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When she flirts with other guys
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SlickyBoy Offline
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Post: #26
RE: When she flirts with other guys
(02-14-2017 02:53 AM)John Michael Kane Wrote:  Why were you trying to flirt with other girls if you wanted her to be your LTR? If you think she's relationship material, then stop flirting with other girls and commit to her. Don't tell her straight up not to flirt with other guys. See if she stops that behavior after you started it. If she keeps it up, correct her and tell you were originally just wanting to see if she's interested. If you're going to be in a relationship, the point isn't to instill fear and jealousy in the other person. Both parties need to only flirt with each other, otherwise you aren't called for a relationship. Nip your own flirting in the bud, ask if she wants to date you exclusively and move on.

I disagree - I see this as a tactical advantage - dread game.
Quote:Instill dread
Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions. Result: she works harder to please you.

The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.

Twitter: @_slickyboy
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02-21-2017 08:42 AM
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SlickyBoy Offline
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Post: #27
RE: When she flirts with other guys
(02-21-2017 08:42 AM)SlickyBoy Wrote:  
(02-14-2017 02:53 AM)John Michael Kane Wrote:  Why were you trying to flirt with other girls if you wanted her to be your LTR? If you think she's relationship material, then stop flirting with other girls and commit to her. Don't tell her straight up not to flirt with other guys. See if she stops that behavior after you started it. If she keeps it up, correct her and tell you were originally just wanting to see if she's interested. If you're going to be in a relationship, the point isn't to instill fear and jealousy in the other person. Both parties need to only flirt with each other, otherwise you aren't called for a relationship. Nip your own flirting in the bud, ask if she wants to date you exclusively and move on.
I disagree - I see this as a tactical advantage - dread game.

Quote:Instill dread
Women respond viscerally in their vagina area to unpredictability, mixed signals, danger, and drama in spite of their best efforts to convince themselves otherwise. Managing your relationship in such a way that she is left with a constant, gnawing feeling of impending doom will do more for your cause than all the Valentine’s Day cards and expertly performed tongue love in the world. Like it or not, the threat of a looming breakup, whether the facts justify it or not, will spin her into a paranoid estrogen-fueled tizzy, and she’ll spend every waking second thinking about you, thinking about the relationship, thinking about how to fix it. Her love for you will blossom under these conditions. Result: she works harder to please you.

The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.

Also, pay attention to her cycles. Women in heat - typically 2 weeks after her last period - are much more likely to look around and dress in a more revealing manner.

Twitter: @_slickyboy
Occasional contributor at Return of Kings (while it lasted)
02-21-2017 08:55 AM
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Jazzman92 Offline
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Post: #28
RE: When she flirts with other guys
Ive been having some mixed emotions about a girl recently, and wanted to get some perspective from the forum.

So a bit of context - I met a girl at a bar a few months ago. We went on a date and really hit it off and we've been seeing each other every week since then. She's a really cool girl. Very witty, cute, supportive, and we have a lot of chemistry. I've noticed her check out a few guys here and there while we're out, and she's travelled a fair bit, but no crazy red flags.

A few days ago we went on a date and I was about 15-20 mins late. When I got there I noticed some guy was talking to her. She was sitting down at the bar with about 6 drinks which she bought for us before happy hour finished, and he was standing beside her. As soon as I approached her, she introduced us to each other and then turned around, started sipping her drink and didnt say anything. She seemed a little guilty or nervous but im not 100 percent sure. I shook the guys hand and said whats up but I was a bit confused because I wasnt sure if they knew each other or if he was just a guy trying to talk to her. There was an awkward pause for about 3 seconds where no one said anything and then he shook my hand again and told me to have a good night with a weird grin on his face, and walked away. Although I was kind of mad I didnt really let it affect me, partially because he looked like an uglier version of Lil Jon, so I didnt feel that threatened by him, but mainly because she was sitting at the bar by herself and he couldve just been a guy trying to hit her up. I asked her if she knew him and she said "no, he's just a random guy I was talking to while I was waiting for you."

I played it off cool and we had a really good time the rest of the night, but the next day when I woke up and thought about the situation again I started getting pissed off. It wasnt the fact that some guy was talking to her at the bar, but the way she reacted when I came over that annoys me. We currently are not in an LTR so, although im doubtful, it is possible she could have exchanged numbers with the dude, and her weird reaction made me slightly suspicious of that. However, I dont have any evidence to conclude she did.

This is a girl I could see myself in an LTR with and I would not appreciate her flirting and exchanging numbers with some random dude at a bar while waiting for me to arrive, even if it isnt a serious relationship just yet. She texted me the next day and we have another date coming up. A small part of me really wants to call her out on her reaction and making the situation awkward when I arrived, but I also think that would be a really beta thing to do and make me seem crazy and too emotionally invested.

How would you guys feel/react in this situation? Am I being crazy for letting this bother me?
(This post was last modified: 06-22-2019 01:37 AM by Jazzman92.)
06-22-2019 01:34 AM
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Enhanced Eddie Offline
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Post: #29
RE: When she flirts with other guys
Has she hinted at commitment yet? Even slightly?

If not, then you can definitely not tip your hand now. It needs to come from her first.
06-22-2019 01:38 AM
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Jazzman92 Offline
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Post: #30
RE: When she flirts with other guys
(06-22-2019 01:38 AM)Enhanced Eddie Wrote:  Has she hinted at commitment yet? Even slightly?

If not, then you can definitely not tip your hand now. It needs to come from her first.

She always makes references to things we should do in the future and places we should go see, but she hasnt explicitly said anything about commitment yet. My gut feeling is that she isnt seeing other guys, just because of some more 'intimate reasons' but thats not always a great indicator.

I havent mentioned anything about commitment either.
06-22-2019 01:45 AM
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Enhanced Eddie Offline
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Post: #31
RE: When she flirts with other guys
Start sucking up more of her time. Time spent gets women attached, if you're sleeping together. As they get attached, they start to push for commitment. Especially if they have doubts about your interest level / faithfulness. If you have the ability to do it, get her a little jealous too, like she did to you. It needs to look incidental though, and never deliberate.

If you had to put your finger on it, who would you say is currently more invested emotionally? Are you more into her or is she more into you, even if just a little bit?
(This post was last modified: 06-22-2019 01:53 AM by Enhanced Eddie.)
06-22-2019 01:52 AM
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Jazzman92 Offline
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Post: #32
RE: When she flirts with other guys
(06-22-2019 01:52 AM)Enhanced Eddie Wrote:  Start sucking up more of her time. Time spent gets women attached, if you're sleeping together. As they get attached, they start to push for commitment. Especially if they have doubts about your interest level / faithfulness. If you have the ability to do it, get her a little jealous too, like she did to you. It needs to look incidental though, and never deliberate.

If you had to put your finger on it, who would you say is currently more invested emotionally? Are you more into her or is she more into you, even if just a little bit?

I think her slightly more because if I go a couple days without texting her she always messages me and asks me what im up to or sends me a meme or something.
06-22-2019 01:58 AM
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Enhanced Eddie Offline
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Post: #33
RE: When she flirts with other guys
Sounds like you're on track then. Keep her always showing a bit more interest than you do, initiating a bit more often than you do. But without making her feel like you're playing games ofc. You always need plausible deniability with this stuff.

If she was your GF you would have to call her out on that situation at the bar, but as it stands, I would just leave it alone tbh.

For further context and to make sure I understood correctly - you've been dating for a few months and see each other once a week?

If that is the case, she will ask for commitment around the 4 months mark. It will come in form of "so what are we? what am i to you?"

The dreaded, or in your case not-so-dreaded, DTR: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=DTR

"What are we" is code for "hey I'm starting to really get feelings for you and it would really hurt me if you didn't feel the same way... let's get into a relationship?"
(This post was last modified: 06-22-2019 02:04 AM by Enhanced Eddie.)
06-22-2019 02:03 AM
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Jazzman92
Jazzman92 Offline
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Post: #34
RE: When she flirts with other guys
Thanks for the advice. Yeah we've been seeing each other once per week and have been dating for about 2.5 months. My schedule is more open the next couple weeks so I'll try to spend a bit more time with her.
06-22-2019 02:13 AM
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Enhanced Eddie Offline
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Post: #35
RE: When she flirts with other guys
Great. Let her sleep over too. Make both (meeting more often, and sleeping over) seems like it was her idea, not yours.
06-22-2019 02:16 AM
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Jazzman92
Jazzman92 Offline
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Post: #36
RE: When she flirts with other guys
I'll make sure to that. I appreciate your help man, I'll let you know how it goes.
06-22-2019 02:21 AM
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Enhanced Eddie
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Post: #37
RE: When she flirts with other guys
I'll just say this.

When I read that her reaction when you walked over to her annoyed you, that told me what the fundamental problem for you is. It's the same destructive mindset as I used to have. The irritation comes from wanting the girl (and the world) to be a certain way. You want her to be someone that she ultimately is not.
But let go of all the expectations, you'll be happier for it and it'll save you from a lot of stress when it comes to women and people in general.

When I found a girl that was attractive and cool to hang out with, it was like I tried so desperately tell myself that she was traditional, weren't attracted to other men and only cared about me etc. which was obviously bullshit and I ended up wasting time on these. Same goes with friendship with guys as well, I've wasted too much time on loser guys and tried to tell myself that they're good men and didn't give up on them until it was 200% evident that they were dickheads.

I can't remember a single case here where a guy has been a bit concerned with a particular woman, then made a thread or post about her and afterwards they ended up in a successfull LTR which lead to marriage or kids. Probably because that with the quality women you wouldn't have to write posts like these and be concerned about her flirting with other guys. Probably guys also write about these women because their gut tells them this is a promiscious woman with red flags.
06-22-2019 12:25 PM
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