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LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
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CleanSlate Offline
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Post: #151
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(04-01-2019 11:29 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  Thanks man. I think that's just what it comes down to. I wanted to believe it was the passive dread that I was running, because that made me feel better. "oh its not that she is a ho, Im just being too alpha!" Laugh

Props to you for letting go of your ego to even admit this. +1 from me

Seeing that you're in the U.S., I'm not sure if it's even possible to run passive dread on American girls unless you're in the top 0.1% (and even then they can take men down from the 0.1% in this metoo era).
04-01-2019 11:56 PM
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jcardial Offline
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Post: #152
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(04-01-2019 11:29 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  
(04-01-2019 07:46 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  You made the right call.

And no it wasn’t the dread game you were running on her. She just wanted to have her cake and eat it, too.

She would have cheated on you had you stayed with her (if she didn’t already have).

Thanks man. I think that's just what it comes down to. I wanted to believe it was the passive dread that I was running, because that made me feel better. "oh its not that she is a ho, Im just being too alpha!" Laugh

(04-01-2019 10:34 PM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  I also don't think it was your dread game that suddenly turned her from a housewife into a sudden hoe who gives her number/Snapchat out to a guy and lies about it. Was there a redflag that could have told you to get rid of her sooner it was that app.
Snapchat is so completely dull that I would consider it a dealbreaker if a girl was active on there, would you really want the mother of your children to spend her days on that stupid shit?

This bothered me from the jump. A girl that has tons of orbiters on Snapchat, an app that literally is designed to hide your conversations and let anything happen...I remember when she told me "you should get snapchat, its way easier for us to send dirty pics to each other that way" and I thought, jesus how many dudes has this girl sent nudes to on Snapchat...

(04-01-2019 11:08 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  If the sex is good, just demote to plate and keep banging - see how sorry she is.

But you are correct, you can not trust her.

Unable, my emotions are way too invested. I was deeply in love with this girl and am struggling to keep it together. Better to cut her loose. My career move looks like it'll happen towards the end of this year anyway and I'll be out of her geographic area indefinitely.

Which makes me wonder how insane it would have been if I never found this info out about her, and went off on my 4 months+ of job training across the country. How long would she have lasted before succombing to utter whoredome? How much stress would those thoughts have put on me while I should be focusing on my new job? Ungh, horrible.

Thanks to everyone for their insight. I knew and now further know that I made the right decision. The next few weeks will be tough but I'll get over her eventually.

This girl is clearly very low self esteem given her past relationships, and to be fair it sounds like you haven't done much at all to build it back up. Some guys would advise not getting involved with a damaged girl at all, but I think most young girls are insecure to some degree and not addressing a small problem can snowball into a big one in a long term relationship. You mentioned her showering you with compliments on the trip but there was no mention of you reciprocating (physically doesn't count for much). She desperately wants you to give her similar signs of interest and verbal reassurance and I suspect you're still playing it cool. She clearly needs more than a couple scraps of emotion from your end if you've been together a year, especially if she is as insecure as you describe.

Mentioning the guy at work every time he talks to her is probably largely because she consciously wants everything out in the open, but subconsciously she enjoys mentioning it to you because it is empirical evidence that she's a desirable woman. It's another reason low self esteem girls like the constant validation from social media. That said, snapchat is one of the more lowly forms of this and I agree it is fairly obnoxious. I guess to her defense she's young and it's not out of the ordinary for millennials to punt facebook now that all of their geezer parents are on it.

It's hard to fairly evaluate this situation without knowing how much reassurance you have given her since her original outburst. It's unfortunate that she deleted the conversation with office Chad, because there's a decent chance it wasn't that bad and she deleted it because of how angry you got the first time she brought him up.

I'm still fairly convinced this relationship just naturally became way too polarized towards her showing and needing emotion and affection and you in a shell because you knew in the back of your mind you would leave her eventually. You said you were in love with her, but did you express it with any kind of frequency? These types of girls need concrete emotional investment to not feel anxious they are yet again getting pumped and dumped.
04-02-2019 02:42 PM
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MaceTyrell Offline
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Post: #153
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(04-02-2019 02:42 PM)jcardial Wrote:  
(04-01-2019 11:29 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  
(04-01-2019 07:46 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  You made the right call.

And no it wasn’t the dread game you were running on her. She just wanted to have her cake and eat it, too.

She would have cheated on you had you stayed with her (if she didn’t already have).

Thanks man. I think that's just what it comes down to. I wanted to believe it was the passive dread that I was running, because that made me feel better. "oh its not that she is a ho, Im just being too alpha!" Laugh

(04-01-2019 10:34 PM)No More Mr. Soy Boy Wrote:  I also don't think it was your dread game that suddenly turned her from a housewife into a sudden hoe who gives her number/Snapchat out to a guy and lies about it. Was there a redflag that could have told you to get rid of her sooner it was that app.
Snapchat is so completely dull that I would consider it a dealbreaker if a girl was active on there, would you really want the mother of your children to spend her days on that stupid shit?

This bothered me from the jump. A girl that has tons of orbiters on Snapchat, an app that literally is designed to hide your conversations and let anything happen...I remember when she told me "you should get snapchat, its way easier for us to send dirty pics to each other that way" and I thought, jesus how many dudes has this girl sent nudes to on Snapchat...

(04-01-2019 11:08 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  If the sex is good, just demote to plate and keep banging - see how sorry she is.

But you are correct, you can not trust her.

Unable, my emotions are way too invested. I was deeply in love with this girl and am struggling to keep it together. Better to cut her loose. My career move looks like it'll happen towards the end of this year anyway and I'll be out of her geographic area indefinitely.

Which makes me wonder how insane it would have been if I never found this info out about her, and went off on my 4 months+ of job training across the country. How long would she have lasted before succombing to utter whoredome? How much stress would those thoughts have put on me while I should be focusing on my new job? Ungh, horrible.

Thanks to everyone for their insight. I knew and now further know that I made the right decision. The next few weeks will be tough but I'll get over her eventually.

This girl is clearly very low self esteem given her past relationships, and to be fair it sounds like you haven't done much at all to build it back up. Some guys would advise not getting involved with a damaged girl at all, but I think most young girls are insecure to some degree and not addressing a small problem can snowball into a big one in a long term relationship. You mentioned her showering you with compliments on the trip but there was no mention of you reciprocating (physically doesn't count for much). She desperately wants you to give her similar signs of interest and verbal reassurance and I suspect you're still playing it cool. She clearly needs more than a couple scraps of emotion from your end if you've been together a year, especially if she is as insecure as you describe.

Mentioning the guy at work every time he talks to her is probably largely because she consciously wants everything out in the open, but subconsciously she enjoys mentioning it to you because it is empirical evidence that she's a desirable woman. It's another reason low self esteem girls like the constant validation from social media. That said, snapchat is one of the more lowly forms of this and I agree it is fairly obnoxious. I guess to her defense she's young and it's not out of the ordinary for millennials to punt facebook now that all of their geezer parents are on it.

It's hard to fairly evaluate this situation without knowing how much reassurance you have given her since her original outburst. It's unfortunate that she deleted the conversation with office Chad, because there's a decent chance it wasn't that bad and she deleted it because of how angry you got the first time she brought him up.

I'm still fairly convinced this relationship just naturally became way too polarized towards her showing and needing emotion and affection and you in a shell because you knew in the back of your mind you would leave her eventually. You said you were in love with her, but did you express it with any kind of frequency? These types of girls need concrete emotional investment to not feel anxious they are yet again getting pumped and dumped.

Wow. This is great.
04-02-2019 04:13 PM
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wwtl Offline
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Post: #154
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(10-19-2018 08:15 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Reposting this here as the original thread got lost in the reorganization.

PapayaTapper (08-24-2015 12:14 AM)' Wrote:  One quality I think is essential for any girl to have as a LTR candidate is what I call "the happy gene". Is her natural equilibrium an upbeat / happy /laughs easily kind of demeanor ? Or is she prone to states of moroseness/crabbiness or acerbity that needs to be actively entertained/stimulated into being "happy"?

Before I knew better I exhausted a lot of time, money and energy on "sourpussy" because they were hot. I spent 5 years and I dont know how much money on one because she was smoking (tall blond bikini/ lingerie model) before I had enough and pulled the plug

If a girl doesn't have that "happy gene"...she's not long for my world anymore. If there was only piece of advice I could give a guy thinking about wifeing up,,,make sure she has that quality

Shout out to Built To Fade for steering me to the archived thread

I noticed this quality as well and what a tremendous difference it makes, but thanks to you I now have a name for it.
07-28-2019 06:03 AM
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