Helpful Science Guy 
Male Feminist
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
It was sad to see that the old thread get deleted. But I copied some parts of the good old posts into a document on my laptop when I first read here because I liked it. I don't really know who wrote which thing but here are some bits from the old thread you might find interesting too which relates to long term relationships.
General advice
Quote:The guys who choose to go this path should use the resources they have available to make the best of it because there will be many challenges
Many guys will choose to not go down this path. I may choose to not go down this path. There is nothing wrong with that but hopefully these guys can understand that what is best for them might not be what is best for everyone else.
Giving a promise and being ready to sacrifice and forgive. When you know your wife/ husband promises you that he/she will be with you until death... than REAL LOVE can develope, without fear of losing it.
Quote:You hold down what you are – standards that are realistic vs demands that are unrealistic.
It’s easier to change who you are instead of others’ perception of who you are.
We know what we do not want, but we do not know what we want.
When we are unaware of our own desirable traits in a partner, we are coerced by the ideals of others around us; our parents, peers and when competitive, our adversaries.
there are no quick fixes, or quick strategies. Only long-term strategies that are focused on yourself and not others.
You need to be the best version of yourself to attract what you want.
I invite every single man here to be introspectively harsh, honest about who he is, what he stands for, and more importantly, what he can offer to his desired woman/women.
All relationships are transactional.
What do you offer and is that good enough to land the woman that you want?
In my relationship, I demanded my girl be able to do the full 10 yards of cooking, cleaning, being trustworthy, all the usual checkboxes.
She reminds me of this directly and indirectly on a weekly basis. She calls it ‘blue jobs and pink jobs’.
Are you capable of protecting her? Supporting her emotionally (i.e. listening, not advising as I learnt the hard way)? Are you the man who complements (not compliments) the woman you want her to be; can you fix things, can you build things, can you solve problems, are you open to taking initiative and alleviating her of the decision making ability? Are you capable of challenging her to be the best person possible and is she willing to be that for you?
Does this sound tiring? If you are not this kind of person, it can be tiring. I was not due to my upbringing and of course, it was tedious. I am on top of it now, 3 years later thanks to a patient partner who ticked my boxes.
If you are a super hard douche who demands shit all day then you will only push people away. If you can be vulnerable and accept your shortcomings and work on them, that points to you being a team player.
This is the giver vs. taker separation.
You lead by example where you can and do not shy from responsibility. If I cannot do something, I learn how to.
This motivation comes from your partner being a good one and worth the effort. Of course, this is an investment in to yourself.
- Can you identify what makes you special?
- Can you admit your shortcomings and improve them to attract what you want instead of complaining what you do not want?
- Are you as attractive as you think? Is she pinging off this and your reality?
- Can you be the man in the relationship and get your way without demanding and affecting?
- Do you trust women, distrust women or accept them and ping/pong between both (trust women to be women)?
- Are you open to adapting who you are, by virtue of being around a high quality woman?
- Can you offer the confidence and resources to attract a woman for long term?
- Is your confidence internally derived based off your self-esteem or is it externally derived, from your resources, which may/may not be finite?
- Are you emotionally intact enough to handle mood swings and tidal waves of drama directed at you from time to time?
- Are you mature enough to accept this is the nature of women?
- Can you lead a relationship and have no problems with saying no, yes and being the decision maker?
Work on what you can and focus your energy congruent with your desires, beliefs and what you deserve.
LTRs also force you to take a cold, hard look at your own shortcomings as a person.
Be ready
Quote:Are you ready for a girlfriend? How are your finances, your job, your life in general? Are you stable and secure in your life, and yourself? Do you know yourself? Are you aware of your limitations, and what can possibly hurt your relationship?
What type of woman do you want? How will she add to your life? How will she help you hit your goals, and how will you accept her life into yours as well? Are you on a clear life path? If you don't, any women, especially a strong willed one, will easily knock you off your life path, or help define yours, and greatly alter the path of your life. Think of the poor kid in the thread who was trying to decide to leave his home in Michigan, to follow his girlfriend to South Carolina. His entire lifes purpose was now being defined by a little girlfriend. PATHETIC. But I am guilty of this too.
Take an honest assessment of yourself first.
What are your drawbacks? Here are a few of mine;
-At 23 I had no clear life path defined, and was easily swayed by an aggressive older woman, until I dumped her ass after banging her out for a year.
-I am excitable and can overreact to things, i.e. get way too mad or upset over small things. - this hurts sensitive women.
-I can have a hard time dealing with negative emotions. - this can hurt a relationship if mentioned or discussed.
-If things get out of synch, i.e. we are not on the same page together, I can overreact to negative periods and demand that things be right. - which requires the game of not giving a fuck.
I was easily swayed by an aggressive older women in my early 20's, until I woke up a year later and broke it off with her. She then went on to marry a low IQ stone mason who ultimately devoted his entire life to serving hers. And I overinvest, overreact and just generally dont deal with my emotions well, which is terrible for an LTR. You, as a man going into an LTR, should know this about yourself first. You, should live enough for a while to figure this out, then, if you are serious about this, resolve those issues before you get into an LTR or marriage. Its really on you to bring your best self to a partner, and its your responsibility to work through these issues before you attempt to create a union.
Pick the right one, and be the absolute best version of yourself.
I have no problem finding women, but now my struggle is creating another LTR, because I am only going after exactly what I want. Anything short of that I have no time/money/energy for. I'm not too worried about it, but I think if you spend time and effort to learn LTR maintenance, you will create what you want.
Someone writing about his girlfriend who wanted to ask where they were at and how he dealed with it.
Quote:“This relationship is secondary to my purpose. We are in a vessel, which is symbiotic, and my current purpose of career/making money is my number one priority. If I am happy and doing well, then it’s for the good of this relationship and you will also benefit from this. If I put the relationship first, then that’s all we have and that is my purpose in life. We both know this is not true and that you are not with me because of this but because you believe in me and consequently, us.”
“Look, you know me and what I stand for. I am looking at the bigger picture because this relationship is just that, a relationship. If you level up and I level up, the relationship levels up.”
Either way, it alleviated her stress.
Why?
I took responsibility for my mistakes in tending to the relationship, responsibility and re-emphasis that I am the driver of this vessel and most importantly, the direction that I have and that she is a beneficiary in it.
Her support has a transactional long-term value. Her identity is tied to the guy she is with. I told her, let me be the man that I am destined to be and it will be for the better of everyone.
I recollected a video of Jordan Peterson that we both watched (and she has been sending all of her friends his videos) in which he states that if you block a person from being who they want to be, you end up being with a person is not. That’s not who you choose to be around and not a pleasant individual. They are a liar to themselves, because they are an ‘is-not’ rather than an ‘is’ and mistakes can define them.
She nodded in agreement, I told her to jump in bed and that was that.
Relationships rarely reciprocal
Quote:It’s mighty important to understand that while relationships are transactional, they are rarely reciprocal. We don’t ping for feedback and stimulus to the same level as women. Women however, do. As such, you are usually going to be giving more (materialistically, emotionally, psychologically).
Men who give in to selfish women and believe the relationship is larger than each individual’s purpose, lose the game because they set a precedent that such behavior is welcome.
A high value man has a higher price elasticity of demand and has more leeway (a higher change in price/supply leads to a miniscule change in demand) because of options and desirability elsewhere in the market. This alone mitigates both of the questions you pose; less tests, less drama, more trust in him.
It's about a team
Quote:It was my grandparents 65th (!) wedding anniversary. I asked my grandfather how he felt about it and he casually mentioned, “the first 64 years were the hardest”.
I thought the first 12 months of my relationship were hard, go figure!
Of course, they were painful, learning how to trust a woman. For the life of me, I could not trust her. This manifested into my own behavior and for some time, I projected my insecurities on to her through ignoring the fact that I chose her above other women, to be my partner.
Then I remembered two things.
As mentioned before, women ping through their man’s reality. This indirectly affected her behavior and she started to worry about the trust factor.
Secondly, I realized, I never trusted women. Although women never actually fucked me over, I never entered a serious relationship out of fear that she might cheat, she might lie and a host of insecure bullshit.
You’re only as confident as the familiarity of your situation. This is why newcomers to relationship will overreact and feel that there may/may not be a conspiracy against them.
It’s the dichotomy of living with someone, you either are the annoying or the annoyed; in a relationship you either are the trusting or the distrusting person. If you both distrust, the relationship ceases to exist.
I spoke to my grandfather, again, and he simply stated, “if she fucks up, that’s the price you pay to find out”.
This is where the teamwork mentality develops.
This is problem #1 about trusting women because it makes you bitter and no one likes a bitter fella.
Stop judging women solely off their appearance. This is fine for fucking but for partners, it is supremely narcissistic on a long enough scale. Do you really value what she looks like, over how she behaves and treats you? Hit on the hottest women around, sure, but constantly be screening and screen congruent to your values.
This is problem #2, stop judging women based off looks and giving them a free pass for shitty behavior for having good fucking genetics. Judge them based off their behavior to you, to others and those they intrinsically deem as inferior.
You owe this to your future self, if you want to stick around with them.
Discussion about the luck aspect
Quote:Let's assume you have moderate skill in the game.
Out of every 10 girls you approach, you get one solid conversion into a "date." (i.e. she's spending time with you)
Out of every 3 dates, you get a girl back to your place.
For every 3 girls back to your place, you bang 1.
For every 10 girls you bang, 1 of them will have decent compatibility with your personality (you both enjoy each other).
You're looking at roughly 1 in 900 girls just to have a somewhat decent relationship. And even then, she might not be a keeper; she could have other serious emotional or financial issues you are unaware of. So many things can go wrong.
Hence, all good LTR's rely on a tremendous amount of luck. There aren't nearly enough good women to go around and getting a good LTR takes a fuckton of work. You better be prepared to hunt like a starving ravenous wolf. And this is if you're actually moderately skilled at the game.
For most guys, it's not 1 in 900, it's probably closer to 1 in 2500 or 1 in 4000.
You will need to engage in serious numbers gaming to succeed and be happy. There is no way around this.
Being a beta is easy, LTR "game" is nothing men haven't been doing for millions of years. Being the alpha to find women in our poisoned, destroyed culture, is 100x harder. Anyone who fails to acknowledge this reality is spreading lies and therefore hurting men.
Quote:LTR game actually means is the ability to keep a relationship interesting and fresh, and keeping your woman in love with you as the years pass. This is achieved through frame, not being complacent or succumbing to beta tendencies, and overall masculinity. Roissy wrote a great deal on this, this isn't something I coined.
Yes, it takes a certain form of game to bang a hot girl, and it takes additional and continuous game to keep her. Attributing this to luck is incredibly myopic. Of course there is a numbers game involved when you are trying to find the right person. That doesn't make it luck anymore than saying game in general is luck because only so many opens convert to bangs.
Focus on chasing tail all the time or not?
Quote:Looking for a decent woman definitely requires you to remove yourself from the usual watering holes you frequent for pump'n'dump sessions.
-I'd skip out on constantly chasing tail and just trying to get laid. I can look back now on some memories, but it really hasn't brought me any sort of long term satisfaction.
Although my choices were culturally influenced I still had a choice.
So if I could go back I'd minimize that phase and put much more effort into finding a decent woman to settle down with.
Looking for a decent woman definitely requires you to remove yourself from the usual watering holes you frequent for pump'n'dump sessions.
-I'd skip out on constantly chasing tail and just trying to get laid. I can look back now on some memories, but it really hasn't brought me any sort of long term satisfaction.
Although my choices were culturally influenced I still had a choice.
So if I could go back I'd minimize that phase and put much more effort into finding a decent woman to settle down with.
The environmental aspect
Quote:Finding LTR or marriage women you need to go to places where normal girls will be in abundance. Not girls who are out to drink and fuck. So bars are right out.
Creating a family should be easy; the idea that game is needed to make a family shows how fucked our environment is. Fixing the environment is therefore the highest priority.
The environment is King. That is why travel is so powerful; changing your environment to where women are less poisoned makes all the difference.
going abroad to find a woman isn't nearly as easy as guys think, those women have their own problems
Finding good women isn't difficult. The reason it seems hard is because most of us here spend time in horrible places like bars and clubs where the trashiest of trash hang out.
Quote:Also, I believe good and bad women are not defined by where they live(the west, the east). From my experience people can be terrible around the globe. You are just as likely to find a bad one on any corner of the globe. Its up to YOU, to find the good ones, anywhere you are. They exist, but how good are you are finding them? And do you actually deserve that? What is your tool set to identify that, and how well did you do that before you decided that where ever you live "has no good women?"
Low notch count a must
Quote:The sex wont be great to start with, because she hasn't been sucking cock since she was 15 and getting gangbanged. Its easy to be discouraged by that kind of sex at first, but the girl can learn. But honestly, the girls who start masturbating at 12 and want cock and fuck a ton of guys aren't LTR girls, so a choice has to be made.
It's a commitment!
Quote:A long term relationship is a commitment to see out the best and worst of that person on the premise that overall your life is better because of them. That means going through good times and bad times. Sticking it out when things get rough in the knowledge that they'll do the same for you.
Sometimes you argue. You make up. You fuck. You go back to being happy. All the while you bond, to the point that (yes, it might seem unbelievable) you still want them by your side when they (and you) are a 90 year old sack of wrinkles.
This is why most LTR fail today. Not just because of the girl, but of the guys who say "next" as if it's their sacred name.
Marriage was successful because most people back at the time were willing to sit down and fix their problem, instead of taking each other to the court.
2. Both you and the woman need to understand that it won't always be sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes you'll get mad at each other, sometimes you won't even like each other, sometimes you both will make mistakes, but you must not tear each other down and make them feel even worse. In marriage, you are a team. If one person on the team loses, the whole team loses.
-- When I made a mistake, my ex wife, though right to be upset, would get on my case and tear me down constantly for it. Silent treatment for hours even days, and making snide quips about my past mistakes. She wouldn't even allow me to save even a little bit of face.
This is why I think Asian women make good wives. Coming from a collectivist culture, they understand the importance of teamwork and saving face.
Don't be fooled to believe conflict is just normal
Quote:”In most cases I think people hamster away conflict as a "part of relationships" when the reality of the situation is you have two people who simply do not belong together but are locked in some sort of codependent embrace. One of my exes tried in vain to convince me that getting into fights was "normal" when I knew damn (as an SMV4) well she just wanted to keep jamming a square peg into a round hole because she thought she could never find a better match.
At whatever point I look at a woman and all I can do is replay all of the hurtful things she's said in the past, then I'm out. I'm just out.”
You might be suffering because you value looks over personality
Quote:So it’s about a commitment. This means that guys having a lot of trouble are often suffering because they're looking for the wrong things. Compliance. Good looks. All good and well when things are fresh and new, but time and tide make a mockery of such things if loyalty and perseverance are not present (on both sides).
The male-female pair-bonding dynamic is best viewed as creating a team. Not as a man choosing the best fuck-toy/maid/cook/nanny/armcandy he can acquire.
Fuck-toys/maids/cooks/nannys/armcandy will leave when the going gets tough. A team-mate sticks by you through thick and thin. You and them against the world.
That's what people should look for.
Be the leader
Quote: When you’re in a LTR like this, you have to be the leader. Don’t ever cede or defer your leadership to her on matters that are most important to you. No, you don’t boss her around like a dictator, do listen to her and take her words/feelings under consideration, but you have to have the foresight and lead with what you know.
Plan on ending it
Quote:The odds are against a lifelong marriage. Marriage or a LTR where you raise kids and experience long term teamship with a quality women is a worthy endeavor, if you plan for it ending at any second and you are happy to loose everything.
How much investment?
Quote:Now 3 is very important. Don't work harder than her, don't sacrifice you health and happiness for the "wife and kids". Don't give her a much better life than you. Because firstly she will not appreciate it, and secondly it will leave you very bitter when it ends.
If you only match her investment and assume at any moment it can end where she takes the kids and all the assets - and you are happy with that- then you will have a great marriage and life.
ie the rewards for what you contribute to the marriage come daily and you are happy with the transaction. Do not think you can sacrifice now for a good life later.
-- I cannot stress this enough. In my last marriage, I sacrificed too much thinking that "relationships require sacrifice". In hindsight, I misunderstood what that really means. You don't sacrifice your health, wellbeing, finances, and most precious of all, your soul for your marriage. Those are the most important things in your life, and if you over-sacrifice even a little bit, your marriage is doomed because you will resent it.
What you CAN sacrifice is the time you spend in finding the right women FOR YOU, and if applicable, the time you put into learning a new culture and new language. When you do find the right girl, you sacrifice the player lifestyle. When you have kids, you sacrifice your location independence and traveling lifestyle. Those are the sacrifices you have to be willing to make to get your marriage to work, but not your money, not your health, and especially not your dignity.
Someone responded to that:
Quote:The concept of "not putting your 100%" into a long term relationship is laughable-might be better off just not being in one. Of course one needs to be guarded initially, but if you can't trust your home and hearth to a partner, then maybe you shouldn't call them a partner.
Think about where you want to build your family
Quote:Your best defense is probably culture - being with a woman with a traditional background, behaving in a traditional manner, and likely staying in that cultural environment after you marry. I don't know if that requires going abroad but it sure makes it seem more likely. A lot of guys that go abroad end up hitching a "liberated" woman though so due diligence is still in order.
More likely offline
Quote:Meet her offline. If you absolutely must use online dating, try match.com, eharmony, or a specific religious site. Still I'd recommend putting all your energy into real life. The internet and social media ruins women, we all know this. If possible meet her through your social circle.
Importance of screening
Quote:If you're thinking of LTR or marriage you have to know what you want. I had a list of 7 things I was looking for in a woman. She’s gotta hit ALL of those. Do NEVER compromise.
Quote:1) Selection is everything.
You need to find someone that is right for you. Someone that is Flexible, Giving, has high integrity, is mentally mature, can deal with conflicts and challenges in a healthy way, can communicate, doesn't play head games.
The right one could help you create a massive business, become wildly successful, fulfill your dreams, and give you everything you need to be your best everyday. Just simple confidence and self esteem. Which is way more powerful than we give it credit for. Anyone that doesn't give you that should be discarded immediately.
Does she treat you well? No complaining, no nagging, no emotional games(freeze outs, jealousy, etc).
In addition, likely has as little baggage as possible, does not come from a broken home, is educated and self sufficient, doesn't talk badly of exes, doesn't come from abuse, no abortions, no past drinking/drug abuse, has dealt well with her bad background/parents, if she had that. Important, review her credit score, low credit score? If so its a no go, and get out fast.
Greatly beneficial if you hold the same spiritual and political beliefs. If you are aligned on your goals in life, your goals. And she fits the guide of what you want. I am partial to active, fit and intellectual blondes. Coincidentally all of my LTR's have been that, except for that time I went latina.
Age
Once a girl gets above a certain age (say 27) and unmarried you start getting into the leftover category.
Never trust any woman over 25 which is when they start selling themselves the hardest to have a kid and looking for a sperm donor or looking for a DAD to pay for an existing kid (yes there are lots of case where multiple fathers are paying for the same kid!)
If you spend enough time around women who are 25+ you will notice that they are jaded, have baggage and ultimately aren’t the best option. This is a generalization based off my experience but do not let it deter you.
If you spend enough time around women who are < 25 then you realize they lack maturity, direction and the abilities to be a good partner without requiring training (I wrote about this elsewhere).
Quote:You don't have to have things in common with a woman to settle down with her. I had everything in common with my x wife and the marriage still failed
Quote:One of the best ways to screen for a quality LTR is to travel with her. Not just to enjoy the sights on a vacation, but to see whether you are compatible with her. You also observe how she handles and resolves problems along the way. Oh, and try to take at least two trips with her before making a final judgement. One when she's not on the rag, and one when she IS on the rag (so you see her at her worst). I'm not kidding.
When things don't go as planned, does she get upset easily? Does she blame you? Does she try to "take control" or hijack your leadership? Or does she always let you take the lead? Does she make suggestions in a respectful way, neither demanding nor demeaning? Does she actively participate in planning the trip, or does she sit back while you do all the work? Does she try to pay at least part of her way, or expect you to pay for everything? Was the overall trip an enjoyable experience, or was it a harrowing and stressful one?
A four day trip can be very, very revealing of her character if you have these questions in mind.
Quote:Screen her family and friends for their values, for controlling behavior, and for class consciousness, because what she surrounds herself with is a reflection on what she'll want to fill your home with. Screen her reactions to dishonesty, irresponsibility, entitlement, and cruelty in others, because if it's anything other than shock and confusion, there's a good chance she's got it in her, too.
Her family
Quote:She has to have had a stable family life and strict upbringing. Being religious helps. Girl's with strict immigrant parents who believe in a family are usually much better than a regular American chick.
Her family: Cannot be a broken family (goes without saying) and must support your marriage without over-controlling everything. It's nice to have them help with the kids every now and then so you can get some time alone, but they can't go around bossing you around in your own house. Her parents should also keep her in line, though
Her friends
Quote:This is an overlooked point... her friends have HUGE influence on her. This is one reason why I don't plan on importing a foreign wife to the West. What will happen is she would find friends from her own culture, but the problem is these friends have already been Westernized and they will educate her on Western family court laws and shit on men, even their own husbands. Your wife will join in on the catty shit and now you have the same problems that come with a Western wife.
Also, whatever you do, do NOT marry a woman if any of her friends are into the swinging lifestyle. Her swinger friend will try to drag you (as a couple) into it, and if you don't want to join, you'll be ostracized by her friend and your wife will resent you for it. Personally, I haven't done any swinging as a married man, but I knew exactly what would happen if I went to a swinger party. She'd get offers from other men to fuck, and all I would see are fat wives... or some variation of that. I knew it wouldn't go well, so I stood my ground and said no. Of course, I got flack from everyone for that.
Social media
Quote:Get off social media and the news where everyone is harping on about feminism and bullshit. Find chicks who are not sucked in to this either and if they are, they can see through the shit.
My girlfriend is red-pill to an extent (concerning male/female relations), partly because she understands how media bubbles and echo chambers affect day to day life. We live in an environment where a latent fear of racism, crime and –bigger problems- than feminism exist.
Quote:If you can find a girl that doesn't do social media then that's a fucking HUGE bonus. If you find a keeper that uses that shit then your best bet is probably to routinely drop red-pills around her about how much you despise social media users and how most women that use it are just sad attention whores fishing for compliments from anonymous fuckwits by taking a thousand photos, picking the best one and then heavily editing it to make themselves look way more attractive than they actually are, and another thing...! (etc etc etc)
Compatibility of opinions
Quote:She must be at least close, in the way she views the world, to yours. @The Beast1 was able to convert his wife to voting Trump. Good for you, but I would rather not invest my time and energy. Maybe it's my age, but I highly recommend that.
Personality
Quote:Never, and I repeat, NEVER get involved with a cold women. This is exactly the recipe for bad LTR. She has to bring warmth to the table as part of her femininity.
Quote:She has to be curious, as I consider myself having wide range of interests. Her being curious (intellectually) means we will not run out of topic to discuss.
For other people - look for the equivalence (discipline? whatever other high priority quality you find in a women).
Quote:One quality I think is essential for any girl to have as a LTR candidate is what I call "the happy gene". Is her natural equilibrium an upbeat / happy /laughs easily kind of demeanor ? Or is she prone to states of moroseness/crabbiness or acerbity that needs to be actively entertained/stimulated into being "happy"?
Before I knew better I exhausted a lot of time, money and energy on "sourpussy" because they were hot. I spent 5 years and I dont know how much money on one because she was smoking (tall blond bikini/ lingerie model) before I had enough and pulled the plug
If a girl doesn't have that "happy gene"...she's not long for my world anymore. If there was only piece of advice I could give a guy thinking about wifeing up,,,make sure she has that quality
Boundaries
Quote:Women and children seek boundaries and sometimes test the old ones to make sure they're still there.
Quote:-- My ex wife fought me EVERY goddamn step of the way, over EVERY little thing. I got tired of it and let her have her way on those little things. But she wouldn't stop fighting me, so I kept giving inch after inch until I had nothing left... except deep resentment.
Any man looking in from the outside is thinking “oh you just needed more game” or “you need to be more alpha” is only deluding himself. I don't care how alpha you are.
Imagine you have an ice pick and there's a bulky statue made of rock in front of you. You stab at the statue with the ice pick. It makes a small dent. But at a distance, the statue looks pretty much the same, right? Now pick at the statue 3 or 4 times every day for a year. There will be over a thousand dents. Keep that up for another few years, and the statue will be but a shell of its former self.
This is exactly what happens to the psyche of an alpha male after years of getting henpecked by his wife.
Find a woman who won't do that to you.
Know when to walk out on her
Quote:Most of all young men; dont waste your precious time in life. Back out and walk away very quickly if you know she is not right for you. I am really good at this now, but in the past, it was harder. If she doesn't hit my desires for an LTR, I lose interest real fast. I'd imagine its how a lot of women feel too, when they are searching for the "perfect one". NEVER SETTLE. Life is too short, your time is too valuable, and your money is too precious, for you as a young man to waste it on something that sucks. Walk away quick if you are serious about getting what you want out of life.
Thats why I get so annoyed with these threads about guys having a tough time with obviously bad girls, and simpish recommendations about staying with the woman. Screw all that. Your life, health, energy and potential should not be wasted, at all, at any time. Dont listen to any old man telling you to stick it out with a bad woman. Immediately ask him how successful he is, doubtful its not at all.
Cheating
Quote:Cheating on your wife, "spinning plates" when you are married, without your wifes consent, is the quickest way to ruin your life. I would imagine there are several men here that have experienced that hard lesson as well. I tried it recently for the first time with an LTR, and I got burned badly. Anyone espousing that approach is incredibly stupid, unexperienced, or just flat out lying. There is absolutely no reason to be in an LTR if your intention is to lie and cheat.
Don't bother saving the civilization
Quote:It's not wise to mentally tie marriage (and kids) to a push to "save civilisation".
Any benefit in that direction is a bonus, not an end-game. Don't create a script that casts you as some sort of self sacrificing hero. The vast majority of guys that go down that road end up bitter and spiteful that their "heroic sacrifices" were never recognised and that nobody ended up building a statue of them in the town square.
Starting a family can be incredibly rewarding in and of itself, but people who do it with the primary motivation of martyring themselves for society are going to end up with a miserable sense of betrayal.
Look and listen to good examples
Quote:Go hang out with older people, people of various backgrounds and experience levels in life. A lot of people I know are getting married and it’s very interesting to note that they all have different relationship dynamics and their reasons to marry are consistent but can vary on a small enough scale.
I personally enjoy listening to everyone’s reasoning and rationale. You can often tell if they are honest or coerced into marriage.
Get a feel for the environment there.
In a relationship, this will happen automatically when your social circle and her social circle merge over time.
Theory is good and all but go observe relationships around you, ask questions and be Socratic in your search for answers.
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The following 15 users Like PapayaTapper's post:
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how. 
Because she was such a great girl, I started catching feelings for her. Next thing I know I'm seeing her more often, having sleepovers, meeting her family, and therefore...losing my pimp hand.
