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How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
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Aurini Offline
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Post: #1
How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
I've run into this sort of person a few times in my life. The braggart who constantly exaggerates their accomplishments and spins tall-tales, even going so far as to reinterpret events that you both witnessed ("She was so into me!" "She's a lesbian, dude.").

How do you guys deal with these people?

As for me, I'm willing to believe pretty much anything you tell me, so long as it doesn't mean any sort of financial investment or emotional commitment on my part. You caught a fish "this long"? Sure you did, buddy, I'm glad to hear it. White lies and exaggerations don't bother me, and calling somebody a liar without proof? I take that accusation too seriously to bring it out over a big fish story - for all I know the fish really was that big.

Normally this doesn't cause any issues, but with the compulsive liar they'll take your apparent acceptance of your first story and then up the ante, spinning yarn after yarn. If it was just some homeless vagrant you could ignore them, but usually the compulsive liar is actually relatively accomplished - which make the lies all the more ironic. He's the sort of guy you'd like to spend time with, that you'd like to network with or do business with (after all, he doesn't lie to scam you out of money - you can trust him to be honest on matters like that), but what always winds up happening to me is that he tells so many bullshit stories, that he eventually realizes that I take everything he says with a grain of salt - and then he resents me for it!

Have any of you guys run into characters like this? How do you deal with them? If you call them out will they respect you more? And what do you think their malfunction is?

This is a classic case of me modelling them after myself, and that model failing. If somebody calls me a liar, I'm liable to punch them in the face - but then again, I also don't tell people about the actual big fishes I've caught until I know them well enough that they'll trust that I'm not making it up.

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05-28-2016 05:43 PM
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Vicious Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Why would you want to spend time with him?
05-28-2016 05:48 PM
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General Stalin Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
I normally just appease them indifferently "Ahh cool." Those people are social retards so I treat them as such - just smile, nod, and yes 'em to death until one of you decides to walk away.

No sense investing anything in phony ass people.
(This post was last modified: 05-28-2016 05:50 PM by General Stalin.)
05-28-2016 05:49 PM
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Latan Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
The same way I deal with anybody : if I enjoy his presence, I'll talk to him; if I don't, I won't.
There was a compulsive liar around me a few years ago; I found what he said hilarious, as it was so clear it was lies.
Made me laugh each time I saw him, so kept him around.
05-28-2016 05:50 PM
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PartManPartMonkey Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Did the compulsive liar tell you he wouldn't scam you out of money?
05-28-2016 05:53 PM
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mogsy Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Well what is for sure is that these people will continue to tell their exaggerated stories whether it's to you or others, whether you call them out or not.

The other day I was listening to someone who was telling a story to several people, about how something happened which I witnessed. The guy started adding in details that didn't happen just to get a reaction, it's more a case of he wanted to be the best story teller and have some attention rather than trying to trick anyone or gain from the story.

Depending on your friendship with the person would I would tend to call them out for a joke and see their reaction if they get really offended then maybe it would be best to lay off and try another approach.
05-28-2016 05:55 PM
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Aurini Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
(05-28-2016 05:48 PM)Vicious Wrote:  Why would you want to spend time with him?

I've found that these sorts are very good at inserting themselves into positions of relative power; members of committees, networked communities, and so forth. I wind up meeting them, being impressed with stuff they've actually, demonstrably done - and then the fish stories start up. It's like meeting a guy who's a regular MMA fighter, but who constantly makes up stories about non-existent street fights. In theory, I want to hang out with him because he's good in a fight. In practice, his constant lying turns him into a liability.

(05-28-2016 05:53 PM)PartManPartMonkey Wrote:  Did the compulsive liar tell you he wouldn't scam you out of money?

Because the lying is compulsive, not instrumental. He's not fabricating an identity to sound like a badass - he's just constantly making up stories. The instrumental liar will be more convincing, he'll have all sorts of stories about how he was a Green Beret back in 'Nam - and if you don't catch him early on, he's liable to take you for all that you're worth. The compulsive liar is as 'honest' as the next person, mainly just out of adherence to social norms - he won't steal your wallet because he's not looking to gain financially, his lies are in service to his ego.

Maybe a better question: how do you keep these guys on friendly terms, without letting them get too close?

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05-28-2016 06:06 PM
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Check out BrandoninKyiv on the last couple pages of The Ukraine Thread.
He's the first user whom I've ever used the forum's ignore feature on. Keeping validation seekers out of sight and out of mind is key for peace of mind whenever encountering these types

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05-28-2016 06:21 PM
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Tuthmosis Offline
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Post: #9
RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Out lie him. It has the double effect of ridiculing and getting them out of your life, which is what the ultimate goal.

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05-28-2016 06:25 PM
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Kona Offline
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Post: #10
RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
I've recently dealt with a massive pathological liar. Two things about the situation stick out:

1) This guy thinks everyone is stupid, accept him.

Once myself and others started to regularly call him on his bullshit, the stories would get more elaborate. They all ran over one another, too, but he had a reason for it. Kaiser Permanente was supposed to remove his liver to give away on the 13th, but when that day came it had to get postpone so he could donate his kidney at the same time.

He was the king of "don't tell them I said this" like he thought people didnt talk. Once outed it was everyone lying except him. I've never seen someone get lied about so much.

2) People were just toys to this guy.

He would borrow money from one person, and then give it to another. Steal things and then throw a barbeque for the people he stole from, funded by theft.

Every single word he says is a lie. He told me in extreme detail about his burger king lunch one day. A few hours later I found out he went to a shrimp truck with someone else. Then he says that person is lying because they don't want me to know they ate burger king.

This man now lives here:
[Image: Screen-shot-2011-05-27-at-4.44.59-PM.png]

Aloha!
05-28-2016 06:37 PM
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Merenguero Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
(05-28-2016 06:37 PM)Kona Wrote:  I've recently dealt with a massive pathological liar. Two things about the situation stick out:

1) This guy thinks everyone is stupid, accept him.

Once myself and others started to regularly call him on his bullshit, the stories would get more elaborate. They all ran over one another, too, but he had a reason for it. Kaiser Permanente was supposed to remove his liver to give away on the 13th, but when that day came it had to get postpone so he could donate his kidney at the same time.

He was the king of "don't tell them I said this" like he thought people didnt talk. Once outed it was everyone lying except him. I've never seen someone get lied about so much.

2) People were just toys to this guy.

He would borrow money from one person, and then give it to another. Steal things and then throw a barbeque for the people he stole from, funded by theft.

Every single word he says is a lie. He told me in extreme detail about his burger king lunch one day. A few hours later I found out he went to a shrimp truck with someone else. Then he says that person is lying because they don't want me to know they ate burger king.

This man now lives here:
[Image: Screen-shot-2011-05-27-at-4.44.59-PM.png]

Aloha!

He sounds exactly like a guy who I grew up with who lives in a similar facility and has been there most of his adult life.
05-28-2016 06:41 PM
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R_Niko Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
They're a tricky bunch, that's for sure. And yeah they do tend to be social climbers, so if you're dealing with organizations eg corporations, etc., you're bound to run into them every so often.

I think the key is identifying them ASAP but not letting on until the time is right. When prudent you may need to use passive aggression to defuse whatever situation they seem to be the cause of. I hate being passive aggressive but sometimes it's really the only way.

Male liars seem to be much easier to deal with than female ones. Even male narcissists tend to have some sense of accountability. Men also pick up on "don't fuck with me" vibes more than women do.

And if a hot girl is a pathological liar, game the shit out of 'er Smile
05-28-2016 07:02 PM
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Chetthebaker Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
I had a close friend from high school who I grew more and more distant from over the years before I cut off contact entirely a couple years ago. His dad and older brother were really cool, and he has the gift of gab and was always able to rise to the top of social circles despite not being particularly good looking or athletic. He's just a great storyteller and bullshitter. He was also extremely manipulative and narcissistic, always cheated- on girlfriends, in school, played people against each other, etc.- he even discouraged me from having other friends when we were young.

He married a really dumb girl from a very wealthy family and I think got sober as he had big drinking/coke problem. I have a feeling he got caught cheating or doing something and the family keeps a close eye on him now. I know he had every intention to continue cheating after getting married. Definitely banged a lot of chicks, but nothing too far above a 6 as far as I ever saw. Seemed like hotter girls were socially adept enough to avoid him, and so he'd go after the lower hanging fruit.

He's reached out a number of times as he doesn't really have many friends left. I eventually wrote him and told him that I care about him and hope he's well but it's best we not communicate.
05-28-2016 07:13 PM
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Aurini Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
(05-28-2016 07:02 PM)R_Niko Wrote:  They're a tricky bunch, that's for sure. And yeah they do tend to be social climbers, so if you're dealing with organizations eg corporations, etc., you're bound to run into them every so often.

I think the key is identifying them ASAP but not letting on until the time is right. When prudent you may need to use passive aggression to defuse whatever situation they seem to be the cause of. I hate being passive aggressive but sometimes it's really the only way.

Male liars seem to be much easier to deal with than female ones. Even male narcissists tend to have some sense of accountability. Men also pick up on "don't fuck with me" vibes more than women do.

And if a hot girl is a pathological liar, game the shit out of 'er Smile

That's because the idiot Betas will use any excuse to mount up and ride to save the damsel in distress. White Knights are the bane of western civilization.
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05-28-2016 07:14 PM
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
duplicate
(This post was last modified: 05-28-2016 07:18 PM by Chetthebaker.)
05-28-2016 07:16 PM
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Grit Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
just let him tell the story and say "no fucking way. dont believe it. nope nuh uh didnt happen not true all lies." and change the subject.
05-28-2016 07:26 PM
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OGNorCal707 Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
I had a short lived business venture partnership with a guy who I'm convinced was a full blown narcissist, usually people with shades of cluster B personality disorders (borderline, narcissistic, histrionic, anti-social) are prone to compulsive lying, a lot of times it's to mask and cover their bullshit, but it also takes on a life of it's own sometimes.

Anyway long story short this guy turned out to be one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever dealt with in my life, horrible partner in every way, ended up ripping me off in the end for something like $3000, he could've skimmed more and I couldn't really know for sure.

As far as his lies go he definitely used it to build himself up, telling me about how hard of a worker he is, how reliable, etc., coupled with grand ideas and plans that seemed a bit too lofty and kind of grandiose. I tried to bring things back to reality, but admittedly it sounded good, although I was always a bit skeptical.

The longer I knew him and worked with him the more outlandish stories I heard, of course it was was all stuff from his past, stuff that sounded almost believable, but the more I heard it, the more I saw that it didn't match his current persona and position in life.

Some of the stuff he told me, he was a premiere high school soccer player in California and tried out for the LA Galaxy pro team and would've played for them but had some kind of blow out with the coach, he told me that he was best friends with a semi-famous high stakes poker player and would routinely make $50,000 a night in Vegas, he said he lived in a mansion on the beach in Orange Co and drove a BMW and was working for a start up before it crashed and burned, etc.

Everything he said was so grand and great, but there was always some way the story crashed and burned that made him out to be some kind of victim, like there was some grand conspiracy by the universe to keep him down. All these crazy stories did not match who he was, how he acted, and the place he was at in his life.

It's amazing how narcissist and borderlines can lie straight to your face, but do it in such a genuine, authentic way, like they believe their own bullshit. It's all a facade, everyone would always talk about how charismatic that guy was, but once I saw through the facade I could see the fake, weak, fragile person who truly lurked below the surface.
05-28-2016 08:08 PM
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Kona Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
(05-28-2016 07:02 PM)R_Niko Wrote:  Male liars seem to be much easier to deal with than female ones.

I agree.

You can beat the fuck out of a male liar if you have to.

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05-28-2016 10:34 PM
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911 Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Does he swim 20km/day?

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05-28-2016 10:47 PM
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
(05-28-2016 10:47 PM)911 Wrote:  Does he swim 20km/day?

Clap

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05-28-2016 10:51 PM
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Years ago I had nothing better to do in the car so I listened to an NPR show on compulsive liars. What amazed me was how the lies they told usually didn't help them out financially, just elevated them in the eyes of their piers. There was one story about a guy's roommate in college who claimed to have grown up next to the Kennedy compound and would come back from weekend visits to spin stories about hanging out with the whole Kennedy Klan. It turned out the guy really lived out in the middle of Bumf*ck, Iowa and his dad was a postal worker.

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05-28-2016 10:53 PM
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LeeEnfield303 Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
A subset of this are the Stolen Valor guys. Most of them aren't total civilians, they are service members who had honorable careers, but couldn't help embellishing them for whatever reason.

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05-28-2016 10:55 PM
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ivansirko Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
(05-28-2016 05:43 PM)Aurini Wrote:  How do you guys deal with these people?

Sounds like a cry for attention or he thinks low of himself and must build himself up.
05-28-2016 11:03 PM
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infowarrior1 Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
Can you cut him loose and not associate with him anymore? Or is that not an option in your case? I think certain people needs to be shunned.
05-29-2016 05:32 AM
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debeguiled Offline
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RE: How do you deal with a compulsive liar?
This thread reminds me a lot of the case studies from "The Mask of Sanity," by Hervey Cleckley, which is considered one of the first real grapplings with the concept of Psychopathy by a clinician.

Cleckley introduced, to me anyway, the idea that not all psychopaths were murderers or criminals of some kinds. In his case studies, some of which are hilarious due to the events of the patients lives, as well as Cleckley's sly writing style, he describes a lot of pointless lying that is similar to some of what has been described in this thread.

Lying, for the psychopath, need have no real purpose at all. It is just something to do for the hell of it, and the impression I get from Cleckley, is that it arises for no real reason, merely as a way for these aliens in human form to pass the day. Here is Cleckley describing the psychopath:

Quote:What he believes he needs to protest against turns out to be no small group, no particular institution, or set of ideologies, but human life itself. In it he seems to find nothing deeply meaningful or persistently stimulating, but only some transient and relatively petty pleasant caprices, a terribly repetitious series of minor frustrations, and ennui . . .Like may teenagers, saints, history-making statesmen, and other notable leaders or geniuses, he shows unrest: he wants to do something about the situation.

Current research says that 1 in 25 are psychopaths. It is possible that the characters described in this thread are merely restless psychopaths, mid-caprice.

If you are ever bored, like the psychopaths get, track down a copy of the book and skip around reading the case studies as a caprice. Some of them are laugh out loud funny at the sheer pointlessness of the psychopath's cunning.

“That sig BTW is a very asinine anti-family anti-parent quote. You live in a country where 40% of children grow up without a biological father, yet somehow “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents”? Sorry but this is fruity Boomer nonsense.”

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(This post was last modified: 05-29-2016 12:09 PM by debeguiled.)
05-29-2016 12:01 PM
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