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How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
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BlackUniform Offline
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How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man

My Grandfather

Man that I spent the most time with and conversated. As a young boy he made a bows and arrows from threes for me, he thought me everything about history and geography even before I went to school, how to hammer a nail, helped me pass in math even in my late teens. Each summer we went for a vacation with my parents to some beach destination abroad and he always took all of his grandchildren for a week to many different places across the homeland.
Father to three kids, raising one more (Grandma was a young widow when they married.), the only one I know that worked as an engineer even though he haven’t had university title and as a railway engineer helped build an infrastructure of my country. Served in the army in 68 when we were occupied by Warsaw Pact armies.
Being born after we lost the second war during humble times on a large homestead with three brothers into a family of soldiers, coal miners and farmers he resembled the exact spirit of my region. Even after I worked out for two years five times a week I never had bigger forearms than he had.
The most stoic person that I ever knew, probably never saw him lose cool, not during last hours when he was in large pain.

[Image: IMG_3455.jpg]

The Story

A some months ago I learned that my Grandfather has pancreatic cancer and estimated 3 months of life. Fortunately I was home at the time, coming back from 2 months long backpacking trip. During those 3-4 months I spent every day at least 1-2 with him. Coming to their house and also each time when grandmother needed to go to doctors/grocery store. First two months were relatively fine, he has lost most of his weight but still could move, talk and think like normally. He never let us know if something is happening or how he feels. When the first snow came he started to talk worse and move less, sleep more. The Thought that I cannot help a man that gave me so much was very painful. I just spent time with him, talking, bringing glass of water if needed and basically watch his body decay. Last two weeks of his life he was too weak to walk to the bathroom, at least he could be home and spend his last few months with family and not lie down somewhere in hospital.
Two weeks ago I woke up, did my work and realised that mother and sister is not home. I went to grandmothers house. He was lying on mattress besides the bed, apparently during the night grandmother woke up and found him kneeling besides the bed, he probably fell down or tried to walk but could not and when they tried to get him back up they could not as he was in great pain.
Opposed to most of the former days he was awake the whole time, I spent there around 8 hours, giving him water and helping him change position on the bed as he could not move. He haven’t been speaking much to anyone during that time besides things he wanted to help with but to me he said during that time a few sentences. “This starts to really suck.” few hours later “I'm done with you, can’t go on anymore.” and some time after “Can you get something to ease the pain?”. Fortunately during that time there was already a nurse in the house and gave him injection of some painkillers as the current ones did not work anymore.
I was taking it badly so I had like three beers during the day. In the evening my friend texted me that my class from university-preparatory school is going for drink to local pub. I expected that he will pass away during the night or in the morning as both of his brothers died from the same cancer and went unconscious for the last 10 hours or so but he was still awake so I decided to go for couple of drinks to numb myself, come back and sleep at grandmas house. Last hour it seemed as he started to hallucinate, called me his sons name and repeated all the time “Let’s get up, Let’s get up” even though it was impossible to stand up or even sit in his condition. So I kissed his forehead goodbye and went to the pub. Two hours later my mother called me that Grandfather passed away. I ran to the house, sat besides his dead body covered by blanket and cried like a little bitch. There was no need for dissection because of the diagnose so with uncle we washed him and dressed him in suit. His body was still warm and his eyes opened.
The morticians came after three hours, it was a pretty long time.
During that night I slept in my grandmothers place with her in the living room and in the morning we went to arrange all the business with upcoming funeral.

The funeral was big, would say more than 100 people, besides family there were all the neighbours and former co-workers coming even from Slovakia. Before they closed his coffin I gave into his pocket pack of Marlboro Gold that he smoked with a lighter, a knife, a little gift that my little brother brought him a year ago and spread the birth soil in the coffin.

Conclusion

Until now I never actually realised how much of a family man I am. And until I got into manosphere and started to meet westerners how strong our family is.
I sat there besides his body having my own mortality touching my hand. At the end of the day there is nothing that matters, your degree, bankroll, or a notch count all you got is your blood and your glory, not more, not less.
As a part of my process of turning from a boy into a man it made me definitely colder and more pragmatic. Man has to do what he has to do.
No wonder that I was reading a lot about tribalism during that time, don’t care for every fucking human on earth a bit but take care of your own a lot.

My Tribute to the Best Man that I ever knew.

Ruhe in Frieden



(This post was last modified: 01-11-2017 02:30 PM by BlackUniform.)
01-11-2017 02:20 PM
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RE: How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
Excellent post BU Thanks for sharing the story Welcome to the forum

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(This post was last modified: 01-11-2017 03:15 PM by PapayaTapper.)
01-11-2017 03:14 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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RE: How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
Great post, thanks so much for sharing.

I never knew either of my grandparents, I know I am the pooer for it.
01-11-2017 04:37 PM
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RE: How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
(01-11-2017 02:20 PM)BlackUniform Wrote:  I sat there besides his body having my own mortality touching my hand. At the end of the day there is nothing that matters, your degree, bankroll, or a notch count all you got is your blood and your glory, not more, not less.

At the end of the day, all you've got is your blood and your glory: man, did you read that in a book, or maybe it's a famous quote from a movie?.. in any case, it's beautiful. Reminds me of Graham Greene's novel, "The Power and the Glory"...
For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever
01-11-2017 06:55 PM
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Ivanis Offline
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RE: How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
The death of my grandmother had the same effect on me. It was more sudden, necrosis. The time between arriving at the hospital and her death was right around a week. Sad, sad thing to go through. Hang in there.

"You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it." -Monsieur Gustave H, The Grand Budapest Hotel.

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01-11-2017 07:27 PM
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RE: How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
I enjoyed the story even if I do not agree with some of the flamboyant talking points about caring about this rather than that and what matters and does not. The manosphere has some interesting ideas but it's good to take them with a grain of salt as well; the truth is too complex to be crushed and packed into red or blue pills.
01-11-2017 07:58 PM
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BlackUniform Offline
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RE: How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
(01-11-2017 06:55 PM)Going strong Wrote:  At the end of the day, all you've got is your blood and your glory: man, did you read that in a book, or maybe it's a famous quote from a movie?.. in any case, it's beautiful. Reminds me of Graham Greene's novel, "The Power and the Glory"...
For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever

Did not read it anywhere. When I wrote it one of my thought was about concept "Blut und Boden" but soil was not relevant that much in what I wanted to say.
01-12-2017 02:09 AM
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RE: How The Death Of My GrandFather Made Me A Better Man
I can relate, since I was very close to my grandfather as well. And seeing someone you love suffer is heartbreaking. I am glad to hear that you were able to use the experience to gain wisdom.

"Action still preserves for us a hope that we may stand erect." - Thucydides (from History of the Peloponnesian War)
01-12-2017 10:42 PM
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