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Looking for guidance
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Zeek Offline
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Post: #1
Looking for guidance
I’m 34 and while I’m aware of game and have read about it for a long time, I haven’t put it to use out of fear, so I'm basically a newbie. I’m on a six-and-a-half year dry spell, mainly due to social anxiety. I get along with most people reasonably well at work, apart from attractive women who I tend to avoid. However, I think my conversation skills are not great and my friendships with people are pretty weak. I’m something of an introvert loner by nature, but would like to have some good sexual experiences before I die, preferably without paying for it.

I’d say people would perceive me as a good guy but quiet and relatively unassertive. I’ve been to cognitive behavioural therapy a few years ago but didn’t derive much benefit from it. Without getting into my past too much, in high school I was a comic book and movie nerd, and didn’t get laid until I was 20, with a very unattractive hooker, so that gives you an idea of my starting point.

I’m in decent shape, and train on average three times a week. I’m 5’10 and weigh 86 kilos or thereabouts. Looks-wise I’d say I’m a 5 if I had to quantify it, as I’m losing my hair, and using Finasteride and Minoxidil. I’ve fooled around with one hot girl in my life, the ones who I slept with (only two girls) were not attractive. I think my biggest issues are a perception and experience that hot women don’t find me sexually attractive, and being in denial about how much I need to improve in social interactions.

One cute girl at work has seemed interested lately, but I’m sticking with the ‘don’t shit where you eat’ policy. I'm located in Australia, and I don't know anyone in my life who can provide much useful guidance in this area. I’d like to ask for advice and for anyone here who has gone through a similar experience, how did you get past it? I want to deal with my fears and approach women, but also want to be realistic about what I can achieve with my looks, social inhibition and lack of experience. Thanks in advance for anyone who reads and responds.
07-15-2017 06:39 AM
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h3ltrsk3ltr Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Looking for guidance
What's your daily routine?

Suggestions:
-If your girlfriend is porn, dump your girlfriend
-Read two books per month
-Your job might be getting in your way. If having confidence and being a man is important to you then fuck your job, everything in your life is up for consideration
-Having a high fuck-count isn't the goal (for me at least) it's getting the pussy I want on my terms (as per Mage's excellent quote)
-Look into mindset and inner-voice disciplines. Go for broke on all of em
-Realize it's going to take 10 years to get where you want to be in all likelihood, don't let that dissuade you. I'm a late bloomer too

Per Ardua Ad Astra | "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum"

Cobra and I did some awesome podcasts with awesome fellow members.
07-15-2017 06:52 AM
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Peekay Offline
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Posts: 17
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Post: #3
RE: Looking for guidance
- You probably are not a 5, you are either a two who is giving yourself to much credit or a 6-7 who doesn't have the confidence to give yourself the credit you deserve. I think it is more likely because it happens all the time that you are higher than a five you just don't have confidence or are not putting in the effort.
- Second the no porn. Enough already has been mentioned in this topic
- Engage females. I am sure many would disagree with me on this, but interact with, bang as many women as you can (without paying for it). I think the more often you approach and engage the better your social skills become. Even if it just starts out with desperate or ugly slats who are clearly below you in quality it is a start, once you have become comfortable with the lower value women it is easier to interact with the higher quality ones.
07-15-2017 11:04 AM
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Zeek Offline
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Posts: 21
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Post: #4
RE: Looking for guidance
(07-15-2017 06:52 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  What's your daily routine?

Suggestions:
-If your girlfriend is porn, dump your girlfriend
-Read two books per month
-Your job might be getting in your way. If having confidence and being a man is important to you then fuck your job, everything in your life is up for consideration
-Having a high fuck-count isn't the goal (for me at least) it's getting the pussy I want on my terms (as per Mage's excellent quote)
-Look into mindset and inner-voice disciplines. Go for broke on all of em
-Realize it's going to take 10 years to get where you want to be in all likelihood, don't let that dissuade you. I'm a late bloomer too

-Thanks for the reply, h3ltrsk3ltr. My daily routine is meditating for ten minutes on waking up with the Headspace app, browsing online for half an hour or so then going to work. I generally train in the evening after work, read before bed, and if I have assignments for the psychology degree I'm studying I work on them, mainly on the weekends. I also play guitar usually for up to half an hour on most days.

-I'm looking at porn once a week, sometimes less. I intend to stop completely.

-I'm reading two books a month on average, but I do think I could make better choices as to what I read, and making more of a concentrated effort to retain information.

-My job is not helping in some ways, whether I could find something much better with my skills I'm not sure until I complete my degree.

-I agree with your statement about a high fuck-count, that's not realistic for me, my goal is being able to get somewhere with the girls I'm attracted to.

-As for mindset and inner-voice, I will look into it, it's certainly a big part of my problems.

-10 years I can handle as long as I am moving forward. How did you get started as a late bloomer?
07-15-2017 06:25 PM
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Zeek Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Looking for guidance
(07-15-2017 11:04 AM)Peekay Wrote:  - You probably are not a 5, you are either a two who is giving yourself to much credit or a 6-7 who doesn't have the confidence to give yourself the credit you deserve. I think it is more likely because it happens all the time that you are higher than a five you just don't have confidence or are not putting in the effort.
- Second the no porn. Enough already has been mentioned in this topic
- Engage females. I am sure many would disagree with me on this, but interact with, bang as many women as you can (without paying for it). I think the more often you approach and engage the better your social skills become. Even if it just starts out with desperate or ugly slats who are clearly below you in quality it is a start, once you have become comfortable with the lower value women it is easier to interact with the higher quality ones.

-Thanks for responding, Peekay. I'd like to think I'm not a 2, my reasoning for being a five is mainly my hair. I don't get approached when out at pubs and the like, and I have two good-looking friends who do, which leads me to believe I'm average looking, albeit in decent shape for a 34-year old male. I think when I'm with them I'm not going to get noticed, so it's situational to some degree.

-I'm working on the no-porn thing.

-I've thought about this, I do need to gain experience, and admit that I tend not to notice girls who are not overly attractive. But approaching less attractive women seems like a good start.
07-15-2017 06:45 PM
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Khan Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Looking for guidance
OP, you're at a similar point in life where I was 2 years ago, so I can relate. It's tough getting out of a rut if you're a late bloomer - the older we get the more difficult it is for our brains to adapt to radical changes in personality, ways of thinking etc.

What caught my attention was your issue with your hair; you mentioned you are using some product for averting hair loss. I say fuck that and embrace your baldness. You can easily divert attention from your receding hairline by being in shape, sporting some kind of facial hair and wearing nice clothes. Look at Jason Statham for example. He's 50 and losing his hair. Did that stop him at anything? Of course not.

Here's a neat article you should read, it'll give you some good tips about hairstyles:

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/07/14...lding-men/
07-16-2017 04:00 AM
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Zeek Offline
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Posts: 21
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Post: #7
RE: Looking for guidance
(07-16-2017 04:00 AM)Khan Wrote:  OP, you're at a similar point in life where I was 2 years ago, so I can relate. It's tough getting out of a rut if you're a late bloomer - the older we get the more difficult it is for our brains to adapt to radical changes in personality, ways of thinking etc.

What caught my attention was your issue with your hair; you mentioned you are using some product for averting hair loss. I say fuck that and embrace your baldness. You can easily divert attention from your receding hairline by being in shape, sporting some kind of facial hair and wearing nice clothes. Look at Jason Statham for example. He's 50 and losing his hair. Did that stop him at anything? Of course not.

Here's a neat article you should read, it'll give you some good tips about hairstyles:

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/07/14...lding-men/
Cheers, Khan. I read the article, and I am considering shaving my head, I've done it before. At the moment I keep it number 1 round the back and sides and short and tidy on top, but it feels like a losing battle. People have told me I look better with hair even though it's thinning, which has influenced me to hold onto it. I can't really grow a decent beard, unfortunately. As for nice clothes, my wardrobe could do with some improvement.
07-16-2017 05:46 AM
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Geomann180 Offline
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Posts: 1,669
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Post: #8
RE: Looking for guidance
(07-15-2017 06:52 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  What's your daily routine?

Suggestions:
-If your girlfriend is porn, dump your girlfriend
-Read two books per month
-Your job might be getting in your way. If having confidence and being a man is important to you then fuck your job, everything in your life is up for consideration
-Having a high fuck-count isn't the goal (for me at least) it's getting the pussy I want on my terms (as per Mage's excellent quote)
-Look into mindset and inner-voice disciplines. Go for broke on all of em
-Realize it's going to take 10 years to get where you want to be in all likelihood, don't let that dissuade you. I'm a late bloomer too

This is real true. Be prepared for it to take a while.

I'm 10 years in myself (4 yeas of failing and learning difficult lessons in highschool, 4 years of college, 2 years of work) and I am just starting to really get where I want with women now. And I still have a ways to go before I'm truly there.

G
07-16-2017 10:49 AM
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Zeek Offline
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Posts: 21
Joined: Jul 2015
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Post: #9
RE: Looking for guidance
(07-16-2017 10:49 AM)Geomann180 Wrote:  
(07-15-2017 06:52 AM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  What's your daily routine?

Suggestions:
-If your girlfriend is porn, dump your girlfriend
-Read two books per month
-Your job might be getting in your way. If having confidence and being a man is important to you then fuck your job, everything in your life is up for consideration
-Having a high fuck-count isn't the goal (for me at least) it's getting the pussy I want on my terms (as per Mage's excellent quote)
-Look into mindset and inner-voice disciplines. Go for broke on all of em
-Realize it's going to take 10 years to get where you want to be in all likelihood, don't let that dissuade you. I'm a late bloomer too


This is real true. Be prepared for it to take a while.

I'm 10 years in myself (4 yeas of failing and learning difficult lessons in highschool, 4 years of college, 2 years of work) and I am just starting to really get where I want with women now. And I still have a ways to go before I'm truly there.

G
Thanks, Geomann. I have lots of time to make up for, what do you consider the key things that helped?
07-16-2017 03:59 PM
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Geomann180 Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Looking for guidance
(07-16-2017 03:59 PM)Zeek Wrote:  Thanks, Geomann. I have lots of time to make up for, what do you consider the key things that helped?

Zeek, sorry to reply so late.

The short answer is this thread. I seek out (unconsciously) older men who've "been there, done that" and seem to have similar values for advice or to bounce ideas off of. I'm not an exceptional person by any means, but I do know enough to know I don't know a whole lot. So I've skipped a lot of the typical young, pig-headed. "You don't anything old man!" refrain.

I'm lucky to have such a good and involved Father. My best friend is as crazy as I am (though I didn't meet him until college, admittedly), one of my role models is married to my sister and more of a brother to me than my own brother and the other is a mentor of mine whose writing I read for a couple years before we started to correspond and later become good friends. All of my role models share the same core values as my Father.

That said, I've not listened everytime. I'm still human. I've learned some lessons more than once. My Father still jokes about having to tell me certain lessons "several thousand more times".

So here's a few other things that helped:

1) I did my best to not be afraid of making mistakes because I knew that making mistakes at a young age is less costly than mistakes at an older age. I knew ahead of time this would be a long, slow, arduous process.
2) I did my best to learn the basics of body language signs of a girl being interested - so many opportunities were missed or wasted because I simply had no idea that the girl was interested or it was okay for me to try to kiss her.
3) Really think about what you want. Do you want to be an eternal playboy or do you want a wife and kids? If you're young, you've got time to play around a little bit whilst figuring out the basics, but you don't want to get so into the chase that you forget what to do with a quality girl when you come across one. Or worse, throw her away because you think you still want to play around when really you may have been happy starting a family with her (I did this twice Sad ) Once you've decided what you want, be careful with what advice you take. Everyone can teach you something on here, but you just need to remember what their long term goals are compared to yours. It's okay if you don't know the answer to this now, but the sooner you figure it out, the better.

If I think of more, I'll tell you. As soon as I can get my blog working again, I'll send you a link if you're interested. It details my journey about 2 years after I started.

G
11-30-2018 12:39 PM
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