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Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #426
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
[Image: 1010351163932962816]

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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08-20-2019 05:08 AM
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Teedub Offline
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Post: #427
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
What's the difference between a black man and a bench?

A bench can support a family.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. - H L Mencken
08-20-2019 09:12 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #428
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
When I got married and my wife said "I do", I thought "Yeah, I guess you'll have to".

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
09-01-2019 02:59 PM
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Kona Offline
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Post: #429
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
I didn't want to derail the Unabomber thread with my humor, but guess what he and a girl from Kentucky have in common?

They both were fingered by their brothers.

Aloha!
(This post was last modified: 09-01-2019 03:22 PM by Kona.)
09-01-2019 03:22 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #430
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
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That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
09-22-2019 07:11 PM
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Monkey Business Offline
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Post: #431
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
One of the best jokes I've ever heard, mostly due to the great delivery from Norm MacDonald. The cherry on top was that it took place during a podcast where he relentlessly teased Stephen Merchant. (he took it well of course) Anyways, it's well worth the 5 minutes if you stay with it.




09-23-2019 03:58 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #432
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
I'm so touched at everyone who has complimented me on being articulate. I don't know what to say.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 09-26-2019 07:16 PM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-26-2019 07:15 PM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #433
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
[Image: xdps0qklant31.png?width=640&crop...5e0a885551]

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

Carl Jung
10-20-2019 05:07 PM
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Post: #434
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face
10-20-2019 07:12 PM
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Tactician
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Post: #435
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
^ Hahaha lol I first saw that one from Kona in another thread:

(07-03-2018 02:28 AM)Kona Wrote:  
(07-03-2018 01:26 AM)Geomann180 Wrote:  
(07-03-2018 01:07 AM)Kona Wrote:  I don't know, but do you know the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo?

Aloha!

Is garbonzo a type of chickpea?

G

You don't pay $150 for a garbanzo on your face!

Now if that doesn't get me some points....

Aloha!

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.
10-20-2019 09:52 PM
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Post: #436
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
(10-20-2019 09:52 PM)Tactician Wrote:  ^ Hahaha lol I first saw that one from Kona in another thread:

Oh dang, busted...

--------

How can you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS
(This post was last modified: 10-21-2019 04:32 AM by arafat scarf.)
10-21-2019 04:11 AM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #437
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
This joke is inspired by Roosh's road trip.

Do you know why New Mexico is windy?

Because Arizona sucks and Texas blows.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

Carl Jung
Yesterday 01:07 PM
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Post: #438
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion..

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the way to start."
Yesterday 01:28 PM
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