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Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
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Vladimir Poontang Online
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Post: #426
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
[Image: 1010351163932962816]

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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08-20-2019 05:08 AM
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Teedub Offline
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Post: #427
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
What's the difference between a black man and a bench?

A bench can support a family.

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08-20-2019 09:12 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Online
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Post: #428
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
When I got married and my wife said "I do", I thought "Yeah, I guess you'll have to".

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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09-01-2019 02:59 PM
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Kona Offline
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Post: #429
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
I didn't want to derail the Unabomber thread with my humor, but guess what he and a girl from Kentucky have in common?

They both were fingered by their brothers.

Aloha!
(This post was last modified: 09-01-2019 03:22 PM by Kona.)
09-01-2019 03:22 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Online
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Post: #430
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
[Image: 966875241382285312]
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[Image: 981965056968130560]
[Image: 985743461751734272]

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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09-22-2019 07:11 PM
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Monkey Business Offline
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Post: #431
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
One of the best jokes I've ever heard, mostly due to the great delivery from Norm MacDonald. The cherry on top was that it took place during a podcast where he relentlessly teased Stephen Merchant. (he took it well of course) Anyways, it's well worth the 5 minutes if you stay with it.




09-23-2019 03:58 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Online
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Post: #432
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
I'm so touched at everyone who has complimented me on being articulate. I don't know what to say.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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(This post was last modified: 09-26-2019 07:16 PM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-26-2019 07:15 PM
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Post: #433
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
[Image: xdps0qklant31.png?width=640&crop...5e0a885551]

“That sig BTW is a very asinine anti-family anti-parent quote. You live in a country where 40% of children grow up without a biological father, yet somehow “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents”? Sorry but this is fruity Boomer nonsense.”

911
10-20-2019 05:07 PM
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arafat scarf Offline
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Post: #434
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face
10-20-2019 07:12 PM
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Post: #435
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
^ Hahaha lol I first saw that one from Kona in another thread:

(07-03-2018 02:28 AM)Kona Wrote:  
(07-03-2018 01:26 AM)Geomann180 Wrote:  
(07-03-2018 01:07 AM)Kona Wrote:  I don't know, but do you know the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo?

Aloha!

Is garbonzo a type of chickpea?

G

You don't pay $150 for a garbanzo on your face!

Now if that doesn't get me some points....

Aloha!

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.
10-20-2019 09:52 PM
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Post: #436
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
(10-20-2019 09:52 PM)Tactician Wrote:  ^ Hahaha lol I first saw that one from Kona in another thread:

Oh dang, busted...

--------

How can you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS
(This post was last modified: 10-21-2019 04:32 AM by arafat scarf.)
10-21-2019 04:11 AM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #437
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
This joke is inspired by Roosh's road trip.

Do you know why New Mexico is windy?

Because Arizona sucks and Texas blows.

“That sig BTW is a very asinine anti-family anti-parent quote. You live in a country where 40% of children grow up without a biological father, yet somehow “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents”? Sorry but this is fruity Boomer nonsense.”

911
10-22-2019 01:07 PM
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Post: #438
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion..

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.

Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.

So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the way to start."
10-22-2019 01:28 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Online
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Post: #439
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
Mass protests by doctors have swept the land. Police are working with handwriting experts to figure out exactly what their grievances are.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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10-25-2019 04:41 AM
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Post: #440
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
[Image: D87grT8XkAAzNLk.jpg]
[Image: 986533202933399552]
[Image: 987167045835395072]
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[Image: 995839446784417792]
[Image: 997216386631577600]
[Image: 996806411851939840]

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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10-30-2019 05:37 AM
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Post: #441
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
[Image: xlarge?jwtsig=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOi...zSGO41rgps]

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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11-17-2019 11:43 AM
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Post: #442
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
"I knew that seabass was just a big coward, all that big talk about being tough.. WHO'S THAT GUY OVER THERE?"
-Rooshbass

11-19-2019 02:31 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Online
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Post: #443
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
I don't know if you guys heard about the constipation convention a while back. If you missed it don't worry you didn't miss much, as no one was able to go.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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01-24-2020 08:14 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Online
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Post: #444
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
In other news, the recent diarrhea convention was a total shit show.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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(This post was last modified: 01-24-2020 08:18 PM by Vladimir Poontang.)
01-24-2020 08:17 PM
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CynicalContrarian Offline
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Post: #445
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
Film, Mississippi Grind :

Q - How do you make a nice, sweet old lady yell - 'Go fuck yourself!' ?





A - Have another nice, sweet old lady call - 'Bingo!'
01-25-2020 04:32 AM
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Post: #446
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
Did you hear about the yogi who refused anaesthetic for his root canal operation?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

"Intellectuals are naturally attracted by the idea of a planned society, in the belief that they will be in charge of it" -Roger Scruton
01-25-2020 05:02 AM
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Post: #447
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
An older man from the gym told me this one. It's a bit of a long one but I had a hearty laugh when he told it to me. Forgive me if there's something similar in this thread - I haven't read the whole thing.

So a man goes to bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender comes over to ask how he's doing when the man says to him: "I'll bet you $100 dollars that I can lick my eyeball."

"No way, impossible. I'll take that bet." the bartender replies. The man smiles and goes to remove his fake eye, licks it, and places it back in the socket. "I'll be taking that $100 now please," to which the bartender hands it over.

A couple nights pass by and the man returns to the same bar, where the same bartender is working. Similar to the other night, the man gets a drink and grabs the bartender's attention, telling him: "I'll bet you $200 that I can bite my own elbow."

The bartender scoffs - "There's no way you can do that either! I'll take that bet" The man smiles and places his hands in his mouth to remove his fake-teeth, which he then uses to bite his own elbow. "Fine, I guess you win again," says the bartender as he hands over the $200.

A few nights later the man returns to the same bar, where the same bartender is working. The man once again approaches the bartender to make a bet with him. The man says "I'll bet you $500 dollars that if you slide a bar-glass down the bar-table, I'll be able to take a piss and aim every single drop into the glass to fill it, without any piss dripping onto the bar,"

The bartender is astonished. "There's absolutely no way that's possible. This is an easy $500 for me," So the bartender reaches for a glass as the man whips out his junk and aims it upwards. The bartender slides the glass down the bar-table and the man begins to piss, missing every single drop, the majority of it splattering all over the table. The bartender cracks up and begins laughing as the man takes out $500 and hands it to the bartender. The bartender says to the man: "I don't understand why you would bet so much money for something so difficult to do. That was an easy $500 for me,"

The man, smiling to himself, replies to the bartender, while making a gesture towards another customer: "I made a bet with the guy over there for $1000 that I could piss all over your bar, and you'd be smiling and laughing after I did so,"
01-25-2020 05:49 PM
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Dusty Offline
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Post: #448
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
Chinaman goes to the eye doctor.

After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble."

The Chinaman says, "why?"

Doctor says, "you have a cataract."

Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental."
01-25-2020 07:14 PM
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MusicForThePiano Offline
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Post: #449
RE: Let's have a laugh - share some jokes
(01-25-2020 07:14 PM)Dusty Wrote:  Chinaman goes to the eye doctor.

After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble."

The Chinaman says, "why?"

Doctor says, "you have a cataract."

Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental."

Did you ever hear of the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer he couldn't understand.

You can't cheat nature.
(This post was last modified: 01-28-2020 10:44 PM by MusicForThePiano.)
01-28-2020 10:41 PM
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