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Breakup therapy?
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theoogabear Offline
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Post: #1
Breakup therapy?
What do y'all do to recover from a bad breakup?

Besides the obvious "bang a new chick." I don't really have the best game right now, so that's not immediately on the table for me right now.
08-02-2014 10:20 AM
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Blaster Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Breakup therapy?
(08-02-2014 10:20 AM)theoogabear Wrote:  What do y'all do to recover from a bad breakup?

Besides the obvious "bang a new chick." I don't really have the best game right now, so that's not immediately on the table for me right now.

That's it, really. Lift, approach, work, travel, enjoy not being attached.
08-02-2014 10:30 AM
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Katatonic Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Breakup therapy?
Realize the ridiculous notion that your happiness is dependent upon the proximity to another human being. Is she really that fucking special?
08-02-2014 10:32 AM
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The Reactionary Tree Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Breakup therapy?
Learn to find happiness while you are alone. If a breakup is painful after months or even years, it is a sign that you are too heavily invested in the life of your girlfriend. That their presence in your life is what makes you happy. That is not a good thing. If you cannot be happy when you are alone, then that is a major problem.

Make your life more fulfilling. Lift weights, read more, maybe write, maybe start a business, travel more, learn a foreign language, learn a useful skill, etc. Do things that enrich your life.

Your happiness should not be primarily derived from the existence of another person.
08-02-2014 10:38 AM
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theoogabear Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Breakup therapy?
(08-02-2014 10:32 AM)Katatonic Wrote:  Realize the ridiculous notion that your happiness is dependent upon the proximity to another human being. Is she really that fucking special?

Whoaaa now, I didn't give her all my power to happiness. I'm just bummed shit ended badly. She's a pretty cool chick, man. I'm not saying she's the "only one for me," but shit, I loved her a lot. And the enjoyment of not-being-attached, how do you do that? I think you're kind of cheating yourself if you just hold out.
08-02-2014 10:48 AM
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theoogabear Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Breakup therapy?
(08-02-2014 10:38 AM)objectivist tree Wrote:  Learn to find happiness while you are alone. If a breakup is painful after months or even years, it is a sign that you are too heavily invested in the life of your girlfriend. That their presence in your life is what makes you happy. That is not a good thing. If you cannot be happy when you are alone, then that is a major problem.

Make your life more fulfilling. Lift weights, read more, maybe write, maybe start a business, travel more, learn a foreign language, learn a useful skill, etc. Do things that enrich your life.

Your happiness should not be primarily derived from the existence of another person.
I should emphasize this is pretty recent. It hasn't even been a month.
08-02-2014 11:05 AM
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OGNorCal707 Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Breakup therapy?
(08-02-2014 10:48 AM)theoogabear Wrote:  
(08-02-2014 10:32 AM)Katatonic Wrote:  Realize the ridiculous notion that your happiness is dependent upon the proximity to another human being. Is she really that fucking special?

Whoaaa now, I didn't give her all my power to happiness. I'm just bummed shit ended badly. She's a pretty cool chick, man. I'm not saying she's the "only one for me," but shit, I loved her a lot. And the enjoyment of not-being-attached, how do you do that? I think you're kind of cheating yourself if you just hold out.


I feel you bro, my girlfriend of the past 8 months just broke up with me last night, and I'm pretty sure it's official that we are over. Even though I came to the realization that she's not someone I want to be with for the long long term, and has her issues, she's the girl that I've most deeply connected with and had the strongest feelings for.

Breaking up is hard to do and it hurts when you have had such strong emotions and a deep connection with a person. For me it sucks because she's been living at my place for the past 3 months, and now has to undergo the process of moving out, plus we have mutual friends in the same social circle which will only make things awkward.

I didn't really want to break up with her, but it's probably for the best. She's constantly in a state of emotional turmoil, she doesn't have a very firm grasp on her life, she is constantly unhappy and freaking out about her job, she does stupid shit like driving around for months without registration and insurance, and then feels overwhelmed when she gets in trouble and owes a shit ton of money in fines.

I was there with her the entire way, trying to be a strong man to help her out, provide her guidance, and motivate her, but in the end it wasn't enough. I never played the sugar daddy role and did a good job of getting her to throw in on expenses, but I did also treat her real well and pay for a lot of her dinner, drinks, etc.

It sucks because even though we had great times together, at the end she still felt like she was bored with life. At first I blamed myself because I'm not big into partying, and she likes excitement, going to festivals, and road trips, doing MDMA and other drugs. I'm pretty much over all that shit, and just want to focus on being successful, healthy, and having a more peaceful, comfortable day to day life.

In the end I guess we are at different points in our lives, and at 30 years old, I suppose I really don't need to have a girl who is constantly in a state of mental/emotional/financial turmoil. I'm trying to take a positive perspective on things and know that there are shit tons of other women out there that I can now go out meet and fuck, and not have a guilty concious about. I never cheated on her, and she is really attractive, but I still found myself desiring other women.

Even though my logical mind knows it's probably for the best, I'm still kind of depressed and upset and probably will be for at least a little while. Most guys would say go out and fuck some new pussy tonight, but personally I need at least a couple weeks to get over it, process things, and work it out of my system, before I can go out there with the right mentality to meet new women.

I guess this devolved into a bit of a rant, but I also wanted to mention that interestingly enough, a good friend of mine also got dumped by his long term girlfriend. In his case things were way worse, he'd been dating this girl who he was completely infatuated with, she was the hottest he'd dated, and she gave him the best sex. He went out with her for a little over a year, but the last 6 months were all long distance, with her on the other side of the country.

Being more hip to the game I tried to give him good advice, and tell him long distance never works, and eventually she'd find another guy. He was so "blinded by love" that he talked to her on the phone and skype for hours every day, flew to the east coast for a few days every 6 weeks, and he just got back from visiting her a week ago. She called him last night and basically claimed that she had "made out" with a few guys and had feelings for a guy in her grad school, but they only went out on a "movie date."

I didn't want to burst my friends' bubble because in a way he wanted to believe it wasn't anything more than that, but I think deep down inside he knew she was fucking other dudes and was for sure fucking this new guy. I'm pretty upset about my break up, but I'm 90% sure that my chick never fucked around, and we just hit the end of our road. It hurts 100 times worse when your are cheated on, manipulated, and deceived by a woman.

All in all, break ups are tough, but in the long run it's probably all for the best. My approach is just take a couple weeks to self reflect and work out your emotional shit, before you are ready to get back out there and take another crack at some new ladies.
08-02-2014 11:29 AM
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delicioustacos Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Breakup therapy?
(08-02-2014 10:20 AM)theoogabear Wrote:  What do y'all do to recover from a bad breakup?

Besides the obvious "bang a new chick." I don't really have the best game right now, so that's not immediately on the table for me right now.

I just wrote a story about this. There's no way around it: you're gonna hurt. The pain will stick until you've felt more hurt than you got joy from being with her. God is evil.

Practical shit you can do: don't send her that text. Write her number on a post it. Put it in a drawer. Erase it from your phone.

Go shred some other ass. If your game is in the toilet, go spear a hog. This is no time for standards. Fuck like no one is watching.

If you are a creative person-- you paint, write, play music-- this time will be a gold mine.

Other than that, sadness is healthy. It's the thoughts that get attached to the sadness-- I suck, I've failed, of course she would leave me, etc.-- that corrode you. Prayer, meditation, writing, cognitive-behavioral therapy-- find a tool that works to stay on top of your own mind.

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08-02-2014 11:40 AM
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theoogabear Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Breakup therapy?
thanks OGNorCal, I needed to read something like that.
08-02-2014 11:41 AM
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Post: #10
RE: Breakup therapy?
Good to revisit the "surviver scrolls", Tariq spitting truth starting at 14:13



08-02-2014 12:02 PM
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dog24 Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Breakup therapy?
Go back to basics.

If you where with a person for a long time, and that person leaves, most of the times it leaves a void and makes guys wonder okay if im not "random girl" bf anymore then who am i?... It makes it even worse when you met her through social circle and have to give that up too.

So my advice would be to get back to doing a thing you always loved doing and that no one can take away from you, for me it would be lifting, for some guys it would be martial arts, or painting, drawing whatever.

Also getting a friend who would just listen to what you have to say about it would help to get it over faster and do some introspection, instead of letting those things bottle up inside you.

Dont listen to the guys that are gonna say why was she so special get over it man, those are the guys that cried the most in the past.
08-02-2014 12:27 PM
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LaserBear Away
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Post: #12
RE: Breakup therapy?
Think back to whatever you enjoyed doing before her.
Think of what you gave up for her.
Un-give up those things.

And go hit the gym.
Say his to every cute girl you see.
Call up buddies and go camping.
Block her Facebook for you.
Join a sports team somewhere.
Do something, for yourself, as a man, to be a better man.
Then keep doing those things.

Your happiness should not depend on where you are or who you're with.
Like the old saying about moving away from your problems goes,

"No matter where you go, there you are."

Fix yourself first.
You aren't unhappy because of her, you're unhappy with yourself.
Do whatever it takes to be happy alone.
You shouldn't need a crutch to live.
08-02-2014 01:32 PM
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Glaucon Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Breakup therapy?
You just need time. The feelings you feel for her are only created by chemicals in your brain (mainly oxytocin and endorphin). You became "addicted" to her.

Your brain needs some time to flush out the hormones. Working out helps a lot.
08-02-2014 04:17 PM
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Veloce Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Breakup therapy?
Yep, there is no magic formula, no trick. Time is really the only thing that will cure a bad breakup.

Try not to drink too much. Let the pain wash over you. In the midst of it, you can be reassured with the certainty that the day will come when there is no more pain. You will wake up a single man, and you will be grateful that you are single.

New pussy and working out are great, but emotional bonds are very strong. New pussy, exercise, and time. That's your golden triad.

"...so I gave her an STD, and she STILL wanted to bang me."

TEAM NO APPS

TEAM PINK
08-02-2014 04:25 PM
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Matt3B Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Breakup therapy?
(08-02-2014 11:40 AM)delicioustacos Wrote:  cognitive-behavioral therapy

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Search for the "Power Of Now" audiobook. That will sort you out.

And all this talk of being emotionally invested in people is bad is bullshit, and I'm mainly looking at you here katatonic, just remember that we're human. We're not robots.

I think it's quite disrespectful to tell someone to just be able to turn off a switch, especially when they're hurting bad because it leads you down a dark path. Just because you may be able to do it, doesn't mean others can. I understand the notion of where it's coming from, I really do, and as far along as I've come, I still get bummed out when somebody leaves my life. I'd be really fucking worried if I didn't feel that emotional pain of departure, because it'd likely mean I wouldn't be able to feel the emotional high of happiness.

This Game and red pill shit goes too extreme sometimes, in my opinion.

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08-02-2014 04:37 PM
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Bacchus Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Breakup therapy?
This video always puts a smile on my face after any girl-related issues:



08-02-2014 09:32 PM
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Veloce Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Breakup therapy?
This is my ultimate post-break-up jam:




"...so I gave her an STD, and she STILL wanted to bang me."

TEAM NO APPS

TEAM PINK
08-02-2014 09:39 PM
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WestIndianArchie Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Breakup therapy?
Typical advice is to work on yourself, hang with friends, yadda yadda yadda

I'm gonna go darkside here,

1. get a hair cut
2. get some new clothes and a new cologne
3. hit the bars, clubs, and social events heavily.

Your practical goal is get laid while burying your hurt and anger.
You're building armor.

Get to a place mentally where you see these chicks for who they truly are.

Never again will you be fooled.

The fact that there's a bit of cruelty behind your motives will only make your game better.

Embrace the darkness

WIA
08-02-2014 09:51 PM
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Nascimento Offline
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Post: #19
RE: Breakup therapy?
Take time off. You don't need to be gaming new girls all the time.

Relax, feel it as you start to recover for the next few weeks.. you'll know when it's time to get back out there. It will be an aha moment.

Then, go balls to the wall and push yourself on nights out, making approaches during the day, etc.

In the meantime, enjoy your spare time, go to the gym more often, etc what has already been mentioned.

Time will pass quickly and you'll feel better in no time.

Also, watch the movie Swingers. Again if you've watched it before. Really picks you up as the humor is behind the theme of getting over a girl and having fun and moving on.
08-02-2014 10:12 PM
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Sombro Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Breakup therapy?
This advice may seem too late, but one key is to build rapport with her social circle while you're going out with her. It doesn't have to be her close friends (though it can be) but social acquaintances. Keep your SMV over hers the whole time by keeping a very light but slightly flirty vibe with people she knows. (Local Celebrity Game definitely played a factor in my case.)
After one GF dumped me, I was able to bang 3 of her friends within 6 months and the ex still got madly jealous, even though she initiated the breakup.
(This post was last modified: 08-02-2014 10:18 PM by Sombro.)
08-02-2014 10:14 PM
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Nascimento Offline
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Post: #21
RE: Breakup therapy?
(08-02-2014 04:37 PM)MattC Wrote:  
(08-02-2014 11:40 AM)delicioustacos Wrote:  cognitive-behavioral therapy

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Search for the "Power Of Now" audiobook. That will sort you out.

And all this talk of being emotionally invested in people is bad is bullshit, and I'm mainly looking at you here katatonic, just remember that we're human. We're not robots.

I think it's quite disrespectful to tell someone to just be able to turn off a switch, especially when they're hurting bad because it leads you down a dark path. Just because you may be able to do it, doesn't mean others can. I understand the notion of where it's coming from, I really do, and as far along as I've come, I still get bummed out when somebody leaves my life. I'd be really fucking worried if I didn't feel that emotional pain of departure, because it'd likely mean I wouldn't be able to feel the emotional high of happiness.

This Game and red pill shit goes too extreme sometimes, in my opinion.

I love this right here.

Even though the emotional low after leaving a girl or parting ways sucks badly, after getting over it you know it was worth going through since the emotional highs were fun and give you warm memories to look back on.
08-02-2014 10:14 PM
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big poppa Away
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Post: #22
RE: Breakup therapy?
Just remember guys, when we are 80 years old we will barely be able to feel these sorts of emotions. Embrace it..

Nothing wrong with feeling down and depressed, because you'll soon pick yourself back up and be able to appreciate the highs. The shitty parts of life are what helps us grow as men
08-03-2014 08:38 AM
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Post: #23
RE: Breakup therapy?
http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-35298.html Same here.

no other way around it but Time is the only thing that can heal this AND how hard it may seem, get with other girls. just being around other girls helps a lot and makes you forget about your ex for the moment. you're probably not in the mood at all to game girls so just try to setup online dating accounts like tinder/okc/pof.
08-03-2014 12:04 PM
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evilhei Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Breakup therapy?
I recently broke up with my long time girlfriend (5 years). Its been only few weeks actually.
We had a nice breakup and can still talk but I prefer to avoid it. I had been thinking of breaking up for years, running the scenarious in my head etc but its still very hard. In this long time you really grow together and forget how to exist alone.

Ive been going out with some friends, flirting/talking with all the girls that cross my path, just making eye contacts with girls walking the city and get them to smile. I am still not in mood of banging other girls and I think with all the stress etc right now it would be hard but just interacting with girls gets my mind off this. But it comes with waves, one moment im feeling superb with no troubles and the next im feeling really down.
08-03-2014 03:00 PM
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Post: #25
RE: Breakup therapy?
I'm sort of in here with you man.


I split with someone I felt was an actual good woman.


But the worst of all is knowing that I'm not right. I can't connect for whatever reason. After a bunch of thinking and reflection I haven't had real feelings for anyone in YEARS. Including my ex wife. I'm just not sure if I'll ever being able to care like I think that I should.
08-03-2014 07:04 PM
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