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My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
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wonderer1 Offline
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Post: #1
My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
Met a girl through instagram before christmas, we went on 3 dates before she left for Christmas break, she was keen and wanted to see me before she left so I saw her the 3rd time the day before she left. The first date was a drinks date where she was an hour late to meet her friends because she spent time with me, there is very little kissing at the end. On the second date we go for sushi, we go to near her place and look for coffee but the coffee shops are closed, I suggest going for coffee at her place but she says there is no coffee there, we find a pub, we kiss more and I leave her. 3rd date we go for drinks again, and we say some nice things about each other, she asks that I describe her in 3 words, I ask for the same and she says Im charismatic and shes not met anyone like me before.

She came back for NYE for 1 day and texts if Im free for a coffee and I say no, she asks if I want to join her and her friend for dinner and I said I cant but counter offer a different date for when shes back, its sushi again, she is a big foodie and is always eating out at fancy restaurants, she is a model, and she is a socialite. Just kissing again. 5th date is drinks and food, I am leading and choosing date venus and times, she is travelling an hour to meet me at these places. I drop her off after and as im kissing her in the car I say I have to go soon, but lets hang out some more, it gets awkward and she says she has to get up early, so I leave without sex again. The next day she tags me in a photo I took of her in one of the sushi places but then deletes it, I text to say what have you been tagging and untagging me in! she does not respond, this was two days ago. Im thinking of freezing her out for a week, and then just suggesting we cook together.

Im just confused as to whether she likes me or not. Acknowledge my escalation has been poor. Was wondering if she was using me as a provider or free meals but she has met me for drinks, stayed with me after food for drinks. She eats out all the time so looks like she doesn’t need me to be taking her to these places. Wanted me to meet her friends, initiates more than I do to see if we can meet. Not sure if asking to go into her place has turned her off.

Some other info on her: she is 20, was in a 5 year relationship, but broke up about 6 months ago, first 3 months she was distort and didnt come out of the house, last 3 months shes been completely extroverted and going out almost all the time. Says she doesnt want a bf now.
(This post was last modified: 01-18-2018 03:27 PM by wonderer1.)
01-18-2018 03:06 PM
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Fightersword Offline
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Post: #2
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
5 dates and just some kissing?

You’re a walking meal ticket.
01-18-2018 06:12 PM
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Jetset Offline
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Post: #3
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
(01-18-2018 03:06 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  she says Im charismatic and shes not met anyone like me before.

It sounds like she likes the attention and she can't believe you aren't trying to bang her.

The milk may have gone bad at this point if you've waited through five dates with you picking up the chick, setting an evil precedent. The "cooking at my place" gambit can't hurt if you want to try to turn things around, though. Ratchet down the provider nonsense and start some basic compliance testing. Stop messaging her until she reaches out, then tell her to bring you a soda or something.

Hidey-ho, RVFerinos!
(This post was last modified: 01-18-2018 06:26 PM by Jetset.)
01-18-2018 06:20 PM
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kaotic Offline
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Post: #4
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
(01-18-2018 06:12 PM)Fightersword Wrote:  5 dates and just some kissing?

You’re a walking meal ticket.

So much this.

Dude you're getting played OP - she's just stringing you along.

She's 20 and mooching of you and (probably other guys).

She wasn't keen after Date 3 - she was just toying you.

Oh and that whole "I never met someone like you" ? That's just shit to string you along.

Don't meet her friends, especially if you aren't fucking her.

Hell it's been 5 months and I finally met my mains sister.


Now onto what to do next:

Yeah you fucked up on escalating, of course she says she doesn't want a BF - she's "young wild and free" and doesn't want to be locked down.

Listen to Jet he's right - this shit is probably dead, the only thing you can push for is what he suggested, a last hail mary zero date bang.

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01-18-2018 06:41 PM
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wonderer1 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
Almost been a week since the last message where I asked about a photo she tagged me in something on insta which was a photo I took of her, which she uploaded the day after we last met but then deleted. She ignored the question and hasn’t reached out after. How long do I freeze out for?

Fine balance between keeping up momentum of seeing each other and trying to reset the provider frame and withdrawing attention from her to change how she’s treating things.
(This post was last modified: 01-20-2018 05:02 AM by wonderer1.)
01-20-2018 05:01 AM
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wonderer1 Offline
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Post: #6
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
Update:

I didn’t initiate for 2 weeks, she messaged me and the conversation was fine, she said when can we go for sushi / food / Italian / cake. I went for the cooking together date, she made an excuse about her kitchen being too small, I said my brother rents in London ill ask him (logistics atm are not good – he rents out air bnb).

She responded the next day: before we go on anymore dinners or hangout more I just want to say that I think you have the wrong idea of us, Id just like to stay friends if that’s ok with you, I enjoy the time we spend together and appreciate you as a friend but honestly nothing more, and I feel like you may be getting the wrong idea.

My response: that’s okay but im not interested. Good luck.

Her: x

That’s it im cutting contact. I take full responsibility for what has happened and this is my own doing. I take this as a bad rejection and I have made fundamental errors which I will learn from.

I did my best to avoid this including stating early on that we were dating, when she said she was giving up drinking for the new year I said we would go on coffee dates, we were kissing, there was kino, I tried to get into her place all dates except the first – including asking for the toilet, saying lets go for coffee at hers when we couldn’t find any open next door, saying lets hang out more before I go here, etc. She knew what I was after, I spiked saying she had nice eyes, great abs, shes not stupid surely.

These are my take-away points:

What I did Ok-ish on:

Not always being available, I declined a lot of meet up suggestions, and meeting with friends
Not texting much, she chased me much more and also double texted when I didn’t reply

My downfall:

Being a provider rather than a lover – expensive dinners, talking about money – I should never do this, Im being put into a box of what can I extract from him
Screening better – Shouldve known she wanted free food and attention from frame battles of food vs drinks + conversations we were having, she said her ex bf called her a gold digger, she talked about getting free apartments / flights etc
Not dropping quicker – If its not going in the sexual direction by date 2 drop her, its should never get to LJBF, this saves my emotional / time / money investment
Frame – It was a constant frame battle with me wanting to do drinks and her to go for dinner, I was losing frame and she was winning going for dinner, I lost a lot of attraction doing this and allowed myself to become the provider

I take this as a learning experience. On to the next one.
01-29-2018 01:56 PM
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kaotic Offline
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Post: #7
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
You learned the hard way and it stung a bit.

But alas you DID learn.

Keep it in your head, apply it with your interactions with women - keep it moving.

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01-29-2018 02:13 PM
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Post: #8
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
Hmm. Maybe turn this around. You say this girl is a model, so her friends must be good looking.

The way I see it you have 2 options.

- Option 1: Go for the last chance bang.

- Option 2: Tell her to get her best friend and go out with you somewhere for drinks. Go for the 3 some, but risk blowing up the interaction.

I'd give Option 1 a 50% chance, and Option 2 a 25% chance of working. Given those odds, I'd go for the 3 some.
01-29-2018 02:27 PM
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wonderer1 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
So the lessons Ive learned go into action tonight,

I have a date tonight (someone new) and she messaged me and said lets meet at 8, im not letting her dictate the meeting time, I said lets meet at 9. Then she says we could go for a bite to eat. Haha I am no provider, and I will not let you control the frame, I say Im eating beforehand, lets go for drinks. She agrees, lets see what happens. Im also going to use this as a testing ground to really see how far I can escalate, my escalation is terrible. If she does not comply, im not wasting my time for another freeloader.
02-01-2018 09:03 AM
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Post: #10
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
Aftwr you take a girl out to eat on first or second date (which is already iffy), invite her over and cook for her.

Then "hey let's play a game"

Her- what's that?

"Lets take your pants off":banana:
02-02-2018 11:32 AM
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Post: #11
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
Instagram girls r sluts. Treat em like one. Report later.???
02-04-2018 01:43 AM
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Sonoma Offline
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Post: #12
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
Hahahahah she's been kissing you but then tells you you're getting the wrong idea.

I can't imagine paying for all her food, but if you're well off, then it's not the hardest way to learn that lesson.

Never drop money on a girl
02-04-2018 07:11 AM
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wonderer1 Offline
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Post: #13
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
(02-04-2018 07:11 AM)Sonoma Wrote:  Hahahahah she's been kissing you but then tells you you're getting the wrong idea.

I can't imagine paying for all her food, but if you're well off, then it's not the hardest way to learn that lesson.

Never drop money on a girl

Yeah, silly girl. She goes and eats out all the time with friends at these places, shes a foodie and has a blog, it wasnt like she needed me to take her to these places and we were kissing, it was these thoughts that kept me going.

With the other date I mentioned with the new girl, turned out she was a religious muslim thats never been in a relationship, escalated a lot and got rejected for the kiss, havent messaged her since. Kino escalated a lot more than I would normally and it went well, it was a good test to see how far I can push things.
02-04-2018 01:40 PM
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59Seconds Offline
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Post: #14
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
In my honest opinion if you have to ask whether or not a girl likes you, you have your answer there. Remember that a girl will have her own ideal story of how her romantic interactions will escalate. I doubt hers will involve being vague about whether she likes you.

This is more than likely just the pursuit of validation ...
02-04-2018 02:52 PM
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Post: #15
RE: My escalation is poor but my intention is clear
(02-04-2018 01:40 PM)wonderer1 Wrote:  Yeah, silly girl. She goes and eats out all the time with friends at these places, shes a foodie and has a blog, it wasnt like she needed me to take her to these places and we were kissing, it was these thoughts that kept me going.

I wonder how many men paid for those meals on her foodie blog.

Hidey-ho, RVFerinos!
02-04-2018 02:53 PM
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