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Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
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meetjoeblack Offline
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Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
I have gone from beta male provider, following the beaten path of society, "waiting for that one special girl," to finding game, and taking the red pill. Its been a wild ride.

Since 2009 when I first read the game, I've pulled more girls then ever before in my life, and even the caliber of which has increased. I am 30. The last girl that gave me a throater was 21. How is that for top form SMV? Anyway, this is no Ebrag. I've had a shitty dating history and someone less mentally tough would have gone MGTOW ages ago.

How do you guys deal with your past? Going from beta/cuck male provider to PUA/player? Pulling girls who "I am not like that," that would never give you the time a day? I've pulled quite a few girls I got ignored by in high school and or college. They mistakenly thought I was till the same little beta male provider, that her sexual rampage and snubbing me was a nonissue. While I hold no grudge specifically at them, there is NO FUCKING WAY I WOULD DATE CRATERED SMV!

I've taken RSDTYler advice with meditation. I am on a day and night stretch of 20min. I read a lot. Currently reading religious text like the Gospels, the Gita, and some Eastern Philosophy. I am reading David Deida Way of the Superior man. I am learning about the yoga sutras. I've read every self-help book the community has suggested.

What a weird feeling it is to pull a girl who at one time, never would give you the time a day? Even better, pulling someone TOP FORM SMV, and forgetting the past. Maybe a simple reminder of just how far I've come!
12-07-2017 12:26 AM
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CleanSlate Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
[Image: wtf-did-i-just-read.jpg]

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12-07-2017 12:50 AM
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LINUX Away
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
Many things from my past haunt me but a lack of game isn't one of them.

Honestly, your lack a game or what you guys like to call "beta behavior" isn't a fault, it's just part of the process of growth. You can't understand emotions, need, and vulnerability unless you have felt those things in the past. It's like a man who writes a textbook on war theory. He can win all the Pulitzers in the world, he can sign books, he can give speeches where thousands of people travel to hear him but until he stands in a dark field with bullets flying over his head, unable to speak due the rush of adrenaline going through his sympathetic nervous system, he can not fully understand war.

And game is the same way. You'll never understand love, venerability, need, desperation, and loneliness until you have lived though those things and felt them deeply. It's part of the process.
12-07-2017 12:55 AM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 12:55 AM)LINUX Wrote:  And game is the same way. You'll never understand love, venerability, need, desperation, and loneliness until you have lived though those things and felt them deeply. It's part of the process.

I remember I was 18/19. I showed up with flowers on Valentines day with this girl. She ended up being such a cunt to me. She ended up getting fucked and chucked by some loser at school. I ran into her years later. She was fucking huge. Of course, she could not make eye contact.

I just so happen to be on a date with a young girl. It is a funny thing. You can see the seething in this girl's eyes.

Since my beta male teen years, I have pulled from bars, clubs, and i really evolved. While I always wanted marriage, a wife, and children, if I attempted to embark on that journey much earlier in my life, it would not have ended well.


I am going through the yoga sutras; learning about the 5 obstacles:
Ego, aversion, attachment, clinging to this life, and ignorance!

I go through all these. I've attached to this pickup image. I am ignorant though, I am aware and working on self-knowledge. I feel aversion towards LTRs since it was so elusive for a good portion of my life yet, when single, I seek it. When I pull, I want freedom. Well, ego-consciousness is as it is. I combat it by tripping out and well, I meditate.


Thanks for the well thought out response man. I wish you luck on this journey. I hope you find whatever it is you seek in this life.
12-07-2017 01:10 AM
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Highpool Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
I've had a lot of truths hidden from me, by omission and by outright lie.

Honestly and I say this without a hint of doubt or sarcasm, every life decision I made was the right one without the benefit of hindsight.

With hindsight, yeah I could have done some things better. But meh, no point dwelling on it.
12-07-2017 05:32 AM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 05:32 AM)Highpool Wrote:  I've had a lot of truths hidden from me, by omission and by outright lie.

Honestly and I say this without a hint of doubt or sarcasm, every life decision I made was the right one without the benefit of hindsight.

With hindsight, yeah I could have done some things better. But meh, no point dwelling on it.

I think deep down, a lot of the pickup world has resentments which accompany becoming sentient, and one's eyes opening. Seeing female nature as it is, seeing red flags, knowing that if a woman ghosts you or flakes you, some other guy is hitting it. The same woman would in turn seek to place homemaker, LTR, and white picket fence her bastard children as SMV craters.

I've becoming more and more aware of the cuck central push in society. The promo of single mother victimhood. The ongoing push and celebrationg of 'sloot gonna sloot!' Of course, baby rabies hit sooner or later for most women, and now, this is their salvation fallback. Children are the salvation for women to give life meaning once, the MILKS GONE BAD, youth is tarnished, and burned. Alpha stops calling which isn't to say, she cannot get laid. She can but, the men are broke ass betas.

I knew it was a sparce endeavor seeking out 'quality women,' the sort that you don't wonder if you are being cucked or if she were to get pregnant, if its in the back of your mind she was already with some man's seed.


I am mostly here seeking a route, a path, and approach to dating. To date, I have no AA. I feel numb to blow outs, to flakes, and ghosts. I just take the stance of 'NEXT SET!' I just know that YOUTH and that untapped potentiality is the key. On a path of self-knowledge, core purpose in life, and calling into being self actualization. A by product of the following is of course emanating masculine essence, pursuing women though, not to the detriment of purpose and or losing sight of what is important.
12-07-2017 01:38 PM
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Dulceácido Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
I think I'd have to do meth to understand these posts...

"What does one want when one is engaged in the sexual act? That everything around you give you its utter attention, think only of you, care only for you ... every man wants to be a tyrant when he fornicates."
12-07-2017 01:57 PM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 01:57 PM)Dulceácido Wrote:  I think I'd have to do meth to understand these posts...

Probably take TRT to raise your low testosterone. Wait wut?

Mad?
12-07-2017 02:00 PM
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General Stalin Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
There were times when I was younger when I would dwell on the past and let them affect my present day life negatively. As I got older I learned the past is the past and nothing about it is going to change. The past is behind me and whatever happened then has happened and no amount of thinking or pondering "what if" will matter or change it. Nowadays I look upon my past as a journey where I have learned and grown a lot.

It sounds like a lot of the cringe and negativity you or anyone else might feel about the past comes from comparing yourself to others, or even comparing yourself then to your present self. Neither of those things benefit you. What's important is to always grow and use what you have learned through experiences in the past to evolve into a better version of yourself going forward.
12-07-2017 02:26 PM
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Avon Barksdale Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
[Image: Look-Forward-Never-Back.jpg]

"It doesn't matter how you find the pot of gold, B to the rian. All that matters is that you beat the leprechauns."
12-07-2017 03:32 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
The past is a cringe worthy collection of blue pill mistakes, wasted life and operating with a completely false understanding of women.

The present and future is a fantastic exciting enlightened reward for those dark times.
12-07-2017 04:16 PM
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3extra Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
“All the time you spend tryin to get back what's been took from you there's more goin out the door. After a while you just try and get a tourniquet on it.”



(This post was last modified: 12-07-2017 04:26 PM by 3extra.)
12-07-2017 04:25 PM
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Stimulus Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 02:26 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  There were times when I was younger when I would dwell on the past and let them affect my present day life negatively. As I got older I learned the past is the past and nothing about it is going to change. The past is behind me and whatever happened then has happened and no amount of thinking or pondering "what if" will matter or change it. Nowadays I look upon my past as a journey where I have learned and grown a lot.

It sounds like a lot of the cringe and negativity you or anyone else might feel about the past comes from comparing yourself to others, or even comparing yourself then to your present self. Neither of those things benefit you. What's important is to always grow and use what you have learned through experiences in the past to evolve into a better version of yourself going forward.

This. Even though the past at times may have been as much as excrutiating for some of you, keep in mind that whatever shit you've been through along the way, that shit is part of the foundation of the man you are right now and the better man you are becoming day by day.

However, on a personal note, I don't agree that comparing my present self to my past self doesn't benefit me. Sometimes when I wander around my thoughts I might stumble upon negative memories like regret, linking that negative to a similar more recent positive one does make me feel better.

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Easy bro - pull out and cum in your hand. Then shove that cum in your mouth and swallow to avoid losing your vitality or lowering your T. - Yardog
12-07-2017 05:17 PM
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Incubus Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
“Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.” — Henry David Thoreau

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12-07-2017 07:58 PM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 02:26 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  There were times when I was younger when I would dwell on the past and let them affect my present day life negatively. As I got older I learned the past is the past and nothing about it is going to change. The past is behind me and whatever happened then has happened and no amount of thinking or pondering "what if" will matter or change it. Nowadays I look upon my past as a journey where I have learned and grown a lot.

It sounds like a lot of the cringe and negativity you or anyone else might feel about the past comes from comparing yourself to others, or even comparing yourself then to your present self. Neither of those things benefit you. What's important is to always grow and use what you have learned through experiences in the past to evolve into a better version of yourself going forward.

I cannot deny there is unresolved, cringe worthy, and negative connotations towards my beta male provider teen history. Game had to be learned. No, its no magic pill and not nearly as fantastic as it is shown to be. Still, there is no reason not to have women in your life and putting you best foot forward.

I did quite a 180. No love from girls in high school. Today, they would gladly hope I got them pregnant but, they are gross. If I am honest, it pisses me off that I would be back burnered because my beta male genes were expected to raise her bastard children from different men. I've gone out and ran into women I once knew in college or high school. The line, "i had the biggest crush on you forever" is like instant pull.

I've taken RSDTyler's advice and I meditate now. I work on letting go of this resentment. A woman came up to me and asked me if I remember her? I just played off I never seen her before in my life. She ghosted years ago. In the meantime, I was doing game, personal development, and stepping up. She was a mess and now SMV has cratered, I could not be bothered even if it was a lay up. DO NOT WANT!

The feeling of being on the dance floor with a girl ten years younger then her and banging rack 10/10 facial aesthetics was awesome. However, pulling women from the past, I am left with that feeling of complete and utter discontent. Like, "that was it?" It feels hollow. Shallow. Useless. I remember one sucked me off in a parking lot. Was terrible. She dragged her teeth. I ended up using the same line on her friend. They of course interrogated me when they discussed what I said.

I've evolved and grown past my beta male play safe exterior but, it was not without its consequences. By that, I mean to say, my eyes are open, sentient, and I see female nature for what it is. When i see a beautiful woman, I do not see freedom or forever like i once did as a young boy or teen. I see cratered SMV and pissed away potential.

I proceed with the approach but, I immediate put to use meditation - let go at any sign of flaky, ghosting or cuckoldry-like behavior. I learned to grow balls and have a spine. I learned from Deida to set boundaries and be a superior man with a purpose. Its a rocky road and I am constantly walking the line of chaos and order.
12-08-2017 12:56 AM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 03:32 PM)Avon Barksdale Wrote:  [Image: Look-Forward-Never-Back.jpg]

True but, if you don't learn from the past, you are destined to repeat it.
12-08-2017 12:57 AM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 04:16 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  The past is a cringe worthy collection of blue pill mistakes, wasted life and operating with a completely false understanding of women.

The present and future is a fantastic exciting enlightened reward for those dark times.

I am 30. I spent my teens and 20s unable to find a "wifey material" woman to settle down. At 30, I surrender. I surrender to 'being' or God, whatever it is that is out there. I will do my part and put my best foot forward. The rest is outside of my control.

While my beta male teens were pissed away following social conditioning and listening to society, playing safe, I just have compartmentalized a series of cringe worthy game. I've since grown up, developed game which is dynamic, and always improving but, the consequences was the time it took throughout my 20s. Still, I am no MPUA or instructor. I have my moments. I never marvel at good looking pulling. Its a by product of the genetic win. I am more perplexed of game in the man below average or bottom of the barrel SMV of the dominance hierarchy pulling 9s/10s. While it is a rarity, it happens, and there is something to be said of it. We call it game.

As I go older, I read Felix Denis' book as suggested by RSDTyler. The message was clear. As a older lion ages, he must seek out younger lions to step it up. My wings are younger. Most puas or former players I know are married. Some did it right but, many cling to the first semi not gross woman who will have them regardless of how gross her sexual history is. I know a cuck who married a woman that got gang banged by friends. Weird shit.
12-08-2017 01:04 AM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 05:17 PM)Stimulus Wrote:  This. Even though the past at times may have been as much as excrutiating for some of you, keep in mind that whatever shit you've been through along the way, that shit is part of the foundation of the man you are right now and the better man you are becoming day by day.

However, on a personal note, I don't agree that comparing my present self to my past self doesn't benefit me. Sometimes when I wander around my thoughts I might stumble upon negative memories like regret, linking that negative to a similar more recent positive one does make me feel better.

I remember I was 15 or 16. A bit of a late bloomer. I don't even know if I had hit puberty then. Anyway, I got grabbed by a woman. She really emasculated me. I didn't understand then but when I went home, I was mortified. I was shamed and embarrassed. I felt like I got beat up. It did not matter her slut history or the fact she left schools for being a whore. The worst part was that, this was my first experience with being touched by a woman. Fortunately, I had a grow spurt years later but, nothing to brag about lol

Seeding the pull and esculation was miserable hereafter not that it was ever great as a awkward teen. Just put in my head. Boot first. I've evolved quite a bit through inner game and outer game. Tony robbins, ecky, Millman, NLP, and a series of things have helped. 30day challenges and a series of things have really helped me. TM, Ten Game, Pimp, MMM, Blue Print Decoded, etc have all really helped. And then, implementation of what I learn really worked.

Going from emasculated to blowing on college girls face, alpha male behaviors, bar and club pulls, SNL, ONS, pulling girls from the past or randoms; its been quite a ride. If you are tall, really good looking, athletic, huge horn porn star-like, rich etc. its almost expected. I flipped the script.

Like, a 21yr old giving me a throater. Seeing women from my past pregnant, diff kids from men, can't get the ring. Its been quite a ride and really eye opening. There is quite a path of carnage and chaos along the way. Making sense of it all at times is mind boggling.
12-08-2017 01:17 AM
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questor70 Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
Regret is actually a good thing. Regret is step one of the two-step learning process. You regret what you did, and then you resolve not to make the same mistake again.
It's nature's negative reinforcement.

The trick (and boy is it a hard one) is to know the difference between being persistent (which can be good) and doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result (aka madness).
12-08-2017 12:11 PM
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Beyond Borders Away
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-07-2017 12:26 AM)meetjoeblack Wrote:  I have gone from beta male provider, following the beaten path of society, "waiting for that one special girl," to finding game, and taking the red pill. Its been a wild ride.

Since 2009 when I first read the game, I've pulled more girls then ever before in my life, and even the caliber of which has increased. I am 30. The last girl that gave me a throater was 21. How is that for top form SMV? Anyway, this is no Ebrag. I've had a shitty dating history and someone less mentally tough would have gone MGTOW ages ago.

How do you guys deal with your past? Going from beta/cuck male provider to PUA/player? Pulling girls who "I am not like that," that would never give you the time a day? I've pulled quite a few girls I got ignored by in high school and or college. They mistakenly thought I was till the same little beta male provider, that her sexual rampage and snubbing me was a nonissue. While I hold no grudge specifically at them, there is NO FUCKING WAY I WOULD DATE CRATERED SMV!

I've taken RSDTYler advice with meditation. I am on a day and night stretch of 20min. I read a lot. Currently reading religious text like the Gospels, the Gita, and some Eastern Philosophy. I am reading David Deida Way of the Superior man. I am learning about the yoga sutras. I've read every self-help book the community has suggested.

What a weird feeling it is to pull a girl who at one time, never would give you the time a day? Even better, pulling someone TOP FORM SMV, and forgetting the past. Maybe a simple reminder of just how far I've come!

No offense, OP, but I really don't get you.

Unless this is really just an ebrag like you said it wasn't - it really does read like one - I don't see what you came in here to complain about or seek advice on. You're lamenting the past when you've taken the hero's journey from the bottom to the top?

Why? Are you kicking yourself in the ass for not stepping out of the womb fully evolved and complete as a man?? Huh

Natural talent and ability is not earned. It's great to have but it's nothing to be proud of, and indeed, men with natural physical prowess or charisma indeed often stagnate and deteriorate as they age if they don't evolve by setting themselves challenges and pushing themselves further.

Inching your way forward through trials and tribulations and emerging victorious, on the other hand, is the mark of a life well-lived. It gives life meaning. It shows the true grit that really forms the essence of a man.

Yet here you are worrying about what your unevolved tadpole self couldn't do...

Leave that shit in the past, man, or look back and soak in the pride and gratitude of having had the fortitude to take the journey.

Perhaps you have already, but if not, try reading this book for some perspective on how to not only view your past in a different light but more easily face future challenges.

[Image: 51GcSGgp2FL.jpg]

https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Time...is+the+way

Or maybe just admit to yourself that this post was indeed an opportunity to gloat about your achievements.

Finally, if you want to continue your journey of growth, I will say this. Your heavy use of PUA terminology suggests to me that you're still thinking of game from an autistic, robotic mindframe. You still haven't internalized this stuff and soaked it in naturally enough to just relax and enjoy your damn life.

Perhaps it's time to sit back and reflect on where you are and not measure it against the past but instead measure it against the future and decide where you want to go from here. Personally, I've never spoken in game acronyms and find myself cringing when I meet members who actually do this in person, so maybe I'm off base a bit, but my own contention is that engaging too much in this vernacular is suggestive of a life view and paradigm about women that eventually serves as a barrier to becoming a more well-rounded, satisfied man.

Yes, it might help you at first when your results are dismal, but eventually you've got to leave those training wheels behind.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Rudyard Kipling
12-08-2017 12:47 PM
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hedonist Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-08-2017 01:17 AM)meetjoeblack Wrote:  Seeding the pull and esculation was miserable hereafter not that it was ever great as a awkward teen. Just put in my head. Boot first. I've evolved quite a bit through inner game and outer game. Tony robbins, ecky, Millman, NLP, and a series of things have helped. 30day challenges and a series of things have really helped me. TM, Ten Game, Pimp, MMM, Blue Print Decoded, etc have all really helped. And then, implementation of what I learn really worked.

Some of the above would have done damage instead of helping....
Pick what you put into your brain very wisely....
12-08-2017 01:36 PM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-08-2017 12:11 PM)questor70 Wrote:  Regret is actually a good thing. Regret is step one of the two-step learning process. You regret what you did, and then you resolve not to make the same mistake again.
It's nature's negative reinforcement.

The trick (and boy is it a hard one) is to know the difference between being persistent (which can be good) and doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result (aka madness).

For me, it is a constant battle as my beta male provider genes are buried in there. I've worked a long time to acquiring alpha male behaviors and action.

I am not hyper verbal or articulate the way of a Jordan Peterson but, I will do my best to explain.

The movie fight club comes to mind.The quote, "Tyler's words coming out of my mouth."

College girl i picked up in the gym begging to hookup. I ended up putting her on the back burner, NEXT SET style. She messages from a party. I show up. Her friends want to bang me. I can see it in their eyes. I end up taking her from the part to a random parking lot (romantic lol). As a teen, my beta male genes would be suffering anxiety and likely a panic attack.

My mind goes on autopilot. I begin with statement of intent. I deliver instructions. Two steps forward. One step back. She takes her clothes off as I told her to. We are making out. I stop her. Tell her to kiss slower. Then, I go faster and finger bang. She moans and is super wet. Next thing I know, she is sucking my dick. I tell her to hike her ass up and we fuck. I feel like I am about to bust so, I tell her to turn around. She does. I instruct her to open her mouth. I blow all over her face and in her mouth. She attempts to swallow but, I stop her and tell her to show me. And then, I let her swallow.

My beta male genes would be worrying if she thought I wasn't big enough or if she seen bigger. I would be concerned about what happens after. Should I text her. What does it mean? Do I call her tomorrow? None of that shit matters.

Why? Because every solution can be solved with NEXT SET!
12-09-2017 01:53 AM
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RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
[quote='Beyond Borders' pid='1696479' dateline='1512755226']

What in the fuck are you talking? E brag? How about burying a father and sister after a fatal car accident? You do not know darkness. You do not known what I've seen.

Ebragging about being emasculated by a slut before or after hitting puberty? Are you able to read?

I've buried so much family and friends over the years.

There is nothing left here to discuss. You can bring nothing to this discussion. Offer zero value. If you experienced any of this, you would be in a psych ward of playing with a toaster oven in a bath tub.
12-09-2017 01:58 AM
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meetjoeblack Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Curious is curious? does the past haunt you!
(12-08-2017 01:36 PM)hedonist Wrote:  Some of the above would have done damage instead of helping....
Pick what you put into your brain very wisely....

A post like this questions not only if you are beyond approach anxiety but, if you've ever seen a vagina up close before. I wouldn't bet on it.
12-09-2017 02:04 AM
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