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What did you do to improve your confidence?
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Anonybrit Offline
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Post: #1
What did you do to improve your confidence?
A lot of you seem to tell the story "I used to be an introvert/shy.unconfident/unsuccessful with women but now I am ...", so I'm wondering, what was it you did or what was it that happened in your life to make more you outgoing and confident with women?

I am a confident and outgoing guy.. but not from the outset, I don't have the confidence to approach girls randomly, I always wait for me to consequentially be in a conversation with them and take it from there. Obviously if I can get the confidence to approach, I'll be upping my chances, but I'm not sure how to do this... to be honest my only insecurities are physical ones but I have never found looks an issue in getting with girls so I don't know why. I am quite good looking, just a bit too skinny.
07-01-2011 03:06 AM
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Jersey Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
It sounds harsh, but what you have to do is approach, approach, approach. At first, you won't have confidence and you'll fail. A lot.

But that's fine - you're learning. You can't think yourself into confidence, you can't read about it and get it. Confidence comes from experience - that's it. I was always great in conversations and people always liked me, but I had no confidence in approach. So I did it 500 times. I've seen 95% of what can happen, so the next time I see it, I'll remember what to do. I have confidence in most situations, but in the ones I don't - I just have to keep exposing myself to them until confidence shows up.

It's just like learning a skill or sport. You can't read about how to hit a baseball and then just do it. You have to go to the batting cages, put your time in - and then, down the line, you won't be nervous when you face a good pitcher because you've seen it all before.

Just go out and do it. Fail miserably. There's a million girls out there, so use the first 1,000 to fail on - and then you'll be ready for the other 999,000. And the truth is, once you become numb to failure, confidence is pretty much what's left.
07-01-2011 03:28 AM
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pitt Offline
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Post: #3
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
yeah i completely agree with jersey, the secret is to approach, approach and approach. The more you start fucking (i dont mean sleeping with one new girl every month, i mean real sleeping around), the more your confidence will increase. You will then only set for the best girls and you will only fuck the best girls. Its a natural process, it would be good if you had someone to help you out.

I hanged out with this guy 24/7 for one year and he was an approaching machine, he would approach without fear, sometimes i was shocked how confident he was, he would just approach anywhere. Guess what, after months of us hanging out together, who became even more confident? ME, to the point where he thought he couldnt compete against me anymore, although he also pulled tons of girls, but i became even more confident, i would even approach a girl with her all family and chat up all of them.

I advise you to try work out everyday if you can, it will reduce your anxiety and it will make you more sociable and you will have more courage to approach. Dont be scaried to be neglected, everybody gets no´s, and i mean everybody. But put it this way, in the last two months i probably approached more than 100 girls but i only remembered 2 refusing to give me their numbers. Thats an impressive record.
07-01-2011 04:17 AM
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Excelsior Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
I'd tell the same old story about how I "used to be an introvert" and all that, but I'd be lying. I still am an introvert, and I'm quite ok with it.

I improved my own confidence simply by accepting who and what I was and fully embracing it, while simultaneously divorcing all notions of my own self worth from my interactions with women. It worked like a charm-I feel far more comfortable emotionally/psychologically than I did as an 18 year old (I just turned 20).

I can say that I feel far more confident with women now than I ever did before, though I am not exceedingly outgoing. I'm also quite content with it all.

Accept yourself. Invest in yourself. Find things about you that you take pride in and improve them. Find a passion and derive joy from it for its own sake.

Make yourself as good as you can be, and the women will show up later-they are not the important ones here, you are. If you aren't even comfortable enough with yourself to avoid consistently trying to change and be another person, then don't expect many women to be welcoming of you.

(07-01-2011 03:28 AM)Jersey Wrote:  Just go out and do it. Fail miserably. There's a million girls out there, so use the first 1,000 to fail on - and then you'll be ready for the other 999,000. And the truth is, once you become numb to failure, confidence is pretty much what's left.

That isn't real confidence.

True confidence will never derive simply from a man's attempts to interact with women, nevermind their consistent rejections of him. Women will never build you up-only you can do that.

If you want to build this true confidence, you'll invest in yourself. Go to the gym and forge your body into something respectable. Try to eat a little better and drink less. Build a career and set a foundation for a stable financial future for yourself. Find a hobby/passion of yours and master it for its own sake and not for a shot to get a piece of ass.

And, most importantly of all, get it into your head that women aren't really intrinsically worth the effort that so many guys are willing to put in for them.

Take them off of the pedestal.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
07-01-2011 04:27 AM
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Anonybrit Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 04:27 AM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  That isn't real confidence.

True confidence will never derive simply from a man's attempts to interact with women, nevermind their consistent rejections of him. Women will never build you up-only you can do that.

If you want to build this true confidence, you'll invest in yourself. Go to the gym and forge your body into something respectable. Try to eat a little better and drink less. Build a career and set a foundation for a stable financial future for yourself. Find a hobby/passion of yours and master it for its own sake and not for a shot to get a piece of ass.

And, most importantly of all, get it into your head that women aren't really intrinsically worth the effort that so many guys are willing to put in for them.

Take them off of the pedestal.

This has been my approach so far. I am a bit of a character perfectionist.

But it hasn't really helped with the initial approach because at that moment it feels all about 2 things: looks and initial charm. I am insecure about my looks, not to the extreme but enough to assume that most girls wont find me attractive, but I have zero reason to think this...

And my charm is based on those things you mentioned, experiences, insights, romantic personality etc. and that comes during a conversation rather than in that immediate approach.

But yeah lots of different suggestions in this thread and all interesting. I think the gym is a good one, I need to start doing regular exercise, it just changes your mentality about everything.
07-01-2011 04:35 AM
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pitt Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
I am sorry but dont listen to Athlone if you are looking to sleep around a lot. You really have to approach a lot and fail miserably in order to have success in the future. Athlone perspective is more if you are looking to settle down with someone you "love", if you are looking to be a player, thats not the way to go, players are very outgoing people.
07-01-2011 04:42 AM
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el mechanico Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 04:42 AM)pitt Wrote:  I am sorry but dont listen to Athlone if you are looking to sleep around a lot. You really have to approach a lot and fail miserably in order to have success in the future. Athlone perspective is more if you are looking to settle down with someone you "love", if you are looking to be a player, thats not the way to go, players are very outgoing people.

Anthones advice was excellent. For women and life in general.
07-01-2011 09:32 AM
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 04:27 AM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  Accept yourself. Invest in yourself. Find things about you that you take pride in and improve them. Find a passion and derive joy from it for its own sake.

Make yourself as good as you can be, and the women will show up later-they are not the important ones here, you are. If you aren't even comfortable enough with yourself to avoid consistently trying to change and be another person, then don't expect many women to be welcoming of you.

This is golden. All the pickup lines and approaches in the world won't be successful if you aren't the kind of man a quality woman wants to be with in the first place. When you have your inner game sorted out your outer game will flourish. If you are an awesome dude you will have your choice of awesome women.

The only thing I would add to this is get yourself a fuckbuddy or girlfriend and leverage her into other girls. Simply knowing that regardless of the outcome of any approach you are going to get laid takes away a lot of pressure you might put on yourself and lets you be comfortable in your interactions. A woman knows when a guy has options and she will make it so that she is one of the options.
07-01-2011 11:21 AM
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Anonybrit Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 11:21 AM)Selva Wrote:  The only thing I would add to this is get yourself a fuckbuddy or girlfriend and leverage her into other girls. Simply knowing that regardless of the outcome of any approach you are going to get laid takes away a lot of pressure you might put on yourself and lets you be comfortable in your interactions. A woman knows when a guy has options and she will make it so that she is one of the options.

Bang motherfucking on. This has been on my mind for a while now, I have never had an FWB but I definitely think it's something I need to set up now.

Btw how easy it is to set up an FWB via. with people you know/work with without drama?
07-01-2011 12:01 PM
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Jersey Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
OK, this is reminiscent of a thread I got into with G Manifesto before. The problem is that both my and Athlone's advice is correct.

In the long term, you have to find your value in yourself, not from external sources. It's the only thing that will work over the long haul.

The problem is that for most people starting out, it's really hard to find the value in themselves because they haven't seen it yet. The fastest way to see your own value is to start approaching. Because what will happen is that you will start running into girls who see your value and it will be reflective in their behavior.

It is there that you will start to polish the nugget of your value that has existed inside you the whole time. You'll wipe away the dirt and realize that you did have value. Once you understand that - that's when you can start to do the real building.

Look, inner game is the holy grail of sorts. It's way more important than outer game. But if you are as un-confident as I was when I started, no amount of inner work could have made me confident in a vacuum. It was only when I started to see results that I began to believe in what I was telling myself.

I may not have explained what I am thinking eloquently - but even if what I wrote above was just babble, approaching 100 girls is a good idea anyway. Do it.
07-01-2011 12:30 PM
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Jersey Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
Oh, and FWB with anyone at work or anyone of your closer friends is a bad idea unless you really know what you are doing, and even then it's kind of terrible. I'd only recommend trying it with someone you wouldn't mind not seeing ever again, because if something goes wrong, there's no going back. Your best bet while starting is approaching a girl, closing her, and then just keeping it in the the occasional bang orbit. It's tough to pull off when you're getting started and there's a decent chance it will blow up after a few months. But if it's someone you don't have to see again - who cares?
07-01-2011 12:36 PM
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Selva Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
I am a day game guy all the way, but whenever I am looking for a fuckbuddy I go straight to the club and pick up there. A girl in a club who is open to casual sex is great because you don't have to deal with any "girlfriend" issues or maneuvering in your own social circle.

Once you get a potential fuckbuddy in bed go all out. Do whatever it takes to make her cum so hard she sees stars. After this she should be open to repeat encounters, but let her know this is a casual fling whenever you have the time. Treat her well and be a good friend for her and she will be there for you.
07-01-2011 12:39 PM
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Basil Ransom Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
What makes you respect and think highly of a man? Write down those qualities, and acquire them.

Recognize the value of both confidence and dominance. Confidence is control of the self. Dominance is control of those around you. Both are essential to pickup.

Confidence is general <i>and</i> situational. Practice and experience in a specific setting will enhance both kinds.

Regarding looks, it does matter. But what girls go for is extremely variable. I've been gaming online lately, and one of the hottest girls I'd messaged said "you're obviously good looking," while other girls think little of my looks. Same for humor - receptiveness to your appearance and vibe is extremely variable.
07-01-2011 01:09 PM
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
If you do Jersey's approach, you eventually approach so many girls that you don't care what happens. That's the key, the mindset. You approach the girl, get her or don't. If you get her, cool, if you don't still cool.

I mean, if you got laid like a rockstar, would you care if the next girl you approached didn't sleep with you?


Edit: I put what I left out in bold
(This post was last modified: 07-01-2011 02:50 PM by Walderschmidt.)
07-01-2011 02:31 PM
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Jersey Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 02:31 PM)Walderschmidt Wrote:  If you do Jersey's approach, you eventually approach so many girls that you care what happens. That's the key, the mindset. You approach the girl, get her or don't. If you get her, cool, if you don't still cool.

This kind of crystallized my thoughts on this. You need to go through indifference to get to confidence. If you run straight for confidence, you can get knocked off your foundation by a bad night. But if you build up your indifference by literally numbing yourself with hundreds of approaches - then when you build your internal confidence up, it will be unshakeable.
07-01-2011 02:38 PM
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thegmanifesto Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 02:38 PM)Jersey Wrote:  
(07-01-2011 02:31 PM)Walderschmidt Wrote:  If you do Jersey's approach, you eventually approach so many girls that you care what happens. That's the key, the mindset. You approach the girl, get her or don't. If you get her, cool, if you don't still cool.

This kind of crystallized my thoughts on this. You need to go through indifference to get to confidence. If you run straight for confidence, you can get knocked off your foundation by a bad night. But if you build up your indifference by literally numbing yourself with hundreds of approaches - then when you build your internal confidence up, it will be unshakeable.

Here is the next level of The Game:

You approach the girl, you get her or don't. If you get her, cool, if you don't even better.

When you are so confident and your Game is so strong, you actually weed out the bad ones (ie the lame ones, the problematic ones, the weesh ones).

If she is not biting, it is her problem and her loss.

I am probably going to do a post on air-tight confidence soon.

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(This post was last modified: 07-01-2011 03:25 PM by thegmanifesto.)
07-01-2011 03:23 PM
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 04:27 AM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  I'd tell the same old story about how I "used to be an introvert" and all that, but I'd be lying. I still am an introvert, and I'm quite ok with it.

I improved my own confidence simply by accepting who and what I was and fully embracing it, while simultaneously divorcing all notions of my own self worth from my interactions with women. It worked like a charm-I feel far more comfortable emotionally/psychologically than I did as an 18 year old (I just turned 20).

I can say that I feel far more confident with women now than I ever did before, though I am not exceedingly outgoing. I'm also quite content with it all.

Accept yourself. Invest in yourself. Find things about you that you take pride in and improve them. Find a passion and derive joy from it for its own sake.

Make yourself as good as you can be, and the women will show up later-they are not the important ones here, you are. If you aren't even comfortable enough with yourself to avoid consistently trying to change and be another person, then don't expect many women to be welcoming of you.

(07-01-2011 03:28 AM)Jersey Wrote:  Just go out and do it. Fail miserably. There's a million girls out there, so use the first 1,000 to fail on - and then you'll be ready for the other 999,000. And the truth is, once you become numb to failure, confidence is pretty much what's left.

That isn't real confidence.

True confidence will never derive simply from a man's attempts to interact with women, nevermind their consistent rejections of him. Women will never build you up-only you can do that.

If you want to build this true confidence, you'll invest in yourself. Go to the gym and forge your body into something respectable. Try to eat a little better and drink less. Build a career and set a foundation for a stable financial future for yourself. Find a hobby/passion of yours and master it for its own sake and not for a shot to get a piece of ass.

And, most importantly of all, get it into your head that women aren't really intrinsically worth the effort that so many guys are willing to put in for them.

Take them off of the pedestal.

Very good points and very true, but I feel it's a combination of the two. Working on and loving yourself, as well as putting yourself in situations where you can practice approach, lose the irrational fear of the opposite sex and desensitize yourself to rejection. Obviously men, including myself, have placed women on pedestals or given them importance that they don't deserve. I mean, we're taught to do it from an early age.

I for one never thought I could be happy living single. I've had either a wife or live in girlfriend, since I was 18 years old. This last 2 years, while hard at first, has been some of the most growing I've ever done. I feel almost as if I've slayed a dragon, in terms of getting over fears of being alone. However, it took a combination of improving myself (working out, and learning game) and going out and interacting with women. (experiencing rejection and success)

While we shouldn't put women on pedestals, we can't totally rule out their importance. I pretty much attribute every school shooting and most male suicides to a boy/man who either couldn't get laid, couldn't get a girlfriend, couldn't get over his ex, couldn't find a female to replace his ex. Those are the extreme cases. We don't even need to mention the lonely nights, depression, time off work, etc. that millions of guys all over the world go thru when they're having girl troubles!

Normal, straight men must have female companionship at least from time to time. The more skills a man can develope to make attracting women easier, the better his overall lives will be. Evolving to a point where you are at maximum desirability (Within your own personal god given body frame, race, mental ability) is the ultimate goal. This will of course be done with self improvement techniques and skills, but also by being battle hardened and tested on the front lines!
07-01-2011 03:45 PM
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Gmac Offline
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Post: #18
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
I just did a 3-part post on this topic, link is in my signature.

I'd also still consider myself pretty introverted, but the extrovert in me has come out more and more as I grow older and get more experience.

"Wait and see." - Fisto
(This post was last modified: 07-01-2011 03:52 PM by Gmac.)
07-01-2011 03:51 PM
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 12:01 PM)Anonybrit Wrote:  Bang motherfucking on. This has been on my mind for a while now, I have never had an FWB but I definitely think it's something I need to set up now.

Btw how easy it is to set up an FWB via. with people you know/work with without drama?

Having a friend with benefits, be it a girlfriend from a looooong time ago, or someone you've met recently is a very good idea. In fact, try to get several FWB's. It does calm the mind and helps you from becoming needy. However, unless under the most ideal of circumstances, avoid dating at work at ALL COSTS! Especially if you work for any corporate or government setting! Unless she's a known slut, who knows not to get her emotions in it, or your a freelance photograper of Maxim magazine models, avoid it!
07-01-2011 04:27 PM
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Excelsior Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 04:42 AM)pitt Wrote:  I am sorry but dont listen to Athlone if you are looking to sleep around a lot. You really have to approach a lot and fail miserably in order to have success in the future. Athlone perspective is more if you are looking to settle down with someone you "love", if you are looking to be a player, thats not the way to go, players are very outgoing people.

This is why you will always have problems-outcome dependence. You tie everything down as a strategy to get women.

What I said has nothing to do with "looking to settle down with someone you "love"". If you'd bothered to read the damn forum for more than a minute, you'd know I wholeheartedly recommend against that for any American man.

My strategy is designed for the self. Not for society, not for your parents, and ESPECIALLY not for girls, but for you. I thought I'd made that clear, but you found a way to interpret it as something else anyhow.
Until you can divorce your sense of direction and self worth from your unending, desperate pursuit of tits and ass, then you'll have issues.

(07-01-2011 11:21 AM)Selva Wrote:  The only thing I would add to this is get yourself a fuckbuddy or girlfriend and leverage her into other girls. Simply knowing that regardless of the outcome of any approach you are going to get laid takes away a lot of pressure you might put on yourself and lets you be comfortable in your interactions. A woman knows when a guy has options and she will make it so that she is one of the options.

Don't waste your time-just go and get an escort.

Same effect, less effort.

(07-01-2011 12:30 PM)Jersey Wrote:  The problem is that for most people starting out, it's really hard to find the value in themselves because they haven't seen it yet. The fastest way to see your own value is to start approaching. Because what will happen is that you will start running into girls who see your value and it will be reflective in their behavior.

Once again-women will never build you up. Only you can do that.

If you can't find some basic respect and value for yourself, don't expect women to do it for you. They cannot be relied upon because they do not care, and they never will.
Tying your self worth to their perceptions of you (this is exactly what you are suggesting) is not a winning strategy.

(07-01-2011 03:45 PM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  Very good points and very true, but I feel it's a combination of the two. Working on and loving yourself, as well as putting yourself in situations where you can practice approach, lose the irrational fear of the opposite sex and desensitize yourself to rejection.

I ran game for a while as a freshman, and I've gotten used to rejection as a result. This is on top of the many, many others I experienced as a kid.

I didn't need to learn a bunch of routines and approach 100 random women on a street in a set period of time to learn about rejection.

Quote:While we shouldn't put women on pedestals, we can't totally rule out their importance. I pretty much attribute every school shooting and most male suicides to a boy/man who either couldn't get laid, couldn't get a girlfriend, couldn't get over his ex, couldn't find a female to replace his ex. Those are the extreme cases. We don't even need to mention the lonely nights, depression, time off work, etc. that millions of guys all over the world go thru when they're having girl troubles!

None of this has anything to do with the intrinsic worth/value of women. It has everything to do with male perception of their value, which is inflated.

Quote:Normal, straight men must have female companionship at least from time to time. The more skills a man can develope to make attracting women easier, the better his overall lives will be.

The more you can learn to live without them, the better off you will be.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
07-01-2011 05:07 PM
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 05:07 PM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  
(07-01-2011 04:42 AM)pitt Wrote:  I am sorry but dont listen to Athlone if you are looking to sleep around a lot. You really have to approach a lot and fail miserably in order to have success in the future. Athlone perspective is more if you are looking to settle down with someone you "love", if you are looking to be a player, thats not the way to go, players are very outgoing people.

This is why you will always have problems-outcome dependence. You tie everything down as a strategy to get women.

What I said has nothing to do with "looking to settle down with someone you "love"". If you'd bothered to read the damn forum for more than a minute, you'd know I wholeheartedly recommend against that for any American man.

My strategy is designed for the self. Not for society, not for your parents, and ESPECIALLY not for girls, but for you. I thought I'd made that clear, but you found a way to interpret it as something else anyhow.
Until you can divorce your sense of direction and self worth from your unending, desperate pursuit of tits and ass, then you'll have issues.

(07-01-2011 11:21 AM)Selva Wrote:  The only thing I would add to this is get yourself a fuckbuddy or girlfriend and leverage her into other girls. Simply knowing that regardless of the outcome of any approach you are going to get laid takes away a lot of pressure you might put on yourself and lets you be comfortable in your interactions. A woman knows when a guy has options and she will make it so that she is one of the options.

Don't waste your time-just go and get an escort.

Same effect, less effort.

(07-01-2011 12:30 PM)Jersey Wrote:  The problem is that for most people starting out, it's really hard to find the value in themselves because they haven't seen it yet. The fastest way to see your own value is to start approaching. Because what will happen is that you will start running into girls who see your value and it will be reflective in their behavior.

Once again-women will never build you up. Only you can do that.

If you can't find some basic respect and value for yourself, don't expect women to do it for you. They cannot be relied upon because they do not care, and they never will.
Tying your self worth to their perceptions of you (this is exactly what you are suggesting) is not a winning strategy.

(07-01-2011 03:45 PM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  Very good points and very true, but I feel it's a combination of the two. Working on and loving yourself, as well as putting yourself in situations where you can practice approach, lose the irrational fear of the opposite sex and desensitize yourself to rejection.

I ran game for a while as a freshman, and I've gotten used to rejection as a result. This is on top of the many, many others I experienced as a kid.

I didn't need to learn a bunch of routines and approach 100 random women on a street in a set period of time to learn about rejection.

Quote:While we shouldn't put women on pedestals, we can't totally rule out their importance. I pretty much attribute every school shooting and most male suicides to a boy/man who either couldn't get laid, couldn't get a girlfriend, couldn't get over his ex, couldn't find a female to replace his ex. Those are the extreme cases. We don't even need to mention the lonely nights, depression, time off work, etc. that millions of guys all over the world go thru when they're having girl troubles!

None of this has anything to do with the intrinsic worth/value of women. It has everything to do with male perception of their value, which is inflated.

Quote:Normal, straight men must have female companionship at least from time to time. The more skills a man can develope to make attracting women easier, the better his overall lives will be.

The more you can learn to live without them, the better off you will be.

You seem militant! Lol. Don't get me wrong, overall I agree with you. However, I think that by nature, men are geared to want to be around women. Be we evolved or created, it's clear we're sort of designed to have a females in our lives. The fact that we're designed to interact with them, at least from time to time, in itself demonstrates that women have some importance.

Trust me, no one has more reason to join the "He Man Woman Haters Club" than me. I have had girlfriends seemingly go out of their way to find ways to offend or hurt me! Still, I can't blame all women for that. My choice in women plays some part. I could've gone for the nice church girl. Instead, I liked the cute bi girl, who's a lot of fun and good in bed. Not saying you've necessarily done this, but a lot of us guys get into relationships with women WE KNOW we have no business with, (Because they're cute, naughty, available, the only girl around who likes us, etc.) and then we blame all of womankind when this obvious undercover slut (sometimes not so undercover) cheats on us or breaks our heart in some other way!

Sometimes it's the fact that we've placed a woman on too high of pedestal or shown too much attention and neediness that makes a girl go astray. Other times however, we simply chose incorrectly! Not every woman cheats! That's not to say there are any female saints out there. Sometimes women remain faithful for reasons that aren't just about they're undying love for you. Still, even if it's an intellectual choice and not a heartfelt one, it's still possible to meet women who understand, if only intellectually, it's not wise to leave a man who's good to you simply because someone else might be cuter. Those women are out there, and yes, even in America. They just aren't going to be the women hanging out next to the Laker locker room, or TGIF Fridays, on Saturday night in the Crenshaw District of Los Angeles.
07-01-2011 05:56 PM
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Excelsior Offline
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Post: #22
RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 05:56 PM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:  You seem militant! Lol.

I am pragmatic.

Fact: You do not need women to validate your worth as a man.

Conclusion: Learn to live without tying your self worth to their perception of you or their presence around you. If you're that desperate for occasional pussy, either travel to where it isn't ridiculously overpriced(and where your return on investment in an LTR/marriage would be better) or buy an escort-problem solved.

It is really very simple logic.

Quote:The fact that we're designed to interact with them, at least from time to time, in itself demonstrates that women have some importance.

Obviously we need to reproduce-the biological imperative is there.

What I don't see is any justification for men to a) try to change the core of their very being and shift who they are or b) put themselves through an emotional grinder for the sake of one piece of ass (read: "approach 900 random women, get 5 lays!").

They are not worth the effort that the vast majority of men in the US (and especially in many a PUA community) seem willing to put in for them.
I'm not the first one to say this here, but guys in the US (and I'm sure there are other male demographics with which this is also true) put far too high a price on sex and female companionship.

Then you wonder where all of the inflated egos, bitch shields and attitudes come from.

Quote: Still, I can't blame all women for that. My choice in women plays some part. I could've gone for the nice church girl. Instead, I liked the cute bi girl, who's a lot of fun and good in bed. Not saying you've necessarily done this, but a lot of us guys get into relationships with women WE KNOW we have no business with, (Because they're cute, naughty, available, the only girl around who likes us, etc.) and then we blame all of womankind when this obvious undercover slut (sometimes not so undercover) cheats on us or breaks our heart in some other way!

What does this have to do with anything?

When speaking of American women, the fact of the matter is that they provide a very poor Return on Investment. Nitpicking the facts and trying to separate them into a million little groups will not change that. Some groups may provide a poorer return than others(ex: Black American women), but none of them are prime assets.

My argument holds regardless of which "type of girl" you're trying to find here. The men who get the most out of them are the ones who invest the least in time, money and effort. Exceptions to the rule exist, but the return on the massive investment you'll put in to find said exceptions will still be poor.

Quote:Sometimes it's the fact that we've placed a woman on too high of pedestal or shown too much attention and neediness that makes a girl go astray.

This is the reason for male failure in the vast majority of cases.

Quote:Still, even if it's an intellectual choice and not a heartfelt one, it's still possible to meet women who understand, if only intellectually, it's not wise to leave a man who's good to you simply because someone else might be cuter. Those women are out there, and yes, even in America. They just aren't going to be the women hanging out next to the Laker locker room, or TGIF Fridays, on Saturday night in the Crenshaw District of Los Angeles.

You enjoy finding your needle in a haystack.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
07-01-2011 06:26 PM
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Samseau Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
Quote:What I don't see is any justification for men to a) try to change the core of their very being and shift who they are or b) put themselves through an emotional grinder for the sake of one piece of ass (read: "approach 900 random women, get 5 lays!").

They are not worth the effort that the vast majority of men in the US (and especially in many a PUA community) seem willing to put in for them.
I'm not the first one to say this here, but guys in the US (and I'm sure there are other male demographics with which this is also true) put far too high a price on sex and female companionship.


You don't seem to get it. Do you know why they call it the "game"?

Because it's exactly like a game. And if you want to be good at a game, you have to practice it. The more you play, the better a player you become.

So start doing those approaches, son.

Contributor at Return of Kings. You can follow me on Twitter.
07-01-2011 07:04 PM
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Excelsior Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 07:04 PM)Samseau Wrote:  You don't seem to get it.

You really should stop presuming that I know less than you every time we enter a discourse.

Quote:Do you know why they call it the "game"?

Because it's exactly like a game. And if you want to be good at a game, you have to practice it. The more you play, the better a player you become.

You've not proven that the game is worth playing, and thus you've done nothing to actually challenge my argument.

You're insisting that the investment be ,made, but you've not shown that the returns will justify it. Can you do that?

Quote:So start doing those approaches, son.

No thanks.

Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
07-01-2011 07:52 PM
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Gmac Offline
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RE: What did you do to improve your confidence?
(07-01-2011 06:26 PM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  Obviously we need to reproduce-the biological imperative is there.

What I don't see is any justification for men to a) try to change the core of their very being and shift who they are or b) put themselves through an emotional grinder for the sake of one piece of ass (read: "approach 900 random women, get 5 lays!").

They are not worth the effort that the vast majority of men in the US (and especially in many a PUA community) seem willing to put in for them.
I'm not the first one to say this here, but guys in the US (and I'm sure there are other male demographics with which this is also true) put far too high a price on sex and female companionship.

Then you wonder where all of the inflated egos, bitch shields and attitudes come from.

I agree that the effort that most men put in for women is probably too high. What they should be doing is pouring more time into themselves and building themselves up so that the confidence and ability with women starts to come more naturally (instead of forced). It's something that you don't learn right away until you've made a certain level of progress.

This is next level shit that most people (especially keyboard jockeys, rookies, and feminists) don't or can't comprehend. Once you actually understand (and I mean REALLY understand) what it means to truly not care about whether or not you get laid you are beyond relying on "active" game. When the hottest women come up to you and you are able to instinctively swap them aside like flies, then it's more like autopilot.

When women practically throw themselves at you and the roles are essentially reversed... where it is the man who decides who he wants to occupy his valuable time and he gets it without question. This is a man who knows his own value is higher and it radiates outwardly. Women feel it. Look at rockstars, A-list celebrities, and "super alphas" (for lack of a better term), it's not the cockiness that gets the girls, it's that supreme, true confidence.

I get tiny flickers here and there... maybe when I'm a bit older and wiser.

My 2c.

"Wait and see." - Fisto
(This post was last modified: 07-01-2011 07:59 PM by Gmac.)
07-01-2011 07:57 PM
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