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The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
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Valhalla Offline
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The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
This entire article is an attempt to justify modern women's infidelity.

Quote: One of the more interesting facts in Esther Perel's new book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, comes near the beginning.

Since 1990, notes the psychoanalyst and writer, the rate of married women who report they've been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent, while the rate among men has remained the same.

More women than ever are cheating, she tells us, or are willing to admit that they are cheating -- and while Perel spends much of her book examining the psychological meaning, motivation, and impact of these affairs, she offers little insight into the significance of the rise itself.

So what exactly is happening inside marriages to shift the numbers? What has changed about monogamy or family life in the past 27 years to account for the closing gap? And why have so many women begun to feel entitled to the kind of behavior long accepted (albeit disapprovingly) as a male prerogative?

These questions first occurred to me a few years ago when I began to wonder how many of my friends were actually faithful to their husbands.

From a distance, they seemed happy enough, or at least content. Like me, they were doing the family thing. They had cute kids, mortgages, busy social lives, matching sets of dishes. On the surface, their husbands were reasonable, the marriages modern and equitable. If these women friends were angry unfulfilled or resentful, they didn't show it.

Is my husband having an affair?
Then one day, one of them confided in me she'd been having two overlapping affairs over the course of five years.

Almost before I'd finished processing this, another friend told me she was 100 percent faithful to her husband, except when she was out of town for work each month. Not long after, another told me that while she'd never had sex with another man, she'd had so many emotional affairs and inappropriate email correspondences over the years that she'd had to buy a separate hard drive to store them all.

What surprised me most about these conversations was not that my friends were cheating, but that many of them were so nonchalant in the way they described their extramarital adventures. There was deception but little secrecy or shame.

Often, they loved their husbands, but felt in some fundamental way that their needs (sexual, emotional, psychological) were not being met inside the marriage. Some even wondered if their husbands knew about their infidelity, choosing to look away.

"The fact is," one of these friends told me, "I'm nicer to my husband when I have something special going on that's just for me." She found that she was kinder, more patient, less resentful, "less of a bitch." It occurred to me as I listened that these women were describing infidelity not as a transgression but a creative or even subversive act, a protest against an institution they'd come to experience as suffocating or oppressive.

In an earlier generation, this might have taken the form of separation or divorce, but now, it seemed, more and more women were unwilling to abandon the marriages and families they'd built over years or decades. They were also unwilling to bear the stigma of a publicly open marriage or to go through the effort of negotiating such a complex arrangement.

These women were turning to infidelity not as a way to explode a marriage, but as a way to stay in it. Whereas conventional narratives of female infidelity so often posit the unfaithful woman as a passive party, the women I talked to seemed in control of their own transgressions. There seemed to be something new about this approach.

In The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women's Infidelity, another book on infidelity to be published this November, the sociologist Alicia Walker elaborates on the concept of female infidelity as a subversion of traditional gender roles.
To do so, she interviews 40 women who sought or participated in extramarital relationships through the Ashley Madison dating site.

Like The State of Affairs, Walker's text offers valuable insight simply by way of approaching its subject from a position of curiosity as opposed to prevention or recovery, and she investigates which factors led the women in her study to go outside their marriages.

Surely, one might think, a woman who would do such a thing must be acting out of a desire to escape a miserable marriage. And yet it turns out, this isn't always the case: Many of the women Walker interviewed were in marriages that were functional. Like the women I knew who cheated, many of the interviewees said they liked their husbands well enough. They had property together. They had friendships together. They had children that they were working together to raise.

But at the same time, they found married life incredibly dull and constraining and resented the fact that as women, they felt they consistently did a disproportionate amount of the invisible labor that went into maintaining their lifestyle.

One woman in Walker's book told her, "The inequality of it all is such an annoying factor that I am usually in a bad mood when my spouse is in my presence," and another said that while her husband was a competent adult in the world, at home he felt like "another child to clean up after."

Many of the friends I spoke to expressed similar feelings. "I shop and cook, my husband does dishes and empties the trash," one told me. "We each do our own laundry. But I've always been in charge of the 'calendar,' and what I didn't realize until recently is that in some way I'm in charge of managing many of our relationships.

My husband is a homebody and I initiate/plan almost all of our social endeavors. My mom got this phrase from her therapist: 'keeping the pulse of the household' -- this idea that someone has to be managing the emotional heart of your tiny community. I think women do that a lot."

And as Perel repeats frequently in this book, and in her previous one, little does as much to muffle erotic desire as this kind of caretaking and enmeshment.

I'm terrified of getting married
"I think there's an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor," said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. "And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex."

No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, "these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they're relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there's no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way."

From a distance, they seemed happy enough, or at least content. Like me, they were doing the family thing. They had cute kids, mortgages, busy social lives, matching sets of dishes. On the surface, their husbands were reasonable, the marriages modern and equitable. If these women friends were angry unfulfilled or resentful, they didn't show it.

Is my husband having an affair?
Then one day, one of them confided in me she'd been having two overlapping affairs over the course of five years.

Almost before I'd finished processing this, another friend told me she was 100 percent faithful to her husband, except when she was out of town for work each month. Not long after, another told me that while she'd never had sex with another man, she'd had so many emotional affairs and inappropriate email correspondences over the years that she'd had to buy a separate hard drive to store them all.

Husbands of female breadwinners most at risk for cheating, says study
What surprised me most about these conversations was not that my friends were cheating, but that many of them were so nonchalant in the way they described their extramarital adventures. There was deception but little secrecy or shame.

Often, they loved their husbands, but felt in some fundamental way that their needs (sexual, emotional, psychological) were not being met inside the marriage. Some even wondered if their husbands knew about their infidelity, choosing to look away.

"The fact is," one of these friends told me, "I'm nicer to my husband when I have something special going on that's just for me." She found that she was kinder, more patient, less resentful, "less of a bitch." It occurred to me as I listened that these women were describing infidelity not as a transgression but a creative or even subversive act, a protest against an institution they'd come to experience as suffocating or oppressive.

In an earlier generation, this might have taken the form of separation or divorce, but now, it seemed, more and more women were unwilling to abandon the marriages and families they'd built over years or decades. They were also unwilling to bear the stigma of a publicly open marriage or to go through the effort of negotiating such a complex arrangement.

These women were turning to infidelity not as a way to explode a marriage, but as a way to stay in it. Whereas conventional narratives of female infidelity so often posit the unfaithful woman as a passive party, the women I talked to seemed in control of their own transgressions. There seemed to be something new about this approach.

Up with adultery: An Italian woman's manifesto
Ashley Madison and the psychology of cheating and apologizing
In The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women's Infidelity, another book on infidelity to be published this November, the sociologist Alicia Walker elaborates on the concept of female infidelity as a subversion of traditional gender roles.
To do so, she interviews 40 women who sought or participated in extramarital relationships through the Ashley Madison dating site.

Like The State of Affairs, Walker's text offers valuable insight simply by way of approaching its subject from a position of curiosity as opposed to prevention or recovery, and she investigates which factors led the women in her study to go outside their marriages.

Surely, one might think, a woman who would do such a thing must be acting out of a desire to escape a miserable marriage. And yet it turns out, this isn't always the case: Many of the women Walker interviewed were in marriages that were functional. Like the women I knew who cheated, many of the interviewees said they liked their husbands well enough. They had property together. They had friendships together. They had children that they were working together to raise.

But at the same time, they found married life incredibly dull and constraining and resented the fact that as women, they felt they consistently did a disproportionate amount of the invisible labor that went into maintaining their lifestyle.

One woman in Walker's book told her, "The inequality of it all is such an annoying factor that I am usually in a bad mood when my spouse is in my presence," and another said that while her husband was a competent adult in the world, at home he felt like "another child to clean up after."

Many of the friends I spoke to expressed similar feelings. "I shop and cook, my husband does dishes and empties the trash," one told me. "We each do our own laundry. But I've always been in charge of the 'calendar,' and what I didn't realize until recently is that in some way I'm in charge of managing many of our relationships.

My husband is a homebody and I initiate/plan almost all of our social endeavors. My mom got this phrase from her therapist: 'keeping the pulse of the household' -- this idea that someone has to be managing the emotional heart of your tiny community. I think women do that a lot."

And as Perel repeats frequently in this book, and in her previous one, little does as much to muffle erotic desire as this kind of caretaking and enmeshment.

I'm terrified of getting married
"I think there's an incredible amount of deep resentment for women in America about divisions of labor," said sociologist Lisa Wade when I asked her to comment on this contradiction. "And what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex."

No matter how much attention is paid to these issues, she told me, "these kind of cultural beliefs hang on a long time after they're relevant. They hang on in ways that are often invisible. A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands. They feel there's no way to win this battle. So maybe now what women are deciding is that infidelity is a third way."

What to ask yourself before the break-up
Of course, it's a "third way" that is not feasible for everyone, even if more women are taking it up, usually women who feel financially secure and independent enough to risk potential fallout. These women seem to be finding that no amount of sensitivity or goodwill on the part of their husbands can save them from the fact that in every arena, from work to marriage to parenthood, they're always doing more for less.

As Wade put it, "It's such a precarious balance keeping everyone happy, that for many women, to start a long conversation about her own sexual satisfaction seems like a bad idea. We now tell women that they can have it all, that they can work and have a family and deserve to be sexually satisfied. And then when having it all is miserable and overwhelming or they realize marriage isn't all it's cracked it up to be, maybe having affairs is the new plan B."

I tested this idea out on a few of the friends who had confided in me about their affairs, and most of them agreed. Twenty or thirty years ago they might have opted for divorce, because surely there was another man out there who could do better in this role, who could satisfy them completely. But a lot of these women are children of divorce. They lived through the difficulties divorce can create.

"Even now," all these years later, one told me, "Do you know what my most vivid memory of Christmas is? Driving through a blizzard up I-95 in the back of one of their cars, and then they'd pull over on the side of the highway and hand off me and my brother without speaking. That was our Christmas. Why did these people marry in the first place?"

Maybe that's the essential question, the question preceding those Perel explores in her book. Why do women still marry when, if statistics are to be believed, marriage doesn't make them very happy?

I confided in a friend once that, after 15 years of marriage, the institution and the relationship itself continued to mystify me. At the time I married, marriage had felt like a panacea; it was a bond that would provide security, love, friendship, stability, and romance -- the chance to have children and nice dishes, to be introduced as someone's wife. It promised to expand my circle of family and improve my credit score, to tether me to something wholesome and give my life meaning.

Could any single relationship not fall short of such expectations? Maybe these women were on to something -- valuing their marriages for the things it could offer and outsourcing the rest, accepting the distance between the idealization and the actual thing, seeing marriage clearly for what it is and not what we're all told and promised it will be.

My friend told me she felt this way of thinking was the only answer, and the way she'd come to reconcile her feelings about the relationship. She said that she used to compare her marriage to her parents', who always seemed totally in love. "Until the end of my mom's life they were spooning together every night in a double bed ... not even a queen. But," she added, "they were awful and narcissistic, with very little to give to their children."

My friend felt she and her husband were much better parents, more involved and attuned to their kids.

"But often," she went on, "it can feel like my husband and I are running a family corporation together and that our emotional intimacy consists of gossiping about our friends and watching Game of Thrones. Sometimes I wonder if when the kids leave I should either (a) have a passionate affair or (b) find another husband. I may do neither, but it seems like (a) is more likely than (b). I don't have any illusions that marrying someone else will make me happy, not anymore."

http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/05/health/why...index.html

valhalla
10-05-2017 01:41 PM
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Jetset Offline
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Post: #2
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Quote:My friend told me she felt this way of thinking was the only answer, and the way she'd come to reconcile her feelings about the relationship. She said that she used to compare her marriage to her parents', who always seemed totally in love. "Until the end of my mom's life they were spooning together every night in a double bed ... not even a queen. But," she added, "they were awful and narcissistic, with very little to give to their children."

My friend felt she and her husband were much better parents, more involved and attuned to their kids.

"But often," she went on, "it can feel like my husband and I are running a family corporation together and that our emotional intimacy consists of gossiping about our friends and watching Game of Thrones. Sometimes I wonder if when the kids leave I should either (a) have a passionate affair or (b) find another husband. I may do neither, but it seems like (a) is more likely than (b). I don't have any illusions that marrying someone else will make me happy, not anymore."

I can't help wonder if this isn't one of those cases where making the children the center of their universe has destroyed the lives of the adults. Maybe her "awful and narcissistic" parents just had healthy boundaries.

Hidey-ho, RVFerinos!
10-05-2017 02:13 PM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
You just don't do it.

Thinking about it is simply trying to find a reason how it's justified. Rationalise, rationalise, rationalise until you cheat, then rationalise, rationalise, rationalise to plaster the wound.

You just don't do it.

If you don't want to stay faithful, don't get married. Marriage is a sacrifice and a gain at the same time. Life is not about getting laid. I mean, getting laid matters, it's great, but it doesn't feed the soul and it's got little to do with raising children to be the next generation.

Yesterday I was at a company conference where I was getting mad IOI from an attractive woman. I don't think I've ever seen a woman so DTF as I did, it was almost unnerving. I even flashed the ring on my finger, but that only made it worse. Anyway, I didn't cheat.

In my position I have status within the community, plus being a natural with women is like catnip to so many colleagues and staff. Many times I've been in a position to cheat and have affairs with younger and hotter women than my wife, most likely consequence free, but I have resisted every time.

You just don't do it.

I could think about it some more and rationalise how wifey doing XYZ justifies me cheating, but it doesn't. Look at the rack on this chick, hot damn I could bang her through the floor. But I don't.

I - we - took a vow in front of God. To many, it's just words; to me that transcends any base, humanistic impulse to bang other women. If I want to partake in a union sealed by God himself then I will play by His rules, not the lower impulse rules of man.

Now this is where the flaw in what I'm saying lies: I am a man, not a woman. I can have this level of self-control and be tested every week, and pass every time. Don't get me wrong, I game chicks all the time, I just don't follow through. I do it to keep myself sharp, and I use a bit of dread game to stop the wife getting too comfortable. I'm not a beta simp, not struck by oneitis, not blinkered by lack of options...just aware that I have a responsibility to myself, to my wife, to my children and to God, who I brought into this marriage when I said "I do" in church.

Can a woman think like this? I don't know, I'm not a woman. That's why I keep saying:

You. Just. Don't. Do. It.
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2017 03:13 PM by Matsufubu.)
10-05-2017 03:11 PM
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augen sehen Offline
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Post: #4
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Quote:
But at the same time, they found married life incredibly dull and constraining and resented the fact that as women, they felt they consistently did a disproportionate amount of the invisible labor that went into maintaining their lifestyle.


Nothing will keep bitches like this happy, their husband could do all this "invisible social work" or manage the calendar, and they would just complain that they never get to plan anything.

I think the only solution is to spy from time to time, to make sure she's on the straight and narrow. Add dread game and make it absolutely clear how much you despise cheaters.
10-05-2017 04:05 PM
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raveking Offline
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
I wonder if it's most Western women that struggle with these desires to find fulfillment of their needs outside of their marriage. This is why I am probably going to end up with a woman of a traditional culture or background. White western women are the most spoiled in the entire world, they have everything they could ever ask and more and yet they still find some excuse to justify their depravity and degeneracy. That is one thing about Islam I actually respect is that maybe the way they treat their women isn't so bad after all.
10-05-2017 04:23 PM
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Lunostrelki Offline
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-05-2017 03:11 PM)Matsufubu Wrote:  \I am a man, not a woman. I can have this level of self-control and be tested every week, and pass every time. Don't get me wrong, I game chicks all the time, I just don't follow through. I do it to keep myself sharp, and I use a bit of dread game to stop the wife getting too comfortable. I'm not a beta simp, not struck by oneitis, not blinkered by lack of options...just aware that I have a responsibility to myself, to my wife, to my children and to God, who I brought into this marriage when I said "I do" in church.
I agree with your post. When you get married, you are making a vow not to cheat. It's not beta, it's a matter of civilized and moral principle. That being said, I am convinced that the reality of modern social norms makes it necessary for a married man to have some female friends in the modern environment, like a close secretary or assistant. As long as no actual intimacy is involved (which any man worth their salt can arrange), it is relaxing yet invigorating company for the guy, while the girl, assuming she is single, gets an informative and pleasant emotional experience in a way that doesn't ruin her marriageability.
10-05-2017 04:26 PM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Quote:
But at the same time, they found married life incredibly dull and constraining and resented the fact that as women, they felt they consistently did a disproportionate amount of the invisible labor that went into maintaining their lifestyle.

The bolded part is the crux of the matter, the rest is just rationalization.

When a woman's entire life is marked by super-mega-overstimulation — bouncing from from one shiny, superficial experience to the next — is it any wonder she finds marriage "incredibly dull and constraining"?

When life is one big EDM festival, the life of a devoted wife & mother must seem impossibly quaint.

When you've been told from toddlerhood to the present that you can be anything you want to be, and do whatever you want to do, and you really believe it, it must be awfully difficult to maintain impulse control.

The bottom line is many of these women who are vowing "'til death do us part" have no idea what it means to be deeply committed to something, and little concept of time beyond the gratification of the moment.
10-05-2017 04:29 PM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-05-2017 04:29 PM)Scoundrel Wrote:  
Quote:
But at the same time, they found married life incredibly dull and constraining and resented the fact that as women, they felt they consistently did a disproportionate amount of the invisible labor that went into maintaining their lifestyle.


When a woman's entire life is marked by super-mega-overstimulation — bouncing from from one shiny, superficial experience to the next — is it any wonder she finds marriage "incredibly dull and constraining"?

This. Making available all the entertainment and excess in the modern life has made most utterly spoiled to reality. I can't even count at this point how many times I've heard how hard raising kids is and how tired they are, blah blah blah. All self created problems along with the temptation or awareness of "I could be doing something else if not for these kids" which never existed before, ever.

And they call men lazy, ha

Get your passport ready!
10-05-2017 06:12 PM
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Post: #9
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
From all the married women who cheated with me to the women in this article: it seems they are very lonely. Like their social needs are not being met. They miss the stimulation of a healthy social community and fill this void with affairs.

A man alone cannot fill this void. Just like a girlfriend will make a man socially fulfilled, he still needs his buddies and his family.

Social structures have died over the years. I’m wondering how infidelity was in hunter-gatherer societies.
10-05-2017 07:41 PM
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ascotpudding Offline
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(((Esther Perel)))

Every.
Single.
Time.

-I'm pretty sure every waking thought (((they))) have relates to how they can best undermine Western Civilization that day.
10-05-2017 10:41 PM
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CJ_W Offline
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Post: #11
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Nice article but I'd rather discuss the REAL reason why women cheat on their husbands:

They grow weak.

They stop workingout, get dad bods. This in turn makes them more susceptible to being hen pecked and betafied by women.

If these men instead:
Stayed in shape
kept lifting to get a decently large sized body and muscles
kept strong mentally(i.e. passing shit tests) and lead the relationship.

The women wouldn't cheat. Why? Because Hypergamy. A Truly fit man draws looks from other women while out. All the man has to do it to say "No" when his wife is acting shitty, then take her out somewhere later on while dressed nice into a place with high foot traffic.

Men may not notice this but women will, she will notice ALL the women looking at that husband and drooling over him(from her point of view)
This is the biggest form of dread game on the planet. But. it only matters if the man is on top of his shit.

You BET she'd start acting right IMMEDIATELY, respect the husband more for it, and probably give him good head and sex.

On this forum, we are done with "what a woman says." We are more interested in what a woman does and why. Which we know. We also know what to do about it. Hypergamy works in both ways, and with the right game usage, it's easy to make it in your favor as a husband. But you have to have your shit in order as a man, and KEEP it in order. No matter the "Traditional background" or not. Even in more traditional times women strayed. The only OTHER way to keep a woman in line when you are NOT the man on top of your shit, is to enact sharia law.

And no one wants that.

I'm saying, that keeping a woman in line is the RESPONSIBILITY of the Man, Period. Especially us who know how women work.

Isaiah 4:1
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2017 11:25 PM by CJ_W.)
10-05-2017 11:23 PM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-05-2017 11:23 PM)CJ_W Wrote:  ...I'm saying, that keeping a woman in line is the RESPONSIBILITY of the Man, Period. Especially us who know how women work.


Combine that with the dilemma that misguided modern chicks want the proverbial Greek Adonis they think they're entitled to.
Yet the ol' ticking clock demands they latch onto the most viable candidate they can find.
Even if said candidate is really just a beta schlub...

Choose wisely girls. Cause mother nature is a bitch & father time has an undefeated record.
10-05-2017 11:49 PM
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augen sehen Offline
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-05-2017 11:23 PM)CJ_W Wrote:  Nice article but I'd rather discuss the REAL reason why women cheat on their husbands:

They grow weak.

They stop workingout, get dad bods. This in turn makes them more susceptible to being hen pecked and betafied by women.

If these men instead:
Stayed in shape
kept lifting to get a decently large sized body and muscles
kept strong mentally(i.e. passing shit tests) and lead the relationship.

The women wouldn't cheat.

This answer is good as a set of immediate actions one can take to increase his SMV but doesn't take into account the degenerate culture.

Men in the US are already far more in shape than their counterparts pretty much elsewhere and definitely more in shape than American women, far more in demand in pretty much every country than their women, and what they get in return for that is the world's shittiest women.

You just have to visit other countries to realize that this is not a problem that can be fixed by going to the gym. Most of the time girls don't even cheat with a guy who is more in shape or even richer. They'll hook up with their weed dealer or a persistent coworker, sometimes they'll just find a random dick on Tinder.
10-06-2017 05:09 AM
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nomadbrah Offline
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-05-2017 10:41 PM)ascotpudding Wrote:  (((Esther Perel)))

Every.
Single.
Time.

-I'm pretty sure every waking thought (((they))) have relates to how they can best undermine Western Civilization that day.

It's instinctual.
10-06-2017 08:35 AM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-05-2017 11:23 PM)CJ_W Wrote:  Nice article but I'd rather discuss the REAL reason why women cheat on their husbands:
They grow weak.

That comes across as victim-blaming.

I've read articles on how game can help, but I've yet to see evidence of red-pill men who are in long faithful marriages due to their mastery of game. I don't think they exist. Those who are married talk about how they spin side plates and are just assuming their wives aren't doing the same.
(This post was last modified: 10-06-2017 08:50 AM by questor70.)
10-06-2017 08:49 AM
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Post: #16
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
^ exactly. I would want to hear from guys who are married how they deal with this.
10-06-2017 09:09 AM
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Post: #17
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Quote:Since 1990, notes the psychoanalyst and writer, the rate of married women who report they've been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent, while the rate among men has remained the same.

How do we know women just aren't more shameless nowadays, and are cheating at the same rates as they've always been - just more honest about it?

Because any red pilled man knows that women cheat a fuck ton, including doing the majority of ending relationships. In fact from everything I've seen, and from the stats of who actually end relationships, I'd say women cheat far more than men but never admit it. I think this has always been the case but women always lied about it until it's finally becoming socially acceptable to be a giant whore.

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10-06-2017 10:45 AM
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Post: #18
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-06-2017 10:45 AM)Samseau Wrote:  How do we know women just aren't more shameless nowadays, and are cheating at the same rates as they've always been - just more honest about it?

That would be my guess.

Women are capable of building an entire constellations of rationalizations for why it wasn't really cheating in a matter of seconds. My guess is that every 1960s housewife who rawdogged the milkman or secretary who blew her boss under his desk simply did not count it because "it didn't really mean anything", "it made me feel pretty again", or "my husband spent too much time at work".

Hidey-ho, RVFerinos!
(This post was last modified: 10-06-2017 10:52 AM by Jetset.)
10-06-2017 10:48 AM
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Post: #19
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-05-2017 10:41 PM)ascotpudding Wrote:  (((Esther Perel)))

Every.
Single.
Time.

-I'm pretty sure every waking thought (((they))) have relates to how they can best undermine Western Civilization that day.

It's not that Jewish women are instinctively trying to kill Christendom, it's just that a Jewish woman's life is one of the most privileged experiences in the world. They routinely fuck as many guys as they want and still have marriage offers for miles afterwards, even the ugly ones. Of course marriage will seem lame to them, half of Jewish women are disgusted by children (which is why, thankfully, they are dying out).

So for a Jewish woman to write this article is no grand conspiracy, it's actually an inner reflection of what life is like for a JAP. No one gets away with murder more than a JAP, no one has it easier than them. For them, cheating in a marriage is no biggie. What's the husband going to do, divorce you and lose out on the bloodline?

The women are revolting once you get to know them, but they are lots of fun in the sack.

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10-06-2017 10:51 AM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Good thread and highly pertinent - especially to the married lurkers here.

ASDFK, here are my thoughts on long-term married success stories I know.

At this point, to qualify for a long-term married success story then you are talking about Gen X guys and older. Most of the over-40 crowd here is post-divorce, or red-pill rectally delivered. There are a very few of the natural Alphas that never married because they understood the game from a young age and the younger/hotter/tighter call was too powerful, but I bet they are the minority.

The successful marriages I know are largely in committed Christian lifestyles, with a wife that was locked down before too much carousel time. These guys are not "mosh-pit Sunday only" Christians, but they are active leaders and that has much spillover into their marriage success. Most are not in particularly good shape, but they have status within their social circle. I suspect many of these guys suffer a sexless marriage/Average Frustrated Chump existence, but their wives are faithful. If that is good enough, your call.

In my former marriage, the good times were best associated with when my game was tightest: fit, dressed well, social status, etc. When game was poor, I suffered. I was game-unaware, beta, for the most part. It was just that when I had my "stuff together" and was strong and confident, my marriage was better.

A good complement to this thread (why they cheat) is the linked book review below, giving indicators of the stages of female infidelity:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-30028...pid1642846

I've linked that before and still recommend.

The bored housewife phenomena, coupled with women's resentment over the historical "double standard" of infidelity, is a compelling and toxic reality of current marriage.

You really do have to stay on your game.
10-06-2017 10:57 AM
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Enoch Offline
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
^ that's why my closest Jewish friend married an Asian woman.
10-06-2017 11:02 AM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-06-2017 10:51 AM)Samseau Wrote:  So for a Jewish woman to write this article is no grand conspiracy, it's actually an inner reflection of what life is like for a JAP. No one gets away with murder more than a JAP, no one has it easier than them. For them, cheating in a marriage is no biggie. What's the husband going to do, divorce you and lose out on the bloodline?

Perel is actually a Jewish Belgian Princess and presents her views as a more indulgent, Francophile attitude. I've read about her previously in another magazine. While I disagree with her, she's surprisingly honest about the destruction of marriage and the limitations of "Disney narrative" monogamy.

https://www.1843magazine.com/features/wh...infidelity

Quote:“It’s because fidelity is the last thing left that defines a marriage,” she says. “You don’t need to wait to have sex, you don’t need kids. You don’t even need marriage anymore. The only thing that distinguishes it is that, after years of sexual nomadism, you suddenly say ‘I have finally found the one. You are so extraordinary that I am no longer looking for anything else. For you I promise to be suddenly exclusively monogamous’.” The only hitch, says Perel, is that sexual nomadism doesn’t prepare you for exclusivity. “It’s not as though you got it out of your system. Love and desire aren’t the same thing.”

Hidey-ho, RVFerinos!
(This post was last modified: 10-06-2017 11:18 AM by Jetset.)
10-06-2017 11:15 AM
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RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Quote:Not long after, another told me that while she'd never had sex with another man, she'd had so many emotional affairs and inappropriate email correspondences over the years that she'd had to buy a separate hard drive to store them all.

Sounds like this chick just has a lot of dudes in her friendzone.


(10-05-2017 03:11 PM)Matsufubu Wrote:  If I want to partake in a union sealed by God himself then I will play by His rules, not the lower impulse rules of man.

The problem is that most women don't like to play by anyone's rules. And they're rewarded with cash and prizes if they decide to end the marriage. I know a ton of "good christian girls" who ended their marriage for very superficial reasons...but it all boiled down to being bored and expecting a husband to provide constant entertainment.

I guess the men can take comfort in knowing that most of these women will be spending an eternity in Hell.
10-06-2017 11:34 AM
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Post: #24
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
(10-06-2017 10:45 AM)Samseau Wrote:  How do we know women just aren't more shameless nowadays, and are cheating at the same rates as they've always been - just more honest about it?

If you compare today's women to their mothers, yeah their mothers could be sluts but today's women really take it to another level. I just read about a Snapchat competition in the Oktoberfest thread - a group of young women decided to go out on Oktoberfest and made a competition of who was going to end up sucking dick the first. Now if that isn't degenerate I don't know what is.

I absolutely think that women were more bound by social mores and weren't cheating as much 40-50 years ago. Maybe not in urban centers and maybe not every mother, but the trends and averages should bear me out. Even if they were cheating as much, they weren't getting on their high horse for it and being lauded for whoring around.
10-06-2017 03:06 PM
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Post: #25
RE: The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands
Quote:These women were turning to infidelity not as a way to explode a marriage, but as a way to stay in it. Whereas conventional narratives of female infidelity so often posit the unfaithful woman as a passive party, the women I talked to seemed in control of their own transgressions. There seemed to be something new about this approach.

In The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women's Infidelity, another book on infidelity to be published this November, the sociologist Alicia Walker elaborates on the concept of female infidelity as a subversion of traditional gender roles.

Shit like this, and polyamory, and "open relationships" and sapiosexuals...

....Jesus fucking Christ. Just have the courage to drop the bullshit narrative and just admit you want to be a whore. I could actually respect that approach. (Even if I think the actions aren't healthy for society as a whole long term). But being a whore but wanting the veneer of healthy happy "normal" relationship is Grade A Narcissism, served with a shot of shitty rum.
10-06-2017 03:33 PM
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