I'm Touring The United States! Starting in June, I'm conducting private events in 23 American cities. Click here for full details.

Post Reply 
Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles (parody)
Author Message
Parlay44 Offline
Peacock
******
Gold Member

Posts: 6,582
Joined: Aug 2011
Reputation: 67
Post: #1
Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles (parody)
Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles


http://www.thecollectiveint.com/2014/09/...r.html?m=1

Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles. Researchers at the University of Rochester have released their findings on the effects of Mountain Dew and yellow dye #5 on shrinkage of “the boys”, after many men have complained about the effects associated with drinking this beverage. Mountain Dew has a large number of ingredients. The two main ingredients of concern are caffeine and yellow dye #5, which is also known as Tartrazine. The FDA and the Center for Science in the Public Interest strongly recommends that we should only intake 5 mg per kilogram daily of the yellow dye #5, for young men it is recommended at 3.5 mg per kilogram daily of the yellow dye #5. Anything above that has a negative reaction on sperm count and causes gonadal atrophy (shrinking of the testicles).

Tartrazine has been used in many foods, drugs, ice creams and other products since 1916. It is currently found in Kraft macaroni and cheese, Doritos, Jello, Kool Aid, shampoos and hand stamps which can also shrink your testicles! The negative health outcomes that this chemical has created throughout this century are staggering. It has been proven to contribute to hyperactivity, rashes and hives, depression, cancer, asthma and low sperm count.

Earlier, in 2009, the Food Safety Authority also evaluated the negative effects of Tartrazine. They also found that Tartrazine has adverse effects on the reproductive organs. If you are drinking Mountain Dew on a regular basis, you should reconsider. If you are allowing your children to drink this, especially your young boys, you are setting them up for a life of health complications and smaller than usual “family jewels”.

SOURCE

Team Nachos
10-01-2014 10:32 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Ziltoid Offline
Pelican
****

Posts: 1,032
Joined: Oct 2012
Reputation: 13
Post: #2
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
I don't think the problem here is so much the additive itself, but rather that people drink way too much.

Preservatives, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweetners, and whatever else may not be all that great for you, but is having a few sodas every week going to impact your health? No. Way too many people drink 6 cans of the shit every day.
10-01-2014 10:36 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Brian Shima Offline
Pelican
****

Posts: 1,203
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 7
Post: #3
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
This was a rumor in the 90s, guess it was true.
10-01-2014 10:54 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
WesternCancer Offline
Crow
*****
Gold Member

Posts: 4,687
Joined: Sep 2011
Reputation: 47
Post: #4
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
The fuel of our favorite 'men'
[Image: TEdvUSZh.jpg]
(This post was last modified: 10-01-2014 10:59 PM by WesternCancer.)
10-01-2014 10:58 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
HawkWrites Offline
Woodpecker
**
Gold Member

Posts: 428
Joined: May 2014
Reputation: 10
Post: #5
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
(10-01-2014 10:58 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  The fuel of our favorite 'men'
[Image: TEdvUSZh.jpg]

The fuel is Mountain Dew and the sustenance is Cheetos.

-Hawk

Software engineer. Part-time Return of Kings contributor, full-time dickhead.

Bug me on Twitter and read my most recent substantial article: Regrets

Last Return of Kings article: An Insider's Guide to the Masculine Profession of Software Development
10-01-2014 11:02 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Basil Ransom Offline
Crow
*****
Gold Member

Posts: 4,877
Joined: Aug 2008
Reputation: 112
Post: #6
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
Parody article, not funny.
10-01-2014 11:15 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes Basil Ransom's post:
azulsombra
NorthxNorthwest Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 39
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation: 0
Post: #7
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
Ah, Basil beat me to it.

I did stumble across this study while I was looking for the nonexistent University of Rochester study: http://pharmacologyonline.silae.it/files...0/vol1/16.[1]_Goyal.pdf

According to those dosage protocols your grapes might turn to raisins if you happen to scarface 15 grams of the stuff a day for a month. Based on my lab experience with dyes, I'd guess there's no more than 10 mg of this stuff in a can of Mountain Dew so unless you're the uber-Brony drinking 1500 cans of Dew a day I think the boys are safe.

“Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul. You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope as old as your despair." - Douglas MacArthur
10-02-2014 12:00 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
The Beast1 Offline
Peacock
******
Gold Member

Posts: 7,610
Joined: May 2013
Reputation: 85
Post: #8
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
Drinking that nasty stuff multiple times a day seven days a week isn't healthy. If they want a caffeine fix, get some loose leaf tea and some turbinado sugar.

I have zero sympathy for today's incel pony lovers.

Shalom Alechem!
10-02-2014 08:17 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
DJ-Matt Offline
Hummingbird
*****
Gold Member

Posts: 3,278
Joined: Dec 2013
Reputation: 28
Post: #9
RE: Mountain Dew Proven To Shrink Your Testicles
Adam Carolla always said it was "nectar of the tards"

If I drink any soda at all, it's usually the throwback version because it contains real sugar and orange juice. However since I've weaned myself off high amounts of sugar it's necessary to water it down, the 40 or so grams of it is really strong.

Team visible roots
"The Carousel Stops For No Man" - Tuthmosis
(02-11-2019 05:10 PM)Atlanta Man Wrote:  I take pussy how it comes -but I do now prefer it shaved low at least-you cannot eat what you cannot see.
(This post was last modified: 10-02-2014 08:55 AM by DJ-Matt.)
10-02-2014 08:54 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes DJ-Matt's post:
TravelerKai
Post Reply 


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Video: AZ cop pulls down handcuffed man's shorts and tasers his bare testicles Delta 49 4,839 02-12-2019 10:51 AM
Last Post: Waqqle
  Woman climbs mountain in bikini, freezes to death Horus 38 7,569 01-27-2019 09:13 AM
Last Post: Simeon_Strangelight
  Man dies after injecting silicone directly into his testicles Roosh 41 5,731 12-24-2018 06:54 AM
Last Post: RawGod

Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | RooshV.com | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication