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Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
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tapthatass Offline
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Post: #1
Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
I struggled hard in my life. I wish I had a mentor sometimes. So, I try to help others who want to get to where I am. This gave rise to a lot of problems.

100% of people who meet me just don't have the drive required to succeed.They just want the easy way out of their problems. I have never met a single guy/girl who deep inside wants to make something out of their life. Their goals are just as shallow as their character.

I don't understand life. People who really need a mentor will not find one (like me) and people who are losers ask me to help them. What is going on? On one side, I want to help others because I know what I went through. On the other side, I don't want to help others because people who contact me just don't have the drive to succeed. This cognitive dissonance is killing me!

I want to get out of this loop. Any ideas? My only solution so far is to 'not try and help others' but this again contradicts with my initial thought " I know what I went through!" To be honest, I don't want to help people. I don't want to be the 'savior' of their life. Everyone got their own shit to deal with. But my subconscious mind keeps on opposing me!
01-10-2017 03:14 AM
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armenia4ever
tapthatass Offline
Sparrow

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Post: #2
RE: Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
I posted this same message to a number of people from my personal circle. A friend of mine offered me a solution. She told me that the main reason for my problem is that "I don't value my time."

So I did a little research discovered some golden articles.

Good men's project BEST ARTICLE.

Tiny buddha (incomplete)

Cammipham Don't agree with her articles but this is a great one.

Empathy is my main problem. (I don't want people to suffer like I did).


I'm leaving it up because there's no other thread related to this topic. Maybe others who have similar problem can figure it out.
01-10-2017 03:49 AM
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Oilrig Offline
Robin
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Post: #3
RE: Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
I face this exact same dilemma. I'm considered to be the success of my friends and family. I have a genuine desire to help those around me be successful and try and mentor them. I have found that most people don't really care about getting ahead in life, they want you to do everything for them. Now I don't offer my help the way I used to several years ago.
01-11-2017 10:25 PM
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Alche Offline
Robin
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Post: #4
RE: Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
Stop waiting to meet the perfect person to be your mentor.

Amazing mentors are everywhere.. Don't believe me?

Pick up any entrepreneurial or self-improvement book. A book gives you direct access into the mind of that successful person. Same as taking part in forums and interacting with people more successful than you.

Waiting to meet a real life mentor is like waiting to fly. Why would they want to help you? What can you offer them of value?

Start taking advantage of the wealth of information out there and start making moves!

-Alche

'in the face of death.. everything is funny'
01-11-2017 11:19 PM
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James Bond Next level Offline
Robin
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Post: #5
RE: Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
tapthatass, you seem like a good guy. But you should realize that people, just like girls, have a gap between what they think they want and what they really want. A lot of people, when they complain, don't unconsciously want to be helped. They want attention, maybe pity. I would even add that deep down, they know what they have to do, but they don't have the courage or strength to do it. In a nutshell: they wanna play the victim.
Now, if you do try to help them (and you try to save them), they won't listen. As a result, you'll only get frustrated and become the victim as well.
So, for the future:
-try to distance yourself from these "victims": let them whine and realize that they usually just make a big deal out of nothing
-if you are open to the possibility of helping them, make sure they wanna be helped. Ask "do you just want me to listen or do you seek my advice?". Gauge the answer : if you do not sense they really wanna be helped, just listen, period.

Last advice : as a general rule, you should avoid to meet too much these kind of personalities. They are like a vampire that suck your happiness, keep you down even though they consciously don't wanna harm you in any way.

Make men great again!
01-12-2017 04:48 PM
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Harami Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
I could use a mentor.
03-04-2017 12:38 PM
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Cobra Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Trying to help others: stuck in a loop.
There is an RVF mentor thread out there already that this should be combined with. Search function.

Spittin' Cobra - A Podcast
Accounting Career Data Sheet |Finance datasheets- Part I /Part II/Part III | 5 Things To Do Before You Lose Your Job
03-04-2017 02:49 PM
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