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God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
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Brebelle3 Offline
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God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
I'm sitting here in Indiana, wearing my uncle roosh t-shirt, homeless, newly ended relationship, unable to communicate with kids, resignation letters sitting in my inbox, and not one person I trust to seek advice.

So I'm going to the place and people I trust, roosh members.

Married in 2010 for 2nd time. 1st marriage produced my only biological child. She's 15 now. 2nd marriage was "the one", but not really, not really really. I always had one eye on other ladies, but her daughter, my step daughter, was MY girl. I raised her from the age of 2. She's 16 now and plays high school volleyball for me and absolutely adores me.

Separated from 2nd wife more times than I can count, both during pre marriage and post marriage. Divorced in December 2016. Why? I left her and my children and went to Thailand for six weeks, came back home, divorced, fired by employer, homeless, and completely lost.

It was too cold here, when I came back from thailand, so took unemployment, went to Florida for a month. Fuck it, I'm going back home. No Fuck this, my only place to live was with father. I couldn't live there because my step mother is there drinking away her 2nd liver and it's a hell of a toxic place.

Ok, I'll go to mexico. Spent a month in mexico until unemployment forced me into a required class to prove my pursuit of a new job. Flew back to Indiana, fulfilled unemployment obligations, sent "final" text to 2nd wife. "I'm going to support you and the kids until you find another man." She sent a broken heart emoji, we met at a Starbucks having not seen communicated with each other for about 4 months. Back together, of course.

I dont trust her, I don't trust ANYONE! Coached daughter in volleyballlast year in HS, took a part time job here to allow coaching, lived in our she'd in the back yard. That's right, from May 2017 to May 2018 I lived in a shed. A fucking shed. Yeah it had electricity, wifi, ac, and heat, but it was a fucking shed.

2 weekends ago my ex, daughter, and myself traveled to Knoxville for a volleyball tournament. One of my players' father has given me the vibe that he likes my ex. I've asked my ex if anything has happened and she stated "you have ruined me for any other relationship, you are the only one I can be with." I've just had that gut feeling since we got back together. I'm at my hotel on Saturday night, ex wife is at different hotel. I text her to call me, I'm wanting to "check" on her as I know this dude is sniffing around her hotel. She finally texts me back, but doesn't call. I text her to call and call her to call. No call back, only text.

I lose it and accuse her of having an affair. I'm fired up. Sunday morning, headed to tournament, walk in, guy is standing right behind her. I throw shit on the ground and cause a scene. I call her a whore, cunt, and words that I don't even think are words. "Leave me here in Knoxville, I say" She begs me to be reasonable and not believe nonsense. Im gone guys, gone in my mind at this point. I tell her to have a nice life and tell my daughter she'll never see me again. She leaves me in Knoxville with no way home.

I Uber to airport, $400 flight back to Indy, am notified my shit is wrapped in a tarp in front of my car, and if I'm not off her property in 5 minutes of arriving, she'll call the police and instructions to never talk to her or anyone in her family again.

Last 2 weeks since, no communication, lifting every day, completed TEFL, researched and decided on teaching English in Cambodia. Minimizing everything. All I own is now in my car. Been sleeping in my car. Torn every which way. Still coaching travel volleyball, but daughter doesn't come to practice on the nights I have practice. High school girls asking when workouts begin. I reply in group text, but omit daughter. I'm ready to leave all this shit. Praying to God, seeking my couple of mentors, pro-con analysis.

I'm a hot head. Awful temper. But man, I've got to offer something to someone without destroying everything I touch.

I need you guys. I know I haven't contributed shit to this site, but I lurk and have learned more from here than anywhere or anyone. So sick and tired of being a 43 year old Fuck up. So tired.

Help!
05-24-2018 02:47 PM
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Post: #2
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
Good luck, man.

Considering your story, Cambodia sounds about right, or so I've heard.
05-24-2018 05:04 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #3
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
What do you want?

If you could make your life into whatever you wanted what would it look like?

This may sound like new agey bullshit but for most people "What do you really want?" is the question they never honestly answer.

Moving away may be part of the answer but if you dont fix the other issues youre just taking your problems with you to another location.

My honest immediate actionable advice is buy a copy of

[Image: 9780671791544_p0_v4_s550x406.jpg]

My intuition is that you really need to figure out what you truly want without the burden of deeply seated limiting beliefs in order to formulate a plan.

This book is exactly the toolbox you need

_______________________________________
{ She Have The "Happy Gene? "
{ Inversion Therapy
{Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
05-24-2018 05:20 PM
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Brebelle3 Offline
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-24-2018 05:20 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  What do you want?

If you could make your life into whatever you wanted what would it look like?

This may sound like new agey bullshit but for most people "What do you really want?" is the question they never honestly answer.

Moving away may be part of the answer but if you dont fix the other issues youre just taking your problems with you to another location.

My honest immediate actionable advice is buy a copy of

[Image: 9780671791544_p0_v4_s550x406.jpg]

My intuition is that you really need to figure out what you truly want without the burden of deeply seated limiting beliefs in order to formulate a plan.

This book is exactly the toolbox you need


That's the problem PT, I can't figure that out. I've had numerous opportunities handed to me, but I grow bored or flake out.

I quit everything I start, everything. Hell, I'm getting ready to quit 3 jobs at the same time. I'm going to break 30 young teenage girls hearts. They love me and work hard for me. Ive had numerous letters personally written to me over the years from both kids and parents expressing their appreciation for how I've been a huge impact in their lives. I feel weird and don't like it. I don't like people liking me or thankful to have known me.

Thing is, I don't want to coach anymore and that's the one goddam thing I'm good at. I just want to run in the night and not explain myself.

No parental, sibling, friend, or female relationship ever goes deep. I don't let anyone in.

I consider suicide and five minutes later I'm fired up about something. Manic or bipolar or something, idk.

I'm a very handsome guy, well spoken to people I encounter, and I look on the outside like I'm put together, but it's hell inside.

I swear I sometimes want someone else to tell me what to do.

I want to punch myself in th face for sounding like such a little bitch.

I appreciate the Robbins book idea, I'll pick it up tonight.
05-24-2018 05:41 PM
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LINUX Away
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Post: #5
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
Depression is the realization that life is hardship, and the delusion of how important you think you are, is crumbling away.

All great philosophers or psychiatrist , who said anything worth a damn, spent a lifetime of suffering: Frankl and Nietzsche.

The greatest composers also - Beethoven, Erik Satie.

The greatest poets also - Neruda.

The greatest writers also - Poe, Hemingway

Most men who portray themselves as superior and unflawed individuals are fake and that goes for this forum also, everyone of us has our own battles and problems.

You need to find a philosophy that helps you understand things in a way that allows to go on living.

For me to cope, I listen to hours and hours of alan watts on Audible everyday.
For my brother to cope, he reads the bible.
For my best friend on the forum, he takes acid and watches the sunset.
For some, they listen to hours and hours of Peterson, Harris, Rogan, and Roosh.

Figure out which one makes sense to you. There is no right or wrong. No one really knows that the fuck is going on in this life, we simply adopt a set of beliefs that allow us to carry on with some sort of purpose instead of believing we were only born to take a quick walk from the maternity ward to the crematorium. And it seems at this point of your life, you are going to be alone and suffering. Which means you shouldn't be looking for other men to follow; you should be looking for other men who are willing to walk beside you and be your friend.

My suggestion, start here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emHAoQGoQic

If Watt's philosophy doesn't work for you, then find another that will.
05-24-2018 06:59 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #6
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-24-2018 05:41 PM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  
(05-24-2018 05:20 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  What do you want?

If you could make your life into whatever you wanted what would it look like?

This may sound like new agey bullshit but for most people "What do you really want?" is the question they never honestly answer.

Moving away may be part of the answer but if you dont fix the other issues youre just taking your problems with you to another location.

My honest immediate actionable advice is buy a copy of

[Image: 9780671791544_p0_v4_s550x406.jpg]

My intuition is that you really need to figure out what you truly want without the burden of deeply seated limiting beliefs in order to formulate a plan.

This book is exactly the toolbox you need


That's the problem PT, I can't figure that out. I've had numerous opportunities handed to me, but I grow bored or flake out.

I quit everything I start, everything. Hell, I'm getting ready to quit 3 jobs at the same time. I'm going to break 30 young teenage girls hearts. They love me and work hard for me. Ive had numerous letters personally written to me over the years from both kids and parents expressing their appreciation for how I've been a huge impact in their lives. I feel weird and don't like it. I don't like people liking me or thankful to have known me.

Thing is, I don't want to coach anymore and that's the one goddam thing I'm good at. I just want to run in the night and not explain myself.

No parental, sibling, friend, or female relationship ever goes deep. I don't let anyone in.

I consider suicide and five minutes later I'm fired up about something. Manic or bipolar or something, idk.

I'm a very handsome guy, well spoken to people I encounter, and I look on the outside like I'm put together, but it's hell inside.

I swear I sometimes want someone else to tell me what to do.

I want to punch myself in th face for sounding like such a little bitch.

I appreciate the Robbins book idea, I'll pick it up tonight.

Im not a clinician or medical professional of any sort so I'll refrain from giving you medial advice other than if you think you might be manic or BPD then you should seek professional advice. At least have it ruled out

That said, you have to answer "What do I really want?" Youre not alone For most people this is a very difficult.

Like all difficult tasks having the right tools is essential.

Here's a seed

There are two primary sources of human motivation: Fear and Desire. The reason finding out what you want (desire) is so important is that without that self knowledge people are left without direction at best or at worst primarily driven by fear.

Im getting a sense that youre somewhere in between with elements of both: lacking direction and driven by fear.

Fear is a powerful and often useful motivation source : but its negative. A fear driven life is not a life of quality. Running away from what you dont want is no way to live

Desire on the other hand can be even more powerful when channeled correctly. Desire is the positive side of the motivation equation.

Getting up in the morning excited about doing what youre going to do that day is the foundation of a full and "happy" life. You'll have desire and purpose telling what to do

The book above was written over 30 years ago. Its unfortunate that Tony Robbins has become viewed as a cheesy late night infomercial huckster. I read that book for the first time in my teens and then again in my 20's. It's proved an invaluable resource. What I like most about it is that he provides actual instructive techniques (he calls technologies) for among other things: understanding and changing your mental state at will, as well as finding out what you really want.

I hope you find it as impact-full as I have.

_______________________________________
{ She Have The "Happy Gene? "
{ Inversion Therapy
{Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
(This post was last modified: 05-24-2018 07:09 PM by PapayaTapper.)
05-24-2018 07:00 PM
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Brebelle3 Offline
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
Damn, that's why I come here. The insight from some of you is incredible. Thanks PT and Linux, I sincerely appreciate your advice and thoughts on this matter.

I find myself wanting to suffer. I want to be punished for my transgressions. I have the money to get a place, but WANT to be homeless, friendless, and without a girl. Now is that what I really want? Probably not.


Why do I sabotage every relationship that is real and honest? People love me and I hate them, all of them.

The happiest I've ever been was when I surrendered my life to God. He blessed me and provided truly miraculous gifts for me. Then, when things were great, I turned my back on Him. I don't need Him anymore I say. Then, it's back to the bull in the China shop. Rinse,repeat.

I feel guilty praying, because I feel like such a hypocrite and a phoney. I know He forgives and never stops loving me, but it's the same fucking cycle over and over again.

Yes, I've got to figure out what truly makes me happy, but I can't figure it out. Does that mean nothing makes me happy? Is that possible?

Weed, porn, and sports fill the gaps for me when I'm normally living. I know the 1st 2 are not fulfilling.

I don't finish anything, ever. I'm a quitter. I'm tired of quiting. I want to quit quiting. I get excited about something only to quit or sabatoge rhings when it gets difficult.

Again, I can't thank you enough for responding and sharing your thoughts with me.
05-24-2018 08:48 PM
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
I'm not sure what you were thinking when you cut and run to Thailand for 6 weeks and left your wife and kids back home. What did you expect?

Why do you think cutting and running and leaving your daughter in USA will help? I suspect you'll keep repeating this cycle until you wreck yourself too bad to recover from.

I'm all for dudes leaving bullshit behind, but leaving your kids behind to go “find yourself" in a foreign country is something an unresponsible woman gorged feminist bullshit does. Assuming you're a dude who values hie genetic legacy, I don't see what you stand to gain by leaving your daughter behind and participating in her life through skype call-ins.

Let us try to maintain a higher standard of life than that of the multitude, but not a contrary standard; otherwise, we shall frighten away and repel the very persons whom we are trying to improve.

-Seneca.
05-24-2018 09:51 PM
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Brebelle3 Offline
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-24-2018 09:51 PM)Fortis Wrote:  I'm not sure what you were thinking when you cut and run to Thailand for 6 weeks and left your wife and kids back home. What did you expect?

Why do you think cutting and running and leaving your daughter in USA will help? I suspect you'll keep repeating this cycle until you wreck yourself too bad to recover from.

I'm all for dudes leaving bullshit behind, but leaving your kids behind to go “find yourself" in a foreign country is something an unresponsible woman gorged feminist bullshit does. Assuming you're a dude who values hie genetic legacy, I don't see what you stand to gain by leaving your daughter behind and participating in her life through skype call-ins.

My wife had asked me for a divorce 3 months before I left for Thailand. The purpose of my trip was to figure out why this cycle of failures kept continuing. .......and to get pussy of course.

It was only just prior to leaving that my family begged me to stay. Hell, my wife knew why I was going and still took me to the airport the day of. It's leaving my kids when they begged me to stay that got to me and made me come back to fight for them. Once I got what I wanted, it was back to being a fuck up.

The divorce papers were signed the week before I left the country.
05-24-2018 10:39 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
Brebelle3

Do you mind sharing what your family relationships (especially mother and father) are, childhood and high school experience were, like?

If you had to list the 3 most impactful people in your life have been, who would they be and why?

Also what your describing is sort of self sabotaging fear of of success. This is often related to a traumatic event in childhood or early adulthood

(If discussing any of this openly on the forum makes you uncomfortable feel free to say so. You can send me a PM if you like)

Here is an easy exercise (straight out of Tony Robbins works):

Recall an event where you were successful or excited when you were younger, and notice what you are feeling and sensing in your memory. Stay with the sensation of for 5 minutes.


Recall an event where you were successful and excited recently in your life, and notice what you are feeling and sensing. Stay with this sensation of for 5 minutes.

Now tap into the sensation of a memory of an overwhelming situation. I suggest not to start with a truly traumatic event, at least not without a therapist's support. Start with something only moderately disturbing to you.

Now, go back to visualizing your success story. Do you notice a difference?

_______________________________________
{ She Have The "Happy Gene? "
{ Inversion Therapy
{Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
(This post was last modified: 05-25-2018 12:34 AM by PapayaTapper.)
05-25-2018 12:24 AM
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Suits Offline
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
Surely there are better places to teach ESL than in Cambodia.

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05-25-2018 12:31 AM
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-24-2018 08:48 PM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  The happiest I've ever been was when I surrendered my life to God.

The corollary of that statement is that when your are far from God, you are miserable.

What church are you going to?

A beginner's guide to jobhunting and networking
05-25-2018 12:44 AM
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-25-2018 12:24 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Brebelle3

Do you mind sharing what your family relationships (especially mother and father) are, childhood and high school experience were, like?

If you had to list the 3 most impactful people in your life have been, who would they be and why?

Also what your describing is sort of self sabotaging fear of of success. This is often related to a traumatic event in childhood or early adulthood

(If discussing any of this openly on the forum makes you uncomfortable feel free to say so. You can send me a PM if you like)

Here is an easy exercise (straight out of Tony Robbins works):

Recall an event where you were successful or excited when you were younger, and notice what you are feeling and sensing in your memory. Stay with the sensation of for 5 minutes.


Recall an event where you were successful and excited recently in your life, and notice what you are feeling and sensing. Stay with this sensation of for 5 minutes.

Now tap into the sensation of a memory of an overwhelming situation. I suggest not to start with a truly traumatic event, at least not without a therapist's support. Start with something only moderately disturbing to you.

Now, go back to visualizing your success story. Do you notice a difference?

Don't mind sharing at all, you guys helpe more than you could imagine.

Parents were Mormon, divorced when I was 4. Mormons don't divorce, especially when a child is 4, and especially back in the late 70s.

Dad left me when I turned 8 and started a swimming pool business in Texas. I really had a hard time with that. I was a young sports star and the only person I wanted to impress was 1,000 miles away.

He remarried and had a child out of wedlock. My step mother is an alcoholic and is ruining her 2nd liver as we speak. She is an awful human being and their relationship is the most toxic one I've ever seen.

My mother and I were alone, but together until she remarried when I was 10. They had my sister and my stepfather became the 2nd and still only 2nd man my mother has ever been with. He was OK, but my father wouldn't let me be close with him, always warning me not to forget he wasn't my pops.

At the age of 13 is when I believe things went south. I spent my summers in Texas, only to come back to Indiana and had to make friends all over again. I struggled going into middle school both socially and scholastically. Mom shipped me off mid term to live with dad when I was 13.

It was hell. My stepmother is shit. Every drunken argument reverted to her saying it was my fault that their marriage was crumbling. Every physical confrontation they had was because of me. She constantly said terrible things about me. You know when someone hates you so bad and has no care for you whatsoever?

After the year down in Texas, I went back home to stay with my mother for the summer. She begged for my forgiveness for sending me down there and wanted me to move back in with her. I wanted to be back here with her too.

My father, cunt of a wife, and half brother moved back from Texas when I was 16. He said he missed his son and wanted to be back with his family. I missed him too, but i couldn't be in his wife's presence. She hated ME for them moving back.

So for the 3 most impactful people, I found that interesting considering I needed positive male influence. I had none. I can't name 3 people, I really cant, especially at a young age. I was alone. I'll tell you this.....My middle school guidance counselor told my mother when I was 13 years old that I was the most depressed child she had seen in her 20 years of work. What did my mom do? Not a damn thing, oh wait, shipped me to my dad to handle.

So impactful : stepmother, grandmother (great lady), and father. 1 out of 3 were a positive impact in my life. Ain't too bad right?

My dad knows struggling and wants me to stay with him, but I've chosen my car over him. I've been in my car for 2 weeks now and prefer it to staying at his house.

Self sabotaging? NO DOUBT
05-25-2018 03:20 AM
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Brebelle3 Offline
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-25-2018 12:31 AM)Suits Wrote:  Surely there are better places to teach ESL than in Cambodia.

Yeah, no question about that, but here is my distorted thinking.

I'm a college drop out, like to smoke weed, and want to live in a shithole with a very low cost of living. I want to be off the grid man, like gone. I want what's easy, not the challenge of teaching in China ;-)

I have zero drive to thrive. I've lived in a shed for the past year for Christ sake! I'm capable of something, but it has to be handed to me. No wait, it has been handed to me at times and I just say nah, fuck it, I'll just stay here in my safe space. What a pussy.
05-25-2018 03:28 AM
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Brebelle3 Offline
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-25-2018 12:44 AM)Thomas the Rhymer Wrote:  
(05-24-2018 08:48 PM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  The happiest I've ever been was when I surrendered my life to God.

The corollary of that statement is that when your are far from God, you are miserable.

What church are you going to?

It's a non denominational, but my ex wife attends there as well. They have a couple of satellite campuses, so I could always avoid her at one of those.

Yes, God is there for me, but the second and I mean the second He restores me, I'm back to my bullshit ways. I can't even stay true to Him and what He's done in my life is undeniably real.

So I know the answer to the test Thomas, but I still don't mark it right on the paper. It's fucked up man.

See I know what's right, but fight it in everything I do!?
05-25-2018 03:36 AM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #16
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
It sounds like youre carrying a lot of baggage from childhood. Lack of nurturing and caring parents has damaged your self esteem and your lack of self worth is creating this self sabotaging fear of success.

When I was a kid my father was a drunk and would become abusive towards my mother. She divorced him when I was around 7 and she raised my older brother and younger sister on her own.

When I was around 14 it became apparent to my brother and I that my mother had mental health issues. She was sweet, loving and caring most of the time but was eventually diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic

As an adult I can look back and clearly see that both my parents had problems. But I remember almost the exact day in my early teens when the realization hit me: "My god...my parents are just people. They arent the deity like figures I perceived them to be. They aren't god like 'Mom and Dad' ... theyre just people"

This is a pretty scary realization because it means ultimately I /we are alone in this world.

But this is also liberating because it means that Im not a prisoner of their human foibles. I was free to look past what we didnt have and focus on what I wanted to have

What your mom and dad and step parents did to you, or didn't do for you only carries the weight you assign it. They are flawed, however deeply, human beings and so are to be viewed as such

Im more convinced now that the book I suggested contains the right tools to help you shift your fear oriented paradigm

_______________________________________
{ She Have The "Happy Gene? "
{ Inversion Therapy
{Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
(This post was last modified: 05-25-2018 10:59 AM by PapayaTapper.)
05-25-2018 10:56 AM
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RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-25-2018 10:56 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  It sounds like youre carrying a lot of baggage from childhood. Lack of nurturing and caring parents has damaged your self esteem and your lack of self worth is creating this self sabotaging fear of success.

When I was a kid my father was a drunk and would become abusive towards my mother. She divorced him when I was around 7 and she raised my older brother and younger sister on her own.

When I was around 14 it became apparent to my brother and I that my mother had mental health issues. She was sweet, loving and caring most of the time but was eventually diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic

As an adult I can look back and clearly see that both my parents had problems. But I remember almost the exact day in my early teens when the realization hit me: "My god...my parents are just people. They arent the deity like figures I perceived them to be. They aren't god like 'Mom and Dad' ... theyre just people"

This is a pretty scary realization because it means ultimately I /we are alone in this world.

But this is also liberating because it means that Im not a prisoner of their human foibles. I was free to look past what we didnt have and focus on what I wanted to have

What your mom and dad and step parents did to you, or didn't do for you only carries the weight you assign it. They are flawed, however deeply, human beings and so are to be viewed as such

Im more convinced now that the book I suggested contains the right tools to help you shift your fear oriented paradigm

Getting the book today.

So you think finding a way, maybe not to forgive them, but just to let it go would help give me the peace in life I seek?
05-25-2018 11:23 AM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #18
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-25-2018 11:23 AM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  
(05-25-2018 10:56 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  It sounds like youre carrying a lot of baggage from childhood. Lack of nurturing and caring parents has damaged your self esteem and your lack of self worth is creating this self sabotaging fear of success.

When I was a kid my father was a drunk and would become abusive towards my mother. She divorced him when I was around 7 and she raised my older brother and younger sister on her own.

When I was around 14 it became apparent to my brother and I that my mother had mental health issues. She was sweet, loving and caring most of the time but was eventually diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic

As an adult I can look back and clearly see that both my parents had problems. But I remember almost the exact day in my early teens when the realization hit me: "My god...my parents are just people. They arent the deity like figures I perceived them to be. They aren't god like 'Mom and Dad' ... theyre just people"

This is a pretty scary realization because it means ultimately I /we are alone in this world.

But this is also liberating because it means that Im not a prisoner of their human foibles. I was free to look past what we didnt have and focus on what I wanted to have

What your mom and dad and step parents did to you, or didn't do for you only carries the weight you assign it. They are flawed, however deeply, human beings and so are to be viewed as such

Im more convinced now that the book I suggested contains the right tools to help you shift your fear oriented paradigm

Getting the book today.

So you think finding a way, maybe not to forgive them, but just to let it go would help give me the peace in life I seek?

Definitely. Letting go of all that baggage is exactly what Im suggesting. The past only exists in your mind and its significance is only what you assign to it.

It seems like a significant part of your self identity is rooted in those dynamics. Your self identity is critical because the only person you (we all) communicate with 24/7/365 is yourself.

If you are communicating with a self perception of low value because of the value your "mom and dad deities" instilled then youre fighting an uphill battle.

You need to reduce the importance of the negative memories of the relationships with your parents and step parents.

My father was a brilliant but tortured soul. When I was a kid his approval meant everything. Later I resented his treatment of my mother. Finally after I realized he wasn't "god like" but just a flawed human and a product of his upbringing he took his proper place in my life...both good and bad, brilliant and pathetic, wise and idiotic.

Ive successfully compartmentalized the positives he provided and negatives he wrought. Ive chosen to keep the former and discard the latter

At the end of the day all we want is to be happy right? Positivity is essential to that state.

Your outlook can be "trained" towards positivity. Like anything it gets easier with practice

Edit: But first you need to know at a bone deep level that you deserve to be happy, successful, fulfilled

_______________________________________
{ She Have The "Happy Gene? "
{ Inversion Therapy
{Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
(This post was last modified: 05-25-2018 03:07 PM by PapayaTapper.)
05-25-2018 02:59 PM
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Post: #19
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
I don't have anything constructive to add right now in terms of advice, but just wanted to tell you I read it all, I get it, and I'm pulling for you.

"He always wanted to drift forever, but through the American Southwest."
05-25-2018 03:33 PM
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Post: #20
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
I realize my father isn't the all knowing man I used to think he was. I've watched him become a hermit and see him dying from diabetes. He's weak and boring.

Thing is, if I go and leave the US for a fresh start in life (I know my issues follow me no matter where I relocate) I still couldn't be honest with either parent of where I'm going. I'd lie to them, just like I lie to them where I'm living. Just like I lie to them where I work. Just like I lie to everyone about who I am. I'm a phony!

I'm afraid of what people would think of who I have been and the things I have done.

How did you overcome the notion to please them or seek their approval exactly? What was it like the 1st time you told your dad something you knew he wouldn't agree with?

I want to be my own man and go my own way, but I fear people's judgements. I don't want to hurt people, but my way of coping is to blow it up in a way that I can't be forgiven. I make things so bad with people that they are genuinely afraid to be in my presence. Like 0-100 real quick (I hate Drake)

I'm failing life. Failed father, failed husband, failed as anemployee, failed as an employer, failed as a friend, failed as a sibling. I am completely alone and it's because I've chosen that life.

It's exhausting.
05-25-2018 03:47 PM
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Post: #21
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-25-2018 03:33 PM)Jetset Wrote:  I don't have anything constructive to add right now in terms of advice, but just wanted to tell you I read it all, I get it, and I'm pulling for you.

Thanks man, makes me feel supported. It means more coming from you than someone who knows and loves me. How fucked up is that?

You guys have kept me going since I joined almost 2 years ago.

This site and forum has seriously saved my life.

PT, I was replying to you with the reply prior to this one
05-25-2018 03:53 PM
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Post: #22
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
Right now you just need to start to believe that you can change the things you want to change. It helps to know that others have been similar things (although we always think our family and our issues are unlike anyone else's. You seem to have one pre requisite in order to effect change: pain.

For now have faith that you can find the positive / pleasure / desire to replace the pain with

Just remember...now matter how fucked up and hopeless your situation is, someone who's had it worse over came theirs

Did you buy the book?

_______________________________________
{ She Have The "Happy Gene? "
{ Inversion Therapy
{Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
05-25-2018 07:21 PM
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Post: #23
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
(05-25-2018 07:21 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Right now you just need to start to believe that you can change the things you want to change. It helps to know that others have been similar things (although we always think our family and our issues are unlike anyone else's. You seem to have one pre requisite in order to effect change: pain.

For now have faith that you can find the positive / pleasure / desire to replace the pain with

Just remember...now matter how fucked up and hopeless your situation is, someone who's had it worse over came theirs

Did you buy the book?

Bought it my friend. Read the first 3 chapters. Making decisions and how to decide and stick to it hit home. In my life, I've made decisions, then the wind blows and I go the opposite. I made a small decision to contact my biological daughter and invite her to dinner. I may not get a response right away, but I've got to continue to know I'm thinking of her.

I'm at a crossroads in my life. Do I start a new life somewhere else away from the madness or do I stick it out here and finish what I started? Resignation letters are written, train ticket to Chicago is purchased (I'd fly out of Chicago), flight data is one of my tabs, Airbnb lodging is in a tab, TEFL is completed, minimized my things, doctor and dental appointments are scheduled, checklist is being checked off........but here I am at this moment, researching local apartments or 1br houses nearby.

I'm grinding man, trying to FEEL, pray, seek sage advice, but it's crazy how unsure I am. Made a lot of notes from the book. Will revisit tonight. Chapter 3 was intense and powerful.

I'm sitting here in a Taco Bell parking lot, using the WiFi to watch the Cavs-Celtics, and trying to make the right decision. More importantly, convincing myself to stick with it either way.
05-25-2018 09:16 PM
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Post: #24
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
Real story and talk mate, raw but thats real life.

We are here for you, and don't ever think that it's not possible to get a whole lot better from here.
You can and will walk forward from here. I'm not saying its going to be easy, but I am saying its going to be worth it.

I can support the move to Cambodia. Its such a WTF shock and change that I can see it being a life changing event.

Fuck sitting around the old haunts feeling blue and waiting for something to happen.
Get out there and have the adventure of your life mate.

You will learn, you will grow and you will harden up and expand your strength.
The lessons you will get from this adventure will serve as a foundation to build bigger and better things on.

One thing Cambodia will teach you is, we have no right to complain and feel sorry for ourselves, around you will be poverty, hard luck and difficult lives that you can witness people enduring and enjoying with more courage and grace than you have ever seen in the west. That kind of experience sinks in and stand you in good stead to face our relatively small adversities with a shrug.

Knuckle down and stay the course, now is not the time to pussy out.

Rattie x
05-25-2018 11:59 PM
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Post: #25
RE: God, father, mentor? Nope, Rooshv for help
[quote='Brebelle3' pid='1789237' dateline='1527191243']

I lose it and accuse her of having an affair. I'm fired up. Sunday morning, headed to tournament, walk in, guy is standing right behind her. I throw shit on the ground and cause a scene. I call her a whore, cunt, and words that I don't even think are words. "Leave me here in Knoxville, I say" She begs me to be reasonable and not believe nonsense. Im gone guys, gone in my mind at this point. I tell her to have a nice life and tell my daughter she'll never see me again. She leaves me in Knoxville with no way home.


My advice, can't say whats up with your new wife, but I'd just recomend you keep shit straight with your daughter. Its not her fault and she needs a good Dad. Maybe one at home, nearby, or who teaches English in Cambodia. God Bless
05-26-2018 12:09 AM
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