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Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
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chvrches Offline
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Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
I started an engineering major because my dad is an engineer and wanted me to follow his path. My sister is doing a medical major because my mom is a doctor. My family has all a good educations and there's always been pressure and encouragement from the family for us to get the best one possible since we were kids. But after 1.5 years of intense killing myself studying and having no sleep/social life, barely 4-5 hours sleep a day, no friends, no motivation, I decided to quit my engineering major. It was a hard decision but I didn't like the direction my life was heading, I wanted to fix it.

I got into self-development and it helped me a ton. I took a 1 year hiatus to focus on myself and I got a side job while also started to get more social, focused more time in the gym and spent time meeting people, making friends, lost my virginity, got my first girlfriend. Got into reading and meditation, intermittent fasting, nofap, all the good stuff. I also got into volunteering work. Never felt so good in my life.

My parents were 'fine' with me dropping out of engineering major and supported me, but they wanted me to find another major that had my interest. They encouraged me to start studying again as soon as possible and not waste more time. Which is fair enough, i get it.

Now the time was up for applying to universities again, and I didn't know exactly what I would study this time around. But I decided on biology since I love the gym and was always interested in learning about the human anatomy and the processes behind it. So, I applied and I got into the major. I have been studying it for nearly 1 year now and I figured out it's not something for me. I'm having thoughts of quitting the education and go soul searching, figure out what I want with life. Do I want to keep studying or do I want to do something else with my life? You see, the thing is I'm scared to tell my parents since they've been a huge support for me both financially but also emotionally as well during my new education. I'm scared to death to stay the black sheep in the family when all i wanted was to make them proud.

I feel so guilty if I have to tell my mom for the second time that I'm quitting because right now, I'm clueless to what I should study and I'm afraid that if I keep dropping out early every time, I will never settle for an education. I will be wasting so much more time. I'm currently 22 years old and it's considered a little late if i don't finish an education within the next 2 years. Time passes and suddenly I will end up old with no education while all my friends are getting bachelors and associate degrees all around me, while I'm just there stuck in the same place. This is one of my biggest fears in life. Most my friends from high school nearly have a bachelor degree while I'm still here unsure what to do with my life.

Should I force myself to finish this education for another 2 years, but kill my self and rip the motivation out of my self just for this, and possibly end up in the life situation as when I was in the engineering major(sad, depressed etc) or should I look for something else that might finally interest me, like keep trying until i success with something.

My grades in high school sucked, and my options for entry are very limited if i apply for something new again. I got lucky getting into engineering because the application % was low that year, so they set the bar low. I know my parents will still support me even if i drop out, but i would feel like a complete disaster. The black sheep. Wasting precious time of my life jumping from education to education. Obviously they just want the best for me so i don't end up working a 9-5 low tier job with a dreadful salary.

Should I tell my parents I'm quitting or should I play it like I'm still continuing the biology study while applying for a new one in the meantime? Or should i just tell the truth. Need life advice.
06-14-2018 08:07 AM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Your parents sound pretty cool actually.

Does anyone else in your family consider you a black sheep besides you?

You sound like a normal 22 year old.

Does your school have free counseling?

If you can find a counselor who isn't female or soy, they can be really good at giving you perspective and breaking down your options and coming up with a plan, but only if the counselor isn't a nightmare.

You might have to go to a couple to find a good one.

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But ten percent of it is real.
And that's the ten percent we have to watch out for.

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06-14-2018 11:39 AM
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Dragan Offline
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Hmmm.. You took time off from school. And went back? Finish it. Finish school, force yourself to finish it, and then start the soul searching. Whatever the biggest immediate obstacle is in your life, you need to overcome it, and then tackle other obstacles that aren't as immediate. This is coming from my experience with college and dropping out for a while.

A job isn't gonna be really that fufilling unless you find something you really like.

Finish college, go backpacking, join the military, take a go at music, travel the world, the sky is really the limit.

If you restarted college you might as well finish it, otherwise you're always going to regret not finishing it. Start seriously fucking around when you get out of college, and do that for a few years if you have no clue. It worked well for me (that's why I moved to Serbia).
06-14-2018 12:11 PM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Just to second what Debeguiled said, while what you are experiencing is certainly not good, it is fairly normal. Some people don't realize what they want to do until they are 30. It's hard for me to make an assessment of your case since I don't know how many credits you have. Also, if you go back to school, would you continue studying biology? You might want to think about switching to microbiology since there are far more job opportunities available there if you don't go to med school.
Accounting isn't too hard of a major and it's something that will always be in high demand. Perhaps, you could consider that. Also, I would advise you to just relax a little, you still have plenty of time. If you have to work and take classes part-time next year, do that, but make sure you are at least moving forward.
Btw, if you're looking for a no-bullshit counselor, search Aaron Clarey in Youtube and watch a few of his videos, he has pretty good insights.

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06-14-2018 12:23 PM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Just do everything you can to finish your degree, you'll thank yourself later and realise it wasn't as hard as you thought! You don't need to do Biology for the rest of your life, just for the next 2 years.
06-14-2018 01:23 PM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
I don't know your exact situation, but I would also recommend to finish the degree. The thing is, nowadays there are a ton of job options that you actually cannot really study for at university for. So if you're looking for something that you're really interested in, it might not even be possible to study that at university. You could spend a lot of time looking for the right major when there is actually none that really fits your interests. So it might be better to just finish a degree and then look into jobs that interest you.

Of course if you know what you want to do it's always better to study something that is related. But in your case that doesn't seem to be the case.

I would see if it's possible to try out different jobs while you study. Maybe take on a part-time assistant job or an internship during summer break. At the same time you can move forward towards finishing the degree.

After you finish the degree you can still do some type of apprenticeship or take some additional courses.
(This post was last modified: 06-14-2018 04:36 PM by Ice.)
06-14-2018 04:35 PM
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tobehero Offline
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
I do not know the cultural differences but if your parents truly wanted happiness for you, they will be ok with whatever you pursued.

You only have one life, you have to put your own passions, desires first. It will tough at the start but you will regret it more later in life than keeping everyone else happy at the cost of your own happiness.
06-14-2018 11:02 PM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
I second Ice's advice. Push hard to find internships in your last two years of college. Try to find jobs that interest you. Doing actual work will give you a more concrete idea of what you like, and you can branch out from there.

Many people, maybe even most people, are not doing jobs that correspond to the major of their bachelor's degree. Think about all the psychology, philosophy, and political science majors.

All things being equal, a bachelor of science is better than a bachelor of arts for a lot of jobs. It signals some quantitative ability. Mostly though, Human Resources departments just use bachelor's degrees as a bare minimum screening tool for a lot of jobs. The major doesn't matter in probably the majority of cases.

If you don't have a defined profession as the goal for your degree (accountant, engineer, doctor, etc.), then you most likely fall into this general pool with most people. In this case, you might as well just finish out the degree, and turn your focus on the job market by exploring internship opportunities.

Another thing you should do is create a Linkedin profile, and add some information about yourself on it. Then, you can do searches for people from your alma mater and/or with biology degrees, and see what jobs they landed. Send them a message and ask them for a quick 20 minute call to pick their brain. Don't ask them for coffee like everyone else suggests. That is a bigger time commitment than a lot of people will expend for someone they don't know very well. However most people will jump on a call to help out a student no problem.

One crucial thing to consider is timing. I was in the same boat as you. I switched my major a couple of times, which delayed my graduation considerably. By the time I graduated, the Great Recession hit, and it was a pain in the ass to find a job. I had a great internship, which helped a lot, but I got hired at another company at a lower position than I probably would have during boom times. This undoubtedly had a negative impact on my entire career.

We are in boom times again in terms of employment. It would be a good idea to take advantage of that NOW, and try to get a good internship and finish out your degree. You never know when the economy may turn again, and then it will be much harder to find a job, even if you have the perfect degree.

You seem like you're in a good frame of mind. Use that momentum and network your ass off.
06-15-2018 12:07 AM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
You're a very young man and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
Feeling familial and societal pressure and confusion is just part of growing pains to maturity.

I second the posters above who've encouraged you to complete the degree. Unfortunately, the way the world currently works is that you're gonna need that black and white confirmation of a Bachelor's level education to have organizations and businesses of good stature take you seriously.
It's not so much the content of your degree as much as the proven discipline and ability to grind through and complete a task that employers are looking at. It's the most time saving way for prospective employers to even want to give you a sniff.

Great comment from Lampwick I'm going to quote here:
< I second Ice's advice. Push hard to find internships in your last two years of college. Try to find jobs that interest you. Doing actual work will give you a more concrete idea of what you like, and you can branch out from there.

Many people, maybe even most people, are not doing jobs that correspond to the major of their bachelor's degree. Think about all the psychology, philosophy, and political science majors.

All things being equal, a bachelor of science is better than a bachelor of arts for a lot of jobs. It signals some quantitative ability. Mostly though, Human Resources departments just use bachelor's degrees as a bare minimum screening tool for a lot of jobs. The major doesn't matter in probably the majority of cases.

If you don't have a defined profession as the goal for your degree (accountant, engineer, doctor, etc.), then you most likely fall into this general pool with most people. In this case, you might as well just finish out the degree, and turn your focus on the job market by exploring internship opportunities.>

I was a graduate engineer who worked for up to 2 years grinding away in that industry and getting increasingly dissatisfied and unmotivated as I was hitting my 26th birthday. A lot of my thinking was dominated by self loathing and regret in picking a path I didn't feel cut out for.
Eventually switched careers to people development in outdoor based education and settled with it for for up to a decade now. Currently finishing a part time industry accredited Master's in Occupational Safety and Risk Management from an engineering faculty. This from someone who didn't want to have anything to do with higher study after I graduated with a Bachelor's in my 20's.
My point is you're not going to have some ideal path mapped out for you.

So, you'd want to set yourself up and create the best options given the current time and conditions. As painful as it is, you're going to have to grind through and do what you have to for the credibility of a degree. Unless you're the next startup king, Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates.
I'd like to leave you with some Stoic based thinking that has helped my mindset over the years, even recently in my 30's when some black cloud gets over me.
* If you are distressed by anything external (perceived shame in displeasing people you love, perceived shame in seeing less value in yourself compared to your degree holding peers), the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it. *

Perhaps some type of specialized tuition and study approach might unlock effective ways to get over the current study hurdle.
I remember thoroughly being anxious about the Occupational Legislation (laws, regulations, penalties, tons of terminology and words) module part of my Master's. The thick textbooks and mountains of regulations and laws to absorb were not something I enjoyed or felt played to my strengths at all. Having a history of never being great at memorizing and interpreting information this way, I was haunted by anxiety of failing this important module. On top of that, I was coping with a busy and physically demanding work schedule.

Mind Maps. Graphically representing and simplifying copious amount of information. To this day, I'm extremely grateful for my module lecturer's lessons on using something as simple as mind maps to absorb and make sense of information I wasn't interested in but was required to know. Ended up scoring an A- on something I was sure I was going to get an F in. I've used mind maps ever since with every other subject and domain to great effect (sales presentations, program flows, planning my schedule etc). Still not a fan of that Legislation subject, though.

You've proven you can handle the other aspects of self development in your life.
Just need to approach this current hurdle like a personal war. Your World Cup group of death. The Boss monster whose head you need to take at the end of the quest.
One fine day in your 30's, in your 40's and older, you'll be sitting back, all relaxed and thinking back.
" Fuck, what a rough uncertain time. But I came out on top. Took my bruises and scars and almost got killed but I came out on top".
06-15-2018 02:38 AM
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scorpion Offline
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
chvrches Wrote:But after 1.5 years of intense killing myself studying and having no sleep/social life, barely 4-5 hours sleep a day, no friends, no motivation, I decided to quit my engineering major.

I'm not sure why you're blaming these outcomes on the engineering major rather than on other factors in your life. I had many friends in college who were engineering majors, and none of them had those problems. Hell, I had a mechanical engineering major roommate who got more pussy and was involved in more campus/social activities than anyone else I knew. He was at the bar every night and the gym every day, and still able to keep decent grades. It's totally possible, it just takes mental discipline. But it's pretty easy to be depressed and unmotivated if you have no friends and aren't taking care of yourself physically. That being said, I don't see why you'd be incapable of managing an engineering major after all the self-development you've done over the past year or two. Get your shit together. It's a long life and an engineering degree is a great start.

"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” - Romans 8:18
06-15-2018 08:06 AM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Do what you want! Stop pleasing other people. Yeah they’re your parents but who cares. They’ll still love you if you change your mind again. They will be disappointed but fuck it! Live your live because its yours. You’re so young even though you can’t see that now. Do something that you’re passionate about and makes you happy. If you don’t know by now, find out. Take some other classes and find out. If you want to drop out, then find work that interests you. This is advice I wish I took myself but I’m old now
06-15-2018 09:47 AM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Is this going to be one of those ask-a-good-question-get-heartfelt-responses-and-disappear-forever troll threads?

Quote:Ninety percent of this is psycho bullshit, I realize.
But ten percent of it is real.
And that's the ten percent we have to watch out for.

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06-15-2018 11:17 AM
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chvrches Offline
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
(06-14-2018 11:39 AM)debeguiled Wrote:  Your parents sound pretty cool actually.

Does anyone else in your family consider you a black sheep besides you?

You sound like a normal 22 year old.

Does your school have free counseling?

If you can find a counselor who isn't female or soy, they can be really good at giving you perspective and breaking down your options and coming up with a plan, but only if the counselor isn't a nightmare.

You might have to go to a couple to find a good one.

I don't know if anyone else in my family considers me the black sheep, they have never directly said it, but I can sense it. I definitely see myself as one, comparing my self to my older sister who've had no problem with education, always had an easy time in life as well as with the relationship with our parents. And I have been the one that has always been "on the edge." I stopped comparing us 2 to each other a long time ago, because we've had two different challenges and she's always been passioned and sure about her education and that she wants to do this the rest of her life, while I've been having other thoughts about mine. I have always wanted to be something more than just a guy with an engineering degree, a paper of confirmation.

My school does offer free counseling, but the counselor is an annoying lady that doesn't know what's best for me. She keeps giving me options that I don't see myself fit with. Completely out of my loop just for the financial benefit of the university. That's what I feel like at least. So far no good talks with her, all she does is guilt-trip me over the engineering education I spent a long time on and quit without providing valid reasons to why it was a "bad decision" to drop out.

(06-14-2018 12:11 PM)Dragan Wrote:  Hmmm.. You took time off from school. And went back? Finish it. Finish school, force yourself to finish it, and then start the soul searching. Whatever the biggest immediate obstacle is in your life, you need to overcome it, and then tackle other obstacles that aren't as immediate. This is coming from my experience with college and dropping out for a while.

A job isn't gonna be really that fufilling unless you find something you really like.

Finish college, go backpacking, join the military, take a go at music, travel the world, the sky is really the limit.

If you restarted college you might as well finish it, otherwise you're always going to regret not finishing it. Start seriously fucking around when you get out of college, and do that for a few years if you have no clue. It worked well for me (that's why I moved to Serbia).

I was thinking about going backpacking and travelling as soon as I finish. I am not quite ready for working yet as I feel like there's so much to experience first, and that I need to build my personal character up further before I build my work career. I want to make the most out of my 20s while also not regretting anything when im sitting at home with a family at 30s thinking back about my life. If I may ask, when you finished college and went out travelling, how was it getting back and getting a job (if you ever went back) after such a long time or are you currently working in Serbia?

(06-14-2018 12:23 PM)Vasily Zaytsev Wrote:  Just to second what Debeguiled said, while what you are experiencing is certainly not good, it is fairly normal. Some people don't realize what they want to do until they are 30. It's hard for me to make an assessment of your case since I don't know how many credits you have. Also, if you go back to school, would you continue studying biology? You might want to think about switching to microbiology since there are far more job opportunities available there if you don't go to med school.
Accounting isn't too hard of a major and it's something that will always be in high demand. Perhaps, you could consider that. Also, I would advise you to just relax a little, you still have plenty of time. If you have to work and take classes part-time next year, do that, but make sure you are at least moving forward.
Btw, if you're looking for a no-bullshit counselor, search Aaron Clarey in Youtube and watch a few of his videos, he has pretty good insights.

Thank you, I will definitely look Aaron Clarey up on youtube. About the microbiology, that's my plan. You can choose a direction further into the study and I was thinking about this option. I have been told by last year students that it opens up for a lot of further jobs in the field.

(06-15-2018 08:06 AM)scorpion Wrote:  
chvrches Wrote:But after 1.5 years of intense killing myself studying and having no sleep/social life, barely 4-5 hours sleep a day, no friends, no motivation, I decided to quit my engineering major.

I'm not sure why you're blaming these outcomes on the engineering major rather than on other factors in your life. I had many friends in college who were engineering majors, and none of them had those problems. Hell, I had a mechanical engineering major roommate who got more pussy and was involved in more campus/social activities than anyone else I knew. He was at the bar every night and the gym every day, and still able to keep decent grades. It's totally possible, it just takes mental discipline. But it's pretty easy to be depressed and unmotivated if you have no friends and aren't taking care of yourself physically. That being said, I don't see why you'd be incapable of managing an engineering major after all the self-development you've done over the past year or two. Get your shit together. It's a long life and an engineering degree is a great start.

You're right, I feel like I could do much better now that I have my life in order. But what I mean by killing myself is a combination of lack of mental discipline and choosing a major I felt unfit for. I could barely get by with low scores, and it drained my energy because I did study but didn't get the outcome I was looking for. Perhaps I didn't study "enough". If you're not motivated about something, it takes a war to finish it. I studied something I had 0 interest in for the sake of pleasing my parents/having a good reputation in the social group with a major degree in engineering. Weak psychology + the wrong reasons.

@the-dream @Ice @tobehero @Lampwick @Westsideloser @Frank Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. I have always felt like it's the best to continue, even though I might not use it for something, at least I have something to fall back on if I don't find good internships/jobs in the current field I will be studying. Like a safety net, but also as you mentioned Frank,

"Unfortunately, the way the world currently works is that you're gonna need that black and white confirmation of a Bachelor's level education to have organizations and businesses of good stature take you seriously."

This is absolutely true, and it might be the best way to go about this. I haven't talked to anyone about this except for the counselor and she didn't give me anywhere close to satisfying and clever insight like you guys did, so I appreciate it a lot.
06-16-2018 04:14 AM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
OP you're killing yourself as you say because deep down your miserable and don't actually enjoy what you're studying. It sounds like you already know the answer to your own question, but be your own man. Don't live life for your parents. If you don't want to study engineering, then don't. Assuming you live to be an old man, looking back on your life what are you going to think to yourself? Are you going to regret not doing what your parents wished for you to be? I doubt it.

You already started a personal development journey. Good on you. More men should. But that also shows you have an adventurous side that's a bit restless with a soul screaming at you to get more out of life. I can guarantee if you don't do what you want to do, and listen to your gut, you'll be fuckin miserable for the rest of your life.

College is not for everyone. In your hiatus from college, the job you worked...did you enjoy it? There are some pretty adventurous blue collar jobs out there that take entry level men. Go to the coasts to join the merchant marines. Go to Alaska and work in a cannery for a summer. Or go to Nebraska and punch cows and rastle calves. There's a lot of wasted talent out there stemming from this idea you need to go to university. Meanwhile most urban youth haven't the foggiest idea of working with their hands. Sad. But somewhere along the way, you'll find something that makes your eyes light up when yoi talk about it.

Do not be afraid to be the black sheep of your family. It may be awkward at first, take my word for it, the people in your family will be jealous of you and living vicariously through you even if they don't admit it.

Look, my one and only regret in life was similar to yours. It came from honoring the wishes of my dad and pursuing some bs white collar education instead of doing what I wanted to do after I graduated high school. I didn't want to dissappoint my dad. I tried the uni thing and I was miserable as could be and took to heavy drinking. I only dissapointed myself. The hell with that. I left and went down my own road. But the fact that I missed the opportunity to do something I really wanted to do for myself and listened to my father is still my greatest regret and admittedly still eats at me sometimes 10 plus years later. And now that I'm older; I understand why my father didn't want me to do what I wanted to do after high school. I'm completely convinced of it. It's simply because that was one of his dreams as a young man that he didn't do...and he simply would have been jealous. Nothing more, nothing less. I respect my dad as a man for the life he built for himself, but now I fail to respect him as a father. For many reasons. What are real reasons your parents may be masking under the guise of something else. You don't know how you'll see you parents in the years to come.

I mean no disrespect to your parents, but if you want to lead a certain life and they are trying to get you to conform to their idea of what your life should be, do not be afraid to tell them to get fucked. Obviously not with those exact words. This is your life. They will always love you as their son. But, if you live your life for them, you may not always love them in return with that grudge you carry. And then when they kick it you won't even want to go to their funeral. I speak from experience.

Don't be scared of the future OP. Embrace it. And as you get older and more expierences under your belt, and more challenges you conquer the better of a man. Not only will you be a better man, and a different man. But you will be a man, and you will be your own man.

I'm as free as the breeze and I ride where I please. May there always be a road; for tonight we saddle up and ride.
Psalm 25:7
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj5MFtk3ge8
(This post was last modified: 06-16-2018 03:54 PM by Spectrumwalker.)
06-16-2018 02:55 PM
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RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Some bad news for you. Finding and keeping a good job is generally even harder than getting into college and finishing it.

The reason many employees require a college degree is not necessarily specific knowledge or skills but evidence that your are smart and responsible enough to get a college education.

You have 3 options:

-If you want a white collar job/career which requires a college degree, you have to harden the fuck up and graduate.

-If you are considering other career options which don't require a degree, such as working in trades or starting your own business, that's fine but keep in mind that becoming successful in either of those fields may even be harder than getting a degree and a white collar job. Otherwise you may get stuck doing back breaking work for little money in trades or failing and losing money in business.

-If your parents will support you financially no matter what, then you can quit college, do some "soul searching" or whatever and don't worry about accomplishing anything. I recommend doing yoga and meditation in Bali for awhile and banging a bunch of chicks while you're at it. Then travel the world looking for the meaning of life for the rest of your life and bang even more chicks. Not a bad choice compared to wasting your prime years studying and wage slaving like most people do. I would do it if I could go back in time and had rich parents willing to pay for that kind of lifestyle. I wouldn't care what other people think about me either.
06-16-2018 03:23 PM
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flanders Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
(06-15-2018 08:06 AM)scorpion Wrote:  
chvrches Wrote:But after 1.5 years of intense killing myself studying and having no sleep/social life, barely 4-5 hours sleep a day, no friends, no motivation, I decided to quit my engineering major.

I'm not sure why you're blaming these outcomes on the engineering major rather than on other factors in your life. I had many friends in college who were engineering majors, and none of them had those problems. Hell, I had a mechanical engineering major roommate who got more pussy and was involved in more campus/social activities than anyone else I knew. He was at the bar every night and the gym every day, and still able to keep decent grades. It's totally possible, it just takes mental discipline. But it's pretty easy to be depressed and unmotivated if you have no friends and aren't taking care of yourself physically. That being said, I don't see why you'd be incapable of managing an engineering major after all the self-development you've done over the past year or two. Get your shit together. It's a long life and an engineering degree is a great start.

I didn't see anybody who got higher than a 3.25 GPA in the engineering department who wasn't popping handfuls of ritalin on the regular for "ADHD". I can't remember working on school shit less than sixty or seventy hours a week or regularly getting more than four or five hours of sleep a night either, and it was a fitful, anxiety-plagued half sleep, not restful at all. I don't think I drank less than a pot of coffee a day for almost a year. The student attrition and suicide rate was high. I don't know where or when you went to school though. Skeptical flanders is skeptical.

Agreed with the rest - try to exercise and get six hours of sleep a night and treat yourself right.
To add a bit - take 20k IU of vitamin D tablets daily to keep your mood up and ZMA to sleep better. Try to diet if overweight. You only really need 2400 calories and 200g protein a day. Intermittent fasting/time restricted eating saves time. You can make your own soylent shakes to cut down on meal prep. Set unrealistically short deadlines to fight procrastination and look into the pomodoro method if you're into that.

OP if your parents are in it for you then be a part time student and get a part time job bartending (or personal training or something) so you can have some semblance of social life while not killing yourself studying. For every employed engineer there's a score of burned out fuckups trying to pay off their student loans with three shitty jobs because they went at it too hard and wanted to get it done in four yearsor less. Six years is not much different from four years, but it will feel a lot different in terms of studying. You might actually enjoy your engineering coursework if you have time sufficient to work on it.

If you don't want to go for MechE then construction management basically pays the same but is way easier from what I've heard.
(This post was last modified: 06-16-2018 10:13 PM by flanders.)
06-16-2018 09:31 PM
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Graft Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
Honestly engineering sucks. The schoolwork is extremely difficult and the payoff is mediocre because you are not in a revenue producing position. Everyone that I know who majored in engineering and got a job after graduation wanted out, going back to school for finance or programming or some shit.

Major in CIS/MIS and if you suck at the technicals then go sell software

Or major in liberal arts and sell software..
06-17-2018 01:57 AM
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Dragan Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Scared of the future / disappointing my parents
(06-16-2018 04:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  
(06-14-2018 11:39 AM)debeguiled Wrote:  Your parents sound pretty cool actually.

Does anyone else in your family consider you a black sheep besides you?

You sound like a normal 22 year old.

Does your school have free counseling?

If you can find a counselor who isn't female or soy, they can be really good at giving you perspective and breaking down your options and coming up with a plan, but only if the counselor isn't a nightmare.

You might have to go to a couple to find a good one.

I don't know if anyone else in my family considers me the black sheep, they have never directly said it, but I can sense it. I definitely see myself as one, comparing my self to my older sister who've had no problem with education, always had an easy time in life as well as with the relationship with our parents. And I have been the one that has always been "on the edge." I stopped comparing us 2 to each other a long time ago, because we've had two different challenges and she's always been passioned and sure about her education and that she wants to do this the rest of her life, while I've been having other thoughts about mine. I have always wanted to be something more than just a guy with an engineering degree, a paper of confirmation.

My school does offer free counseling, but the counselor is an annoying lady that doesn't know what's best for me. She keeps giving me options that I don't see myself fit with. Completely out of my loop just for the financial benefit of the university. That's what I feel like at least. So far no good talks with her, all she does is guilt-trip me over the engineering education I spent a long time on and quit without providing valid reasons to why it was a "bad decision" to drop out.

(06-14-2018 12:11 PM)Dragan Wrote:  Hmmm.. You took time off from school. And went back? Finish it. Finish school, force yourself to finish it, and then start the soul searching. Whatever the biggest immediate obstacle is in your life, you need to overcome it, and then tackle other obstacles that aren't as immediate. This is coming from my experience with college and dropping out for a while.

A job isn't gonna be really that fufilling unless you find something you really like.

Finish college, go backpacking, join the military, take a go at music, travel the world, the sky is really the limit.

If you restarted college you might as well finish it, otherwise you're always going to regret not finishing it. Start seriously fucking around when you get out of college, and do that for a few years if you have no clue. It worked well for me (that's why I moved to Serbia).

I was thinking about going backpacking and travelling as soon as I finish. I am not quite ready for working yet as I feel like there's so much to experience first, and that I need to build my personal character up further before I build my work career. I want to make the most out of my 20s while also not regretting anything when im sitting at home with a family at 30s thinking back about my life. If I may ask, when you finished college and went out travelling, how was it getting back and getting a job (if you ever went back) after such a long time or are you currently working in Serbia?

(06-14-2018 12:23 PM)Vasily Zaytsev Wrote:  Just to second what Debeguiled said, while what you are experiencing is certainly not good, it is fairly normal. Some people don't realize what they want to do until they are 30. It's hard for me to make an assessment of your case since I don't know how many credits you have. Also, if you go back to school, would you continue studying biology? You might want to think about switching to microbiology since there are far more job opportunities available there if you don't go to med school.
Accounting isn't too hard of a major and it's something that will always be in high demand. Perhaps, you could consider that. Also, I would advise you to just relax a little, you still have plenty of time. If you have to work and take classes part-time next year, do that, but make sure you are at least moving forward.
Btw, if you're looking for a no-bullshit counselor, search Aaron Clarey in Youtube and watch a few of his videos, he has pretty good insights.

Thank you, I will definitely look Aaron Clarey up on youtube. About the microbiology, that's my plan. You can choose a direction further into the study and I was thinking about this option. I have been told by last year students that it opens up for a lot of further jobs in the field.

(06-15-2018 08:06 AM)scorpion Wrote:  
chvrches Wrote:But after 1.5 years of intense killing myself studying and having no sleep/social life, barely 4-5 hours sleep a day, no friends, no motivation, I decided to quit my engineering major.

I'm not sure why you're blaming these outcomes on the engineering major rather than on other factors in your life. I had many friends in college who were engineering majors, and none of them had those problems. Hell, I had a mechanical engineering major roommate who got more pussy and was involved in more campus/social activities than anyone else I knew. He was at the bar every night and the gym every day, and still able to keep decent grades. It's totally possible, it just takes mental discipline. But it's pretty easy to be depressed and unmotivated if you have no friends and aren't taking care of yourself physically. That being said, I don't see why you'd be incapable of managing an engineering major after all the self-development you've done over the past year or two. Get your shit together. It's a long life and an engineering degree is a great start.

You're right, I feel like I could do much better now that I have my life in order. But what I mean by killing myself is a combination of lack of mental discipline and choosing a major I felt unfit for. I could barely get by with low scores, and it drained my energy because I did study but didn't get the outcome I was looking for. Perhaps I didn't study "enough". If you're not motivated about something, it takes a war to finish it. I studied something I had 0 interest in for the sake of pleasing my parents/having a good reputation in the social group with a major degree in engineering. Weak psychology + the wrong reasons.

@the-dream @Ice @tobehero @Lampwick @Westsideloser @Frank Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. I have always felt like it's the best to continue, even though I might not use it for something, at least I have something to fall back on if I don't find good internships/jobs in the current field I will be studying. Like a safety net, but also as you mentioned Frank,

"Unfortunately, the way the world currently works is that you're gonna need that black and white confirmation of a Bachelor's level education to have organizations and businesses of good stature take you seriously."

This is absolutely true, and it might be the best way to go about this. I haven't talked to anyone about this except for the counselor and she didn't give me anywhere close to satisfying and clever insight like you guys did, so I appreciate it a lot.

Do it, go on a world tour when you finish. Reward yourself. College gets generally harder to finish the older you get. I didn't feel like really "working" when I got out of college, that's why I saved up some money doing menial shit and started traveling. Men have longer to get their shit together, that's a red pill by the way, than women, so enjoy your twenties, take some risks, but at some point, maybe 25, be willing to start working your ass off. I actually started something like working part-time/ internship here in serbia to get some more perspective on my degree and working in a foreign environment. When I left serbia the first time, i just went back to the states to get some easy money, moved back in with parents, with the mindset I was coming back to serbia as soon as I had an adequate safety net to look for jobs. Currently I do some location independent work, mainly consulting.
06-17-2018 03:23 PM
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