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Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
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realologist Online
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Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
RAISING A SON/SONS DATASHEET

My Background

I have two sons from the same mother. One is almost 5 and one is 20 months. This is about my experience and how I’ve raised my sons so far and up to this point I’ve been what I consider successful.

Content

The most important piece I’ve noticed is to instill strong values in them immediately. A lot of studies underestimate how smart children are so it’s important to set the tone early. If you think women require frame and frame control, don’t have kids. With this being so important I’m with my sons almost every day. Out of 365 days a year, I spend at least part of 350 days a year with them.

Values to Instill
• Importance of Family
• Respect
• Responsibility
• Hard-work
• Self-Discipline
• Honesty
• Leadership
• Physical, Intellectual and Psychological Health and How They Are All Tied Together
• Freedom
• The Value of Money
• Competitiveness
• Independence
• Toughness (Mental and Physical)

Importance of Family

I come from a large family on both my mother’s and father’s sides. I spent a lot of time around my family growing up whether it was my brother and sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles and I still do. Even my friends have strong families. I bring this same mentality to my sons by doing the same thing. As I said I’m with them all the time. Their mother is with them all the time. The few days in a year I’m not with them I always call them and talk to them. At least once a week I bring them to see my parents. Around the holidays we’re with family. Birthdays are spent with mostly family and some friends.

Respect

As you all respect is extremely important for men. This is so important but difficult to instill immediately because it’s a harder concept for kids to grasp. Just because they can’t quite grasp it doesn’t mean they can’t see it. The main way to do it is by being respectful and showing respect to others. If you have a great reputation and are well respected it will work even better. Your kids want to be like you and mimic all the time. They are still going to be disrespectful at times. Check that behavior immediately and teach them a corrective action calmly. Along with this I teach them their basic manners like “please” ”thank you” and “you’re welcome.”

Responsibility

Teach your kids to handle responsibilities first and why it’s so important. Again handle your responsibilities first to be a role model. A good way to do this is have them pick up their toys before having a treat, watching TV, playing a game, etc. They will refuse sometimes and have temper tantrums but once they get used to it, it’s no problem. A way to help in the beginning is play into their competitiveness and say, “I’ll beat you at putting toys away.” Sounds silly but it works well.

This includes personal responsibility and taking ownership of your faults as well as your strengths and achievements. I do this by praising their successes. The older one recently had great remarks in his conference from pre-school and they are moving him onto kindergarten work. I praised him and got him something for it. When he does something wrong I’ll punish him once if he’s honest and double if he lies.

Hard-Work

Self-explanatory to why it’s important. Again be a role model and show what hard work can get you in your own life. Reward your kids for doing just that. When they get older I will get them or have do little side jobs to have them earn their own money in a positive way.

Self-Discipline

I believe if you don’t put restrictions on yourself they’ll come to you in one way or another. Either in bad health, jail, bad finances, etc. I would rather place limits on myself so I can be in a good place in all of these. I have no real good way to do this. The main I do is allow one treat to my kids a day after they eat their meal before it. The older one knows “I eat my real food, then I get a treat.” And he will ask for the meal first and is puts that limit on himself now.

Honesty

I do this the same way I do it for personal responsibility. When he does something wrong I’ll punish him once if he’s honest and double if he lies. If he is honest with me while doing right I’ll reward him in different ways. Rewards can be as simple as letting him play with a tablet.

Leadership

I sound like a broken record but show leadership in your own life. Recently I coached the older son’s soccer team. A simple way to be a leader and you not only lead the kids but when there are so young you are a leader for the parents as well. Anytime they take action in leadership praise them and explain why it’s important.
Physical, Intellectual and Psychological Health and How They Are All Tied Together

I signed the older son for sports and am very involved with them. I work out and go to the gym and both of them know it. When I do some exercises in front of them they try. Even the baby will try pushups and squats. I wrestle with both of them. Intellectual I read them books all the time, play learning games and watch educational shows with them. For the psychological I’m always positive, smiling, cracking jokes and playing games to make them smile. They do the same back. I can’t explain how they tie together at this point but do it instead.

Freedom

I teach them the importance of freedom and the opportunity it allows but it only comes after taking care of responsibilities first. I give them some of the same option. I give them as much choice as they can at this point and reward them for making good choices.

The Value of Money

I’ll teach them that money is a tool to more freedom and not to allow greed to dominate them. I give them money as a reward and they put in their piggy bank and they think it’s great but don’t realize how important saving is. In the future, I plan on having them give me half of their side job money and I will save it for them and show them how much it can grow.

Competitiveness

Men are super competitive and that’s what allows us to be successful. Foster that competition with in them. You will be their first real target and rival because you fuck their mom. Race places, make games and a lot of little stuff a competition. They will love it, you will love it and it will help them in the future. Boys WILL challenge your leadership. Make sure when they do to put them in their place or at least not back down and let them know whose boss and they will respect you more.

Independence

Foster independence and have them do things on their own. When they play on their own, let them. When they read on their own, let them. Let them pour their own drinks and try to get their own food. Even if they mess up encourage them and have them try again. Have them know they can do it on their own and be there as support if they mess up.

Toughness (Mental and Physical)

I think sports and wrestling with them helps greatly with the physical toughness. The mental toughness is harder but I think having them take care of responsibilities first and putting them in situations where things don’t go in the direction they were hoping for. Then seeing and helping them deal with the situation.

Successes

I think I’ve done a great job so far with my sons. They sometimes make me mad, challenge my leadership and act like little kids but they are much better than most kids I know. My older son is advanced physically, intellectually and is almost always happy. He does great in preschool, makes friends easy and has all the values I listed. The younger one is too hard to tell at this point but he is very smart, curious, independent and advanced in all the measured areas from the doctor.

Failures

I feel I have rewarded and spoiled them a little too much. They have too many toys that they didn’t quite earn. When things don’t go their way they have more temper-tantrums than I want them to have. That’s what frustrates me the most.

Ending

If you have anything you would like to add, praise, criticize feel free too. Any questions are welcome. My biggest tip would be to spend time with them, be a role model and teach them to be greater than you. There are still many years to see how they develop as men and will update this thread so often.
11-17-2017 07:16 PM
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RE: Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
Good post.

At the end you mention 'they have too many toys they didn't quite earn.' That is insightful, and I can identify with that from my own upbringing. I think I got too many things unearned.

I think it's very important that a son understands he must earn certain things, both material things and immaterial things like respect. He earns respect by his performance, or conduct over time.

There needs to be a foundation of love and affection, but there also needs to be established that there are aspects to the relationship (and to his development) that are, in fact, dependent upon performance. This is especially important when it comes to raising boys into men.

If young men do not absorb and accept the 'burden of performance' (as Rollo Tomassi would say), they in some sense have failed to become men.

If you simply reward them for things unearned, you are robbing them of absolutely crucial growth and maturity.
11-17-2017 08:20 PM
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Conscious Pirate Offline
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RE: Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
Realologist, thank you for posting your experience & wisdom here.

I have a question.

Would you consider yourself to have been red pilled prior to meeting the mother of your boys? Or has it happened since then? Since having your first?

I ask because I have held off, unconsciously aware that I would cock it all up until I had “the answers”. I was raised very disfunctionally & knew the modelling I received was wack & would only cause my potential family pain in the long run. I had convinced myself that I didn’t want to have kids, but that was avoidance. Now that I have the forum & red pills to munch on, I’m no longer afraid of not being the husband/father I was never taught to be.

One crucial thing I have noticed about parenting is that if you put in the hard yards & build the right foundation without losing credibility from your kids, parenting is the joy it is meant to be past the early years.

If not, waking up multiple times a night will seem like heaven compared with trying to parent a teenager who has no stock in your wisdom or leadership.

Even though I couldn’t articulate it, I knew I had to have “me - sorted” before I could even come around to the idea of positive, constructive fatherhood.

Would you agree here? Was it always something you knew you could do & be good at?
11-18-2017 12:26 AM
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RE: Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
Thanks for info all,

I have a young son but whenever I am making decisions for him I still find myself asking “is this going to make him a better man?”

Sometimes the answer is different to what you think - sending them to the fancy expensive school may not make them as good a man than a private school that is good but not the “best” (whatever that means).

My aim is to raise him with character, in my experience everything else comes along naturally. If all the virtues are there, he’s going to have a great life whether he is carpenter or a cardiologist.

My research led me to Aristotle who said you have to HABITUTE character virtues (self-control and resilience), and TEACH intellectual virtues (sound judgement, reason, etc) when developing good character.

Obviously the best way is example - read a while ago about a study where fatherless home’s always meant worst outcomes for children statistically EXCEPT if father died as a servicemen of some kind - these kids had just as good outcomes as two parent homes. The moral example was there still.

Still working on that example!!
11-18-2017 12:51 AM
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RE: Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
Conscious Pirate,

I would have considered myself red pilled for the most part before. It's always been through my family that men are leaders and men and women have different roles. My brother and I were raised differently from our sisters. Seeing and dealing with my sisters helped red pill me as well.

More experience always brings more wisdom and redpills you even more.

It's important to be a strong role model and have yourself in order. It's best to someone they aspire to be and are successful. Show you've had fun and enjoyed life for all it's failures and successes. Being a strong leader is key. No one wants to follow a weak leader. Once that foundation is set, it's much easier for them to make the right choice.

Hope that answered your questions.

If you have any more shoot me a PM because there are some things I left out for identifying reasons, I didn't want to share it with the entire forum or I just plain forgot.
11-18-2017 07:24 AM
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RE: Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
Beat me to it realologist!

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11-18-2017 08:10 AM
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RE: Raising A Son/Sons Datasheet
(11-17-2017 07:16 PM)realologist Wrote:  Self-Discipline

I believe if you don’t put restrictions on yourself they’ll come to you in one way or another. Either in bad health, jail, bad finances, etc. I would rather place limits on myself so I can be in a good place in all of these. I have no real good way to do this. The main I do is allow one treat to my kids a day after they eat their meal before it. The older one knows “I eat my real food, then I get a treat.” And he will ask for the meal first and is puts that limit on himself now.

Arnold Schwarzenegger recounts (in Pumping Iron?) how his father made him do push-ups before a meal in order to earn it. Another example.

My Fitness Thread: https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-64395.html
11-18-2017 10:24 AM
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