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LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
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Thor Offline
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Post: #1
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
First post here on the forum and I hope I´m putting it in the right thread.

I have 2 kids, they´ll soon be teens. Soon they will be living with me full time. I´ve had a few gf that I´ve had to cut loose because me having children seemed to be the root of some issues for them. I´ve heard the term baggage used as an example. Maybe its because they felt I´d never put them in 1st place, because my kids come first. If they caught wind of a conversation I had with my ex, that usually led to me being asked when I´m moving back in with her... WTF?

Now I´ve been seeing this chick thats more then 10 years younger then me, she is 25 no kids. A situation came up recently where I´m forced to take action and move my kids in with me. This action is unavoidable and for most sane people a 100% understandable action on my part. This has opened the door to so much drama from this girl I´m seeing, even if she says she is cool with me doing it. Earlier tonight I got a confession out of her that my kids where an issue for her. My reaction was, see ya later bitch and have a nice life which sent her hamster into a frenzy.

I think I just lost the last bit of respect I have for women. Where I come from, as a man you must except if a woman has children from a previous relationship, at least that is the feminist doctrine, oddly enough that does not seem to apply to men.

I am left wondering here if this is a general problem for women or if I´m just attracting the wrong crowd. I´m pretty straight up with what my life is with these chicks. I know it goes against all logic to be honest with women, maybe thats my mistake. They are always initially attracted to the "honest guy" but then it always comes back to haunt me in the end. In my mind I see it as a kind of filter for finding a suitable LTR material but I might be approaching this the wrong way.

I´d really appreciate some advice from more experienced guys here and or any thoughts you have on this subject. Am I better off going it alone? Will a woman ever except a guy in a situation like I´m in for a LTR or marriage?
(This post was last modified: 08-13-2018 08:06 PM by Thor.)
08-13-2018 08:05 PM
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The White Wolf Offline
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Post: #2
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
I have been trying to apply steady game to my girlfriend for the last 3 years, typically a steady flow of teasing ranging from light to jerkish. Usually she will laugh and sometimes gets upset or offended, but overall her behavior has improved day by day.

She asks me all the time why I can't be nice to her more often - not to say that we do not go on fun trips or to nice events - I assume more so in the way I talk to her. Maybe this is a shit test or maybe her truly being frustrated... Either way, the other day I gave her a very nice complement along the lines of "you are beautiful and I love you very much" and she broke down crying and with her head buried in my chest sobbingly said that was the nicest thing I had said to her and she hadn't heard it in so long.

She cries like all women do, but this sort of emotion from her doesn't usually happen. Do I need to dial back on the jerk game (I don't want to its too fun), throw in some nicer complements with more frequency, or go a different route all together?
08-13-2018 10:10 PM
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droughtmeat Offline
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-13-2018 10:10 PM)The White Wolf Wrote:  I have been trying to apply steady game to my girlfriend for the last 3 years, typically a steady flow of teasing ranging from light to jerkish. Usually she will laugh and sometimes gets upset or offended, but overall her behavior has improved day by day.

She asks me all the time why I can't be nice to her more often - not to say that we do not go on fun trips or to nice events - I assume more so in the way I talk to her. Maybe this is a shit test or maybe her truly being frustrated... Either way, the other day I gave her a very nice complement along the lines of "you are beautiful and I love you very much" and she broke down crying and with her head buried in my chest sobbingly said that was the nicest thing I had said to her and she hadn't heard it in so long.

She cries like all women do, but this sort of emotion from her doesn't usually happen. Do I need to dial back on the jerk game (I don't want to its too fun), throw in some nicer complements with more frequency, or go a different route all together?

I would recommend continuing what you have been doing. That cockiness and playfulness is what sparks some of her attraction for you. If you take that away, she will become bored and we all know what that would lead to.
She most-likely cried because that compliment came from YOU, the guy who is frugal when it comes to giving compliments and recognition. Thus, it was something she "earned".

Compare it to an athlete on a sports team, he wants some form of resistance and he wants to work before being considered good/great etc. If he can destroy every opponent at will without even practising and gets praised for it, then he will either stop playing or look for tougher competition.
08-14-2018 10:40 AM
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Post: #4
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Give her both positive and negative reinforcements. Too much "jerk" and she'll get resentful. Too much "nice" and she'll lose attraction / respect. Mix it up

The key is to keep her "guessing" where your relationship stands. Complacency is the enemy.

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08-14-2018 10:55 AM
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-13-2018 08:05 PM)Thor Wrote:  First post here on the forum and I hope I´m putting it in the right thread.

I have 2 kids, they´ll soon be teens. Soon they will be living with me full time. I´ve had a few gf that I´ve had to cut loose because me having children seemed to be the root of some issues for them. I´ve heard the term baggage used as an example. Maybe its because they felt I´d never put them in 1st place, because my kids come first. If they caught wind of a conversation I had with my ex, that usually led to me being asked when I´m moving back in with her... WTF?

Now I´ve been seeing this chick thats more then 10 years younger then me, she is 25 no kids. A situation came up recently where I´m forced to take action and move my kids in with me. This action is unavoidable and for most sane people a 100% understandable action on my part. This has opened the door to so much drama from this girl I´m seeing, even if she says she is cool with me doing it. Earlier tonight I got a confession out of her that my kids where an issue for her. My reaction was, see ya later bitch and have a nice life which sent her hamster into a frenzy.

I think I just lost the last bit of respect I have for women. Where I come from, as a man you must except if a woman has children from a previous relationship, at least that is the feminist doctrine, oddly enough that does not seem to apply to men.

I am left wondering here if this is a general problem for women or if I´m just attracting the wrong crowd. I´m pretty straight up with what my life is with these chicks. I know it goes against all logic to be honest with women, maybe thats my mistake. They are always initially attracted to the "honest guy" but then it always comes back to haunt me in the end. In my mind I see it as a kind of filter for finding a suitable LTR material but I might be approaching this the wrong way.

I´d really appreciate some advice from more experienced guys here and or any thoughts you have on this subject. Am I better off going it alone? Will a woman ever except a guy in a situation like I´m in for a LTR or marriage?

Part of it from her perspective is that clock going tick tock, if she wants kids and you already have them it's very possible you're giving a vibe that you don't want more kids with her (especially if you genuinely don't) and that will be causing all kinds of insecurity in her that you've triggered to the surface.

Otherwise it seems like you're doing the right thing, society is not right at the moment, it's so twisted and convoluted that it's eating itself right now so expecting society to be encouraging normal and rational behaviour is just a leap too far. Do what is right by yourself and your kids and fuck the societal norms.
08-14-2018 01:58 PM
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Thanks for your reply Jim. Like with this last one, I actually told her I was open to having more kids. I genuinely want to have another one so thats not the issue I think, but then again she might be doubting my words.

But today she is back for more after I unfollowed her insta and cut of notifications and read receipts on whatsapp. My phone blew up this morning from her messaging me via Instagram, we never talk there but it was the only way she could reach me. Its been a few times I said thank you and goodbye. She doesnt like how easily I walk away from her. Picked this trick up on the forum, bless the soul that posted it LOL it works like a charm.

I´ve been using the daddy angle on her, while I´m not an expert on this topic I´m keen to experiment on her. She seems to be responding well to it. But when she acts out in a way I don´t like, I am quick to throw her out and make her feel like she can easily be replaced. I think she has got the idea well cemented in her head that my kids come first. That might scare her but at the same time as she wants kids, she has told me she wants a father like me for her children. I guess its a work in progress but until I´m sure, she´s not coming near my kids until I deem her fit and ready.
(This post was last modified: 08-14-2018 05:35 PM by Thor.)
08-14-2018 05:33 PM
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Handsome Creepy Eel Offline
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-01-2018 07:08 PM)Easy_C Wrote:  Question here:

Is it normal for young babies (<1 year) to be complete snot-nosed assholes who cry the moment the slightest little thing doesn't go their way?

Yes, but to compensate babies are also incredibly easy to stop from crying. As soon as you carry them they forget whatever was troubling them and are instantly happy again. Of course, this might be a problem even with the two of you present - a baby that's happy to play alone for long stretches of time is a true blessing because constantly carrying it can get exhausting.

(08-09-2018 12:29 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  
(08-08-2018 10:46 PM)Duke Main Wrote:  How do you prioritize a woman's intelligence in the context of an LTR? I'm in my 50s so I'm not going to start another family, but I will probably have another LTR. I would think that there's too high, and there's definitely too low, so what's the sweet spot?

The sweet spot is probably your own IQ, or close to it.

If her's is too low, you'll get annoyed and impatient with her (god knows I have with girls about 20 points lower than me).

Too high, she will feel that she's the "smarter one", so she'll question every decision you make and you can't lead effectively.

What I find important in a woman isn't her IQ (though like others said extremes are bad on both ends), but her sense of curiosity. Someone can have a reasonably high or even very high IQ, yet be as dumb as a brick when it comes to being curious and learning about new stuff. Interacting with such people is exhausting to say the least.

Come to think of it, that describes most modern women...

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(This post was last modified: 08-15-2018 08:22 AM by Handsome Creepy Eel.)
08-15-2018 08:17 AM
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Jetset Offline
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Alright, question for the brain trust.

Background: LTR is at my house most of the time, has some stuff in my coat closet. She does take care of a lot of household things, doesn't hesitate to run my car through the car wash, etc. She's been feeling ill for a couple days. She was resting on the couch this morning, and I was getting a little edgy because she's been whining and nitpicking this morning.

So this morning, emptied my pockets from last night to put things in another pair of pants after I showered, and after I do the morning routine and get ready to start the workday in my home office, I go back to grab my stuff. I had a couple bucks of coins in the pile - can't say exactly how much - and they weren't there. It was unambiguous that they were with the other items I'd taken out of my pants.

"Huh. Where's my change?"

"I put it in the change box, I thought you wouldn't want to carry that around."

"...change box? What change box?"

"It's in the coat closet."

I go look in the coat closet.

"In the tin."

There's a metal tin up there with a few one dollar bills, and a pile of coins the size of a small cake pan. There's got to be over twenty bucks in here. I have my own change jar in my office. I didn't know this existed, I thought it was full of her lipsticks and sunscreens or something, and I've never noticed any money going missing before, so I don't have any reason to suspect this is a pattern. Still, I need to make a point so I grab the cash and wave it to her.

"Are these from my pants?"

"What?! No!"

It isn't, and I know that, but my change was definitely in there. I spotted the stray Euro coins I knew I had.

"OK, I'm taking a couple dollars in quarters back out of here."

"No! The quarters are for the car wash and..."

"I need my pocket change."

"It was all nickels and dimes, why do you have to take the quart..."

"Look, I realize you're sick and are a little cranky, but you need to stop arguing with me right now. It's getting..."

"I'm not sick and cranky, you're cranky, stop being an ass."

"GOD DAMNIT, KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE BULLSHIT THIS MORNING. WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT WAS IN MY POCKET BECAUSE YOU TOOK IT WITHOUT ASKING AND HID IT."

Then went into my office jingling the quarters together and ignoring whatever she tried to say after that. She's still on the couch.

It's a couple bucks and we're way beyond the point where plenty of things are "ours". If she wants us to keep a change jar, fine. However, the fact that she didn't tell me what she did and the fact that she got agitated about me taking some back out is idiocy. She wasn't trying to "hide" it, but it's not "ours", because if I hadn't asked, I would still not even know the change box existed. It's not OK and I'm going to have to talk to her about it later, but am I off-base to actually be pissed here?

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(This post was last modified: 08-15-2018 11:06 AM by Jetset.)
08-15-2018 10:53 AM
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-15-2018 10:53 AM)Jetset Wrote:  Alright, question for the brain trust.

Background: LTR is at my house most of the time, has some stuff in my coat closet. She does take care of a lot of household things, doesn't hesitate to run my car through the car wash, etc. She's been feeling ill for a couple days. She was resting on the couch this morning, and I was getting a little edgy because she's been whining and nitpicking this morning.

So this morning, emptied my pockets from last night to put things in another pair of pants after I showered, and after I do the morning routine and get ready to start the workday in my home office, I go back to grab my stuff. I had a couple bucks of coins in the pile - can't say exactly how much - and they weren't there. It was unambiguous that they were with the other items I'd taken out of my pants.

"Huh. Where's my change?"

"I put it in the change box, I thought you wouldn't want to carry that around."

"...change box? What change box?"

"It's in the coat closet."

I go look in the coat closet.

"In the tin."

There's a metal tin up there with a few one dollar bills, and a pile of coins the size of a small cake pan. There's got to be over twenty bucks in here. I have my own change jar in my office. I didn't know this existed, I thought it was full of her lipsticks and sunscreens or something, and I've never noticed any money going missing before, so I don't have any reason to suspect this is a pattern. Still, I need to make a point so I grab the cash and wave it to her.

"Are these from my pants?"

"What?! No!"

It isn't, and I know that, but my change was definitely in there. I spotted the stray Euro coins I knew I had.

"OK, I'm taking a couple dollars in quarters back out of here."

"No! The quarters are for the car wash and..."

"I need my pocket change."

"It was all nickels and dimes, why do you have to take the quart..."

"Look, I realize you're sick and are a little cranky, but you need to stop arguing with me right now. It's getting..."

"I'm not sick and cranky, you're cranky, stop being an ass."

"GOD DAMNIT, KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE BULLSHIT THIS MORNING. WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT WAS IN MY POCKET BECAUSE YOU TOOK IT WITHOUT ASKING AND HID IT."

Then went into my office jingling the quarters together and ignoring whatever she tried to say after that. She's still on the couch.

It's a couple bucks and we're way beyond the point where plenty of things are "ours". If she wants us to keep a change jar, fine. However, the fact that she didn't tell me what she did and the fact that she got agitated about me taking some back out is idiocy. She wasn't trying to "hide" it, but it's not "ours", because if I hadn't asked, I would still not even know the change box existed. It's not OK and I'm going to have to talk to her about it later, but am I off-base to actually be pissed here?

I think I have women's brains figured out, then I read something like this. For the life of me, I can't understand it.

- Picks up loose change like a hobo
- Stashes it in a tin in a secret location
- Gets defensive about "the quarters"
- Doesn't realize that its the dimes that make the $

Now for the one thing that makes some sense, even if its a bit of an odd one.

- She uses the change to do some of your upkeep.

I get it that she would not want to use her own money to wash your car or buy floor cleaner, but this is a strange way of acquiring petty cash. She is obviously aware that her role in your life is a bit precarious, and does not want to risk too much pressure on you as well as dollar investment.

Women are hilarious. If it were me, I could not help myself from laughing it off. The fact that she is laying on your couch defending herself is too much.

I'm dying here Laugh3
08-15-2018 12:00 PM
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christpuncher Offline
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Post: #10
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
^^ She's just testing to see how much of your balls she has and how much you have left and the status of your relationship.

Whether she wants you to chew her out and assert authority to induce drama/moistness, or see if it opens
up a dialogue about your relationship, or see if you submit to her thievery and ignore it as no big deal, who knows!

But it gives her insight into your stance on the relationship, and she can then compare it to her own goals for the relationship.
(This post was last modified: 08-15-2018 12:17 PM by christpuncher.)
08-15-2018 12:15 PM
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Noir Offline
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
@jetset
The more time your LTR spends at your place, the higher the extent of 'marking her territory' behaviour will occur.

Some like to categorize this as shit tests but they are simply methods of pushing the boundaries, on a subconscious level.

Women have the beautiful habit of doing mundane actions, framed as an 'us' benefit when in reality, they are simply falling back in to habitual behaviour and expecting your approval. For most men, this approval comes in the form of a long term normalization of the behavior through lack of addressing it.

Your case strikes me as something similar.

I noticed this a lot with couples who have been together for a long time or older.


First come the little actions such as moving things, tidying up and basically 'shaking' your status quo and feng shui.

Sometimes to make the place more feminine and other times to make it more 'her friendly'.

You will react if you feel this is unwarranted, threatens/infringes your space and boundaries and moreso if you see no reason to do so.


Second comes the retaliation by us, in which we question the rationale behind it.

When we question the rationale, the woman sees it as a question of character, not action. They think we are not giving the 'benefit of doubt' and that we ignore that it's essentially, good intentions, bad executions. Of course, the execution is not always necessary.

It’s similar to Patrice O’Neal’s stand up where he discusses how you are comfortable on the couch and the woman crawls on to you in some twisted love wine, intertwining her legs and putting her weight on you while saying ‘aint that better?’






Third, comes the drop which overflows the cup, the outburst, which is what happened in your situation.

Subconsciously, you were probably grinded by smaller actions, her lounging on the couch, her lack of effort in maintaining her appeal and basically, a feeling that she is not pulling her weight. It makes feel like she’s taking you for granted at times, doesn’t it?

When you take this into consideration and juxtapose this vs the other points and her behaviour, you're left thinking: 'why would you do this', 'what benefit does this have' and 'you have no right to be pissed off, you should know me by now to view things the way I view them'.

So to answer your question, you're not out of order to get pissed off, it’s normal but it’s –EV (poker) in the long term. Essentially, if you were to do this 1000 times, the negatives would outweigh the positives and this is a crucial mentality to have and point to consider.

I would encourage you to pick 'what' pisses you off though, more carefully.

I learned this from Dan Ariely - When I am about to make a decision, would I make the same decision 1000 times for this action? -> this is the foundation of habitual behaviour.

When someone apologizes to me over something small, I tell them 'how can I take your more significant apologies seriously, when you dish out apologies over tiny indiscretions?'

It detracts from the value of the apology.

Well, if you get angry with little things like this, then when you get pissed off over something serious, it will be swept under the rug. The message is lost and a character assumption is made. 'You are always like this' or 'You have anger problems'.

Guess what?

This will just infuriate you more. (little to her, might not be little to you but what she sees is what you're dealing with).

View these little indiscretions as stepping on lego. It's fucking sore but short lived.

The flipside is that whenever you lose something, you will blame her and that also spirals.

When I successfully dealt with these situations, I would remain calm and my advice to you is:

a) communicate that she is fucking with your feng shui -> frame this as a respect thing

b) make her zoom out, put herself in your shoes and understand/acknowledge how it's annoying

c) start moving her shit around when you go to her place and watch her freak out. Then bust out the same shit she tells you. (my favourite) tard

d) On a personal level with my ex, I showed her the Patrice O Neal video and whenever she would do something remotely close to this, I would tell her AIN'T THAT BETTER? with a shit eating grin. It's like a Pavlovian hook that gets them understanding.

When you do discuss this, you are disappointed. Never angry, just disappointed.

Frame-wise-

Not: "how could you do this?" or "you're batshit crazy"

Rather: "you're better than this" or "I would have expected you to communicate this, at this stage of our relationship"

For what it's worth, this is completely natural and a consequence of you responding to her being in your space and changing the status quo.

You have control over what pisses you off though.

Source: I have been in this situation too many times


How did your chat with her go?
(This post was last modified: 08-16-2018 05:27 AM by Noir.)
08-16-2018 04:41 AM
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-16-2018 04:41 AM)Noir Wrote:  @jetset
The more time your LTR spends in your time, the higher the extent of 'marking her territory' behaviour will occur.

Some like to categorize this as shit tests but they are simply methods of pushing the boundaries, on a subconscious level.

Women have the beautiful habit of doing mundane actions, framed as an 'us' benefit when in reality, they are simply falling back in to habitual behaviour and expecting your approval. For most men, this approval comes in the form of a long term normalization of the behavior through lack of addressing it.

Your case strikes me as something similar.

I noticed this a lot with couples who have been together for a long time or older.


First come the little actions such as moving things, tidying up and basically 'shaking' your status quo and feng shui.

Sometimes to make the place more feminine and other times to make it more 'her friendly'.

You will react if you feel this is unwarranted, threatens/infringes your space and boundaries and moreso if you see no reason to do so.


Second comes the retaliation by us, in which we question the rationale behind it.
When we question the rationale, the woman sees it as a question of character, not action. They think we are not giving the 'benefit of doubt' and that we ignore that it's essentially, good intentions, bad executions. Of course, the execution is not always necessary.

It’s similar to Patrice O’Neal’s stand up where he discusses how you are comfortable on the couch and the woman crawls on to you in some twisted love wine, intertwining her legs and putting her weight on you while saying ‘aint that better?’






Third, comes the drop which overflows the cup, the outburst, which is what happened in your situation.

Subconsciously, you were probably grinded by smaller actions, her lounging on the couch, her lack of effort in maintaining her appeal and basically, a feeling that she is not pulling her weight. It makes feel like she’s taking you for granted at times, doesn’t it?

When you take this into consideration and juxtapose this vs the other points and her behaviour, you're left thinking: 'why would you do this', 'what benefit does this have' and 'you have no right to be pissed off, you should know me by now to view things the way I view them'.

So to answer your question, you're not out of order to get pissed off, it’s normal but it’s –EV (poker) in the long term. Essentially, if you were to do this 1000 times, the negatives would outweigh the positives and this is a crucial mentality to have.

I would encourage you to pick 'what' pisses you off though, more carefully.

I learned this from Dan Ariely - When I am about to make a decision, would I make the same decision 1000 times for this action?

When someone apologizes to me over something small, I tell them 'how can I take your more significant apologies seriously, when you dish out apologies over tiny indiscretions?'

It detracts from the value of the apology.

Well, if you get angry with little things like this, then when you get pissed off over something serious, it will be swept under the rug. The message is lost and a character assumption is made. 'You are always like this' or 'You have anger problems'.

Guess what?

This will just infuriate you more. (little to her, might not be little to you but what she sees is what you're dealing with).

View these little indiscretions as stepping on lego. It's fucking sore but short lived.

The flipside is that whenever you lose something, you will blame her and that also spirals.

When I successfully dealt with these situations, I would remain calm and my advice would be:

a) communicate that she is fucking with your feng shui -> frame this as a respect thing

b) to zoom out, put herself in your shoes and to see how it's annoying

c) start moving her shit around when you go to her place and watch her freak out. Then bust out the same shit she tells you. (my favourite) tard

d) I showed her the Patrice O Neal video and whenever she would do something remotely close to this, I would tell her AIN'T THAT BETTER? with a shit eating grin. It's like a Pavlovian hook that gets them understanding.

When you do discuss this, you are disappointed. Never angry, just disappointed.

Frame-wise-

Not: "how could you do this?" or "you're batshit crazy"

Rather: "you're better than this" or "I would have expected you to communicate this, at this stage of our relationship"

For what it's worth, this is completely natural and a consequence of you responding to her being in your space and changing the status quo.

You have control over what pisses you off though.

Source: I have been in this situation too many times


How did your chat with her go?

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08-16-2018 04:46 AM
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Jetset Offline
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Post: #13
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-16-2018 04:41 AM)Noir Wrote:  @jetset
The more time your LTR spends at your place, the higher the extent of 'marking her territory' behaviour will occur.

Some like to categorize this as shit tests but they are simply methods of pushing the boundaries, on a subconscious level.

Women have the beautiful habit of doing mundane actions, framed as an 'us' benefit when in reality, they are simply falling back in to habitual behaviour and expecting your approval. For most men, this approval comes in the form of a long term normalization of the behavior through lack of addressing it.

Your case strikes me as something similar.

I noticed this a lot with couples who have been together for a long time or older.


First come the little actions such as moving things, tidying up and basically 'shaking' your status quo and feng shui.

Sometimes to make the place more feminine and other times to make it more 'her friendly'.

You will react if you feel this is unwarranted, threatens/infringes your space and boundaries and moreso if you see no reason to do so....You have control over what pisses you off though.

Source: I have been in this situation too many times

How did your chat with her go?

I agree with this and with Laner, I meant to reply with an update yesterday but got slammed in the evening.

My interpretation of it was immediately "she wants an 'us' thing", which was fine and a non-issue to me. I snapped when she pushed back on taking the change back out because it was probably the fifth high-maintenance "this isn't exactly the way I want it" foot-stomping moment from her that morning, I had a meeting in five minutes, and I didn't have time to navigate a dramatic scene over - literally - loose change.

People from this region usually grow up time-rich and cash-poor, and it's socially reinforced in the community. As a result, they tend to do bizarre and tedious things over small amounts of money without thinking about it. For me, the idea of spending ten dollars of time arguing about nickels vs. quarters and is enraging and my first impulse was to shut it down and walk away. Neither of us are wanting for money, she does not need to hoard coins in a closet like a Tolkienesque dragon, and on a superficial level, she knows that. On an instinctive level, not so much.

She also has a compulsive cleaning habit. I've had to train her against grabbing my coffee cup off my desk or end table while I'm still drinking out of it because she's desperate to wash them. It's absolutely true that she just follows certain habits mindlessly without thinking.

Either way, the way I handled it did more or less work. I've actually had success before calling her out for intentionally staging a scene at a bad time and telling her to choose another time, and she seemed to get the message this time, too. Didn't bring it up again until I went to make coffee in the afternoon, trying to be cute and upbeat about it and stressing that she thought she was helping.

I calmly told her I already have a change jar and that I'd be happy to put the change jar in the change box if she wants us to have a change box together, but that she absolutely must ask me before she moves things I'm going to be looking for, especially money.

When I went back to my desk, I got this Facebook message. I shit you not:

Quote:I'm really excited about having a joint change box Smile

Wtf

I guess if you maintain at least some game and run a reasonably tight ship, they're happy with the small wins.

"He always wanted to drift forever, but through the American Southwest."
(This post was last modified: 08-16-2018 08:34 AM by Jetset.)
08-16-2018 08:32 AM
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Vienna Offline
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RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Noir hitting it out the ball park again. Great stuff.
08-16-2018 10:47 AM
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Post: #15
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
I didn't even have to know the details of her being long on time and short on money to know the girl. Mine is similar. Spending time with her mom is like looking back into the aftermath of WW2 where every scrap of food was eaten no matter what. They also lost everything - they were on the losing side and were punished - and dealt with grinding poverty for long enough to know that having something, anything, to barter with was necessary for survival. This behavior gets passed down, and I watch these little things get passed on to my son. Its fascinating.
08-16-2018 12:33 PM
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Post: #16
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
So guys,

I've been in an LTR for the last year and a half or so and I recently moved back home while taking some time off from school. I had to get a place to stay so I ended up getting a place with my best friend and I added her on with us so we could get a nicer place together with our 3 incomes. Big mistake.

I'm 7 months into the lease and things have been taking a turn for the worst the last few months of the relationship and it's at a point where I don't have any reason to continue on with her and I am aching to have my freedom back. This is my first time living with an ltr and I did not realize what I was doing until it was too late, and having to spend all of my time at my house with this bitch is terrible.

Things were really good for a long time but she works all the time in a shitty retail job and has really let herself go in the last few years, and I see her on the trajectory to end up like her fat mentally ill mom (biggest warning sign ever in hindsight).

I want to get my freedom back so I can game again and have the advantage of not having to hide having a girlfriend when I am out, but she is also signed on to our lease and I know it is going to be a difficult situation to get out of. I'd love to just have her move to the extra bedroom and forget about her but I'm gonna have to plan on something realistic.

Any input from guys that have gone through a similar situation?
08-16-2018 04:00 PM
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Distant Light Offline
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Post: #17
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Hahahah to all those in LTRs...

Finally got out of mine of 3yrs, cool girl love will always be their BUT...FUCK MONOGAMY...Humanity has gone insane, somewhere in history CULT-ure got fucked up and has created one of the biggest issues in this reality.

One of the easiest things...

How much do you argue? Heck, mere fact you even ARGUE...

I've been with so many women and have had so many friends, I learnt just how much I value growing as a person while living a stress-free life. The physical curveballs of life aren't an issue as you have CONTROL to an extent and can change things for the better.

NOT when it comes to relationships...especially MONOGAMY where you can't say FUCK OFF so boundaries will be crossed and abused because hey...

You have a ROLE & OBLIGATION...

There is NOTHING monogamy can give you that you can't experience elsewhere...I'm convinced it is a manipulative group of men who invented marriage. The whole control, power, property, "us vs them", dynasty/family BS.

If you're in your 20s...You are wasting your youth & inexperienced drive to self-discovery & grow...Don't waste your time in monogamy...
- Arguing
- Having conferences (to handle the issues)
- Spending Time Together (Go self-discover and meet a wide range of people & personalities)
- Unaware you live in a bubble of 2...Us vs The World

Also don't fall into the trap when you think " this girl is different"

Stick with what consistently was joyful vibes when it comes to such risky business. Why? Because you won't be as surprised in the end. Yea you might learn a shit ton if the person is different BUT it must both complement & not cause you to lose that spark for living.

Hard to accept I was naive for 3-years all because it was my 1st ever...Now I steer clear as I had originally intended.

P.S...A lot of it is more my issue than actual ex-gf. I'm just to eccentric in ways and don't have much affinity for the typical social/sexual life. Doesn't help that I had a peaceful & growth intensive way of living. It's awesome to psychologically be out of a bubble of 2

10Lifestyle.com - "Lifestyle Over Pickup"

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08-19-2018 10:32 PM
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Geomann180 Offline
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Post: #18
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
^Are you in the right thread?

G
08-20-2018 01:33 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #19
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Anti LTR starter pack.

Chose a basic bitch.
Expect much.
Provide little.
Stay too long.
Maybe get dumped.
Extrapolate that singular experience into "all relationships in the history of mankind have been like this and always will."
Optional: Cherry pick a few more examples as total justification for an embittered world view.
Hamster that all men in good relationships are lying because you, the greatest, could not pick a decent partner or make it work.

Sure. Ok.

The public will judge a man by what he lifts, but those close to him will judge him by what he carries.
(This post was last modified: 08-20-2018 01:46 AM by Leonard D Neubache.)
08-20-2018 01:44 AM
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Ski pro Offline
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Post: #20
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-16-2018 12:33 PM)Laner Wrote:  I didn't even have to know the details of her being long on time and short on money to know the girl. Mine is similar. Spending time with her mom is like looking back into the aftermath of WW2 where every scrap of food was eaten no matter what. They also lost everything - they were on the losing side and were punished - and dealt with grinding poverty for long enough to know that having something, anything, to barter with was necessary for survival. This behavior gets passed down, and I watch these little things get passed on to my son. Its fascinating.

I think this also applied to a lesser extent to the ‘winning’ side. There were rations in the uk for years after the war and I still do some things now that I was taught by my parents that they learnt from theirs. I suppose you could also call them values in some sense.

I’ll certainy be passing on to my little one the things like not wasting food, using all of the toothpaste in the tube, not buying pointless consumer shit, not being in debt etc etc
(This post was last modified: 08-22-2018 02:54 PM by Ski pro.)
08-22-2018 02:53 PM
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Post: #21
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-16-2018 04:00 PM)The Golden God Wrote:  So guys,

I've been in an LTR for the last year and a half or so and I recently moved back home while taking some time off from school. I had to get a place to stay so I ended up getting a place with my best friend and I added her on with us so we could get a nicer place together with our 3 incomes. Big mistake.

I'm 7 months into the lease and things have been taking a turn for the worst the last few months of the relationship and it's at a point where I don't have any reason to continue on with her and I am aching to have my freedom back. This is my first time living with an ltr and I did not realize what I was doing until it was too late, and having to spend all of my time at my house with this bitch is terrible.

Things were really good for a long time but she works all the time in a shitty retail job and has really let herself go in the last few years, and I see her on the trajectory to end up like her fat mentally ill mom (biggest warning sign ever in hindsight).

I want to get my freedom back so I can game again and have the advantage of not having to hide having a girlfriend when I am out, but she is also signed on to our lease and I know it is going to be a difficult situation to get out of. I'd love to just have her move to the extra bedroom and forget about her but I'm gonna have to plan on something realistic.

Any input from guys that have gone through a similar situation?

It's not as difficult as you would think. The main issue is deciding who is going to move out and working out the logistics of that. Keep in mind, you can sublet the place-- it might violate your lease agreement, but seldom do landlords find out about this. I have sublet my place like five times just to change roommates. You can do the same. Worst case-- landlords will usually let you break a lease for not that much of a penalty. But I recommend just replacing her with a sublet (if there is a third room). Just interview and screen.

The three ways of approaching this are either the immediate honest breakup, the "I need space" breakup, or gaming on the side. The immediate breakup involves you explaining that you do not feel the same way you used to about her and that the relationship does not work for you. Maintain that there is nothing that could make it work. After the dramatic explosion clears (if it does), say that you think it would be unhealthy for both of you to keep living together, and figure out the logistics. If she won't leave the place, replace yourself with a sublet.

The "I need space" approach is much easier but takes longer. You basically say that this was too fast and you're not yet ready to live together with her. Say that you think some space would improve your relationship (or whatever). Once she has moved out, you start seeing other girls and break up with her once your game is going. Alternatively, you find a place to move out to-- you'll have all the time in the world to do this if she wants to keep the relationship, and then just breakup after you are out.

Gaming on the side in this circumstance is not really fun. If you want to try it, just start a new hobby that meets in the evening (some fitness class) or that requires you to be out for the evening (Astronomy or Photography). Really start the hobby, drag her to it, and she'll probably get bored of it. This now becomes your time to go for other girls. This option really isn't worth considering because you do not want to be around her and you want her out of your life.
08-22-2018 05:44 PM
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Built to Fade Offline
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Post: #22
Heart RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-26-2018 07:32 PM)Maistre Wrote:  Came here to ask this same question. Looking at my post history, it looks like maybe it's been deleted? bummer

EDIT: nvm answered here https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-69579...pid1840088

but it does seem like some of my posts from my post history are gone? like some stuff from when I engaged in a super spacey debate about the existence of God? idk

(09-11-2018 04:44 PM)Hell_Is_Like_Newark Wrote:  
(09-11-2018 04:38 PM)spokepoker Wrote:  
(09-11-2018 02:14 PM)Hell_Is_Like_Newark Wrote:  I could swear one thread I participated in is gone (maybe 2 or 3 months ago). The OP made a post about not sure about having kids. The topic in the thread ranged from making your own baby food to kids and sports.

I wanted to add something else to that thread... but it appears to have vanished. I even searched through all my old posts.


Has a thread ever vanish or am I just losing my mind?[/b]
It might have been moved to the game forum

I did an all forum search.

There was no PI given or any rancor in the thread (at least when I was there last). So I don't think there was a reason for a Mod to send it down the memory hole.

(09-11-2018 06:47 PM)Roosh Wrote:  Some threads were lost in a glitch when I closed down the subforums and moved the threads. Unfortunately I don't think they can be recovered.

This was such a great thread, in fact one of the best threads on RVF.

It's such a tragedy that a number of threads from the Family/Deep Forum transfers were lost in the glitch, never to be found again. I've checked the archiving websites and from what I've seen, none of them were preserved in the archives. For this thread, only four fragments remain in the Google cache.

The lost history of this thread:    

I give my condolences to this thread and the others that didn't make it. It's a timely reminder that some things in life are not guaranteed.

[Image: giphy.gif][Image: tenor.gif][Image: 0346f8e1de3a9fc2f28b091ba951499c80414810_hq.gif][Image: tumblr_mef1o0nyu11rcf543o2_500.gif][Image: tumblr_mef1o0nyu11rcf543o1_500.gif]

However, the best thing about this forum is that even if some history or information is lost, the forum can rediscover information, recover information and even bring new insights to any particular topic/subject as well as before since there's so much wisdom from members just waiting to be dispensed again. GrouphugHeart

[Image: tumblr_m1vv37Nbc51rrdte1o2_500.gif]
________________________________________________

[Image: 796.jpg]

About 5% of posts from this thread remain & that's all I could find.

If a resurrection of this thread can't be done here, it would probably be better for someone to start a new thread about this subject.

(03-23-1983 09:19 PM)delete Wrote:  delete

"The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us. There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after."
10-01-2018 09:42 AM
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UUU Offline
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Post: #23
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
(08-20-2018 01:44 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Anti LTR starter pack.

Chose a basic bitch.
Expect much.
Provide little.
Stay too long.
Maybe get dumped.
Extrapolate that singular experience into "all relationships in the history of mankind have been like this and always will."
Optional: Cherry pick a few more examples as total justification for an embittered world view.
Hamster that all men in good relationships are lying because you, the greatest, could not pick a decent partner or make it work.

Sure. Ok.

Definitely used to think like this back in the day. I'd pursue superficial casual relationships with girls I day gamed, night gamed, or met off of Tinder. I'd always feel weird about hooking up with them -- dealing with the neurotic bullshit, dealing with innumerable flakes, frequently getting dumped in favor of guys that these girls were actually into. I never actually made an effort to get to know these girls, let alone invest in girls I was actually interested in. I got a lot of good life/game experience during this period, but my interactions with women were superficial as fuck and typified by an extremely jaded worldview.

A lot of guys (especially those in the game/red pill sphere) take a shitty approach to women/relationships, then extrapolate that to all women/relationships, everywhere. This is where a lot of the "enjoy the decline" sentiments come from.

In the end, it's all bullshit -- I know, meet, and see many, many men in good relationships with fairly attractive girls. I am in such a relationship myself. Yeah it's not perfect, but it's not the exploitative shit fest that many "red pill" guys feel every relationship is. The world isn't out to get men. The world isn't some hypergamous hellhole where quality women are nonexistent and it's impossible to have a fulfilling relationship. Sure, it's not easy to find such women/relationships, but it absolutely can be done (and does happen, everywhere).

I personally feel like the extreme nihilism/cynicism of the red pill honestly holds a lot of men back and warps their perception of the world. I went through a classically "red pill" phase in college and got some good lessons out of it. I also realized how much it was fucking with my head and decided to change my lifestyle. I committed to a girl who I knew would be good for me, stopped fucking around, and stopped trying to juggle multiple girls. I'm a lot mentally and spiritually healthier as a result.
10-01-2018 11:28 AM
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Post: #24
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
Hello, I’m new here. The advice here is very helpful. My 30 year old cousin has had an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy for six years. They were supposed to get married last year, but the family canceled the wedding because the guy was showing a lot of red flags. The cousin lost it and went to go live with the guy. Ever since then, he said he is not sure he wants to marry her. She asked me for advice. I think she should have ended it a long time ago.What do you think I should tell her?
10-14-2018 01:44 PM
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Post: #25
RE: LTR/Marriage master thread. The why, who, when, where and how.
We can always start this thread again, I found it very useful.

It’s not like it’s the trump thread, it can be revived.
10-17-2018 11:49 AM
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