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Differences between damaged men and damaged women
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Jean Valjean Offline

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Differences between damaged men and damaged women
How He Became Broken: 3 Ways Men Never Fully Recover From Heartbreak says:*

Lauren Skirvin Wrote:Our generation has become accustomed to the idea that we will marry and start a family much later than our parents did. . . . . It doesn’t mean we don’t have relationships. However, since taking the ultimate plunge of marriage doesn’t register on the radar as quickly or as easily, it often means those relationships just don’t stand the test of time. . . . . The older you get, the more people you add to the list. More promises get broken, more hearts get shattered and more baggage piles on. . . . . It makes you a bit harder and more cynical. . . . . A broken man is just a person who can’t trust as easily, can’t give as much and can’t open his heart as fully anymore, no matter how badly he wants to.

She seems to be looking at it from the perspective of how, because marriage gets delayed, women end up giving their hearts (and pussies) to multiple men who haven't committed to them. But there are plenty of men who, regardless of whether they got married, got their hearts broken because girls' commitment turned out not to mean anything in a society that views a woman's obligations as conditional and revocable at her whim.

Later in the article, Skirvin says, "The broken man wants to go slow because he’s been burned so many times in the past. He wants to be sure he doesn’t make the same mistakes and have regrets later."

It could just be that he's stopped idealizing women and realized that they have the ability to lie and to be fickle. He has also perhaps found out that society won't have his back if she betrays him. Maybe he has realized that most girls aren't actually the special snowflakes they might present themselves as being, and that they love men more for their power than for the other traits those men might find admirable in themselves. That being the case, why fall so hard for another girl?

Love is attraction combined with a lack of other options. Therefore, a man who perceives a woman as being just one of many comparable options can't have a very strong love for her. If she's not the mother of his kids, or otherwise indispensable in some way, why would he do the kinds of really romantic stuff you see men doing in the movies (like stopping her at the airport or declaring his devotion via bullhorn at a crowded stadium), unless he has one-itis? But a man's process of getting over the loss of the woman he fell hard for involves dismantling his own ability to have one-itis.

Women, on the other hand, have a sexual pair-bonding that occurs through release of oxytocin and whatnot. Women start out by being attracted to a man's power, and then become obsessed with him to the degree that he seems hard to obtain. Then when he gives them an orgasm, they become attached by that means. Apparently, though, they lose their ability to bond in this way, the more dicks they take. Or is it that women who already have daddy issues end up impulsively taking more cocks? Either way, there's a correlation between damage and numerous cocks.

We've all heard men say that their decision to marry their wife was the best choice they ever made. I'm thinking a lot of those men have had few relationships, and therefore idealize the woman they're with as being special. The married men I know who have a higher notch count tend to have more of a wandering eye. (But again, what's the cause-and-effect relationship; did the tendency to have a wandering eye result in a high notch count, or does the high notch count result in a wandering eye? Or do men with few options tend to rationalize the option they resorted to as having been the best option anyone could've had in the whole universe, as a way of eliminating cognitive dissonance?)

Could it be that oneitis is as natural a pair-bonding mechanism for men, as oxytocin release is for women, the only difference being that men's bonding mechanism is more psychological, while women's is more physiological? And in either case, the bonding mechanism starts to be destroyed as one is betrayed more and more times after catching feelings?

I also think that after having many relationships, it's easy to start reminiscing on the good qualities of each, and wanting a composite that combines the best of them all. E.g., if you had one girlfriend who fucked your brains out, and another girlfriend who had intellectually stimulating conversations, it's easy to desire an intellectually stimulating girlfriend who also fucks your brains out. You develop a taste for different characteristics that different girls have, and become more aware of what any particular girl is lacking that other girls do have.

This works directly against developing oneitis, because it's hard for any one girl to have every possible trait you've come to enjoy in a girl. Most unfortunately, it's hard to find a girl with the upsides of borderline personality disorder who's lacking in the downsides, which means that you can't have the benefits of sticking your dick in crazy without suffering the consequences. That is a truly harsh and devastating reality. It's like when you learn that you can't keep shooting heroin without building up tolerance, running out of money, going to jail, etc. So you just have to settle for "normal" pleasures, and resign yourself to watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth, unless you have the right stuff to strive for higher goals and become a NASA test pilot or something.

There's a bit of a contradiction in blue pill thinking, by the way, in that men will think, "Women are romantic souls who, after falling in love, with always have some love for that man, and reserve for him a place in their hearts" while also thinking, about the woman they want to commit to, "It doesn't matter how many failed relationships a woman has had; the past is the past!" If she is still in love with those previous men, though, then logically there would be an elevated chance of wanting to go back to them, and/or to not commit her heart fully to the current relationship because each of those prior men still has a piece of her heart.

The romantic ideal is that once you get attached to someone, you should always think, "Yes, if I could be with that person, I wouldn't hesitate to leave the new relationship and go back to that one." Logically, then, as far as your heart is concerned, each new person seems inferior to the previous. Otherwise, it would mean that love is fickle. The implication of a lack of fickleness, though, is that full redemption or recovery from failed relationships is impossible.

The romantic ideal is of a love that never admits it was wrong, so that once you receive the commitment, you know you can rely on it, because even if the original basis for that love goes away or turns out to be have been unfounded to begin with, the love still remains. At the same time, love is also supposed to be pragmatic, so that people have an incentive to behave well, work hard, etc. In other words, the possibility of falling out of love has to exist so that if the man turns out to be lazy (or just not as alpha as she thought he was), or the woman turns out to be unfaithful, or whatever else is a dealbreaker, one can move on.

What ends up happening is that we compromise, and meet in the middle. It's possible to move on, but there's always a price to pay, because even if the humpty dumpty that is your heart gets put back together again,** after having fallen off the wall of young, carefree, innocent, trusting love onto the hard pavement of betrayal, there are still some cracks. You're not completely restored back to how you were before your heart was broken.

* Interesting that vest- and horned-rimmed-glasses-wearing hipsters with scrillex haircuts are used to illustrate "broken men".

** Contrary to the nursery rhyme, it must be possible for any Humpty Dumpty consisting of a finite number of pieces to eventually be put back together by trial and error, given that each piece has to go somewhere.
(This post was last modified: 06-08-2017 02:47 PM by Jean Valjean.)
06-08-2017 01:58 PM
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cascadecombo Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
Author is an actress from Indiana.
06-08-2017 04:00 PM
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YoungBlade Away
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RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
Another magnum opus. +1

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06-08-2017 05:16 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
Such crap written down.

It's like if they repeat their world view, justifying their fem-centric lifestyle, it will become reality.

It's all "broken mens fault" for not wifing me up after I hop off the carousel.
06-08-2017 05:26 PM
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McCarthy Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
Female imperative TO THE MAXXX

Quote:But at a certain point in life, women don’t want to casually date forever. We have a biological clock that ticks aggressively.

Oh, yeah, alpha fux beta bux.

Quote:So when it comes time to treat you like you’re special, they completely drop the ball. It does a good bit of damage, leaving the current love feeling confused and unappreciated.

Only virgins can be princesses. You are no more than a used up slut.

Quote:The girl gives everything she has until she’s at her breaking point, and she leaves the broken man.

No, bitch, you gave it to too many other men before.
(This post was last modified: 06-08-2017 06:17 PM by McCarthy.)
06-08-2017 06:13 PM
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birthday cat Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
I don't think the author is trying to disparage men and something can be learned from understanding how she thinks. Most of the article is wrong but some of it is correct, i.e. waiting until later in life for marriage makes everyone jaded.

Men have to be the logical ones so we shouldn't have these knee-jerk reactions and assume that all women are lunatic feminists.

Pictures of her are at http://www.thelaurenelaine.com/photo-gallery/ Does she look like a blue-haried feminist or a carousel-rider? This girl is a highly emotional serial-monogamist par excellence and the game guys knew that after reading the article but before seeing the pictures, while the red pill guys were throwing their hands up in the air and screaming "entitled american cunt" just because her article doesn't agree with their group think.

She is frustrated about situations in her life and is trying to make sense out of things in her girl brain. She is guilty of thinking solely from a fem-centric point of view. Good luck finding a woman who looks like her and doesn't think that way.

I agree with the theory that women are mostly like overgrown children and it is hypocritical to suggest that they are like children but also expect them to be intelligent enough and logical enough to figure out that western culture has sold them a dream. She bought the dream and is rationalizing why these men didn't want marry her because her ego can't take the hit. She's wrong but it's perfectly normal behavior.

She gives long explanations for why a certain type of men (high status, mid 30s and older) moved slowly in relationships, didn't show a lot of emotion and didn't want to commit. She bought the dream of western culture so it never occurred to her that these men were never interested in settling down with her. They probably weren't interested in settling down with anyone who wasn't perfect or anyone at all. She's wrong but she isn't maliciously attacking men. This is how most attractive women think including women outside of western culture.
(This post was last modified: 06-09-2017 02:20 AM by birthday cat.)
06-09-2017 02:07 AM
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Suits Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
This is what a damaged man looks like.

[Image: hugh-hefner-turns-89.jpg]

This is what a damaged woman looks like.

[Image: floral-hairstyle-short-hair-tattoo-tight...-84102.jpg]

I'm the King of Beijing!
06-09-2017 02:21 AM
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Paracelsus Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
To be honest, I was pretty much this throughout the article:


Quote:The older you get, the more people you add to the list. More promises get broken, more hearts get shattered and more baggage piles on.

Sounds to me like the description of what's going on inside the girl with the thousand cock stare, not the vast majority of people on the planet.

Quote:Since our parents married young, they didn’t have to experience so many adult relationships not working out. They may be unhappy or disappointed with who or what they chose, but they don’t know what multiple losses feels like.

Damn feminists and the destruction of patriarchy for forcing me to experience the breakup of adult relationships! Those fucking 1940s and 1950s women, they don't know how good they had it!

Quote:Women don’t hurt any less than men, but our hearts are generally more open. We are naturally more vulnerable, so it’s often easier for us to start over once we have healed.

Men are all heartless bastards, so they don't get over relationships as easily as women do. Sure.

The truth is simpler, and the opposite: biological hypergamy. Or really, oversensitivity to sunk-cost fallacy.


Quote:Researchers at Binghamton University recently surveyed more than 5,000 people from 96 countries, and found that when it comes to breaking up, no one emerges completely OK. When graded on a scale, men, on average, did feel less pain than women after a breakup—both emotional and physical.

It's not necessarily because the men were less into their partner. We may have evolution to thank instead. Because when it comes to mating, women just have more to lose. The lead author of the study, Craig Morris, writes:

Quote:"From a biological perspective, women bear the larger minimum parental investment—nine months of gestation as well as the metabolic costs of lactation—and therefore are more 'selective' in their mate choice."

This selection process tends to be more well-thought out for a woman because she is either consciously or subconsciously planning for a long-term commitment. That's why it feels a lot like the end of the world when the mate you finally "select" decides he doesn't actually want you after all.

Anyway, let's move on to the next joke:

Quote:I have dated a lot of these broken men. I see a similar pattern.

Most are in their mid-to-late 30s or older, and are finally ready to settle down.

Most want healthy, long-term relationships.

But they end up making their partners so unhappy with their inability to really love, they can’t reach the end goal.

She is not a Saud princess who has had her men selected for her by a father who approves of the number of camels he'll get out of the deal. She has chosen each and every one of them. "Not all the men I dated were like that." Then why didn't you marry one of the ones who wasn't? "They just weren't mature." YOU ARE PROJECTING. The common element in all your failed relationships is you. Rather than observe that all the men you date were bastards, ask instead what it is about you that
(a) attracts you to men like this, assuming they're asking you out, or
(b) attracts them to you, assuming you're asking them?

Quote:But at a certain point in life, women don’t want to casually date forever. We have a biological clock that ticks aggressively.

We would never want to rush into anything or marry someone who isn’t right for us, but at a certain point, we need to know if we’re wasting our time or not.

I’m not just talking about marriage and children.

Broken men are slow to make anything about the relationship official.

It would have been harder to diagnose the condition if it was just talking about children. As it is, what's the slogan of this part of the tract, what seems to be the most important part for our typist?

"Making the relationship official." Official. Or, to use exactly the same word, Authenticity. Changing the Facebook profile to "engaged". Outward labels of an identity -- which all narcissists crave to hide the emptiness going on inside the glass box they live in, the glass box that makes them unable to love.

Quote:Meeting the family, moving in together, celebrating holidays, going on trips, showing investment in the future — all of these things count.

Yes. As indicators of external identity, as indicators that you are now PartOfACouple instead of 30AndSingle. Not the time spent together, the moments which are not visible to outsiders, not the slow moments, not the cup of coffee made without asking. Because to a narcissist, the identity is all-important.

Another way of looking at this: has our typist once described a relationship other than by its external accoutrements, the events or "ceremonies" of MovingInTogether, MeetingTheParents, GoingOnHolidayTogether?

Quote:They can’t seem to get over their fear and resistance, and they can’t give the new person a new beginning.

Again: projection. This time, laced with the guy's horrified look when he gets access to her Facebook history and the images from the wild night out six or seven years ago come out. Narcissists all crave a new beginning, because it allows them to erase those elements of their past which do not accord with the identity they want the world to see.

Quote:But if a broken man was not appreciated in the past, he will stop the gifts altogether in his future.

When these men are confronted with disappointment by their girlfriends, they really have no explanation for their actions.

This leads to a vicious cycle, as the girlfriend does not want to do anything special anymore either.

It’s a lose-lose situation for everyone.

Most transactional relationships -- as the "vicious cycle" suggests her relationships become very early on -- turn into lose-lose propositions, because unless you're a prostitute, no relationship can be truly transactional; there has to be some element of largesse from both parties at one time or another.

Quote:Broken men are a strange, complicated breed. They will go through the motions of wanting to be in a relationship, but without any zest or enthusiasm.

They are careful with their affection, and they only get mushy when they’re really pushed or possibly drunk.

We will notice the author's bio that she really loves wine. We often get angry at the behaviour we see in others that we hate in ourselves.

Quote:We all know how this story with the broken man ends.

The girl gives everything she has until she’s at her breaking point, and she leaves the broken man.

The broken man is in absolute shambles. He knows he has lost something valuable to him, and it is solely his fault.

As said: if all the men you go with have the same problem, then the problem is not the men, the problem is you. Only children try to displace all blame for a bad thing happening away from themselves; and children are narcissists with the excuse of not having fully developed brains and personalities.

Remissas, discite, vivet.
God save us from people who mean well. -storm
(This post was last modified: 06-09-2017 03:27 AM by Paracelsus.)
06-09-2017 03:08 AM
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Barron Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Differences between damaged men and damaged women
The question is rooted in the Sexual Marketplace.

Here, a man can use his mind, his logic, his volition to change his status because his value is not attached to his body but to his ability.
However a woman cannot. Not because she's too stupid but because in the Sexual Marketplace her value is her body.

Instead of treating her body like the Ferrari it is when she came of age, the author treated her body like a beater Honda. Her heartache isn't the fault of any man, culture or society but her own. The sooner she and other women realize it, the happier they'll be.

two scoops
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06-10-2017 07:44 AM
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