feel somewhat guilty or ashamed of just banging a guy and then walking away as it's not usually part of their character. But she's not interested and this is her way of feeling better about herself, in that comms wasn't totally cut.

I'd hazard a guess you're unlikely to meet up anytime soon and when/if you ever do it will be at a time as "just friends" as she's started seeing somebody.
03-13-2019 07:55 AM
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chvrches Offline
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Post: #3791
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
@Korrupt i actually think that's a very interesting way to look at it. I do believe there is truth to this. Never really thought about this way before. The guilt because it's so out of her character that she's trying to justify it by calling wanting to "hear my voice". There's ALWAYS a chance she started seeing somebody else, better and more exciting, but i still want to hold onto the thought that 4 dates meant we had a stronger emotional connection than a random guy she meets out of a sudden. I will be updating you guys about what happens this week.
03-13-2019 10:17 AM
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Post: #3792
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
Chvrches,

It's a rule of thumb but I guess there's truth to that - it usually takes more than one sex session to have girl fall for you. If you get her out 3 times, make it unforgettable experience so she's bathing in oxytocin, dopamine and vasopressin, you're in charge. If you can produce an emotional encounter, electric touch, deep eye-contact, deep voice, dominance and all other alpha-male characteristics, plus your pheromonal profile and looks are attractive to her, it has to work if she likes you back. Otherwise, no fault of yours. As long as you did your best with what is under your own volitional control, you're good. There's always a chance involved in the love equation.

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(This post was last modified: 03-14-2019 01:28 PM by ksbms.)
03-14-2019 01:13 PM
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Post: #3793
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
del

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I don’t ever give up. I mean, I’d have to be dead or completely incapacitated.
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(This post was last modified: 03-14-2019 01:27 PM by ksbms.)
03-14-2019 01:26 PM
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chvrches Offline
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Post: #3794
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
First of all i want to say thank you to everyone who helped me on this thread. You guys deserve an update. A week ago my friend was scrolling through his old tinder matches and found the girl i am dating, he panicked and messaged me "is this your girl?" and it turned out to be her. This meant 1) she's been using tinder throughout the whole time we were dating (1 month+) and 2) she's still using it. A few days ago my friend decided to message her to see if she's active and she messages back. Turns out to be still active. It was a hard one to swallow, i thought to myself, why is she on tinder while telling me she's too busy to hang out with me?

So up until now it's a week and a half without any communication between us. She calls me all of a sudden earlier today. I was happy when i saw her name pop on the screen, i thought yes, i knew she would think about me sooner or later. The conversation was 45 seconds long. She told me the words no guy ever wants to hear.

"You're a great guy and i've had fun with you, but i just don't feel like there's a spark between us. I felt bad for not messaging you for so long and wanted to tell you the truth today. Hope it's okay and we can still be friends."

I knew it was coming to an end seeing as we went from chatting nearly every single day to the 1.5 week break. I told her, "It's okay, i understand, that's how it goes. But i respect you calling and telling me rather than ghosting. See you around."

I feel sad because i saw so much in this girl, but also feel stupid for getting too emotionally invested. Im quite confused to what this bullshit excuse is "no spark" between us. Who would go on 4 dates if they didn't have a spark for another person? I feel like she meant the spark was gone = she lost interest in the end.

I can come to peace of mind and move on with my life if you guys could help me understand this situation better so i don't end up in the same with the next girl.

My analysis of this:

1) I believe since she's 18 and so young she's just out for fun and fuck around, not settle down with a boyfriend. and i was sending provider and boyfriend vibes throughout this whole thing, which is my big mistake. She's very adventures and only been with one guy when all her friends around her are talking about guys and sex all the time, while she feels left out. She has a fear of missing out. That's how i see it.

2) Im still not quite sure why she called to say "it's over". Maybe she felt somewhat guilty or ashamed of just banging me and then walking away as it's not usually part of her character. But she's not interested and this is her way of feeling better about herself.

3) Maybe it's not actually something i did wrong, but just her losing interest and potentially have met someone else who is more fun and exciting. And this is her excuse to get out of this whole thing, by saying "i don't feel a spark anymore".

4) the sex wasn't what she expected from someone 4 years older than her. She expected more experience and took the chance to dip out using a different excuse.

Anyhow... Most of you guys were right, i was naiv and thought this girl "was different". This is a huge red pill to swallow. I will take it as a huge learning experience rather than a defeat.
(This post was last modified: Today 02:33 PM by chvrches.)
Today 02:29 PM
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Post: #3795
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
Sorry to hear that happened to you, chvrches. But like you said...learn from the lesson. The signs were there all along. Next time, trust them and your gut.

Also, I hear a lot of guys saying stuff like: "but we had sex on the x date/meet, so why isn't she returning my texts, etc?".

Gentlemen, it's 2019. These woman, no matter their age, have ZERO ties to you after sex. Hell, I'd almost argue it means more to guys now than it does to some women. Dating apps and the endless stream of validation women are fed every second of every day have brought us to this point.

Just adapt to it and and evolve your game.

"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa

"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
Today 03:38 PM
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ksbms Offline
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Post: #3796
RE: The "What should I text next?" thread (for when you get stuck)
First, this section is for messaging, not the whole dynamic. Hopefully, it will be moved to the right section. Now, to answer the relevant part of your post.

(Today 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  [...] she's been using tinder [...] my friend decided to message her to see if she's active and she messages back. Turns out to be still active.

Tinder and similar apps make it an uneven playing field for the modern man. It's girls' "weapon of choice", especially the ones who like boost their self-esteem. How did you meet her? What was your leverage in your making her go out on date with you?

(Today 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  [...] we went from chatting nearly every single day to the 1.5 week break.

No good, you have violated the scarcity principle - read on that. People value what is rare and inacessible. You don't "chat" (honestly, how long those phone converesations were?) to a new girl with whom you've had sex just once. You're older, you're busy, you're a catch who just doesn't hand himself out on a silver platter to some teen girl.

By the way, read the Commandments, then re-read some more. Memorise, if needed. There are all the key rules of the game. The more you play by them, the more sucess you'll have. Have a thought or two, which of the principles you have violated?

(Today 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  I feel sad because i saw so much in this girl, but also feel stupid for getting too emotionally invested.

Don't feel sad, you had good time, you learnt something, you'll have even better time with better girls, as along as you choose wisely and play the game to the best of your availability. Emotional control is everything. Learn to detach your emotions. The person who investions emotionally less, is the person who thinks clearly (raised cortisol clouds thinking) and makes rational decisions.

Interesting way to practice emotional control - put some decent money into stock and act unaffected when you shares dropped (or shot up) intraday by 10%, equivalent to your monthly salary. That's an issue. You'll soon find out that a non-responding girl is a non-issue. Heck, it can be a true blessing - no arguments, no blaming, no temper tantrums, no "I may be pregnant." Too many young guys overestimate the "bliss" of "having a girlfriend". Not to say it can be nice - but everything has its price.

(Today 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  1) I believe since she's 18 and so young she's just out for fun and fuck around, not settle down with a boyfriend. and i was sending provider and boyfriend vibes throughout this whole thing, which is my big mistake. She's very adventures and only been with one guy [...]

If she truly were with one guy only, she wouldn't have much in terms of demands - young girls are emotional and fall for a man easily, not really knowing what they are looking for. From your descriptions, she didn't seem to be "lost", "confused" or facing a drama "you vs him". Seems like she acted methodically, and all was planned out. She dated concurrently at least one other male, went on dates and fucked over the silence period but didn't tell you, just to keep you as an insurance, in case it wouldn't pan out with the other guys. Does that make her evil? Not at all. She's had it hard-wired evolutionarily (btw., read Evolution of Desire by David Buss), to maximise her returns, aka hypergamy. It is common that girls shop around just as you'll try a few brands and models before you buy a car. You stopped being shiny - it's normal, even the best of men can't be interesting all the time (and I guess that's why the pool boy can score the billionaire's wifey). And vice-versa, we get bored of that one special girl. The trick is to figure out how to be shiny for long enough and when you're not shiny anymore - but a good insurance policy aka playing the field helps out (easier said that done though - hence the rise of alternative methods, such as daygame)

It's a basic mistake (don't worry, everyone makes them, I made it too) to put all your eggs in one basket, don't do that - always diversify (just like with stock market - buying shares of one company only is like asking for trouble). Always play the field, and have a girl want to be with you, never the other way round - you'll always lose. Why? Beause of scarcity principle. What's common and easily available, isn't appreciated. Countless scientific studies corroborate this fact.

(Today 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  3) Maybe it's not actually something i did wrong, but just her losing interest and potentially have met someone else who is more fun and exciting. [...]

It's your responsibility to create interest - you can get initial traction from your looks, but keeping a girl, it's your knowledge (the Commandments, Evolutionary Psychology, game basics, Social Psychology, etc.), your actions, your charisma, your emotional control. Having said that, it doesn't mean you did anything wrong - we learn all the time - but you can do better next time. As long as you can learn, you'll do just fine. This forum is a useful place to be.

(Today 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  4) the sex wasn't what she expected from someone 4 years older than her. She expected more experience and took the chance to dip out using a different excuse. [...]

Nah, unlikely if she was with one guy only (proviso, she was telling the truth). I think you're projecting, manly needs and wants onto a woman. The sex is far less important for a normal 18 years old who has just been with one other guy (and for how long?) - it's all about emotions. Sex can contribute to that, if done right, but it's more about romance, than just sex, even when it's good.

(Today 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  Anyhow... Most of you guys were right, i was naive and thought this girl "was different". This is a huge red pill to swallow. I will take it as a huge learning experience rather than a defeat.

Most people have very similar basic needs and wants. We're hard-wired to them, and no, this girl wasn't any different. Basic physiological, deeply ingrained, down at the brain stem level, needs are pretty much alike for every girl.

To re-iterate. The most value you'll take away is from experience and from reading the Commandments. They succinctly summarise the cornerstones of good game. Once you'll internalise them and play by them, you'll be in a driver's seat.

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(This post was last modified: Today 07:27 PM by ksbms.)
Today 07:12 PM
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