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Dealing with "Pain"
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samsamsam Offline
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Post: #1
Dealing with "Pain"
No tl;dr here folks.

Something I have been pondering lately. We all have different levels of pain tolerance be it physical or emotional. In this post I am using the word pain to describe a whole range of things that basically reduce a person’s joy. So a bad job, inconveniences, annoyances, bad marriage, anything that takes energy to manage but produces no tangible happiness.

I can take, or in the past at least, a huge amount of pain, struggle, inconvenience. It was always something I was proud of. It also showed up when my friends had their struggles because I could take their hurt also. Back in the day when I thought I was supposed to help everyone I met. Not anymore.

But we all have our limits. Either through circumstances, age or just being worn down, I am actively thinking of ways to reduce the pain load now.

Don't get me wrong pain serves a purpose. No one is successful without pain. Plenty of stories about successful men who endured tremendous hardship and failure before being massively successful.

I am not encouraging people to quit right when they ever experience any pain, they would never get anywhere. They would never develop any character. A lot of people these days seem to wilt at the slightest inconvenience. But constantly taking punches does nothing but produce brain damage at some point, right?

I think there comes a point in life when one needs to cut some losses and refocus efforts that may be more rewarding despite maybe not being the most monstrously successful in terms of money, fame or power.

2016 is coming up, I would like to set some things in motion to make 2016 one of the more enjoyable years I have had recently while slogging through some deals I am involved in.

How have some of you reduced the stuff that wasn’t adding value? With respect, I am curious to hear from those who have stuck with something for a while, not those who just quit whenever you are unhappy. I am making that distinction because I have been at some of these things for a while and would help me process to hear from those who were in the same boat. I also don’t want to sound ungrateful. Through hard work, saving and investing I am in an enviable position but at the same time, these things that I have worked towards have been feeling like a burden lately.

For example, my real estate holdings. Sure it generates cash flow, but when there are those rough months, vacancies, repairs, etc. the positive becomes a negative very quickly. In a way, I am thinking that knowing there will not be a negative outcome in a month is worth so much more than the potential cash flow. It easier to budget and plan my life without this wildcard. Many would say keep it, the cash I have to chip in each year is so much less than the appreciation, but those were the math games I played when I was younger. Now I am just thinking, fuck it.

I'd also be interested in hearing from those who just decided they were done with it all, cashed in their chips and just went traveling. I think if you have enough assets, generating 1k to 2k a month in cash flow might not be that hard. With those resources and some random gigs, I bet you could live very well abroad. How did you arrive at that final decision?

Thanks for letting me hash this out a bit on a thread. I welcome any insights you guys are willing to share.

Fate whispers to the warrior, "You cannot withstand the storm." And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm."

Women and children can be careless, but not men - Don Corleone

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(This post was last modified: 10-29-2015 10:02 PM by samsamsam.)
10-29-2015 09:52 PM
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RichieP Offline

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Post: #2
RE: Dealing with "Pain"
I would say do it BUT do realistically figure out some way to at least roughly cover your expenses before you jet off. If, two years down the line, you're at roughly the same net worth with two years of amazing, fulfilling, awakening experiences under your belt... that's a win.

However, a year or two of travelling that burns through your savings is probably NOT the wisest move.

Once you're on the road, it's all too easy to let finances fall to the wayside as you soak up the experience. You can set off with the best of intentions - "yeah man I'll figure something out, there's so much I could do". This is dangerous though. Travel has a way of making you feel like a king, but at the end of the day it's your bank balance that dictates your actual opportunities in life.

So I'd say at least try and get fingers in pies of cashflow streams you could hold/operate while you're on the road. You're right, it's easy to generate $1-2k a month, but its one of those "easy when you know how" or "easy once you've found your pony" kinda things.

A friend of mine sold his assets and took an easy teaching gig in an exciting new country - had an absolute adventure, and the time of his life. Easy enough to re-invest later on.

I would say start researching possible options - there's tons - what kind of avenues are you looking at? Online gigs?

Finally, for such situations, a cool little fear-setting exercise:
“What is really the worst that could happen if I did what I’m considering? And so what? How could I prevent any damage, or undo it if it did happen? Could I do a trial run - 1-2 months?"
(This post was last modified: 10-30-2015 04:05 AM by RichieP.)
10-30-2015 03:16 AM
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H1N1 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Dealing with "Pain"
I can't speak to the whole post, as I'm too young to have struggled for any real prolonged period of time on most things. However, I am into the 4th year of running a business, with employees. In that time I've landed major clients, lost major clients, been on the verge of hitting the big time on a number of occasions for it only to fall through at the last minute, had employees vanish into thin air at critical times leaving me with a crisis on my hands, split with a business partner and set up in immediate competition, etc etc. Although we've done quite well for ourselves so far, the reality is that as the guy on whose shoulders it all rests, there have been many more hard times than good. A couple of things keep me going:

One is the bigger picture of where I want to be with my life, and what personal, political, and financial independence looks like to me. I believe that on balance I am more likely to get to that point more quickly doing what I am doing, thank I would be by doing something 'easier', or where I had less ultimate responsibility.

The other is the fact that I suspect that much of day to day life is hardship, struggle, and disappointment, and on balance I would rather confront that on my own terms, than dance to another's tune. Whatever you're doing, however rich or successful you are, life has a funny way of equalising suffering. Having more money makes somethings easier, but brings with it other problems. I know a lot of very rich people with degenerate wasters for children, broken marriages, chronic diseases, seriously sick children etc. More money may change the nature of some of your problems, and noone would really chose to be poorer, but I'm a great believer that once the basic requirements (food shelter etc) are met, then life is really no better or worse for most people, simply different in the nature of its struggles. If that is in fact the case, then really all that matters is that you try to pick a lifestyle, suited to your temperament, that means you experience more of some types of hardship than others.

I appreciate that this does not address your whole post, Samsamsam, but it is the only part of it to which I can speak with confidence.
10-30-2015 07:30 AM
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CleanSlate Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Dealing with "Pain"
I think long-term stagnation is worse than an alternating cycle of pleasure and pain, within reason.

Let me explain. I'll start with a story.

I've held the same job for 8 years. When I got hired, it was only months before 2008's financial crash, and I survived a round of layoffs the following year. After the layoffs, the company put on a hiring freeze and there was dark cloud of potential future layoffs, and I was holding onto my job for dear life.

Of course, that rumored second round of layoffs never materialized. But I was so afraid of losing my job that I knocked all my supervisors dead with my stellar performance.

I became indispensable. The most valued member of the team. Got promoted 3 times with huge bumps in salary and bonuses, even with the media constantly bleating about high unemployment, decreasing wages and tiny piecemeal cost-of-living raises.

So what could possibly be wrong in this picture?

I wasn't learning anything new on the job, particularly over the past 4 years. It's the same every day, just with more work. My mental capacities were not growing. I was, and still am bored. I became a corporate drone. Get up at 6 am to get dressed, go to work, put in the face time, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, and go to bed.

Same. Thing. Every. Day.

Thoughts creeping into my head... is this it?

Are the rest of my days going to be the same like this?

I was married at the time, so I pushed those creeping thoughts out of my mind with other thoughts, "my family is my responsibility. It's my job to provide, so do whatever it takes. Put in your face time, get a steady pay check."

Now that I'm single and only responsible for myself, the mental paradigm I'd built in my head quickly fell apart. I lived in a house of cards. Collapsed all around me.

I want to say it is "freeing". But, honestly, I don't feel free yet. There's still my desk job.

I'd become a victim of my own success. I impressed my managers so much they gave me responsibilities no one else could take on. With my mental paradigm shift, my indispensability went from a job security asset, to a freedom limiting handcuff.

I don't suffer from hardship. I live a first world lifestyle. I make good bank.

But I don't have many adventures. I'm not growing. I'm not learning something new every day. My mental capacities are becoming narrower and more limited with the sameness of my work every day. Today is the same as yesterday. Tomorrow will be the same as today.

I am stagnating.

Now, my first half of 2015 was a wild roller coaster ride, alternating between the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs. It was a hell-to-heaven 6 months, with spikes and dips in between. The excruciating pain of getting cheated on, the heartbreak, feeling all alone and isolated from family and friends and a community like this forum.

Getting through the roller coaster drama of a divorce fighting against emotional manipulation tactics, moving to a new address, lawyers, advice from families, advice from this very forum... that was a plentiful dose of pain and pleasure all wrapped into one.

Then my Philippines trip. The apex of my year. So much pleasure. Maybe a little too much.

And I'll tell you what. Those 6 months was FAR more interesting and educational than years of same-thing-everyday stagnation. It helped me grow as a person, and as a man. It motivated me. It lit a fire under my ass.

While things have settled down since, I am riding a wave of personal motivation. I started a business, and working on generating a second stream of income. I have a goal in mind.

I do not want to continue to stagnate.

Stagnation is not living. It is just waiting to die.

Which brings me to what to do next. Sam^3, you and I are thinking on a similar wavelength. No, I don't have real estate properties, but we're thinking of generating enough cash flow to live a location independent lifestyle.

We're thinking the same thing:

Fuck it. Just go.

At the same time, we have to be smart in how to proceed. Just up and go without at least a tentative plan might not be the wisest move. On the other hand, we don't want to go into analysis paralysis mode. We don't want to wait until we're 100% ready... because that probably will never happen.

Sometimes you just got to take a leap. An informed leap.
(This post was last modified: 10-30-2015 09:24 AM by CleanSlate.)
10-30-2015 09:17 AM
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Tigre Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Dealing with "Pain"
Samsamsam, the first thing that comes to mind is making a five year plan. Where do you want to be in five years? Or how do you want to spend these next five years?

You may find that your present lifestyle is what suited you at some time in the past. Your plan might have been build my net worth, position myself well for whatever comes in the future.

Life moves on, people change and move through different phases, your vision should change to reflect that.

You might find it hard to get enough clarity to refine your vision, in the event that you are feeling kind of burned out. Maybe it involves taking some time off to clear out the noise a bit. A proper vacation, and then you can decide on the way forward. Or maybe just the Xmas break will be enough time to get things straight.

How did you feel when you set off on vacation the last time around? Did it meet your expectations? How did you feel coming back to your everyday life?

Regarding real estate holdings, you could plan out some scenarios and put some detail on each of them.
One scenario - how much would it ding your net worth to use a property management company
Second scenario - find a young buck who needs a mentor and will take on those duties as part of learning the biz.
Third scenario - sell a property to fund new lifestyle.
Fourth scenario - get a low-interest loan to fund your travel and provide for out of pocket expenses on the investments

Once you have real information and figures, the decision starts to take shape.
10-30-2015 10:12 AM
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realologist Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Dealing with "Pain"
I think part of being a man is struggling, hardships and challenges and how you handle them. If you overcome and conquer them you seal your fate as a man to respect and be admired. Possibly remembered as a legend as others have been.

Once you achieve greatness and success in one area of struggle its almost as man seeks another one just to gain the fulfilment of conquering it again.
10-30-2015 10:48 AM
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samsamsam Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Dealing with "Pain"
I appreciate the responses.

I have been at it for a while and have a series of successes and accomplishments that looking back, I should have been prouder of. I have never been one to celebrate much. I think the most exciting thing I have done in the past is making color copies of 6 figure checks and sticking them in a book (which I probably couldn't find at the moment). The recent years have been rougher, I had a chance to walk away from it all, but decided to invest big in a specific industry. There looks to be light at the end of the tunnel with this investment, but many years have passed and I am tired and older*. I may not have been through a divorce, but the stress with this investment and drama does give me some taste of extended personnel conflict. Luckily, I have a great business partner.

During this tough stretch, I will admit I would celebrate things small victories that in the past I would never have thought twice about. So I do think this stretch has made me a more appreciative person. I even appreciate being punched in the face while boxing, well because I have the privilege to learn how to box.

I have been planning for much of my life, I think CS gave it a better term calling it stagnation. I have kept myself busy and growing as much as I can while working with my investment. I think my recent extended trip gave me a tremendous look at how much happier I could be living abroad. I was able to work. The only issue was time zone differences but skype, google hangout and the internet really made things possible. I am location independent tomorrow if I wanted to. But I would feel a little awkward doing that to my business partner, who is actually quite supportive and would let me. But there is this feeling of leaving someone behind that would bother me. Questions like, had I been based in the States could this XYZ thing been handled better and faster?

I do think overanalyzing stuff is part of the problem. For example, regarding the RE, I am debating moving some assets and doing a 1031 into a home near my family. Long term that would be my house. But once again that creates another item to manage rather than a straight up liquidation. But there is value in simplicity and maybe that means just liquidate it all.

And I think in some life decisions it can't be an analysis it has to be a gut thing. However, I try not to make decisions like that. But one of packing up and condensing life into a few suitcases is still a big move. But it is a thought that varies in intensity on a week to week basis.

Sometimes one most let go of what is in one's hand to then hold something new and better. Yet, letting go of what is in the hand can be difficult. That could be where I am at.

*As far as the older comment goes, I just think my priorities have begun to shift and a deep desire to have a family is building in me. In the past, I have always given it lip service, it was something on my list but it wasn't always at the top. There was always a project, a trip, or something else that was more important. Now it seems like simplifying and reducing the distractions so I can focus on family is moving quickly up the list.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Fate whispers to the warrior, "You cannot withstand the storm." And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm."

Women and children can be careless, but not men - Don Corleone

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(This post was last modified: 10-30-2015 08:32 PM by samsamsam.)
10-30-2015 08:29 PM
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YossariansRight Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Dealing with "Pain"
Life's too fucking short not to be as pleasurable as possible.

If you see a path(s) that are going to enrich your life, take them. Use your knowledge, experience and red pill wisdom and make it happen.

I'm pretty much at the same place and I think to myself: "Am I going to say in 5/10/20 years 'I didn't do 'x' when I should have, now it's too late. Fucking, fucking moron.'

Make it happen. That's my 2 cents.

“….and we will win, and you will win, and we will keep on winning, and eventually you will say… we can’t take all of this winning, …please Mr. Trump …and I will say, NO, we will win, and we will keep on winning”.

- President Donald J. Trump
11-01-2015 07:27 PM
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