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LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
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No More Mr. Soy Boy Offline
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Post: #126
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
I don't think these guys are like modern women.

Most probably I will end up in NoMoreTO's situation in about decade when I'm his age.
And I am not a lazy dumb feminist bitch who have no other accomplishments in life other than being promiscuous. If I had been born 100 years earlier, I would have been drowning in hot high-quality women I could be marrying and I'd guess the same goes for NoMoreTO and a couple of other guys here.

With the values that were back then I'd been in the top tier percentage of guys, so of course, I feel I entitled to an 8 and above. I'm not going to settle for less just because our culture has changed and turned into shit and because my SMV is much lower now (than what it would have been back then) and I don't have tattoos all over me and whore myself out on Instagram and social media and all that crap.

I'd say there are two other options then and that is either to go on wife hunting abroad where there's less stigma to a bigger age gap or try to become rich enough so you can have some type semi-sugar daddy arrangement.

Like this 65-year-old guy who is having a child with a smoking hot 28-year-old
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...ZhURP2OOi4

The reason why that 65-year-old guy look so young and haven't aged is probably cause he didn't spend the last 20 years around a nagging average bitch. Anyway, I rather spend my 40's and 50's on trying to stay young and become super wealthy and eventually have a family with a 10 when I'm 60, than settle for a 6 and start family around age 40. Late 40's could also work.
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2019 12:54 PM by No More Mr. Soy Boy.)
03-17-2019 12:50 PM
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Checkmat Offline
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Post: #127
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
LTR tells me she wants me to go to a lantern festival with her. Says its on Sat night. She knows I work Saturday nights. I ask who is going (via text), she says a few friends. I say who? She says a few friends. I say which friends and she names 2 girls she works with. I tell her Id like to go but cant, so have fun w your friends.

Next day we hang out, I ask if she is excited for the festival. She says eh I wish u were going with me. I pause and say, should I go? she says no. While at my house she grabs a pair of black heels that she has left there for months, and some other clothes.

Day of the festival she is super sweet over text, asking for “daddy kisses” and telling me she loves me. Later that night she texts and says her friends cancelled last minute and she is stuck with her $19 ticket.

later that night we talk on the phone and she tells me, “I’ll tell you something. You know that guy at work that likes me, and is always saying flirty things to me? I almost asked him to go to the festival with me. Since I couldnt refund my ticket, and he was getting off work in a few min, I knew he would go with me if I asked. but then I thought, no, my bf wouldnt like that. How would I feel if he did something like that with another girl? So I sat down, looked at my ticket and decided not to ask him”

I was livid. Tried to keep my cool, but internally I thought, my gf wanted to put on her heels and go to a lantern festival, essentially go on a date, with another guy. and the only reason she didnt do it is because she didnt want to piss me off...

I told her she was a huge idiot, for even having that thought. She defended herself saying ppl can have thoughts but its her actions that mattered, and oh what about how I (the bf) sometimes check out other girls in public? I said yeah but I never had to stop myself from asking a girl out on a date while Im in an LTR. she accused me ot being jealous and got mad. we gruffly said goodnight to each other and hung up.

I got off the phone and was seeing red, 10/10 anger. I wanted to break something and hardly slept. I couldnt get the idea of my gf on a date, in her heels looking sexy, with some random dude that hits on her at work.

Im conflicted between just breaking up with her and trying to accept that girls are hos, have thoughts like that all the time, but should I be glad she told me and had the self control not to follow through with her impulse?

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
03-17-2019 01:04 PM
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Post: #128
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 11:11 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  What you're describing is exactly the same thing modern women are going through.

....

If you want the looks AND the feminine virtue then you might need to start looking elsewhere. From what I hear Canada is almost as bad as Australia for finding a loyal woman who isn't plain as fuck.

I pretty much agree with everything you said.

I'm heading to Colombia next week. Spent 8 months there in total, and feel like I can stay for a haul because I have a remote gig. Love the culture, people, and can get a real beauty there. Just can't let myself get fooled, those women can trick you

The 6 also had her V Card, so its been tough looking myself in the mirror. She is Fresh off the boat and going back to her home (Islamic) country for 5 weeks. Shes non religious.

My value is actually pretty good, but starting to slide with the age

“Where the danger is, so grows the saving element.” ~ German poet Hoelderlin
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2019 01:44 PM by NoMoreTO.)
03-17-2019 01:25 PM
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Post: #129
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 01:04 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  LTR tells me she wants me to go to a lantern festival with her. Says its on Sat night. She knows I work Saturday nights. I ask who is going (via text), she says a few friends. I say who? She says a few friends. I say which friends and she names 2 girls she works with. I tell her Id like to go but cant, so have fun w your friends.

Next day we hang out, I ask if she is excited for the festival. She says eh I wish u were going with me. I pause and say, should I go? she says no. While at my house she grabs a pair of black heels that she has left there for months, and some other clothes.

Day of the festival she is super sweet over text, asking for “daddy kisses” and telling me she loves me. Later that night she texts and says her friends cancelled last minute and she is stuck with her $19 ticket.

later that night we talk on the phone and she tells me, “I’ll tell you something. You know that guy at work that likes me, and is always saying flirty things to me? I almost asked him to go to the festival with me. Since I couldnt refund my ticket, and he was getting off work in a few min, I knew he would go with me if I asked. but then I thought, no, my bf wouldnt like that. How would I feel if he did something like that with another girl? So I sat down, looked at my ticket and decided not to ask him”

I was livid. Tried to keep my cool, but internally I thought, my gf wanted to put on her heels and go to a lantern festival, essentially go on a date, with another guy. and the only reason she didnt do it is because she didnt want to piss me off...

I told her she was a huge idiot, for even having that thought. She defended herself saying ppl can have thoughts but its her actions that mattered, and oh what about how I (the bf) sometimes check out other girls in public? I said yeah but I never had to stop myself from asking a girl out on a date while Im in an LTR. she accused me ot being jealous and got mad. we gruffly said goodnight to each other and hung up.

I got off the phone and was seeing red, 10/10 anger. I wanted to break something and hardly slept. I couldnt get the idea of my gf on a date, in her heels looking sexy, with some random dude that hits on her at work.

Im conflicted between just breaking up with her and trying to accept that girls are hos, have thoughts like that all the time, but should I be glad she told me and had the self control not to follow through with her impulse?

I don't think you should have confronted her, it's not like you can change her promiscuous nature by being angry at her and it will only make you seem insecure I think. Easier said than done though if you have feelings for the girl.

You should have just opened up your notebook and silently written down the new red flag you discovered and detach yourself emotionally from her until she has rebuilt the trust again.

But I don't know?
If she first tried with you to go to that festival and that didn't work and then she tried with her girlfriends and that didn't work, then it just seems like she wanted to check out the festival (without having to be alone) and not because she would love to see him and suck his dick.

According to Dr Phil. though (who you can listen to below) it's pretty common that people will say these kinds of things if they're hiding something.

Basically, she could have admitted to you that she didn't go out with this guy in order to make it seem like you can trust her (because she's willing to admit something that was kind of bad in nature). But that wasn't as bad as admitting the whole truth which is that she actually went on this festival and then ended up banging this dude afterward.





I wouldn't break up after a thing like that unless there was something else that made me question her loyalty because there's no proof of cheating.
But I'd detach a bit and see if I'll discover more red flags.
03-17-2019 01:38 PM
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Checkmat Offline
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Post: #130
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
^ copy that. she’s been cool today, messaged me “good morning daddy” and her affection/attraction for me has been 10/10 lately. Sex, touching, complimenting me all the time.

Making a note to a) keep my thoughts/feelings to myself next time and b) continue to monitor for intel related to this guy at her work.

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
03-17-2019 01:56 PM
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Post: #131
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 01:56 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  ^ copy that. she’s been cool today, messaged me “good morning daddy” and her affection/attraction for me has been 10/10 lately. Sex, touching, complimenting me all the time.

Making a note to a) keep my thoughts/feelings to myself next time and b) continue to monitor for intel related to this guy at her work.

No offense to NMMRSB, but given what he has recently posted he doesn't have enough experience or game to be giving advice to others. His advice to withhold your opinion/thoughts in this scenario isn't good. Referencing Dr. Phil is pretty cringe worthy in itself.

I don't see an alternative to calling her out for considering going on a date with a guy she knows likes her, but of course it is ideal to keep calm and avoid calling her an idiot or a hoe or whatever else comes to mind in the heat of the moment. I suspect there might have been a pattern of behavior from you that made her feel insecure. She obviously did it in a very immature way and in conjunction with the fact that she calls you daddy makes me wonder if she has some psychological/maturity issues.

It's really hard to give the right advice without knowing more details about her, especially how insecure she is in the relationship and how much of it is from you playing it too cool. The "I have to work Saturday but maybe I'll go depending on who you're going with," might have been the trigger (along with past indifference) for her to feel like you don't care that much about her. If she's at all insecure it might sound a lot like you are going out with the boys to hunt for chicks.

Women are naturally more insecure and anxious than men. You might think that physical affection is enough to build up a girl's security in a relationship, but it often doesn't suffice. Since she clearly likes you a lot that can produce pretty high levels of anxiety if/when you seem too indifferent. In the end, she was probably just trying to communicate that other guys are interested in her and she doesn't feel like she's getting enough positive feedback to feel confident in the relationship. It's hard to say how much to blame on her immaturity vs. your perceived apathy without more details but I suspect it is a combination of both.
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2019 04:10 PM by jcardial.)
03-17-2019 04:06 PM
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CleanSlate Offline
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Post: #132
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 01:56 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  ^ copy that. she’s been cool today, messaged me “good morning daddy” and her affection/attraction for me has been 10/10 lately. Sex, touching, complimenting me all the time.

Making a note to a) keep my thoughts/feelings to myself next time and b) continue to monitor for intel related to this guy at her work.

You don’t have to sit back and watch how things unfold. Here’s a little test you can do:

1. Find a similar job in her town that pays at least 20% more than her current job, or at a more prestigious company.

2. Tell her about this “job opportunity” that she might like, and that you think she should consider interviewing for it.

3. Quietly note her reaction. Even if she’s not interested in a new job, does she spend a few seconds considering it or even ask you a few questions about it? Or does she automatically dismiss it without any consideration whatsoever?

If her reaction is the former, you have nothing to worry about.

If, however, its the latter, then you know she wants to stay close to this other guy at work and wouldn’t consider taking another job even if it paid way better. You’ll know you’re in trouble, and probably should break up with her.
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2019 04:11 PM by CleanSlate.)
03-17-2019 04:09 PM
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Post: #133
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 04:06 PM)jcardial Wrote:  No offense to NMMRSB, but given what he has recently posted he doesn't have enough experience or game to be giving advice to others. His advice to withhold your opinion/thoughts in this scenario isn't good. Referencing Dr. Phil is pretty cringe worthy in itself.

I don't see an alternative to calling her out for considering going on a date with a guy she knows likes her, but of course it is ideal to keep calm and avoid calling her an idiot or a hoe or whatever else comes to mind in the heat of the moment. I suspect there might have been a pattern of behavior from you that made her feel insecure. She obviously did it in a very immature way and in conjunction with the fact that she calls you daddy makes me wonder if she has some psychological/maturity issues.

It's really hard to give the right advice without knowing more details about her, especially how insecure she is in the relationship and how much of it is from you playing it too cool. The "I have to work Saturday but maybe I'll go depending on who you're going with," might have been the trigger (along with past indifference) for her to feel like you don't care that much about her. If she's at all insecure it might sound a lot like you are going out with the boys to hunt for chicks.

Women are naturally more insecure and anxious than men. You might think that physical affection is enough to build up a girl's security in a relationship, but it often doesn't suffice. Since she clearly likes you a lot that can produce pretty high levels of anxiety if/when you seem too indifferent. In the end, she was probably just trying to communicate that other guys are interested in her and she doesn't feel like she's getting enough positive feedback to feel confident in the relationship. It's hard to say how much to blame on her immaturity vs. your perceived apathy without more details but I suspect it is a combination of both.

I just said what I think I'd have done in a similar situation and giving my 2 cents, no claim to be an authority.

And no, I didn't link to a video with Dr. Phil because he's a mPUA and would teach you to spit alpha male game™ on your girlfriend but because he described a few indicators if someone is lying, a field which he has done a lot of research on.

I don't know what good that could come from calling a woman out for considering going on a festival with a guy though? Seems almost a bit like calling out a chick for being attracted to other men.

Yes, you could call a woman out for that but it's not like she's going to stop having those thoughts and feelings.

If it was me I think I would want the girl to tell me about it so she could actually help me judge if she's too far out on the spectrum and too unreliable. Cause you wouldn't want to be with a woman who often had those thoughts anyway.

And in the future, I don't think a woman will be that excited to tell the man if she actually was thinking about something like that if she knows it will just make him annoyed or upset and harm her self-interests.
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2019 05:27 PM by No More Mr. Soy Boy.)
03-17-2019 05:01 PM
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Post: #134
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 04:09 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  
(03-17-2019 01:56 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  ^ copy that. she’s been cool today, messaged me “good morning daddy” and her affection/attraction for me has been 10/10 lately. Sex, touching, complimenting me all the time.

Making a note to a) keep my thoughts/feelings to myself next time and b) continue to monitor for intel related to this guy at her work.

You don’t have to sit back and watch how things unfold. Here’s a little test you can do:

1. Find a similar job in her town that pays at least 20% more than her current job, or at a more prestigious company.

2. Tell her about this “job opportunity” that she might like, and that you think she should consider interviewing for it.

3. Quietly note her reaction. Even if she’s not interested in a new job, does she spend a few seconds considering it or even ask you a few questions about it? Or does she automatically dismiss it without any consideration whatsoever?

If her reaction is the former, you have nothing to worry about.

If, however, its the latter, then you know she wants to stay close to this other guy at work and wouldn’t consider taking another job even if it paid way better. You’ll know you’re in trouble, and probably should break up with her.

Over night becoming her personal head hunter will likely look highly suspicious in this context and could come across as very jealous/paranoid. This sounds like some very questionable fancy play syndrome.

Women judge men heavily based on how much other women are interested, so they think it similarly helps their cause to flex how much male interest they are getting, especially when they feel unwanted.
03-17-2019 05:18 PM
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Post: #135
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
^ my gut tells me thats the ticket. What bothers me is that she considered essentially going on a one-on-one DATE with this guy thay she knows wants to fuck her. Granted, she told me “it wasnt worth it” and did not go, but the fact that she considered it at all is what made me so angry.

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03-17-2019 05:45 PM
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Post: #136
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Cleanslate, she is VERY insecure. She is only 21, I started dating her when she was 20 (I’m 30). I am her first love and first romantic relationship. She’s been pumped and dumped a few times in the past.

She knows that she loves me more than I love her. The power dynamic is about 75/25. She also gets jealous if I get a text from a female friend or don’t give her enough attention. She is pretty needy, and I wonder if she will mature more as she ages. I don’t know.

I’ll likely be moving for a career change this or next year anyway. Probably an expiration date on the LTR.

In the mean time, I don’t want to get cucked or cheated on. This co-worker thing is a red flag to me but Im trying to figure out if I should be as angry as I was, in that moment.

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
03-17-2019 05:51 PM
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Post: #137
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 05:18 PM)jcardial Wrote:  
(03-17-2019 04:09 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  
(03-17-2019 01:56 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  ^ copy that. she’s been cool today, messaged me “good morning daddy” and her affection/attraction for me has been 10/10 lately. Sex, touching, complimenting me all the time.

Making a note to a) keep my thoughts/feelings to myself next time and b) continue to monitor for intel related to this guy at her work.

You don’t have to sit back and watch how things unfold. Here’s a little test you can do:

1. Find a similar job in her town that pays at least 20% more than her current job, or at a more prestigious company.

2. Tell her about this “job opportunity” that she might like, and that you think she should consider interviewing for it.

3. Quietly note her reaction. Even if she’s not interested in a new job, does she spend a few seconds considering it or even ask you a few questions about it? Or does she automatically dismiss it without any consideration whatsoever?

If her reaction is the former, you have nothing to worry about.

If, however, its the latter, then you know she wants to stay close to this other guy at work and wouldn’t consider taking another job even if it paid way better. You’ll know you’re in trouble, and probably should break up with her.

Over night becoming her personal head hunter will likely look highly suspicious in this context and could come across as very jealous/paranoid. This sounds like some very questionable fancy play syndrome.

Women judge men heavily based on how much other women are interested, so they think it similarly helps their cause to flex how much male interest they are getting, especially when they feel unwanted.

Obviously he wouldn’t do this immediately. He’d wait it out a bit, let the issue die down, and with a cooler head, do this test. I didn’t think it needed to be said, but yes I should have made it clearer. Doing it too soon after the fight would be suspicious.

Checkmat, let me put it to you straight. I personally have no hope for your relationship working out in the end. But if I said it frankly, you’d probably disregard it because you aren’t ready to unload her. Besides that’s 100% your choice. So that’s why I suggested the headhunter test (after things cool down), so you could see the situation more clearly and make the choice yourself. It’s not about being paranoid or jealous, it’s about seeing the situation for what it really is — without making any hasty or drastic moves.
03-17-2019 06:08 PM
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Post: #138
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 05:01 PM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  
(03-17-2019 04:06 PM)jcardial Wrote:  No offense to NMMRSB, but given what he has recently posted he doesn't have enough experience or game to be giving advice to others. His advice to withhold your opinion/thoughts in this scenario isn't good. Referencing Dr. Phil is pretty cringe worthy in itself.

I don't see an alternative to calling her out for considering going on a date with a guy she knows likes her, but of course it is ideal to keep calm and avoid calling her an idiot or a hoe or whatever else comes to mind in the heat of the moment. I suspect there might have been a pattern of behavior from you that made her feel insecure. She obviously did it in a very immature way and in conjunction with the fact that she calls you daddy makes me wonder if she has some psychological/maturity issues.

It's really hard to give the right advice without knowing more details about her, especially how insecure she is in the relationship and how much of it is from you playing it too cool. The "I have to work Saturday but maybe I'll go depending on who you're going with," might have been the trigger (along with past indifference) for her to feel like you don't care that much about her. If she's at all insecure it might sound a lot like you are going out with the boys to hunt for chicks.

Women are naturally more insecure and anxious than men. You might think that physical affection is enough to build up a girl's security in a relationship, but it often doesn't suffice. Since she clearly likes you a lot that can produce pretty high levels of anxiety if/when you seem too indifferent. In the end, she was probably just trying to communicate that other guys are interested in her and she doesn't feel like she's getting enough positive feedback to feel confident in the relationship. It's hard to say how much to blame on her immaturity vs. your perceived apathy without more details but I suspect it is a combination of both.

I just said what I think I'd have done in a similar situation and giving my 2 cents, no claim to be an authority.

And no, I didn't link to a video with Dr. Phil because he's a mPUA and would teach you to spit alpha male game™ on your girlfriend but because he described a few indicators if someone is lying, a field which he has done a lot of research on.

I don't know what good that could come from calling a woman out for considering going on a festival with a guy though? Seems almost a bit like calling out a chick for being attracted to other men.

Yes, you could call a woman out for that but it's not like she's going to stop having those thoughts and feelings.

If it was me I think I would want the girl to tell me about it so she could actually help me judge if she's too far out on the spectrum and too unreliable. Cause you wouldn't want to be with a woman who often had those thoughts anyway.

And in the future, I don't think a woman will be that excited to tell the man if she actually was thinking about something like that if she knows it will just make him annoyed or upset and harm her self-interests.

It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to give advice on the mechanics of shooting a basketball if you personally shoot 15% from the field. There's quite a bit more at stake though if a guy follows fairly questionable relationship advice and it directly contributes to a breakup.

A woman or anyone else should be called out for expecting a pat on the back for opting to not be emotionally unfaithful. It's one thing to check someone out or notice being checked out, and it's another thing entirely to flaunt it to your LTR and say you had to think long and hard whether or not to go for a date. You should call someone out when they are being incredibly obnoxious or immature, not just let them walk all over you.

The reason she was probably being so annoying is because she felt undesirable and insecure. He probably could have gotten to that answer if he had called her out more calmly and then probed a bit. Acting like he doesn't care and then withdrawing more is basically doubling down on what most likely caused this problem in the first place.
03-17-2019 06:16 PM
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Post: #139
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 06:16 PM)jcardial Wrote:  It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to give advice on the mechanics of shooting a basketball if you personally shoot 15% from the field. There's quite a bit more at stake though if a guy follows fairly questionable relationship advice and it directly contributes to a breakup.

Sorry, I don't see the problem.
Last time I checked this was a discussion board and if only alphas were writing things here there wouldn't be many discussions going on.

And by that logic, you shouldn't have a say here either with your few rep points considering there is SO much at stake here.
No one here wants to lay on their death bed and realize they got fucked in life because of a low 6 rep point guy, so I suggest you delete your earlier posts too then. Lol.

(03-17-2019 06:16 PM)jcardial Wrote:  A woman or anyone else should be called out for expecting a pat on the back for opting to not be emotionally unfaithful. It's one thing to check someone out or notice being checked out, and it's another thing entirely to flaunt it to your LTR and say you had to think long and hard whether or not to go for a date. You should call someone out when they are being incredibly obnoxious or immature, not just let them walk all over you.

The reason she was probably being so annoying is because she felt undesirable and insecure. He probably could have gotten to that answer if he had called her out more calmly and then probed a bit. Acting like he doesn't care and then withdrawing more is basically doubling down on what most likely caused this problem in the first place.

I think you misunderstood.

I think it would have been wise too if he had also told the girl that he had could understand if she really wanted to go on this festival but that he also has standards and had expected her not to go with this guy. Just out of respect to her partner.

So if she had gone without even telling him, then it would have been a complete dealbreaker. I think you could even tell her that even though you're thankful that she admitted this to you but that you're disappointed that she even considered it. That way you tell her your standards while simultaneously showing her a bit of compassion.

It's tricky but I think there's a difference between simply stating what standards you have for a woman you're in a relationship and "calling her out on her BS".

Because chance is that she just saw it as going on a festival and just went with him in order to not be alone, not that she was going there in order to see the other guy specifically. Who knows, maybe this other guy is a complete feminine dork anyway.
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2019 07:26 PM by No More Mr. Soy Boy.)
03-17-2019 07:23 PM
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Post: #140
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 05:51 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  Cleanslate, she is VERY insecure. She is only 21, I started dating her when she was 20 (I’m 30). I am her first love and first romantic relationship. She’s been pumped and dumped a few times in the past.

She knows that she loves me more than I love her. The power dynamic is about 75/25. She also gets jealous if I get a text from a female friend or don’t give her enough attention. She is pretty needy, and I wonder if she will mature more as she ages. I don’t know.

I’ll likely be moving for a career change this or next year anyway. Probably an expiration date on the LTR.

In the mean time, I don’t want to get cucked or cheated on. This co-worker thing is a red flag to me but Im trying to figure out if I should be as angry as I was, in that moment.

This strongly confirms my suspicion that her drama bomb likely came from a place of insecurity and a feeling of being unwanted. This is why I took issue with Soyboy's theory that it is just her promiscuous nature that should be silently ignored and recorded in your diary. It sounds like there were clear warning signs that she needed more reassurance and comfort in the relationship.

It's easy to sit back and let the power chips stack in front of you when someone is really in love with you, but if you let things become too polarized the anxiety and fear will become intolerable over time and she will act out immaturely or start looking for a new guy. Your slow drip dread game (being too aloof and letting her find out about texts from other girls etc) was apparently seen and raised with "I might let Chad from the office take me out if you don't do more to make me feel secure" dread game. It doesn't sound like her read on the relationship is too far off if you're planning an exit in the near future.
03-17-2019 09:19 PM
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Checkmat Offline
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Post: #141
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
^ the insight on this forum is unreal. Thanks to you and the others who commented. I feel like I can look at this much more clearly now.

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
03-17-2019 09:29 PM
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Deepdiver Offline
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Post: #142
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
"I’ll likely be moving for a career change this or next year anyway. Probably an expiration date on the LTR."

This...

Most women have finely tuned intuition being the weaker sex they need to adjust to the moods of the men around them - this develops from an early age watching how her mother interacted with her father if together and then with Daddy herself.

If you are thinking that you have a career change coming and keeping it to yourself until its happening which is what I would do with any spinning plates/FBs/FWBs you are likely giving off cues that something may be up and that she is not a part of it. Thus her anxious behaviors.

Also seems you care about her to some extent so whatever you think, if you want to keep her LTR attention sooner or later decide if she is just a spinning plate or a potential partner/baby momma/wife and mother of your future spawn. At 18 to 21 a woman is at her peak SMV and then downhill from there so you have to have a serious conversation with yourself - could you stand or possibly even enjoy waking up next to this woman for the next 40 years - or are you looking forward to this Career Change to hunt in a new field of high SMV Talent. No judging you are a man and whatever you choose is what you choose - If you just want to keep her as a local plate then try to keep your plans about the career move secret... if however you would like to bring her with you and build a life eventually it would be a good idea to clue her in - Career changes and moves are part of the Corporate life so if she is excited to move on this new adventure and she follows your lead she might be a keeper - that said your 75/25 power balance may have her wondering if you are a player or a stayer.

If you want to just keep the LTR going until you move - try to keep your cues to a minimum - if you decided you want to keep her as your daily driver and bring her with - her reaction to your career change news will inform you if she is a keeper or not. If she is excited and supportive of the Career Change move then she may be a useful stress relief valve during and after the move - if not she may just be another stressor. In life you need your woman to follow your lead - if she does good - if she does not... Next.

I personally have done this a few times in my life and if the current LTR at the time an educated woman did not follow my lead (Was living in her Mother's House with her Grown Sister and did not want to leave her hometown) it indicated she would be a lousy Corporate wife (She was a School Teacher and could work anywhere) so after the Career Move I enjoyed the new hunting grounds immensely and looking back I declined a positive career move from NH to NJ because of a LTR that turned out not to be miss right after a multi-year LTR who looking back realized I was a classic case of Blue Pill Oneitis at the peak of my own SMV with plenty of classy corporate options interested in becoming Mrs. Deepdiver at the time. Woulda Coulda Shoulda have taken the move to new hunting grounds in NJ when offered... so always take a career step up and use it as an opportunity to test and see if she will follow your lead...

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(This post was last modified: 03-18-2019 11:08 AM by Deepdiver.)
03-18-2019 10:48 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #143
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 12:50 PM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  ...
The reason why that 65-year-old guy look so young and haven't aged is probably cause he didn't spend the last 20 years around a nagging average bitch. Anyway, I rather spend my 40's and 50's on trying to stay young and become super wealthy and eventually have a family with a 10 when I'm 60, than settle for a 6 and start family around age 40. Late 40's could also work.

Laugh4

[Image: tenor.gif?itemid=5471477]

For everyone living in the real world try to avoid premising your life choices around becoming the male equivalent of Meghan Markle. Most of you mere mortals aren't cut from the same superior cloth as SoyB so you shouldn't expect to be having your wrinkly liver-spot covered doodle sucked by an 18 year old nordic goddess of fertility at age 60+.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 03-18-2019 11:37 AM by Leonard D Neubache.)
03-18-2019 11:35 AM
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Post: #144
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
^^This

One of the thing I can't stand about the manosphere or whatever term you call it, is that guys are just as delusional and unrealistic as the girls they so often complain about.

I used to know a guy who is so damn picky about the girl he would want as a LTR. His game works fine for ONS but he never had a proper LTR before, yet dude wants an 8+ for a LTR, and he also has an insufferable personality, to the point he has no friend and not even on good terms with his family. And yet he thinks an 8+ to spend her life with him... AFAIK he's been frustrated with dating for more than a year now.

Some guys got so deep into this shit they think game is the overarching answers to everything. I posted this on the "lone wolf" threads, but if you want to have a quality woman to spend her life with you, ask yourself first are you even an agreeable person to be around? Do you have long time friends, know how to chill and live happily with people? Forget all about that values and shit, unless you are marrying a 3rd worlder who worship you for fucked up reason (then you gotta question what kind of marriage that is) no one wants to spend their life with some dudes who just can't chill and be cool.

Ass or cash, nobody rides for free - WestIndiArchie
(This post was last modified: 03-18-2019 11:51 AM by Dalaran1991.)
03-18-2019 11:43 AM
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BlastbeatCasanova Offline
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Post: #145
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-16-2019 04:13 PM)FullThrottleTX Wrote:  
Quote:There is no great answer to your dilemma but I strongly suggest you find it in yourself to take a shot at building a future and a family with this girl if you honestly think you can manage it. You have no idea how rare girls like that are, and they get a fucking shitload rarer when you hit 30+.

Getting married young because you're afraid of not finding someone better when you're older is probably the dumbest mistake you can make as a man. I can attest, I got married at 26. I've certainly had several girlfriends who came close to checking all of my boxes, I still ended it because I wasn't ready.

I'm 36, happily divorced. 28 is usually a big turning point in your life to get better at game and life, don't waste it married. 50 notches isn't a big deal. No married guy I knows is happy, they're all tired, bossed around, bored, and live vicariously through my sexual adventures. The younger the married guy, the more this is true. 45 and getting married to a young thing is not a bad position to be in. You want to be that guy. Fear should never be a motivator for settling down.

There are plenty of good women who cook, are drama free, ect -- I've dated several. Go to church you'll find them. Move to the south, they're around. They're everywhere, but if you're only dating 22 yo tinder thots - of course, they seem rare.

There's no such thing as the "thousand cunt stare"... A man's notch count doesn't reduce his ability to love, it only enhances it because he knows better. Also, ditch your list of qualities. Lists change as you get older and more experienced. The kind of women i woulda settled down with at 26 has no resemblance to what I like today.

Thanks, you make some good points that I have definitely considered.

I should have made it clear that I won't ever "get married." Long term cohabitation/partnership, whatever you want to call it, etc. sure, but I'll never enter into a contract/societal institution/the marriage business ever.

I also don't want to make a decision based on fear/scarcity. It just seems like it might be a pragmatic thing considering the decline of society. I'm still working on it.
03-21-2019 04:11 PM
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Checkmat Offline
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Post: #146
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(03-17-2019 09:19 PM)jcardial Wrote:  
(03-17-2019 05:51 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  Cleanslate, she is VERY insecure. She is only 21, I started dating her when she was 20 (I’m 30). I am her first love and first romantic relationship. She’s been pumped and dumped a few times in the past.

She knows that she loves me more than I love her. The power dynamic is about 75/25. She also gets jealous if I get a text from a female friend or don’t give her enough attention. She is pretty needy, and I wonder if she will mature more as she ages. I don’t know.

I’ll likely be moving for a career change this or next year anyway. Probably an expiration date on the LTR.

In the mean time, I don’t want to get cucked or cheated on. This co-worker thing is a red flag to me but Im trying to figure out if I should be as angry as I was, in that moment.

This strongly confirms my suspicion that her drama bomb likely came from a place of insecurity and a feeling of being unwanted. This is why I took issue with Soyboy's theory that it is just her promiscuous nature that should be silently ignored and recorded in your diary. It sounds like there were clear warning signs that she needed more reassurance and comfort in the relationship.

It's easy to sit back and let the power chips stack in front of you when someone is really in love with you, but if you let things become too polarized the anxiety and fear will become intolerable over time and she will act out immaturely or start looking for a new guy. Your slow drip dread game (being too aloof and letting her find out about texts from other girls etc) was apparently seen and raised with "I might let Chad from the office take me out if you don't do more to make me feel secure" dread game. It doesn't sound like her read on the relationship is too far off if you're planning an exit in the near future.

Update on this situation.

I knew that the "chad at work" thing was something to keep an eye on. I knew that if she kept bringing him up, something might be afoot.

A few days after my post, she brought up how the guys at work are getting more direct when they hit on her, and she gave me a couple of examples. I took it in stride but then she mentioned that the one dude from the lantern festival situation was following her on snapchat. I paused and said, "you gave him your sc?" and she said no, she did not, but one of her co-workers must have given it to him. My bullshit alarm is going off like crazy. She also mentions that he has asked her multiple times to come work out with him at his gym, but that she has told him no, I have a boyfriend.

Also around this time, she starts telling me on multiple occasions that she is going to switch gyms, from her current gym to LA Fitness. Im wondering why all of a sudden but whatever, didnt think about it too much. I asked her if she knew anyone that works out at LA Fitness and she said no.

So then more time goes by, and we go on a trip while she is out of school for spring break. I take this opportunity to search her phone, and I find that this dude is friends with her on snapchat and they last communicated over the app 6 days prior. Everything is deleted, as is natural for the app. Then I looked in her phone contacts list and I see his name. I search for a text convo but there is nothing.

We end up arguing a couple of times on the trip for unrelated reasons. Mostly her being immature and not getting her way. Acting like a spoiled child. Outside of these fights were are cloud 9 with each other. Nonstop compliments from her on my looks, how hot I am, how other girls must check me out all the time. Her hands are all over me, jerking me off while I drive or sucking me off all the time, everywhere. *This was not new behavior, she is and always has been like this with me*. We both comment on how the trip flew by, and she is sad that she has to go home and wants to stay longer.

The day after the trip we are texting like normal and she sends me like 3 paragraphs about how the guy at work was talking to her, bragging about his sexual skills, and how he is dating multiple girls and she thinks he is an asshole. He asks her how I, her boyfriend, am in bed. She tells him that she wont discuss that but she is still with me so there is her answer. He asks how her break was, she tells him about our trip and how she put on some weight while on the trip. Then the guy tells her well obviously its because you just eat and fuck. Then he got angry and walked away from her.

After she tells me all of this, my alarm bells are going off like crazy. She is obviously very invested or interested in this guy for him to occupy all this real estate in her mind, and to talk about him so much. I call her on the phone and after some debriefing about their convo, I ask her straight up: did you ever give him your phone number? She immediately says no, and I tell her that I saw his name in her contact list. She says no, I must be mistaken because she doesnt have his number. I tell her to let me know when she is ready to be honest and hang up the phone.

She calls me back 3 min later and says ah you know what, I DID exchange numbers with him, back around the time of the lantern festival. I ask her, ok so a dude you work with who hits on you and wants to fuck you, you gave him your phone number and snapchat. She gets defensive and says well you have added girls on your facebook, what is the difference. She says she only gave him her number because he offered to pick up lunch while they were at work. I ask why she deleted the convo then, and she says "I deleted it bc it wasnt important"

To add context, when I first starting dating her 9 months ago I laid down some groundrules for the relationship. One of them was: if you are my girlfriend, you will not give out your number to guys who are trying to fuck you.

So I remind her of that, and the fact that not only did she blatantly cross that boundary, but she boldly lied right to me about it.

Instantly dumped her and advised my family. I doubt I'll ever get all of the real details and info about what has been going on with her and this dude at work, but the fact that she crossed my boundary that she knew was wrong and also tried to hide it and lie about it, means that there is nothing left here for me to pursue with her. All trust is gone.

I dropped off all of her stuff from my house at UPS today to send back to her.

Yesterday she blew up my phone offering to quit her job, apologizing profusely, literally begging for me not to leave her. But Im good. She broke the boundary and lied about it. 2 strikes and youre out!

As I digest all of this and try to move on (hinge date set for friday for a potential SIF), what Im trying to reconcile is how ultra in-love she has been with me, how the affection, sex and interest level in me was 100/100 and yet she still sabotaged the whole relationship over some dude at work that she likes. There were no red flags aside from the amount talking she did about this guy from work. It seemed that her love for me never faltered but she wanted some side dick too maybe, idk.

Like jcardial said, a lot of it may have been from the dread levels and knowledge that I may be moving away soon and that I wont be around. It's possible that was a factor, but how much of it is just her being a ho? In 9 months I never directly saw her flirt with another guy but she had tons of orbiters on snapchat sending her thirsty shit.

Then there is the possibility that she has been 100% innocent about the whole thing, but that still doesn't change the face that she broke one of my rules and also lied to me about it. That's enough, even if she didnt suck his dick or hang out with him or anything (which I'll never know), the fact that she lied about another guy is enough for me to leave.

It's been a jarring couple of days. Literally Friday night we are in love and happy and by Saturday night we are done.

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
04-01-2019 05:26 PM
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CleanSlate Offline
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Post: #147
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
You made the right call.

And no it wasn’t the dread game you were running on her. She just wanted to have her cake and eat it, too.

She would have cheated on you had you stayed with her (if she didn’t already have).
04-01-2019 07:46 PM
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Post: #148
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Here are my humble and random thoughts about reading that and just what I think.

Knowing it was one of your ground rules for being in a relationship, she wasn't just all apologetic about it and did everything to reassure you that this wasn't a big deal, there was nothing between them. Instead, she had the courage to flip it over and accused you of some girls that were added on your Facebook (which we know is a slightly different platform than text/Snapchat)?
There is something very disrespectful about that and it shows that she's not mature enough for a relationship if she also couldn't see the seriousness of the situation that she wasn't being completely upfront about it. Maybe you teached her a little lesson (probably not though).

Considering that there were so many things that were fishy about this, I think you definitly made the right choice. From the festival she wanted to attend with the guy, the way she told you about it, him not just having her Snapchat but having conversations with her that she doesn't tell you about, he has her number, how she accused you, is lying and not being honest. And she called him "asshole", very bad sign too.
Loyalty is fundamental and someone like her can't be trusted.

I also don't think it was your dread game that suddenly turned her from a housewife into a sudden hoe who gives her number/Snapchat out to a guy and lies about it. Was there a redflag that could have told you to get rid of her sooner it was that app.
Snapchat is so completely dull that I would consider it a dealbreaker if a girl was active on there, would you really want the mother of your children to spend her days on that stupid shit?
(This post was last modified: 04-01-2019 10:36 PM by No More Mr. Soy Boy.)
04-01-2019 10:34 PM
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Post: #149
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
If the sex is good, just demote to plate and keep banging - see how sorry she is.

But you are correct, you can not trust her.
04-01-2019 11:08 PM
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Checkmat Offline
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Post: #150
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(04-01-2019 07:46 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  You made the right call.

And no it wasn’t the dread game you were running on her. She just wanted to have her cake and eat it, too.

She would have cheated on you had you stayed with her (if she didn’t already have).

Thanks man. I think that's just what it comes down to. I wanted to believe it was the passive dread that I was running, because that made me feel better. "oh its not that she is a ho, Im just being too alpha!" Laugh

(04-01-2019 10:34 PM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  I also don't think it was your dread game that suddenly turned her from a housewife into a sudden hoe who gives her number/Snapchat out to a guy and lies about it. Was there a redflag that could have told you to get rid of her sooner it was that app.
Snapchat is so completely dull that I would consider it a dealbreaker if a girl was active on there, would you really want the mother of your children to spend her days on that stupid shit?

This bothered me from the jump. A girl that has tons of orbiters on Snapchat, an app that literally is designed to hide your conversations and let anything happen...I remember when she told me "you should get snapchat, its way easier for us to send dirty pics to each other that way" and I thought, jesus how many dudes has this girl sent nudes to on Snapchat...

(04-01-2019 11:08 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  If the sex is good, just demote to plate and keep banging - see how sorry she is.

But you are correct, you can not trust her.

Unable, my emotions are way too invested. I was deeply in love with this girl and am struggling to keep it together. Better to cut her loose. My career move looks like it'll happen towards the end of this year anyway and I'll be out of her geographic area indefinitely.

Which makes me wonder how insane it would have been if I never found this info out about her, and went off on my 4 months+ of job training across the country. How long would she have lasted before succombing to utter whoredome? How much stress would those thoughts have put on me while I should be focusing on my new job? Ungh, horrible.

Thanks to everyone for their insight. I knew and now further know that I made the right decision. The next few weeks will be tough but I'll get over her eventually.

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
04-01-2019 11:29 PM
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