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New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
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flanders Offline
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Post: #51
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
(03-20-2018 01:52 PM)Aurini Wrote:  
(03-06-2018 12:12 AM)RawGod Wrote:  Lesson learned. I shared places with plenty of guys in my 20s but eventually you realise that you aren't "unlucky" to share with a psycho/thief/drunk or whatever the case may be, but in fact about 1 in 3 (unvetted) guys are going to fit into one of those categories so it's just not worth it.

I recently started doing the roommate thing again after years spent living on my own. It's eye-opening and existentially terrifying just how many people are utterly broken.

For a while there, I asked "Is it me? Am I attracting these people into my life?" But after a lot of self-analysis, as well as conversations with friends, I was able to conclude that no - it wasn't me, it's the overall low-quality of human beings out there. The worst thing I can say about myself is that I tend to think too highly of people. I need to force myself to be more judgmental.

Too true. The people who would make the best roommates don't need them, and the people out there who need roommates are often brokeasses with attitude problems, alcohol or drug problems, and child support who want a safety net in case of financial hardship.
03-22-2018 10:08 AM
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Bienvenuto Offline
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Post: #52
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
Thought this saga needed updating:

Things are moved on.

I took the (good) advice to swallow the financial cost and move out.
I paid for the next month on the flat (on top of the first month and deposit on my new place) cos I didn't want to leave my ex-flatmate in the shit.
Got myself a cheap little house down a narrow alleyway. Flatmate stayed on in his now single occupancy expensive apartment then eventually moved into a cheap hotel down the road : we both ended up saying goodbye to our hefty deposit.

Flatmate lost the job for lying about being deaf, got a better paid job down the road, they realised that he was deaf and lying about it and suggested he go out on loan to their new regional centre hours away, he moved there with a massive landing bonus and was promptly fired for being deaf and lying about it.
Now has a job at a local public school.

He spoke to me at the beginning of his troubles and said "you usually give me loads of advice that I don't want but now I could actually do with some advice."
I said "Blah Blah blah blah blah".
He was looking away from me at the time.
He looked back at me and said "you don't want to say anything?"
he shook his head and looked away as I said "Blah blah blah blah"
He gave a big sigh and said "well its up to you if you don't have any advice to share I guess.."

For a while in my little two up two down house down an alley it was blue balls to the max, conservative and somewhat xenophobic big provincial city with lots of hot chicks but hard to escalate.
I posted this in another thread but its worth re-sharing --

Back in those sexual desert days..

my new cleaner came round one day wearing a short skirt, heels and perfume, we got talking on my Mac translate to the point where she was practically sitting in my lap telling me how much she liked me.

She wasn't a spring chicken at 40-something but Jesus, what a body.

I was like "okay lets escalate" .
She got awkward and said she wanted to clean instead.
Wants 'us' to go slow.

Fine I've got work to do upstairs so I go upstairs,
come back down she's lying face down on the tiled floor.
Like she's dead.

Translate - You okay? "I'll be okay. headache. need to sleep. thumbs up."

I get a bunch of cushions at least and stuff them under head and back where I could to make her comfortable.

go upstairs. check occasionally.

She lies there comatose, face down for a long time.

Get messages an hour later
"you hate me. you think I am stupid"
"No, no, no.. you okay to get home?"
"Yes"

Okay pay her, give her some water and hold the gate open for her as she wheels her bike out.

She then started messaging me relentlessly.
Couldn't understand her messages so I got a girl that I knew elsewhere in Vietnam to translate.

Girl says:
"she really likes you.
she has raised two daughters on her own and has had to abandon her own dreams in life.
she is scared that you might have to leave Vietnam in 3 or 4 years time and what kind of future will that be for the two of you?
she has cerebral aenemia and often gets migraines.
when do you want her to clean your house next?"

Sat there and read the translation, thought wtf am I doing with my dating life?

Blue balls to the Nth degree.

Like I say, for both flatmate and me, things are better now..
12-03-2018 12:52 AM
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Post: #53
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
Have they got ambulances there?

A word of advice for younger guys that find themselves involved in any capacity with a woman that suffers a serious health crisis in your presence.

Women will fake a health crisis to induce a white knight response from a man they want to sink their vampiric fangs into. Some will even somehow induce a real actual health crisis. Personally I'm all but convinced this is a sort of evolutionary resource securing securing strategy designed to play on tribal desires to support temporarily incapacitated tribe members, because I've witnessed it many times outside of the sexual dynamic.

To get to the point, ignore all protests from the afflicted vampiress and call an ambulance. Every time. No exceptions. EVER.

"Better to be safe than sorry."
"This should be handled by professionals."
"There's a chance that its worse than you think."

Do not reward a real or fake health failure with special attention or that will become the lever to manipulate you for as long as you end up tolerating it. Let professional strangers deal with it, no matter how desperate your balls are to play captain save-a-ho.

99 times out of 100, it's a trap.

I can be reached intermittently at my listed email address.
Feel free to drop me a line.
12-03-2018 01:30 AM
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BaatumMania Offline
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Post: #54
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
Lol at these prices in a 3rd world country. One can find a ton of apartments on AirBnB (even in Vietnam) cheaper than $1,500 a month.

When people are talking about high prices for hotels and apartments I'm always thinking they're basing the number off Booking dotcom (which in a lot of cities looks like highway robbery).
12-03-2018 02:29 AM
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Post: #55
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
(12-03-2018 01:30 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Personally I'm all but convinced this is a sort of evolutionary resource securing securing strategy designed to play on tribal desires to support temporarily incapacitated tribe members, because I've witnessed it many times outside of the sexual dynamic.

I knew a father who would tell his grown son that he was dying. He had him convinced that they had "Irish stomachs" and that nearly anything more exotic than meat and potato would cause them severe distress.

His son was genuinely upset by this, as the dramatics had escalated to full-on "Sanford and Sons" levels.





I told him the same thing.

"If he actually believed he was dying, he'd want to go to the hospital. Nobody just sits there and dies. Did he ask you to take him to the hospital?"

That was one of the most confused and surprised looks I've ever seen on someone's face as that light bulb flickered on.

"He always wanted to drift forever, but through the American Southwest."
(This post was last modified: 12-03-2018 10:45 AM by Jetset.)
12-03-2018 10:44 AM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #56
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
Quote:Like I say, for both flatmate and me, things are better now..

Dude. You traded a psycho man for a psycho woman.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

Carl Jung
12-03-2018 11:57 AM
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chrisblackbeard Offline
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Post: #57
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
Where in Vietnam are you? I feel like if you poke around enough, you could find a dirt cheap apartment somewhere. That way you can clear your head each day, and not be cockblocked when bringing girls back
12-03-2018 12:52 PM
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Post: #58
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
So you get fired for being deaf in England?

I just picture:

Boss: "mate, sweep the bloody chimney"
Chimney sweep: "what?"

Boss: "you're a chimney sweep, sweep the bloody chinney"
Chimney Sweep: "what?"

Boss: "Sweep the bloody chimney"
Chimney Sweep: "what?"

Boss: "you're fired"

I'm assuming they don't have the Americans with disabilities act over there. I'm also assuming all British males that aren't Prince Harry work as chimney sweeps.

Maybe the should make the "Old Chaps with Bloody Maladies Act" or something similar.

Aloha!
12-03-2018 05:00 PM
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Post: #59
RE: New Male Flatmate is a borderline stalker/ bundle of unresolved needs.
(12-03-2018 05:00 PM)Kona Wrote:  So you get fired for being deaf in England?

I just picture:

Boss: "mate, sweep the bloody chimney"
Chimney sweep: "what?"

Boss: "you're a chimney sweep, sweep the bloody chinney"
Chimney Sweep: "what?"

Boss: "Sweep the bloody chimney"
Chimney Sweep: "what?"

Boss: "you're fired"

I'm assuming they don't have the Americans with disabilities act over there. I'm also assuming all British males that aren't Prince Harry work as chimney sweeps.

Maybe the should make the "Old Chaps with Bloody Maladies Act" or something similar.

Aloha!

The Thing is though Kona. This isn't Blighty.. If only it were.. No, we have the pesky French to thank for all the problems/lack-of-hard-of-hearing-rights/lack-of-Fried-Breakfasts here in contemporary Vietnam.

That city was a shithole. All of the problems of a city with none of the advantages, all of the DISadvantages of living in the 2nd tier provinces with none of the plus points.

Ex-flatmate now lives in a coastal resort 4 or so hours away from it. He has been shagging plenty down there and the locals tell him that said shithole is renowned for its dumb and full of themselves residents.

I'm now in rural Vietnam proper, looks good so far.
I've got a Modest house with high ceilings and a big front yard and garden. Its fairly basic.. unfurnished.. but at $64 a month on a rolling basis and no deposit I'm not complaining.

Compare that with the flat my work initially put me into -in the building that most expats seem to insist on living in- $500 a month with a $1000 deposit.

Some Viet landlords actually want $2000 a month for not much bigger flats in the same building.

My house down the alley was $180 a month.

==== The thing about that face down on the floor thing. I mean I have no idea if she was pretending or what: so long as she gave me the thumbs up I didn't care that much. I just got a new cleaner anyway.

The thing about it was.. I couldn't actually get the cushions under her. She wasn't moving for me and I wasn't that fussed to lift her as she made a fuss if I got too far in putting cushions under her.

So I left her face down with aborted comfort-cushions sticking out sideways from the join between her neck and shoulder clavicle, the gap between her stomach and hipbone, her knee, her ankle.

It was like an abstract work of art. Just not a very good one.

Bad.

and Weak. Undecided
12-04-2018 12:39 AM
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