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LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
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Uzisuicide Offline
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Post: #126
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
You don't have to have things in common with a woman to settle down with her. I had everything in common with my x wife and the marriage still failed. The most important aspect of a male/female bond is FAITH. Take your wife to church, worship and pray together. This establishes important boundaries for her and you. Furthermore it establishes you as the spiritual head of the house. Wives are commanded to submit themselves to their husband and husbands are commanded to love their wife.

I'm still going two years strong with an Ethiopian Orthodox girl who moved far from where she lived and works to live with and go to a Protestant church with me. Our fundamental belief in Jesus Christ serves as the bedrock foundation of our relationship and has anchored us through rough spots.

One more thing about the who... If you have kids from a previous marriage or LTR it is crucial to find a woman who accepts and is soft hearted and loving to your kids. I have a little boy for whom my girl loves and takes responsibility for. Even though to the outside world he obviously does not belong to her because he is white, she is never a bit shy to hold his hand when we're out shopping and he adores her. That's important stuff.
11-16-2017 07:17 PM
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Kid Twist Offline
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Post: #127
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
When you understand (and anyone with sense or the smallest bit of wisdom nowadays does) that the check on self-centeredness is belief in something outside of yourself that tells you how selfishness is a dead end, you'll see that what Uzi is saying is actually the only way, as it turns out. There are various expressions of it but of course Uzi's is most on point.

Apart from that, I have seen that handle on another forum, he doesn't know it but I'm smiling right now

Get your passport ready!
11-16-2017 10:54 PM
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Noir Offline
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Post: #128
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(11-16-2017 09:54 AM)gework Wrote:  Boiled-down questions:

How many women do you think require nonsensical marriage/LTR game to maintain the relationship?

And what do you think drives the situation in which women require these non-productive mental exercises to keep them?

I'm posting this in deep as I'm looking for more of psychological/philosophical input rather than locker room talk.


Once we accept that women lack direction, your questions become answerable to an extent.

This explains why men who have direction and on their path are so attractive. They alleviate the decision-making responsibilities and allow for women to fall in to the passenger seat, which is generally what they want (consciously or subconsciously).

Hence the importance of frame in to your interactions. Hence the success of ‘it just happened’ game.

Men and women respond to external judgment very differently. Successful (attractive) men are competitive and the judgment spurs them further. It follows a trend of judgement -> realization -> manifestation in to action to prove the judgment wrong, if applicable, and outright ignoring erroneous judgment as false and continuing on their path.

With women, it’s usually judgment -> realization -> resentment (if true) or retaliation (if untrue).

This is why women are attracted to confidence and resources as I touched upon in my original post. Confidence = direction; resources = options to make more decisions readily available via the man.

WIA mentions this in his ‘understanding attraction from a woman’s perspective’; rich guys don’t always have high value wives; high status guys usually get status clingers etc.

A woman cares more about what other women think about her than anyone else as their identity’s defined by others' (mainly women) idea of them. It’s unhealthy but because their purpose in this world is latent and is ‘activated’ by men. It’s like a dual-binding agent; high value man + time to manifest. This is why marriage ends up being a 18 year minimum contract. The time is what they need and is etched into the unwritten contract.

Now, this explains a whole lot more, doesn’t it?

It surely explains why social media is so important to women; the feedback they get from their peers , that their direction, (as mundane and selfish as it is) is approved, stamped and accepted; the stock market effect of their value through the justification that their lack of direction, substituted with some high value photos means they’re doing it right.

Women are lost in this world and the cognitive dissonance of what they told they are capable of vs. what their actual capabilities leads to the inane actions that manifest in relationships.

They are constantly seeking feedback; it’s like the whole ‘are we there yet’ that kids ask in the car. They aren’t in control but want to know what’s happening as they are affected. You are the driver and the questions therefore, are directed at you.

This also explains feminism, as a support group, more than anything. They are for women lacking direction and lacking power (looks and status) to find a man with direction who will be their shepherd.

The duty of a shepherd is to keep their flock intact, guard from predators and, when the time is right, get a meaningful produce of sorts (wool/milk/whatever). It’s a symbiotic relationship where both parties gain, albeit through a distorted transactional procedure.

It’s not the perfect analogy but feminism keeps the flock intact and directs their direction. It acts as a framework to take anger, resentment and disenfranchisement and sort that into a uniform negotiating strength in place of the man who would provide these virtues. The more women are a part of it, the more ‘valid’ their purpose is due to the network effect. This is transactional value of such a group. I joke with my mates here that guys whose partners are feminists mean that their partners are married to feminism and they are the mistress.

The main thing missing is the sexual energy and polarization, the yin and yang and ironically, the stimulus missing from making feminists happy.

Yes, it’s a shit show. Yes, it explains why they are unhappy, ugly and bitter.

As Krauser put it in an appearance on London Real in 2012 – Feminism is a sexual trade union for ugly women.

What he omits however, is the limitations on a holistic level, of how much direction and happiness it can provide.

I consider none of a woman’s actions in a relationship to be non-sensical. They always have a motive, women are usually 2-3 months ahead of a man in a relationship (as far as planning is concerned).

In the same way, by the time a girl breaks up with you, she already has other guys lined up. This is my experience too with my current relationship. I was the ‘replacement’.

The non-productive mental exercises are actually checkpoints and feedback-seeking signals. Shit tests from the start to finish, are essentially this. They just gain importance in certain ways.

Just this week, I was lying in bed, waiting to drift into a slumber and my girlfriend started with a question. I knew it was the type that she had been sitting on for a while and if addressed, it would expand into an hour long tennis match. You know this from the timing, vocal tonality, hesitation in the voice etc.

“Why is the spark dying out?”

I proceeded to explain, in a rational way, that it’s the law of diminishing returns combined with us being more true to our colours. Progress on any level is never linear, it's peaks and troughs.

“I sometimes feel like we are just house mates.”

Well, you are my partner, my lover and my best friend at times. As such, I have no shame in hiding anything from you, this is a fact to be considered; this is why I let you see me stressed.

I emphasized “This relationship is secondary to my purpose. We are in a vessel, which is symbiotic, and my current purpose of career/making money is my number one priority. If I am happy and doing well, then it’s for the good of this relationship and you will also benefit from this. If I put the relationship first, then that’s all we have and that is my purpose in life. We both know this is not true and that you are not with me because of this but because you believe in me and consequently, us.”

She was just seeking some feedback, especially as I had been distant, stressed and coming home late.

At this point I got out of bed to have a cigarette, in anticipation of her hamster kicking in to overdrive.

“What if you get to the next level and just drop me?”

-silence-

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“For me to answer that would mean I am addressing a falsity, something that is untrue. I cannot speak on behalf of my future self, not can I make decisions for a mental state I am not currently in. You understand that, right?”

“I suppose”

“Look, you know me and what I stand for. I am looking at the bigger picture because this relationship is just that, a relationship. If you level up and I level up, the relationship levels up.”

I went in to giving the analogy of dependent and independent variables in statistics.
She understood it seems, but only time will tell; women are shy to admit when they are wrong with such concepts.

Either way, it alleviated her stress.

Why?

I took responsibility for my mistakes in tending to the relationship, responsibility and re-emphasis that I am the driver of this vessel and most importantly, the direction that I have and that she is a beneficiary in it.

Her support has a transactional long-term value. Her identity is tied to the guy she is with. I told her, let me be the man that I am destined to be and it will be for the better of everyone.

I recollected a video of Jordan Peterson that we both watched (and she has been sending all of her friends his videos) in which he states that if you block a person from being who they want to be, you end up being with a person is not. That’s not who you choose to be around and not a pleasant individual. They are a liar to themselves, because they are an ‘is-not’ rather than an ‘is’ and mistakes can define them.

She nodded in agreement, I told her to jump in bed and that was that.

It’s mighty important to understand that while relationships are transactional, they are rarely reciprocal. We don’t ping for feedback and stimulus to the same level as women. Women however, do. As such, you are usually going to be giving more (materialistically, emotionally, psychologically).

Men who give in to selfish women and believe the relationship is larger than each individual’s purpose, lose the game because they set a precedent that such behavior is welcome.

Of course, more shit tests will come through. It’s the analogy of your boss telling you to do something out of the ordinary and you ask him for clarification, “are you sure you want me to do this?”.

The non-productive mental exercises are practically the same thing, they are congruence seeking tests to see if the man really means what he says because that behavior does not match up with either his value, his persona or his image in her eyes.

Women just lack direction and need a man to lead. If you are getting shit tests or whatever, it’s just feedback seeking to be sure as it doesn’t match up with your usual behavior or her ideal image of you. You are lacking congruence.

Sometimes, they are bargaining tools to see if they can get their way in a relationship through a zero-sum game perspective.

I always say, economics can explain relationships to a certain extent. A high value man has a higher price elasticity of demand and has more leeway (a higher change in price/supply leads to a miniscule change in demand) because of options and desirability elsewhere in the market. This alone mitigates both of the questions you pose; less tests, less drama, more trust in him.

I hope that answers your questions, let me know if I misinterpreted.
(This post was last modified: 11-17-2017 04:45 AM by Noir.)
11-17-2017 04:10 AM
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gework Offline
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Post: #129
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(11-17-2017 04:10 AM)Noir Wrote:  I hope that answers your questions, let me know if I misinterpreted.

You've just ascended to boss level.

(11-17-2017 04:10 AM)Noir Wrote:  Sometimes, they are bargaining tools to see if they can get their way in a relationship through a zero-sum game perspective.

With shit tests, would anyone be able to come up with categories for the types of tests women give?

It seems to me there are tests more geared towards getting you to lead or better yoursel(f|ves) and others that are more geared to them extracting value at your expense. The latter is probably wrapped up together with the former, but in this case only she is better if you give in.

As example -

Former: Hey honey, you haven't had a promotion in a few years. We need to save more for the kids' college fund.
Latter: Hey honey, is it OK if Steve comes round tonight and fucks me while you're in a cage?

With the former, you both get value if you accept her challenge, while with the latter only she gets value and you get denigrated.

So since this is something most women do it seems that you want to hook a woman who gives challenges for your collective improvement and not your degradation, i.e. abuse.

A degradation shit test improves you if you refuse and and improvement test improves you if you accept.

All of the flowers I gave her
She burned them
11-17-2017 10:02 AM
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Noir Offline
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Post: #130
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(11-17-2017 10:02 AM)gework Wrote:  
(11-17-2017 04:10 AM)Noir Wrote:  I hope that answers your questions, let me know if I misinterpreted.

You've just ascended to boss level.

(11-17-2017 04:10 AM)Noir Wrote:  Sometimes, they are bargaining tools to see if they can get their way in a relationship through a zero-sum game perspective.

With shit tests, would anyone be able to come up with categories for the types of tests women give?

It seems to me there are tests more geared towards getting you to lead or better yoursel(f|ves) and others that are more geared to them extracting value at your expense. The latter is probably wrapped up together with the former, but in this case only she is better if you give in.

As example -

Former: Hey honey, you haven't had a promotion in a few years. We need to save more for the kids' college fund.
Latter: Hey honey, is it OK if Steve comes round tonight and fucks me while you're in a cage?

With the former, you both get value if you accept her challenge, while with the latter only she gets value and you get denigrated.

So since this is something most women do it seems that you want to hook a woman who gives challenges for your collective improvement and not your degradation, i.e. abuse.

A degradation shit test improves you if you refuse and and improvement test improves you if you accept.


If you really wanted to categorize it you could but it's 'much of a muchness'.

It's basically her 'having a go' or 'trying it'.

Let's be real, of the two examples you gave, both are kinda unlikely, women would do it in a more subtle way but I see what you mean.

With the more harsh ones, you read the actions, not the words.

Every women will shit test you but the shit test always falls within a reasonable spectrum i.e. they never do something to shock you. It;s always a benign looking one.

If a girl wants to degrade you she will, shit test or not.

That's another point which some guys miss; the difference between challenging and outright disrespecting which is the difference in your examples.

Shit tests are universal and range on the spectrum by what you define as normal.

To be honest though, this is a very esoteric topic that merits some discussion but not too much analysis.

You should be focusing on your game being tight enough that you keep shit tests to a minimum.

If anything, you should be shit-testing them.
(This post was last modified: 11-17-2017 03:38 PM by Noir.)
11-17-2017 03:07 PM
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