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Getting back money from 'friend'
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Mikestar Offline
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Post: #1
Getting back money from 'friend'
In december 2016 I bought my friend concert tickets and he was supposed to pay me back same day. He's an old and good friend and he does have financial issues but I told him to pay me back since a long time. I keep messaging him and he keeps making excuses and I see him buying new clothes on social media so I know he has means of paying me back but he keeps delaying it. Honestly I wanna show up and beat him up with a baseball bat for this shit, I have no worries in my life except for this 'friend' who owes me money. Sometimes I just get pissed off thinking about it but I cant do anything as he doesnt reply to my messages reminding him to pay and I cant physically go to him. What is the best way to get the money? After I get it im gonna cut ties with him as that is disrespect, cannot call him a friend anymore.
06-17-2017 04:08 PM
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robreke Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
You probably won't get the money back.

He's dishonorable if he's buying stuff first without paying you back, therefore, not good friend material.

I'm assuming you're quite young.

Write it off as a lesson learned on loaning 'friends' money. This lesson will surely benefit you much more in the future than the money that it cost you.

It's only the price of concert tickets. Some people make much more costly loans/mistakes than this.

I went through something similar when I was young and I never made the same mistake again.

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06-17-2017 04:12 PM
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philosophical_recovery Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'



06-17-2017 04:22 PM
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Post: #4
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
Happens to the best of us. I treat them as acquaintances after some fuckery like that. No big deal, charge it to the game.

Just like women, you've got to accept them for what they are, and what they are not.
06-17-2017 04:49 PM
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scotian Online
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Post: #5
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
I'm probably owed about $1500 to various "friends" I lent money to over the years. Of course I'll never get the cash back but then again I'll never hear from those shit head parasites again so I consider it money well spent.

I'm ready to help Scheer put Trudeau back in the cuckshed where he belongs. HSLD
06-17-2017 04:58 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
I'd just let it go, its not worth stewing on it, for the sake of a small cash loan.

But the invaluable lesson you have learned is : don't lend anyone anything you can't afford to lose.

If you assume you will never get back, would you still lend it?

This is the approach you need for the rest of your life.
06-17-2017 05:47 PM
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orythedog Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
Your difficulty is not getting the money back. The actual challenge is knowing that all the time and energy of the pursuit is wasted, but not having the discipline to move on.
I speak from experience.
As others have pointed out, you are lucky to have that piece of shit out of your life. Consider the money an investment.

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06-17-2017 06:12 PM
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Seadog Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
(06-17-2017 04:58 PM)scotian Wrote:  I'm probably owed about $1500 to various "friends" I lent money to over the years. Of course I'll never get the cash back but then again I'll never hear from those shit head parasites again so I consider it money well spent.

This nails it. Ideally, you first want to get yourself into a financial position that you really don't even care about the money, and don't lend out money you care about getting back. I have certain good friends who a few hundred dollars one way or the other is a rounding error. Both parties keep loose informal tallies and step up when they know it's their turn, and everyone considers the friendship way more important than the money.

Lending token amounts of cash out in my experience is a good thing, because it allows you to get an honest perspective on someone's values. Do they go out of their way to get it back to you, or avoid you and the subject of the debt unless you press them? (speaking of which Scotian - I still owe you for a few drinks from two years ago - I haven't forgotten).

Basically this guy considers an ill-gotten concert ticket more valuable than your friendship, so good riddance. Sooner or later you need to trust people, and you do it a thousand times a day. I trust work will pay me in 2 weeks, and I trust coming up on a blind crest people are going to continue to drive on the correct side of the road.

Ideally you're left after a while with a large group of trustworthy people, for whom everyone being a part of it is better off. How do you get to that point? By taking small, then progressively larger risks, and getting rid of the losers. I found myself in a pretty desperate situation about a year ago in Europe with no cash and no cards, and I had no less than half a dozen people offer cash/wires/money whatever I needed so I didn't starve. In addition to paying back debts because it's the right thing to do, it's those rare situations like that when you want to have a network of people who trust you and have your back.
06-17-2017 06:14 PM
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Jeptomf Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
I have lost a lot of friends loaning money. And good friends are hard to come by. Over the years I have adopted a new policy. I say, "I am uncomfortable loaning you money but I can just give it to you". If your friends value is higher than the dollar amount, I just give it to them. I actually make a stipulation that they are not allowed to pay it back. You would be surprised. Every single loan I have made in the manner, the recipient has tried to pay me back. For which they were denied. Now if we are talking big money then it is a business transaction for which I will profit for the loan and there will be binding legal documents and/or collateral. Just my 2 cents.
06-17-2017 06:38 PM
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ElFlaco Online
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Post: #10
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
A lot of the responses here think this is a money issue. It is not. The OP feels betrayed, played for a fool. It's okay to acknowledge that that feels shitty, especially when the perpetrator is someone you considered a friend. That bad feeling won't go away overnight, just by saying "move on" or "you're lucky to have him out of your life".
(This post was last modified: 06-17-2017 08:07 PM by ElFlaco.)
06-17-2017 07:13 PM
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Gmac Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
I simply don't loan money to friends I don't expect to get paid back by. Have always got back my money with this policy (minus a former friend who I officially "forgave" $100 of $300 after they had an apartment fire at some point after the original deal), and by diligently following up (hounding) with those who I did the favor to begin with. Some of that might have to do with choosing the types of friends who are well enough off financially to not come to me in the first place, and some of it probably has to do with the fact that I've been firm with my "no's." Maybe some of that has been due to luck, who knows.

When I was a freshman in college my dorm roommate owed me a few hundred dollars at one point, accumulating over many months and this guy turned out to be a drug dealer. I listened to excuse after excuse, and soon it was time for us to part ways at the end of that year. I was able to track down his dad (who was a lawyer) through the school registry and got him to write me a check. After learning that very valuable lesson on lending money pretty early on in adulthood, I haven't made the same mistake again.

"Wait and see." - Fisto
(This post was last modified: 06-17-2017 07:28 PM by Gmac.)
06-17-2017 07:21 PM
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Spaniard88 Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
Don't lend money.

If someone is in need, I may give then $100 or much more if they're a really good friend, but I wouldn't lend it to them.

Lending creates a ledger in my mind (like the one that's bothering you enough to write this post), and I have a strict policy of keeping my mindspace completely clear. No stress, no unnecessary pending items, no unnecessary ledgers. So that means I don't lend. I'll give, but I won't lend.

Unless of course, it's my brother or sister or whatnot, but in that case, I don't consider it a loan, if they pay me back, that's cool, but they have the option not to, and that's cool too, with my family, I owe all of them so much (not money, but in a general sense) that I really could never repay them even if I tried.

Keep your mindspace clear.

Don't lend, you aren't a bank, so you don't have the necessary infrastructure in place to be fulfilling the functions of a lending operation without taking a loss. The thing is, if someone asks you for money and you say no, you may lose their friendship, but if you say yes, you may lose their friendship and the money.

It's a lesson you learn as you grow up.
06-17-2017 07:23 PM
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Jetset Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
(06-17-2017 04:22 PM)philosophical_recovery Wrote:  


Literally came in here to say this. There's a lot of legit wisdom in that movie.

Beyond that, OP, in future, give people you care about gifts, not loans. Credit is for people you don't mind crushing if it comes down it, and they will pay you back because they know it. There aren't many people worth it.
(This post was last modified: 06-17-2017 07:32 PM by Jetset.)
06-17-2017 07:24 PM
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Troller Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
No. I loan money to friends. They pay me back in labour. But they pay.

Another option is inviting him to a good restaurant. Eat lavishly. In the end go to the toilet. And leave. He foots the bill.
06-17-2017 07:46 PM
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Spectrumwalker Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
If you loan money; you give money. When loaning something to friends or family whether it be money, cars, etc, be prepared to lose it forever. If you are not in a position to anticipate losing what you loaned, don't loan it. Expectation is the root of all heartache.

God, Family, Country. The three things in life worth fighting for. Except for God; all are dead. Now it's just me, the road and God. Don't know where it will lead, but for right now...I'm as free as the breeze and I ride where I please.
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(This post was last modified: 06-17-2017 09:48 PM by Spectrumwalker.)
06-17-2017 09:46 PM
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ed pluribus unum Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
-William Shakespeare

If you lend your friend $20 and you never see him again, it's the best $20 you ever spent.
-Groucho Marx
06-17-2017 09:59 PM
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Post: #17
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
Bear this in mind the next time someone wants to borrow money from you.



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06-17-2017 10:23 PM
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Post: #18
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
"Be not a lender nor a borrower"

Shakespeare
06-17-2017 10:29 PM
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Armogan Offline
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Post: #19
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
If a friend asks you for money.

Say you'll give half. Never expect it back. He pays back fine, but expect it gone.

Move on.
06-18-2017 12:57 AM
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CaptainChardonnay Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
This is really easy. I give them 3 nice chances to pay me back over the period of several weeks. I always have a record if I lend out money. After 3 chances I tell them I'm taking them to small claims court if they don't do it formally through a letter delivered by registered mail.

If they still don't pay you back, you'll go to small claims, make your case, present your evidence and then the court will appoint a bailiff to hound them down until you get your money back. The bailiff will also take some money on top of what your friend owes because he did the work.

It will end up costing your friend a lot more than if he were to just pay you back.

Usually if it comes to that point, that person really wasn't my friend to begin with.
06-18-2017 01:26 AM
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Mikestar Offline
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Post: #21
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
Ok I appreciate all of your advice and its clear, but the other thing I forgot to mention is that it was my dads money and he asks me every week if my friend has given me the money - if the money was mine to begin with I would have got rid of him and forgot about it, my dad is still counting on this money for the 6th month. CaptainChardonnay - does this work in the UK?
Should I message him a final warning?
06-18-2017 02:35 AM
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Malone Offline
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Post: #22
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
"I'm sorry dad, I fucked up and your money is gone. I'll do what I can to pay you back."

This is on you. Why the fuck would you lend your dads money to some "friend"?
06-18-2017 02:50 AM
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booshala Offline
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Post: #23
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
(06-18-2017 01:26 AM)CaptainChardonnay Wrote:  This is really easy. I give them 3 nice chances to pay me back over the period of several weeks. I always have a record if I lend out money. After 3 chances I tell them I'm taking them to small claims court if they don't do it formally through a letter delivered by registered mail.

If they still don't pay you back, you'll go to small claims, make your case, present your evidence and then the court will appoint a bailiff to hound them down until you get your money back. The bailiff will also take some money on top of what your friend owes because he did the work.

It will end up costing your friend a lot more than if he were to just pay you back.

Usually if it comes to that point, that person really wasn't my friend to begin with.

Jeez man, that sounds like a lot of work on your end, especially if you're willing to blow them up in small claims court. Why not just refuse to loan money out in the first place? It doesn't seem like you mind being confrontational and a quick "no" seems much cleaner.

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06-18-2017 02:54 AM
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Digimata Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
(06-18-2017 01:26 AM)CaptainChardonnay Wrote:  This is really easy. I give them 3 nice chances to pay me back over the period of several weeks. I always have a record if I lend out money. After 3 chances I tell them I'm taking them to small claims court if they don't do it formally through a letter delivered by registered mail.

If they still don't pay you back, you'll go to small claims, make your case, present your evidence and then the court will appoint a bailiff to hound them down until you get your money back. The bailiff will also take some money on top of what your friend owes because he did the work.

It will end up costing your friend a lot more than if he were to just pay you back.

Usually if it comes to that point, that person really wasn't my friend to begin with.
Are you lending large sums of money to your friends(why are you lending large sums to your friends)?

If not, you must know you are a gigantic prick.
06-18-2017 02:55 AM
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Mikestar Offline
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Post: #25
RE: Getting back money from 'friend'
Malone - I was going to argue but fuck it youre right its on me, when I arrived at the concert my friend said I cant give you the money today youll get it during this week. My dad just gave me money in general but he told me he wants my friends payback immediately.
06-18-2017 03:08 AM
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