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What did you do to improve your confidence?
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iknowexactly Offline
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Post: #51
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-02-2011 10:41 AM)Anonybrit Wrote:  I am not after a quick fuck but the entire experience of a female and everything it brings, but realistically few women can deliver that......
Most women, like men, are dull monotonous drones with little interest outside of drinking and dancing and 75% of their lives are spent working

Smart. I'm into a real link too, not quick screws interspersed with hanging with "my boys" ( I'm over 40) I only want to hang out with guys when we're doing things women are often too dumb or lazy to do like play music or make movies.

If I'm watching a movie, I want to have a pretty woman leaning on my shoulder, not another tense, edgy guy like me hanging around making me nervous.

Women ( psychologically healthy women, who are more rare than wack jobs but findable) calm me down.

i've increased my confidence in a somewhat negative way, by Buddhist realization that we are more impermanent and unreal than a comic book.

A comic book might be here in 200 years, but not only we but everyone who ever knew us will be gone then. There will be no living memory of any of us. So how we appear to others is absolutely meaningless.
(This post was last modified: 07-03-2011 02:25 AM by iknowexactly.)
07-03-2011 02:21 AM
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Urban Renaissance Man Offline
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Post: #52
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-03-2011 02:21 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  If I'm watching a movie, I want to have a pretty woman leaning on my shoulder...
Women ( psychologically healthy women, who are more rare than wack jobs but findable) calm me down.

i've increased my confidence in a somewhat negative way...

I honestly don't think there is a negative way to improve your confidence. ( Provided it doesn't involve hurting other people, or using foreign substances) I feel that way because someone with low confidence generally had it stripped from them unfairly, and at a young age. A little child being told he's too ugly, too skinny, to black, whatever, had his confidence negatively impacted by forces beyond his control. This also goes for children who were bullied, molested, etc. A false depiction of oneself is created. So, since the negative picture was created unfairly, I don't feel you should have to use fair or orthodox means to change it. Whatever it takes to get your confidence back, do it!

Building your confidence up is generally do to a series of small victories and the realization that you're no worse than anyone else, and many times, better. However, you must have actual positive experiences. It took real experiences to strip your confidence, it's going to take a real experiences to build it back up.

The reason why a level headed girl calms you down, is because we were designed to interact with them! There's different schools of thought as a whether men were meant to be monogamy or not, but clearly women were meant to play an important role in our lives. That is why many men put in importance on gaming women, because interaction with them is important. Self improvement is wonderful, but learning to play the flute will never make you as happy as learning to be successful with women.

With all of that said, I still feel a man needs to have the ability to be content living by himself, and not place women on on unearned pedestals. That is where self improvement comes in.
07-03-2011 10:26 AM
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Walderschmidt Offline
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Post: #53
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
My confidence came through experiencing major fails and learning from them. One-itis, beta-backsliding, pedastalization, neediness. I learned from my mistakes (and am still learning). Now I have got the mindset that "no matter what happens, I am always improving and getting better".

In fact I would argue that I don't mind making mistakes, because the cost of learning now is way less than it could be in the future. Imagine me learning this stuff as I get married (if I get married)!

Wald
07-03-2011 03:23 PM
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Samseau Offline
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Post: #54
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
One way I improved my confidence was to do nude modeling back in college. Pays good and it teaches you to be completely comfortable with yourself.

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07-03-2011 04:31 PM
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-02-2011 06:54 PM)Gmac Wrote:  The point of game is to get better with women in order to sleep with them, not to hold their hand or have comfortable conversations with them. It could be with one, it could be with a million, but it's still completely goal independent. No one is trying to just get better at approaches, so let's not beat around the bush as to why we are all here.

This is where we differ. I do not do it to get better with women, and especially not to sleep with more of them. This is a nice side bonus, but this is not the goal. My goal is NOT more pussy, and in fact I have to take extra precautions to avoid falling into that kind of mindset. The problem here that if I frame my goals this way, I'd just switch to upscale hookers as this would be the most logical decision in my situation. Think about it this way: spending eight hours to talk to a chick I just want to bang once is ridiculous waste of time to me, and roughly translates to working for $20/hr - and I have never worked for such ridiculously low amount since I moved to US.

The goal of my game is self-improvement the way I define it. It means I set up some goals for myself, and - the most important part - those goals are NOT evaluated by the amount of pussy I get. It may be the opposite - if I set up a goal to talk to ten groups, but sidetracked because some chick talked to me and we ended up in her place fucking, this means I failed, as I did not achieve my goal. It might feel weird for some of you, and it indeed looks strange in some situations - those of you who followed my posts could have seen that I ignore and do not pursue a lot of "pretty much guaranteed fuck" situations just because they do nothing to achieve my goals.

So, sleeping with women is a nice side bonus but it is not my goal. This is why I can say I do not put pussy on pedestal. I put myself on pedestal.

Quote:Sure, you can apply the concepts of game to different aspects of your life... but then you aren't talking about just game anymore. I'll concede to a point... as all definitions of game relate to developing the ability and mindset to become good with the opposite sex.

There are several very different scenarios. Just look on the common example, building up the confidence.

The first one is "become better with women, and you'll improve your confidence". In this case the man's confidence relies on the external feedback he receives. He is putting those women on his pedestal since his confidence depends on how they value him. You can see this around with a lot of American chicks, who show you the (fake) sky-high confidence, but could be easily put down by using negs because her confidence is not self-sufficient, it is based on how other people read her.

The second one is "improve your self-confidence, and you will become better with women". In this case the man's confidence is based on his internal perception. He doesn't depend on anyone's feedback, advice or evaluation. And this is not perfect either - there are some issues with this scenario as well, the most important is to avoid getting into "impossible to get" category of men (BadBoy described it very well).

As you see, two different scenarios would - if succeed - achieve the same results, even though their goals, strategies and intermediate targets are different. This is why I'm saying there is no "game" - there are many different games. And for each specific person there always be a game unique to him, which would help him to achieve the best results depending on their goals. This is why I'm very skeptical about "game advice" in general, and see much more value in field reports.

Personally I attribute it to the cultural difference. For example, Iagree with most of the things Athlone McGinnis writes, and when I follow up the discussion it looks like both parties are talking about different things and do not really understand each other. This is typical in cross-culture disputes, and there is no solution. Just accept we're different.
07-03-2011 06:05 PM
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tongue-splitter Offline
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Post: #56
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-03-2011 03:23 PM)Walderschmidt Wrote:  My confidence came through experiencing major fails and learning from them. One-itis, beta-backsliding, pedastalization, neediness. I learned from my mistakes (and am still learning). Now I have got the mindset that "no matter what happens, I am always improving and getting better".

In fact I would argue that I don't mind making mistakes, because the cost of learning now is way less than it could be in the future. Imagine me learning this stuff as I get married (if I get married)!

Wald

I'd have to agree with this post, in a big way. Really, what this ties into for me is the concept of experience (in general) trumping everything else. Trial by fire. Every moment you're in "the arena", trying something new, taking risks, going outside your comfort zone, reaching for something (or someone) you really want, you've just made a deposit into your confidence bank. Confidence doesn't always stem solely from having or remembering good experiences-- confidence can come from knowing you've survived the bad stuff again and again, and you know you can't be defeated by it anymore.

The first major breakup I went through in my life taught me ~50% of what I'd say makes me the man I am today. I was guilty of the "beta-backsliding" mentioned above, and lost my woman because of it. Once the dust settled a year later or so, and I saw the root of my mistake, it taught me the harshest lesson I've ever learned in my life. As much as that breakup tore me apart, you damn well better believe I'll never make that mistake again. It's like a lab rat that gets shocked from touching a button or something... if I even feel my thoughts start drifting towards beta-ville, my mind instantly recoils and self-corrects.

Each subsequent breakup got easier and easier for me, and that's reflective of a sense of inner calmness and confidence because I've ridden the rollercoaster... I've enjoyed the best times and the most difficult times, and I'm still here. I see Gmac talking about stuff like that here a lot... when your life becomes the sum of your repeated experiences, you gain a sense of mastery that pervades everything you do. I'm still on my way there, but that's what I truly believe, anyway.
07-03-2011 06:27 PM
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oldnemesis Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-02-2011 08:50 PM)Samseau Wrote:  You did not quote any shaming tactics. I was directly responding to your claim that I needed to "prove" to you why you should approach girls, when in fact I don't need to prove shit.

Yes you do. This is actually something you do all the time - you state something you believe in as a hard fact, and then when asked to prove it you either refuse right away with self-righteous attitude, ignore it completely or play a victim game. This has happened several times during our discussion as well, and the last time you even ridiculously accused me of ad-hominem - something you just did.

Quote:by the way, there were at least three other people who quoted my post of "shaming" tactics so obviously it wasn't completely devoid of logic

I don't see it relevant. A fact may be true even if nobody quoted it, and the fact may be false even if millions support it. Millions of people believed the Earth was flat, and they all were wrong.
07-03-2011 07:03 PM
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Samseau Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-03-2011 07:03 PM)oldnemesis Wrote:  
(07-02-2011 08:50 PM)Samseau Wrote:  You did not quote any shaming tactics. I was directly responding to your claim that I needed to "prove" to you why you should approach girls, when in fact I don't need to prove shit.

Yes you do. This is actually something you do all the time - you state something you believe in as a hard fact, and then when asked to prove it you either refuse right away with self-righteous attitude, ignore it completely or play a victim game. This has happened several times during our discussion as well, and the last time you even ridiculously accused me of ad-hominem - something you just did.

Quote:by the way, there were at least three other people who quoted my post of "shaming" tactics so obviously it wasn't completely devoid of logic

I don't see it relevant. A fact may be true even if nobody quoted it, and the fact may be false even if millions support it. Millions of people believed the Earth was flat, and they all were wrong.

Dude, we're just derailing the thread with pointless drivel. No one cares about how we feel about each other Heart . But if you have genuine problems with what I say, you can always PM me. Really, I'm a nice guy.

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07-03-2011 07:17 PM
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Amour Fou Offline
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Post: #59
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
"What did you do to improve your confidence?"

Sex with pretty girls Banana

That's about it!Blush

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07-03-2011 09:00 PM
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sir_seducer Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
''what doesn't kill you make you more stronger''.. this phrase like circumstances in my life gave me confidence time by time.
...ditched by many girls in the past...ONE-ITIS...reading psychology of girls....time to time made me stronger.
07-04-2011 02:10 AM
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blurb Away
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Post: #61
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
Roissy wrote a blog entry a while back that Game, compressed in its most simplest form, is just a trait that women lust most in a man: Unshakeable Supreme Confidence.

Think about it. It has been said that women are biologically programmed to go after "alpha traits" and "alpha behavior." Where did this come from? Well, one of my hypotheses is that thousands of years ago when most humans organized themselves into primitive tribes, the men hunted and the women gathered. However, men might not always be successful in catching their prey. Men might get mauled by a wild animal, get lost, or get killed. So, when a man comes back to the tribe and single-handedly brings back a huge wild pig, you better bet he's going to feel pretty confident. His behavior might also change. He might become cocky and think to himself, "Yeah, I just killed a wild animal for dinner. I'm the man." He might walk upright, look women straight in the eye and NOT CARE what other women think of him because he knows that he did something great that no other guy in the tribe did. He's going to walk with swagger and style. In summary, the women see the man as higher status and one distinguishing characteristic that he has that no other man in the tribe has that day is the man's confidence (a.k.a. "alpha behavior")

So, what do YOU have that gives you confidence? It can be anything. Being well-read. Playing a musical instrument. Being in a band. Winning the spelling bee. Speaking multiple languages. Being able to leg press 500 kg. Telling funny jokes. Narrating a personal experience that excites a woman's emotions.

It's easier to gain confidence when you already have something to be confident in.

No matter how lame or how stupid it sounds, find something you're good at and be proud of it. It's better to be proud of something than nothing.

Find your niche and be the best at it.

"For every male endeavor, there is a groupie--except WOW."





Too many men today (especially young men), when handed free time, idly spend their time on video games, movies, tv, and all other kinds of worthless garbage because at the end of a long work-day, they're barely able to lift a finger to pick up a book and just want to "chill."

Roosh has written that the two most important things that compose tight game is:

1) Being cool.

2) Being interesting.

How can you be cool and intersting when all you do is play video games and watch football?

Hello.
(This post was last modified: 07-04-2011 09:31 PM by blurb.)
07-04-2011 09:24 PM
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-04-2011 09:24 PM)blurb Wrote:  Too many men today (especially young men), when handed free time, idly spend their time on video games, movies, tv, and all other kinds of worthless garbage because at the end of a long work-day, they're barely able to lift a finger to pick up a book and just want to "chill."

Roosh has written that the two most important things that compose tight game is:

1) Being cool.

2) Being interesting.

How can you be cool and intersting when all you do is play video games and watch football?

I agree, it's definitely true that playing video games and watching TV won't help your confidence. Most of us have said that confidence comes from experience, which I agree with entirely. Confidence comes with age, experience, and knowing you've already dealt with all kinds of shit and made it out in one piece.

That being said, the kind of "experience" that comes from things like TV, video games, watching movies doesn't really help you at all. It really is just a time killer and should be eliminated to the fullest extent possible. Go out and actually do shit that matters, and it should help your confidence. Each person obviously has an their own idea of "what matters", but doing it certainly helps a lot more than engaging in passive forms of entertainment during your down time.
07-04-2011 09:58 PM
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Moma Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-02-2011 07:31 AM)pitt Wrote:  Athlone lets have a healthy discussion, no need to throw indirect shotsWink

Anyway, i probably agree with few things that you said but in my humble opinion you found a way to protect yourself for failing at gaming and i guess it worked for you but it is not the best option.

Anybody that truly sleeps around with a high number of women will tell you that their lives became better, no wonder why many of us on here enjoy travelling and just sleep around with a high number of women.

Guys with comments such as "if she doesnt want to fuck me its her loss, its only pussy, who cares" and adopting other ways to ignore pussy, are finding other sources that will substitute their lack of game. It is like wanting to become rich and finding out difficult to do so and you decide to choose to live a normal life and you put in your mind that what matters is having enough money to pay the bills. Don't get me wrong, i dont think everybody should try to get rich or whatever, but if you have a goal and then change afterwards and you decide to live an average life when you could do much better, you are a sucker in my opinion.

The secret is to be persistent .If you ever had a fitness personal trainer, you would understand how they hate people that give up and they know that your improvement becomes slower when you give up work outs or you start finding excuses for your lack of effectiveness, such as "i will do this tomorrow" or "i dont really need to do 100 press ups in order to gain strength, i can just do 20", LAME EXCUSES.

I advise people that are not doing that great with women to change their strategy or approach, no doubt that athlone is right by saying to work on your inner game and expose value, but this game requires lots of applying and testing, and you cant do that by just looking good or having a great personality, you have to approach and approach like crazy in order to truly succeed.

I fully agree with this. I've tried all angles but believe me, nothing has made me happier than periods when I was pounding out several different lizards.

Like it or not, as hetro male human beings, we are strongly driven by our need to interact with females. Instead of running from it, you must strive to control it where approaching becomes as natural as breathing and where you are able to see signs and capitalise on sexual opportunities.

This will only arise from approaches and consequently numerous failures.

I believe a wise man once said, show me a man who has never failed and I will show you a man who has never tried. I would even supplement that and say, show me a man who has never failed and I will show you a man who has never lived.

Gmanifesto's philosophy is bang on, the numerous No's will bring you closer to the Yes..so you need to get those No's out of the way.

Mixx's New Year's theory was brilliant, open up on 3 lizards a day. Do that and you cannot go wrong, I don't give a fcuk if you are Quasimodo!

But to cap, there is no easy way around the anxiety. Try the rubber bands for a psychological jolt. Try pumping weights for that physical confidence.
After that, just approach. Anyone who tells you there is another way around it, is a liar...PERIOD!

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(This post was last modified: 07-05-2011 12:41 PM by Moma.)
07-05-2011 12:28 PM
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Excelsior Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-05-2011 12:28 PM)Moma Wrote:  But to cap, there is no easy way around the anxiety. Try the rubber bands for a psychological jolt. Try pumping weights for that physical confidence.
After that, just approach. Anyone who tells you there is another way around it, is a liar...PERIOD!

I'm not lying when I say that cold approaching isn't the only (nor the best) way to improve one's confidence in every case.
There are other ways, depending on who you are, that may be more suitable to you.

Then again, as Oldnemesis said, cultural differences do play a role here.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
(This post was last modified: 07-05-2011 11:58 PM by Excelsior.)
07-05-2011 11:57 PM
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Shennie Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
im new here and everything..but hitting the weights...i know its not everything..but adding some muscle helped me get more confidence..which indirectly helped me bang more broads...

i actually met a chick recently at the gym..and im on the verge of closing the deal with her
07-06-2011 01:15 AM
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Giovonny Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
Another way to increase confidence is to deal with any unresolved emotional issues that you might have. I think that stuff is deep Inner Game. Carrying around alot of emotional baggage can have a negative effect on your vibe. Sometimes you gotta just stay home alone for a few days and really think about stuff. If you have more internal peace, you might be more comfortable and have more confidence.

Talking to my parents about why they divorced helped me get over alot of anger and pain.

Which allowed me to be more relaxed and soften my vibe so that it was more attractive to females. My sense of humor picked up and my attitude was more playful and less intense. I started dressing with more swag because I was more comfortable with who I was.

Forgiving someone, forgiving yourself, having a heart to heart talk with a parent or sibling, these kinds of things can sometimes release weight off your chest and allow you to display more of your "best self".

As far as approaching girls to build confidence?

I think its the best way. Because you are killing 8 birds with one stone.

When you approach a cute girl, you are working on your:

confidence
vibe
body language
eye-ball language
conversational skills
social skills
quick wit/humor
quick thinking/problem solving

And it builds the right kind of confidence. Confidence in talking to cute girls.
(This post was last modified: 07-06-2011 04:44 AM by Giovonny.)
07-06-2011 04:26 AM
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spinaroonie Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
Athlone McGinnis writes like a bitter divorced middle aged white man.

You're only 20 right? You're an articulate black kid on the varsity football team at an Ivy League school. You oughta be laying the pipe on the blonde sorority sluts at the downscale college next door left right and centre.

Why so serious son? Don't get sucked in by the bitter nerds on http://www.hookingupsmart.com
(This post was last modified: 07-07-2011 10:01 PM by spinaroonie.)
07-07-2011 09:51 PM
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Excelsior Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-07-2011 09:51 PM)spinaroonie Wrote:  Athlone McGinnis writes like a bitter divorced middle aged white man.

I've gotten the "old white man" comparison often before in real life.

Can't say I'm too sad about it, though. Must come naturally.

Quote:You're only 20 right?
You oughta be laying the pipe on the blonde sorority sluts at the downscale college next door left right and centre.

1. Girls at my school do not care about football or give preference to guys who play-it might, in fact, be the other way around. This isn't the Alabama or Michigan State here.

2. Girls at my school are not particularly fond of black men-that is well known to the black men here. I would not stand a chance with the few cute "blonde sorority sluts" that are here, even if they were attracted to me(and they have been). They have been socialized to avoid my type.

3. There isn't a "downscale college" next door. I won't say exactly which college I attend, but I will say that it isn't in Boston(next door to about a million other schools of lower selectivity), so I have fewer options than I could.

Quote:Why so serious son? Don't get sucked in by the bitter nerds on http://www.hookingupsmart.com

1. I'm a serious person. Blessing and a curse.
2. I haven't posted on HUS in months.

Anyway, regardless of how I sound, my particular approach to things worked well for me as far as confidence boosting. Take it for what its worth.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
(This post was last modified: 02-12-2016 11:32 PM by Excelsior.)
07-07-2011 11:13 PM
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blurb Away
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-07-2011 09:51 PM)spinaroonie Wrote:  Athlone McGinnis writes like a bitter divorced middle aged white man.

You're only 20 right? You're an articulate black kid on the varsity football team at an Ivy League school. You oughta be laying the pipe on the blonde sorority sluts at the downscale college next door left right and centre.

Why so serious son? Don't get sucked in by the bitter nerds on http://www.hookingupsmart.com


I don't get it. How does Athlone sound like an old man? What kinds of things has he written that makes him sound bitter and divorced?

Also, what's up with the hookingupsmart site? I took one look at the author and she seems like a pump-and-dump victim.

Hello.
07-08-2011 12:04 AM
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Excelsior Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-08-2011 12:04 AM)blurb Wrote:  Also, what's up with the hookingupsmart site? I took one look at the author and she seems like a pump-and-dump victim.

Lol, she kind of was, actually

It isn't a bad site, though. Some truths can be found there, though the clientele there are a bit older and perhaps slightly more marriage minded than what you'd find here and on other sites.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
07-08-2011 12:40 AM
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Post: #71
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-07-2011 11:13 PM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  
(07-07-2011 09:51 PM)spinaroonie Wrote:  Athlone McGinnis writes like a bitter divorced middle aged white man.

I've gotten the "old white man" comparison often before in real life.

Can't say I'm too sad about it, though. Must come naturally.

[qote]You're only 20 right? You're an articulate black kid on the varsity football team at an Ivy League school.
You oughta be laying the pipe on the blonde sorority sluts at the downscale college next door left right and centre.

1. I won't be playing ball this season, unfortunately(too many injuries).

2. Girls at my school do not care about football or give preference to guys who play-it might, in fact, be the other way around. This isn't the Alabama or Michigan State here.

3. Girls at my school are not particularly fond of black men-that is well known to the black men here. I would not stand a chance with the few cute "blonde sorority sluts" that are here, even if they were attracted to me(and they have been). They have been socialized to avoid my type.

4. There isn't a "downscale college" next door. I won't say exactly which college I attend, but I will say that it isn't in Boston(next door to about a million other schools of lower selectivity), so I have fewer options than I could.

Quote:Why so serious son? Don't get sucked in by the bitter nerds on http://www.hookingupsmart.com

1. I'm a serious person. Blessing and a curse.
2. I haven't posted on HUS in months.

Anyway, regardless of how I sound, my particular approach to things worked well for me as far as confidence boosting. Take it for what its worth.
[/quote]



Athlone, I don't want to blow up your spot, but I'm guessing you attend Dartmouth, because pretty much all other Ivy League schools are more liberal and in bigger towns/cities, which would increase your odds for getting laid.

I don't know much about the Ivy League schools, but I can see where you're coming from, as far as feeling a little out of place there, and maybe feeling the culture/society/people's perceptions are stacked against you. I'd imagine that, that part of New England, is full of rich, spoiled, stuffy WASP types, that have high senses of entitlement, and the narcisism, and arrogance that comes with it.

But, I got to say that I sense a lot of negativity and pessimism in you. I understand where you are coming from, because I for years fell into this trap, and continue to struggle to not fall into it. If you take the attitude that no women will be interested in you, and make no efforts, than you've already conceded defeat.

Sure there will be the odd cute girl that will make it blatantly obvious that she's into you, but otherwise you'll go day, weeks, months, years... of not approaching women who may very well be interested, just because you are operating on the assumption that they are not interested. You've already lost the battle, by giving up before even engaging in the fight.

I am not trying to judge you or make assumptions about who you are, what you do, and what you don't do, most of what I write is based off my own experience and lack of activity and effort in pursuing women.

I often find myself discouraged by my local scene, when I go out to the bars and there are seriously 6 to 1 guys to girls ratios, only a couple "hot" girls out, and tons of girls in the 4-6 range who act like they're hot shit, just because there are so many dudes thirsty for pussy, trying to spit game at them.

A lot of what it boils down to is how bad do you want it? Right now, I'm make little attempts or effort to do any macking, I'm mostly following a lot of your advice and working on improving myself, (working out, reading, improving my diet, being social, etc.) However, I need to step my game up, I'm getting to the point, where the lonliness, lack of gratification from masturbation, and horniness, is getting too strong and I need to find a new girl.

Once I get to my boiling point, I get out there and put in work. Just like in getting good grades at your Ivy school, building muscle in the gym, learning a new language, etc., if you're not a gifted "natural", you got to put in work in order to succeed.

For some of us the odds are stacked against us for whatever reasons, so we got to work that much harder for success. What you got to decide is what's worse, the dozens of inevitable rejections that you may have to endure in order to secure that piece of ass, or the laziness, comfort, and lack of pain that you will get from not putting yourself out there, getting rejected, but at the same time not getting laid, and being sexually frustrated.

All guys are horny and want to have sex, but I really do believe there is a wide spectrum, and some guys are more mellow, less driven by women and sex, etc. This obvious is a "players" forum, so the average guy here is going to be very driven by women and the desire to have sex. To guys here, that is one of the most important, if not THE most important thing in their lives. That's not the case for everyone, and I try not to judge people based on how "tight their game is", or how much pussy they get, or how hot their girlfriends are. A lot of guys are like that, and it's all just a bunch of superficial bullshit.

Anyways, I've gotten off on a bit of a rant here. My overall point, is to not give up and take a bitter, jaded, and pesimistic worldview. Even though you're a rational person, and a lot of reality is fucking whack, you got to keep your head up and keep a positive attitude. Positivity is attractive, when I was bitter and jaded, I took the attitude of "all girls are a bunch of stupid bitches", and "they're not worth my time, better focus on hustlin and stacking $$".

Also, as far as my own personal experience goes, I had really low self esteem and self confidence, so I was ruled by my self limiting beliefs, that I wasn't good enough, and no cute girl would be interested in me. Most of these things were lurking in my sub-concious mind, and weren't thoughts I would knowingly have, although they were right there under the surface.

Don't be ruled by self limiting beliefs, like I was. Sure there are tons of stupid, stuck up girls that won't give you the time of day, to even display your dope personality, and sharp wit and intelligence. FUCK THEM. They just saved you a breath of fresh air. They're not worth your time. You are a beautiful and valuable human being, and they just missed out on an amazing opportunity to get to know a person that could enrich they're lives. Sure it sucks being rejected, but don't take it personally.

Another thing I sense in you that I totally am guilty of is over-analyzing and over-intellectualizing things. Sure it's important to use your intelligence and ability to analyze, in order to make wise decisions, but often we over-think things, and this works to our detriment. Sometimes we just need to go with the flow, and be in the moment, act on instinct, and almost go on auto-pilot in a way. Often I would over-analyze things to the point, where I'd come up with these outlandish scenarios, make assumptions, and kill my mojo before it even got to start flowing.

There are probably some fine ass blonde haired blue eyed sheltered New England girls, secretly fantasizing about some buffed up black dude, to bring some excitement to their world. Once you get your inner game right, grow some thick skin, and learn not to give a fuck, you will be that guy. Then white dudes, like me will be jealous of you, fucking all the fine blondies.
07-08-2011 10:19 PM
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Excelsior Offline
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Post: #72
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-08-2011 10:19 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  Athlone, I don't want to blow up your spot, but I'm guessing you attend Dartmouth, because pretty much all other Ivy League schools are more liberal and in bigger towns/cities, which would increase your odds for getting laid.

People have attempted to guess before. I'm obviously not going to reveal the answer, though I will say this: your perception of the league and its character is a bit off.
There is more than just one small-town, conservative bastion in the league(at the very least two more than you've listed).

New Haven and Providence are not big cities (ex. New York, Boston) either, at least in my mind, so you should consider that as well.

All I will say is that I do not go to Harvard or Columbia.

Quote:Sure there will be the odd cute girl that will make it blatantly obvious that she's into you, but otherwise you'll go day, weeks, months, years... of not approaching women who may very well be interested, just because you are operating on the assumption that they are not interested. You've already lost the battle, by giving up before even engaging in the fight.

Not if you can learn how to efficiently and accurately read IOIs (nevermind social circle game).

Quote:the laziness, comfort, and lack of pain that you will get from not putting yourself out there, getting rejected, but at the same time not getting laid, and being sexually frustrated.

Actually, I'm really not very sexually frustrated at all. My notch count isn't as high as some other guys' here (I don't put as much time into its expansion as they do), but I feel pretty OK about that.

To be honest, I was far more sexually frustrated as a teenager (especially a college freshman) when I "put myself out there" and invested more of my time and effort into getting women. I actually cared about the outcome them, which is where the frustration came from. I needed female validation, and they could see that. The inexperience and betatude I showed just made it worse.

I'm actually far more content now-I validate myself, and enjoy life more. I am also, ironically, much more attractive to women now than I was then.
Win-win.

Quote: Positivity is attractive, when I was bitter and jaded, I took the attitude of "all girls are a bunch of stupid bitches", and "they're not worth my time, better focus on hustlin and stacking $$".

I think the second statement is actually quite a useful concept.

"You lose money chasing women, but you never lose women chasing money".

Quote:Don't be ruled by self limiting beliefs, like I was.

It would be a mistake to assume that any of my cynicism today is a result of self limitation/deprecation. On the contrary-I know precisely who I am and where I am going. I have plenty going for me.

That is also exactly why I do not invest as much effort in women as I once did.
My self-confidence and self-esteem were at much lower levels before-that is why I sought validation from women(and put all of that unwarranted effort in).

Girls can sense these things. They know when you've invested a lot of time, effort, or emotion into getting to them, and they usually don't like it.
American women respond best to the men who invest/care the least.

Quote:There are probably some fine ass blonde haired blue eyed sheltered New England girls, secretly fantasizing about some buffed up black dude, to bring some excitement to their world.

I'm well aware. Some of them have said as much, and more have shown it (involuntary IOIs).

That doesn't mean that they'll allow themselves to express those fantasies in real life. Reputation is everything to these women, and casual encounters with big black athletes aren't good for rep in most cases. It happens, but it is EXTREMELY rare, especially if you lack lighter features and are of a more muscular build. Those guys are quite intimidating to them.

You also can't bring the negro home to mom and dad, regardless of how much you like him, and these girls do prefer to have a guy they can bring home if possible.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
(This post was last modified: 02-12-2016 11:36 PM by Excelsior.)
07-09-2011 03:46 AM
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Lordship Offline
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Post: #73
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
I have to admit, I did game a lot for a short period and then I just regressed and fell back to my old ways out of choice (even though at the time I intellectualized why). Now that I've stopped, the validation and constant thinking about game has reminded me of other areas of my life that I had neglected. It's not even like I was pursuing women all the time, I was too afraid to push my comfort zones and challenge how I saw things.

The reality now is that this approach does not net me women too. If I have to 'be validated' by women in the short run (or long, depending how quickly or slowly I want to push myself) or however it should be phrased ('getting more game') than I think the freedom to approach and escalate at ease and at will (measuring success on my own parameters, not stuff outside my control) as a long term goal is worth it.

I'm turning 21 soon and I'm going to be a Junior in a hook-up oriented state school. I'm an adult, even though it doesn't feel like it. t's just like I can wait x amount of time, or take steps to do it now.

Then again, a lot of this is how you view your self concept. That being comprised of 1) how you see things (perception) and 2) past experiences (which culminate into habits and endearing belief systems).

As you can probably infer, I intellectualize a lot - something that I find has HUGE diminishing returns in this area of life - with the opposite sex that is.
07-18-2011 01:22 PM
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ElBorrachoInfamoso Away
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Post: #74
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
@Athlone
I know where you go to school. I had a friend who did his undergrad there. He said the quality of girls compared to guys was unfavorable. Lots of alpha LAX guys and lots of lackluster females.

About confidence. A weird thing I tried a few years ago was walking around the house naked. Of course, this only works if you don't have any roommates around, unless they're into that kind of thing...
Most people feel vulnerable when naked so they adopt protective body language by instinct. Concentrate on just hanging around your own house naked, and with confidence. Eliminate all the bitchy body language. Walk around like you own the place, because well, you do. When you put clothes back on, it'll be much easier for you to maintain strong body language and this will translate into stronger confidence when you go out.
07-18-2011 02:36 PM
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Saladin Offline
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Post: #75
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
Athlone, your unhappiness with your gaming was because you went in with the wrong mindsets.

You mention wasting money on booze and outcome dependence.
You think that game is about putting girls on a pedestal because you're approaching them.
A veteran is giving the girl a chance to impress him.

I agree with your other advice, its essential for a man to work on himself. Its worked for you since you're in college and you have a pool of girls. Active gaming is a bad idea on a college campus. Being comfortable with oneself is far more essential. I know because I started learning game last year of high school but didn't get any school despite girls being interested in me(I credit that to improvements made in body language and style). I felt like a dumb ass trying to gain reactions. I can see why game didn't work for you. Any guy starting out with game will feel like an idiot and its going to occasionally make him feel like he's betraying himself. These are natural feelings of anxiety that result from pushing your boundaries.

I can 100 percent see where you're coming from and I would have done well to follow your advice in school(not outside of it though). Right now I"m comfortable with myself and don't experience massive changes in "state" or mood like I did during the first 4 to 5 months of game. I'm far better for it. 10 women could be shoot me down in a row and I would still be happy and satisfied because I went outside my comfort zone and pushed myself. Its the same kind of satisfaction you would gain from pushing yourself in anything(gym, work, etc.)

Anyway not looking to get into a debate, just posting my 2 cents.
07-24-2011 06:44 AM
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