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Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
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MidJack Offline
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Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
A few weeks ago, a girl pulled out her cell phone and read a few paragraphs at me. It was one of the strangest things I've ever had happen on a date. Later I was able to find the text by internet search:

Quote:After a girl gets out of a toxic relationship, she’s single for a long time.

At first, it’s lonely. In the beginning, it’s hard. For a little awhile, it even hurts. But after a certain amount of time, she embraces being single and finds it empowering knowing that she doesn’t need a man to be happy. But once a girl gets comfortable with being single, it’s hard for her to be mentally attracted to anyone. Once a girl gets familiar with being on her own, it’s hard for her to be emotionally connected to anyone. Once a girl gets used to taking caring of herself, it’s hard for her to be dependent on anyone. The reason behind that is, she’s not trying to go back to that dark place she was in before, she’s not trying to waste her time on a guy who’s gonna turn out to be undeserving, and she’s not trying to end up with the wrong one. She’s spent a lot of time detoxifying herself and finding herself again and the last thing she needs is for another toxic guy to come along and cause her to lose herself again.

So yeah, it may require extra attention, it may require extra effort, and it may require extra time but if you somehow manage to get her to not want to be single anymore, then you’re gonna get a girl who’s whole again, who’s secure enough, and who’s ready to love and be loved again.

It seems like a very elaborate excuse for making me work for sex that she used to give away for free. Dating her has been a bad idea from the beginning. She is way too much like my ex-wife.

Any alternative interpretations?

I know I'm being a pussy by not trusting my gut and breaking things off right now. It's overwhelming thirst at the end of a bad year.
12-17-2016 01:21 PM
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DRE Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
No, you are correct. It is nothing more than an excuse. Chicks that say stuff like this tend to be nutcases. Many times, these "independent" and "I can take care of myself" chicks are actually the least able to care for themselves. Of course, there are exceptions. IME, however, they tend to be the ones who attention whore, use beta chumps, and thrive off of the attention. So while saying things like "I am single and do not need a man", they actually do need men, even moreso than chicks that don't say stupid shit like this. I obviously cannot speak to this girl, so this stuff may not apply, but I would tread carefully. Good luck!

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12-17-2016 01:29 PM
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MidJack Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Thanks. We are having a date tonight, and I will investigate this further. Maybe I will get another reading.
12-17-2016 01:42 PM
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Post: #4
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Don't
12-17-2016 02:21 PM
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DRE Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Good luck on the date. Let us know how it goes. I am happy to be wrong about this (and certainly may be), so I am interested to hear what you uncover.

Oh this baby loves the slop. Loves it. Eats it up. Eats the slop. Born to slop. - Kramer
12-17-2016 02:36 PM
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McCarthy Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Find a new one.
12-17-2016 02:47 PM
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LINUX Away
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Post: #7
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
If a girl really likes you and is afraid of losing you , she doesn't say stuff like this. My advice is to walk away and tell you need more love and passion in your life than she can give you at this moment.

If she likes you. She'll come chasing you and be willing to lower her walls for fear of losing you.
(This post was last modified: 12-17-2016 03:02 PM by LINUX.)
12-17-2016 03:00 PM
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XPQ22 Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Sounds like an off-the-chain manipulation attempt and I'd head for the goddamn hills!

Quote:She’s spent a lot of time detoxifying herself and finding herself again and the last thing she needs is for another toxic guy to come along and cause her to lose herself again.

She can ride this train to anywhere if you sign up for this deal, dude. She can get a free pass to proactively make drama (even cheating!), and then when you respond in the way any normal man would to she can play the "You're just like my toxic ex-boyfriend! Oh my god I thought you were different! Wah wah wah..."

Always beware a pity-party. I wouldn't sign on for this one. She wouldn't read an alpha a paragraph of this poor-me BS and an alpha wouldn't even listen to it - your past relationship issues are a "YP", lady, not an "MP."

"I'm sorry to hear things are tough for you. Well, I'm off to bang chicks who are more chill. Good luck with all that"

It takes a really dippy broad to believe her past relationship fuckups with losers are any kind of bargaining chip to be used to secure the loyalty of non-losers.
(This post was last modified: 12-17-2016 03:59 PM by XPQ22.)
12-17-2016 03:41 PM
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John Michael Kane Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Girls that tend to post all kinds of dark stuff online are not worth messing with. They are openly demonstrating their inability to pair bond. Do not engage!

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12-17-2016 03:47 PM
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Post: #10
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
I wish there could be a viable study done that would reveal how many women that claim to have been in a "damaging" or "toxic" relationship, have actually been in one.

Her definition of toxic probably means the last guy didn't spend every day with her and didn't text back quick enough.
12-17-2016 04:53 PM
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Perfect Stranger Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
A wise man once told me "Don't stick your dick in crazy!"
12-17-2016 05:28 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
(12-17-2016 01:21 PM)MidJack Wrote:  It seems like a very elaborate excuse for making me work for sex that she used to give away for free.

BINGO. This.

Also, "I fucked bad boys, so you have to be extra nice to me now" is not something that you want to hear of a woman competing with the millions of other women for the prize that is YOU.

Tell her to give you a ring when she is "ready for an authentic relationship, of which intimacy is an integral part".
12-17-2016 07:49 PM
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LeoneVolpe Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
^ Agreed.

It shouldn't be a magic trick to get someone to want to go out with/be intimate with you. If she loves being independent so much, why is she agreeing to go out on dates you're no doubt paying for? If you want to see where it goes, give yourself a timetable. If you don't get what you want by a certain date or time, you owe it to yourself to get out and find someone more deserving of your time. From the sound of it, when it comes to this chick, the juice just isn't worth the squeeze.

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12-17-2016 10:44 PM
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MidJack Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
The date did proceed last night. She said some more weird stuff early on, and I should have just walked. Overall it was fun though, and she did pay for the date equitably. In the end, I told her that I don't want to date any more and so recovered some of my dignity.

From what I understand, her father had problems with addiction. She never really learned self-respect and now seems to understand it abstractly, but it often communicates as bitterness. I don't think she knows how to treat a man with simple kindness, which has resulted from a lifetime of having no real middle ground between strangers and sexual partners. If she wasn't physically attractive, she probably would have experienced a very different life.

Also, it is clear that while I learned from experience with my ex-wife, I have not internalized those lessons well enough. I am still vulnerable to focusing only on a woman's good qualities to my detriment.

So thanks everyone for the feedback. I think this was a positive outcome, and the advice here certainly helped.
12-18-2016 11:19 AM
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DRE Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Good for you, MidJack. If just going for a bang, certain things can certainly be overlooked. If, however, you are going on dates with someone and considering more, it is good to be realistic about positives and negatives in order to make logical decisions. I applaud you.

Oh this baby loves the slop. Loves it. Eats it up. Eats the slop. Born to slop. - Kramer
12-18-2016 12:02 PM
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Post: #16
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Well done for figuring her out quite well.
Unfortunately girls have all sorts of tricks that they resort to. This girl sounds like she's at a point where she's realising that she's been impulsive in the past and hasn't had the sort of control in 'relationships' that she thinks she ought to have had. She's bitter about not securing the type of commitment she thinks she deserves.
Now she wants to put you in the firing line. You'll have to toe her line and maybe at some undetermined time she'll stop being so frigid. But from experience it can be very annoying that you are one of the few guys she's felt like 'taking her time' with.
12-20-2016 04:30 AM
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Post: #17
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
OK so a chick showed you an article on her phone. And? Why does it bother you so much? You can interpret it in plenty ways but it doesn't really matter
(This post was last modified: 12-20-2016 08:40 AM by XXL.)
12-20-2016 08:40 AM
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RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Next her. girls who claim they've been in toxic relationships in the past are damaged goods at best and lying manipulators at worst. Never found a girl who even alluded to having been in such a situation that was worth the trouble on any level.
12-20-2016 01:00 PM
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Mayweather Offline
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RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
This girl just gave you the gift a lot go guys wish they had before they wasted time on a bitch. She openly stated she's not worth a long term investment of any kind in womanese. If you're fluent womanese, you know that one of the hardest things to translate is female responsibility in their actions. Generally you'll find none in their description of these "toxic" and oh so "abusive" relationships. Delete her number and don't look back. A 6 to 10 second orgasm isn't worth the stress that comes with girls that give you this kind of notice on their behaviour.

God just threw you an alley oop on a fast break. Hopefully you know what to do with it.
12-23-2016 01:55 PM
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Post: #20
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
^ Please post a GIF of that last statement.

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12-23-2016 01:58 PM
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RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
(12-23-2016 01:55 PM)Mayweather Wrote:  God just threw you an alley oop on a fast break. Hopefully you know what to do with it.

(12-23-2016 01:58 PM)Travesty Wrote:  ^ Please post a GIF of that last statement.

[Image: dwade%2Bto%2Blbj%2Bfullcourt%2Balleyoop.gif]

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12-23-2016 02:17 PM
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heavy Offline
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RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
I gravitate toward women who use less direct innuendo to communicate that. They're women, we know they're fragile.

I'd be so turned off by a woman who was that direct about something so obvious about all women.

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(This post was last modified: 12-23-2016 02:21 PM by heavy.)
12-23-2016 02:21 PM
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MidJack Offline
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RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
(12-23-2016 02:17 PM)kaotic Wrote:  
(12-23-2016 01:55 PM)Mayweather Wrote:  God just threw you an alley oop on a fast break. Hopefully you know what to do with it.

(12-23-2016 01:58 PM)Travesty Wrote:  ^ Please post a GIF of that last statement.

.gif

.gif

.gif

.gif

Kaotic, thank you for the plentiful graphic reinforcement of the ideas presented in this thread.

As an update, I have not seen this one since I last posted five days ago, though she did send me a message to tell me how wonderful I am.
12-23-2016 11:02 PM
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Post: #24
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
(12-17-2016 01:29 PM)DRE Wrote:  Many times, these "independent" and "I can take care of myself" chicks are actually the least able to care for themselves.

This. So many times a girl say something it actually mean totally opposite.

"We are not having sex tonight"
"I am happy without a man"
"Eiii, she gave you a blowjob? That's gross"
"I'm not that kind of girl"
etc...
12-25-2016 05:04 PM
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Post: #25
RE: Dating Girls Who Say They Have Been In Toxic Relationships
Regarding the thread title, I'm wondering what percentage of girls don't claim they were in abusive/toxic relationships. It's gotta be in the single digits.

When's the last time you heard a chick take responsibility for the failures of her past relationships? I've yet to hear it.

Quote:It takes a really dippy broad to believe her past relationship fuckups with losers are any kind of bargaining chip to be used to secure the loyalty of non-losers.

It's because a girls definition of a loser != societies definition of a loser. In fact it's the complete inverse. A girl's "loser" is a guy who fucks her on the first night and never speaks to her again. Society's loser is a guy who betas out and pays for 10 dates before getting a peck on the lips.

As we all know what matter is following their actions and not their words, so if a girl i've fucked wants to call me a loser or a deadbeat because I didn't invest in her, as far as I'm concerned that makes me Cool

The second I hear about how I'd make a good husband I'm the fuck out of there.

Then again you have to adjust for "inflation". If shes giving up the pussy, it doesn't matter how she hamsters the rest away, or if she thinks your a 'loser' or not. If shes not, there's a reason for it and that's when you can deduce that she sees you as "something more than a loser" in other words, a loser.
12-28-2016 01:57 PM
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