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An ode to Lindy West
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Horus Offline
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An ode to Lindy West
Dear Lil’ Lindy, most sturdy and proud,
Feminist darling o’ the left leaning crowd.
Fearlessly typing to further her cause,
To smash all injustice, to change all our laws.

Dear Lil’ Lindy, she wasn’t the type,
To improve on her flaws, but instead she would gripe,
That it’s up to society to accept how she was,
At 800 pounds, she deserved our applause.

Dear Lil’ Lindy, her first unborn daughter,
Sucked up through a hose, a clinical slaughter.
She braced herself in for her daughter’s excision,
For it was only hers, not her baby’s decision.

Dear Lil’ Lindy, her first unborn boy,
Scraped clean from her womb, so she could enjoy,
Unlimited freedom to stoke her career,
To incite in her enemies undeserved fear.

One day in September two-thousand-fifteen,
While ceaselessly stuffing her face with cuisine,
An idea to advance her career even further,
A story to glorify pre-natal murder.

Her Twitter lit up and the campaign had started,
“It’s a medical procedure so Fuck You!” she farted.
“#Shout your abortion, embrace it, be proud,
Of the choices you’ve made, don't hide b'hind a shroud!”

As the eve of her fortieth birthday was nigh,
She discovered her readership wasn’t as high,
As the glorious days of her kid killing column,
How once again could her readership blossom?

Years of her typing and the battles were won,
Free sex change procedures, they’d outlawed all guns.
No battles remained in her fame seeking bid,
Only one option left, she’d mother a kid.

A child would provide her unlimited material,
Of issues to pad her new work most ethereal.
She’d raise him to realise that mother was right,
That women are righteous and men are a blight.

One problem, th’ one man in the land she could find,
To marry her, wasn’t the muff loving kind.
That their marriage was sexless didn’t seem to her strange,
But today was the one day that all this would change.

“Dear husband,” she shrieked. “I’ve summoned you here,
To ravish my loins you cum-catching queer.”
Her husband, while carefully avoiding her glances,
Politely refused her amorous advances.

Lindy employing her ham fisted hocks,
Relentlessly beating him, shot after shot.
Quivering, shaking like a downtrodden runt,
He resigned to his fate, to impregnate her cunt.

As Lindy began to un’shamedly strip,
He cowered in fear as her clothes downward slipped.
And on gazing upon her enormous proportions,
His stomach convulsed in revolted contortions.

But driven by fear of his terrible wife,
And driven by desire to continue his life,
With both hands he lifted the folds of her gut,
Repulsed at the sight of the hole he would nut.

He positioned himself o’er her quivering Sarlacc,
Ignoring the groans of anguish from his sack.
But try as he might, he could not get it up,
His singular option, to jerk in a cup.

“It’s a medical procedure,” Lil’ Lindy did clamour,
In the IVF clinic in her self-assured manner.
“Oh dear darling husband, I’m so glad we waited,
For my miracle child which will soon be created.”

Physicians and experts did all they could for her,
But after five years they eventually assured her,
Her fallopian tubes had both withered to dust,
Resembling the texture of mouldy bread crusts.

Zoological experts, the pachyderm kind,
Were summoned from zoos, from lands far and wide.
They looked at her, silently shaking their heads,
Her fertility now irreversibly dead.

She stomped both her feet with most venomous bile,
But anger alone couldn’t make her fertile.
She continued to type, to enrage all her haters,
And died all alone as her cats slowly ate her.

Dear Lil’ Lindy just couldn’t avoid,
A cold barren womb, a meaningless void.
She could’ve avoided this tragic life sin,
If she’d put down the doughnuts, and went to the gym.
(This post was last modified: 02-07-2016 02:35 AM by Horus.)
09-25-2015 06:29 AM
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Sooth Offline
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Post: #2
RE: An ode to Lindy West
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09-25-2015 06:36 AM
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Parlay44 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: An ode to Lindy West
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Team Nachos
09-25-2015 06:48 AM
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Roosh Offline
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Post: #4
RE: An ode to Lindy West
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09-25-2015 06:54 AM
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Handsome Creepy Eel Offline
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Post: #5
RE: An ode to Lindy West
A poem with proper rhyme and metric!!! I thought that these were lost forever! Bravo!

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09-25-2015 11:39 AM
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Horus Offline
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
(09-25-2015 11:39 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  A poem with proper rhyme and metric!!! I thought that these were lost forever! Bravo!

Cheers mate. It's my first attempt at poetry. It began as something to put into the last Lindy thread, but I got carried away.
09-25-2015 11:58 AM
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samsamsam Offline
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Post: #7
RE: An ode to Lindy West
Too bad Twitter is only 140 characters. Good stuff.

Fate whispers to the warrior, "You cannot withstand the storm." And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm."

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09-25-2015 12:02 PM
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aphelion Offline
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
Horus,

This is really well constructed and cleverly timed. Well done.

Check out my occasionally updated travel thread - The Wroclaw Gambit II: Dzięki Bogu - as I prepare to emigrate to Poland.
09-25-2015 05:43 PM
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kaotic Offline
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
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(This post was last modified: 09-25-2015 05:48 PM by kaotic.)
09-25-2015 05:48 PM
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
This is amazing.
(This post was last modified: 09-29-2015 08:32 PM by Tactician.)
09-29-2015 08:32 PM
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muscless Offline
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Post: #11
RE: An ode to Lindy West


04-09-2016 04:46 AM
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Horus Offline
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...-pilloried

Quote:For years, Roosh and his bootlickers have been feverishly monitoring my life, mining it for vulnerabilities that they can exploit. They have stolen my wedding photos. They’ve vandalised my Wikipedia page. They’ve posted pictures of my children and my husband’s ex-wife. They’ve written long, sexually graphic poems about me. They’re obsessed with a completely innocuous YouTube video I made four years ago (because I eat food in it), and still leave comments: “Fatty fucking fat ass get raped you stupid fat landwhale.” 

[Image: tenor.gif?itemid=5632990]

I'm so happy that she saw this. And I'm flattered that I got a mention in a major newspaper!
11-05-2018 03:12 AM
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
Strange kind of obsession, when she hasn't been mentioned here in so long that I'd happily forgotten her.

Congrats to Horus. Your paean to Lindy not only entertained RVF, but supported her guffaw-inducing attempt at relevance-asserting humblebraggery. A twofer!
(This post was last modified: 11-05-2018 03:26 AM by Alsos.)
11-05-2018 03:21 AM
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Handsome Creepy Eel Offline
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
(11-05-2018 03:12 AM)Horus Wrote:  monitoring my life, mining it for vulnerabilities.

More like diving for vulnerabilities in a tank of lard Laugh

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(This post was last modified: 11-05-2018 05:29 AM by Handsome Creepy Eel.)
11-05-2018 05:29 AM
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
(11-05-2018 03:12 AM)Horus Wrote:  https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...-pilloried

Quote:For years, Roosh and his bootlickers have been feverishly monitoring my life, mining it for vulnerabilities that they can exploit. They have stolen my wedding photos. They’ve vandalised my Wikipedia page. They’ve posted pictures of my children and my husband’s ex-wife. They’ve written long, sexually graphic poems about me. They’re obsessed with a completely innocuous YouTube video I made four years ago (because I eat food in it), and still leave comments: “Fatty fucking fat ass get raped you stupid fat landwhale.” 

[Image: tenor.gif?itemid=5632990]

I'm so happy that she saw this. And I'm flattered that I got a mention in a major newspaper!

Who would have thought in 2015 that 3 years later this broad would have actually had a 6 episode Hulu series based on her "life".

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-f...lu-1131389

Look at this ridiculous picture of her eating a sundae before her burger as expected with her "I'm a fat girl eating fat girl food in front of you...what?" look.


[Image: 0d3cf84c-1bb4-11e6-a313-3b8443f9a5bc-640x766.jpg]
11-05-2018 06:52 PM
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
(11-05-2018 06:52 PM)BlackLeftLeft Wrote:  Who would have thought in 2015 that 3 years later this broad would have actually had a 6 episode Hulu series based on her "life".

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-f...lu-1131389

I just clicked on that link to see who is producing this nonsense. The culprits? Elizabeth Banks and Lorne Michaels (he of Saturday Night Live fame). Elizabeth is married to film producer (((Max Handelman))) and Lorne Michaels was born in Israel and his real name is (((David Lipowitz))).

I don't want to say every single time. But...Every. Single Time.

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(This post was last modified: 11-05-2018 07:14 PM by MajorStyles.)
11-05-2018 07:14 PM
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
Alright, no hamplanet needs poetry requiring a vertical scroll:

Fatty boom boom
Smells of Poo Poo
She can not reach to wipe
11-05-2018 07:21 PM
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kaotic Offline
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
She's still alive?

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11-05-2018 07:49 PM
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
(11-05-2018 07:49 PM)kaotic Wrote:  She's still alive?

Thanks to the marvels of medical science, in which she stretching the limits like her pants.
11-05-2018 08:16 PM
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
Don't forget Swoop the World and Fisto's epic takedown:




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11-05-2018 08:23 PM
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911 Offline
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RE: An ode to Lindy West
NOM! NOM! NOM!

λ ό γ ο ς
11-06-2018 01:05 AM
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